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The Family Man (2000) Poster

Quotes

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Annie: Do you like kids?

Jack: On a case-by-case basis.

Annie: Do you know how to make chocolate milk?

Jack: I think I could figure it out.

Annie: Promise you won't kidnap me and my brother and plant stuff in our brains?

Jack: Sure.

Annie: Welcome to earth.

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[last lines]

Jack: We have a house in Jersey. We have two kids, Annie and Josh. Annie's not much of a violin player, but she tries real hard. She's a little precocious, but that's only because she says what's on her mind. And when she smiles... And Josh, he has your eyes. He doesn't say much, but we know he's smart. He's always got his eyes open, he's always watching us. Sometimes you can look at him and you just know he's learning something new. It's like witnessing a miracle. The house is a mess but it's ours. After 122 more payments, it's going to be ours. And you, you're a non-profit lawyer. That's right, you're completely non-profit, but that doesn't seem to bother you. And we're in love. After 13 years of marriage we're still unbelievably in love. You won't even let me touch you until I've said it. I sing to you. Not all the time, but definitely on special occasions. We've dealt with our share of surprises and made a lot of sacrifices but we've stayed together. You see, you're a better person than I am. And it made me a better person to be around you. I don't know, maybe it was just all a dream. Maybe I went to bed one lonely night in December and I imagined it all. But I swear, nothing has ever felt more real. And if you get on that plane right now, it'll disappear forever. I know we could both go on with our lives and we'd both be fine, but I've seen what we could be like together. And I choose us. Please, Kate. One cup of coffee. You can always go to Paris. Just, please, not tonight.

[pause]

Kate: Ok, Jack.

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Arnie: [quoting Jack] Don't screw up the best thing in your life just because you're a little unsure about who you are.

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Annie: They did a pretty good job.

Jack: Who did?

Annie: The aliens, in the mothership. You look just like him.

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Kate: When you got on that plane, I was sure it was over. I left the airport afraid I'd never see you again. And then you showed up the very next day. That was a good surprise. You know, I think about the decision you made... maybe I was being naive, but I believed that we would grow old together in this house. That we'd spend holidays here and have our grandchildren come visit us here. I had this image of us, all grey and wrinkly, and me working in the garden and you re-painting the deck. But things change. If you need this, Jack, if you really need this, I will take these kids from a life they love and I'll take myself from the only home we've ever shared together and I'll move wherever you need to go. I'll do that because I love you. I love you, and that's more important to me than our address. I choose us.

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Kate: [Kate is sitting at a table working on her laptop and eating some chocolate cake when Jack arrives home] Hi honey. How was the game?

Jack: Long, boring, and generally pretty sad. Arnie seemed to enjoy it. Sorta.

[he opens up the refrigerator and looks inside]

Jack: Hey where's that chocolate cake?

Kate: [Kate looks at her plate and back at Jack] Do you mean this chocolate cake?

Jack: [Jack looks at her and shuts the fridge door. He starts walking to her] That's my piece. I was saving it because I got nauseated by that pre-cooked mini-mall rotisserie chicken.

Kate: [eating the cake in a mocking manner] Mmm. Mmm. It's good.

Jack: [points at the cake] Gimme that cake.

Kate: No way!

[He makes a move to reach for it, but she pulls the plate further away]

Jack: Come on.

Kate: I'm sorry. It's too important to me.

[Jack pauses for a moment before quickly reaching for the cake, but Kate quickly grabs the plate and jumps out of her chair, causing Jack to chase her. She playfully leads him into the next room while laughing]

Jack: [Jack surprises her around the next corner by cutting her off and shouting/singing] Ta-daah!

[she playfully runs to the staircase where she lies facing up at him]

Jack: I want that cake!

Kate: [laughing] You want this cake?

Jack: [playing along] I want it!

[she smashes the cake on his lower face while laughing]

Jack: Thank you.

[He smiles with cake all over his mouth and chin]

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Jack: Well, you know everything worked out. I mean, I like Annie.

Kate: Well good, Jack. Maybe we'll keep her.

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Arnie: A little flirtation is harmless but you're dealing with fire here. The fidelity bank and trust is a tough creditor. You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account - FOREVER.

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Kate: How can you do that?

Jack: What?

Kate: Look at me like you haven't seen me every day for the last 13 years.

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Jack: Because you thought I was *cocky*, I'm now on a permanent *acid trip*?

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Jack: I'm sorry I was such a saint before, and I'm such a *prick* now!

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Jack: Lemme see the ticket.

Cash: Was I talkin' to you?

Jack: Maybe I'll buy it from you. You know, make a little business deal.

Cash: Stupid ass white boy in two thousand dollar suit gets capped tryin' to be a hero, news at 11. That's what you wanna see?

[points gun at Jack]

Cash: Do you wanna die?

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Jack: Then I'm going to spend four hours skiing alone. Completely and utterly alone. I'm going to do that because that is my life, that's what's real... and there's nothing I can do to change that.

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Peter Lassiter: Old flames are like old tax returns... put 'em in the file cabinet for three years, then you cut 'em loose.

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[walking the dog in the snow]

Jack: If you could take a dump sometime in this century, then we could go home where it's warm.

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Jack: You can't keep coming in and out of people's lives, messing things up. It's not right.

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Jack: That's mine. She took my bell.

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Jack: I just want my life back, okay? Now what's it gonna take? You wanna talk turkey? Let's talk turkey! HOW MUCH MONEY?

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Jack: Please just tell me what's happening to me in plain English without the *mumbo jumbo*!

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Jack: [going through "family man" Jack's closet] This is... this is just... subpar.

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Kate: [about the apartment] So, what's the big surprise? You didn't rent this for the weekend, did you?

Jack: Think bigger.

Kate: For the week?

Jack: This place is a perk, Kate.

Kate: A perk? For what?

Jack: A company called PK Lassiter investment house. Uses it to attract new executives. I'm going into arbitrage, Kate. It turns out, I have an act for it.

Kate: Jack, what are you talking about?

Jack: I'll be making twice what I make now, plus a hefty bonus and that's just the start. And we can live in this apartment practically rent free until we find a place of our own.

Kate: Are you out of your mind?

Jack: I don't think so. This is gonna be a better life for us. We can put Annie and Josh into private schools...

Kate: Annie goes to a great school, Jack.

Kate: I'm talking about the best schools in the country here, Jack.

Kate: Jack, what could you possibly thinking about? What about my - what about my job?

Jack: Well, this is New York City. It's like the needy people capital of the world. Your Jersey clients aren't a tenth as pathetic as the ones you could find here.

[laughs]

Kate: I can't even believe you're talking about moving back into the city, Jack. I thought the reason that we left was because we didn't want to raise the kids here.

Jack: No. No. This is the center of the universe. If I were living in Roman times, I would be in Rome. Where else? Today America is the Roman empire. New York is Rome itself. - John Lennon.

Kate: Jack!

Jack: Listen, Ok, you know something? I'm detecting, like, a funky tension here and this was supposed to be a happy day, so guess what? I don't need this. We don't have to live here. Forget it. I'll commute. I'll drive to work.

Kate: God! In traffic, Jack. It's over an hour each way. That's like three hours every day. When are you ever going to see the kids?

Jack: Kate. You're not understanding me. I'm talking about a perfect life, a great life. Everything we pictured when we were young. The whole package. You said so yourself. Life is throwing us a few surprises and we made sacrifices. Well, guess what? Now I can finally get us back on track. I can do that, Kate. I want to do that. I-I need to do that as a man! For all of us. Please just think about this for one second. No more lousy restaurants. No more clipping coupons. No more shoveling snow.

Kate: Then get a goddamn snowblower, Jack! Don't go get a new career without even telling me about it! And don't - don't take Annie out of a school she loves and don't move us out of a house we've become a family in.

Jack: You're-you're... Don't you see? I'm talking about us finally having a life that other people envy.

Kate: Jack. They already do envy us.

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Jack: I'm in the middle of a deal!

Cash: Well, you're working on a new deal now, baby.

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Jack: Do you have any idea what my life is like?

Kate: Excuse me?

Jack: I wake up in the morning covered in dog saliva. I drop the kids off, spend 8 hours selling tires retail. Retail, Kate. I pick the kids up, walk the dog, which by the way, carries the added bonus of carting away her monstrous crap. I play with the kids, take out the garbage, get 6 hours of sleep if I'm lucky and then everything starts all over again. So-so what's in it for me? Wh-where are my-my Mary Janes?

Kate: You know, it's sad to hear that your life is such a disappointment to you.

Jack: I can't believe it isn't a disappointment to you! Jesus, Kate. I could've been a thousand times the man I became. I could have been one of the richest - Forbes - How could you do this to me? How could you let me give up on my dreams like this? Really, I want to know.

Kate: Who are you?

Jack: All right, look. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was such a saint before, and I'm such a *prick* now! But maybe, I'm just not the same guy that I was when we got married.

Kate: You know what? Maybe you're not. Because the Jack Campbell I married would not need a $2,400 suit to feel better about his life. But I'm telling you, if that's what it's gonna take, then buy it. Jesus! We'll take the money out of the kids' college fund.

Jack: [takes jacket off] Forget it. We'll get a funnel cake. It'll be the highlight of my week.

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Kate: You look amazing in that suit. I mean really - wow! Off the charts, great.

Jack: It's an unbelievable thing. Wearing a suit actually makes me feel like a better person.

[looks at the suit longer]

Jack: I'm gonna buy it.

Kate: [looks at price tag] It's $2,400. Are you out of your mind? Come on, let's go.

Jack: She got those shoes.

Kate: Those shoes were $25. Come on. Take it off, all right? We'll go to the food court and get one of those funnel cakes you like.

[to Annie and Josh]

Kate: You're daddy's a crazy guy.

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Kate: What are you sure about?

Jack: I'm sure that right now, there's nowhere else I'd rather be than here with you.

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Kate: Jack. Strong. Coffee.

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Jack: [ordering food to the waiter] We'll have the Terrine of Quail Breast with Shiitake Mushrooms to start. Then the Veal Medallions in Raspberry Truffle Sauce. And the Sea Scallops with Pureed Artichoke Hearts.

Waiter: Very good, sir. And may I say, those are all excellent selections.

Jack: You may. Also, we'll have a bottle of Lafite '82.

Kate: Honey, that's an $800 bottle of wine.

Jack: We'll just have some red wine by the glass.

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Suit Salesman: [as Jack is looking at the suit] It's perfect for your frame. Why don't you try it on.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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