The Mummy Returns (2001)
Ardeth Bay: [to Alex] By putting this on, you have started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse.
Rick: [to Ardeth] You, lighten up.
Rick: [to Alex] You, big trouble.
Rick: [to Jonathan] You, get in the car.
[as Evelyn stops to drag a bench to block the museum's entrance]
Rick: Honey, whatcha doing? These guys don't use doors.
Evelyn: [about Ahm Shere] Alexander the Great sent troops in search of it.
Rick: Great for him.
Evelyn: So did Caesar.
Rick: Yeah, look what happened to his career.
Evelyn: And Napoleon.
Rick: Yeah, but we're smarter than him. And taller, too.
Evelyn: Exactly. That's why we're the ones who are gonna find it.
Rick: Because we're taller?
Evelyn: It's only a chest. No harm ever came from opening a chest.
Rick: Yeah, right, and no harm ever came from reading a book. You remember how that one went?
Rick: Alex I've got a big job for you. I want you to stay here and protect the car.
Jonathan: I can do that.
Alex: Protect the car? Come on, Dad. Just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm stupid.
Rick: I know.
Alex: [ruffles his hair] Dad!
Jonathan: If you see anyone come running out screaming, it's just me.
Rick: [to Jonathan about Alex] Maybe you should stay here and watch him.
Jonathan: Yes, now you're talking.
[as Evy fights Imhotep's followers skillfuly with a sword]
Alex: Whoa, Mom! When did you learn to do that?
Evelyn: [surprised look on her face] I have no idea.
[a thug grabs her by the throat and pushes her against the wall. She knees him in the groin and decks him with a right hook]
Evelyn: *That* I learned from your father.
Alex: Are we there yet?
Alex: Are we there yet?
[question and response repeated many times with Lock-Nah getting angrier]
Alex: Are we there...
[Lock-Nah stabs his knife right between Alex's fingers]
Alex: Whoa! That was amazing! Perfect aim.
Lock-Nah: What are you talking about? I missed.
Ardeth Bay: [on seeing Rick's tattoo] If I were to say to you, "I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost"...
Rick: Then I would reply that, "I am a stranger traveling from the West. It is I whom you seek." How...
Ardeth Bay: Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.
Rick: What, that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.
Ardeth Bay: That mark means you're a protector of man, a warrior for God, a Medjai.
Rick: I'm sorry. You've got the wrong guy.
[Jonathan trying to start the car as he hears gunfire break out]
Alex: Hurry up!
Jonathan: Come on, come on, come on!
[Johnathan turns the key and breaks it off]
Alex: You broke it, you broke it, you broke it!
Jonathan: Be quiet Alex! If there's going to be any hysterics, they'll come from me!
Rick: Where the hell's Jonathon?
[Jonathon drives up in a double-decker bus with Alex]
Rick: What's the matter with my car?
Jonathan: Well, I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation.
Rick: [shouting] A double-decker bus?
Jonathan: [pointing to Alex] It was his idea!
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: Was too!
Rick: Just go!
Jonathan: Was too!
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: What are we gonna do? *What are we gonna do*?
Alex: You're asking me? I'm only 8 years old, for Christ's sake!
Evelyn: That's my husband and my son down there. Make me proud.
Jonathan: Today's that day, Evy.
Rick: And let me guess. It was commanded by, uh, the Scorpion King guy?
Evelyn: Yes, but he only awakens once every 5,000 years.
Rick: Right. And if someone doesn't kill him, then he's gonna wipe out the world.
Evelyn: How did you know?
Rick: I didn't. But that's always the story.
Evelyn: The last known expedition to actually reach Ahm Shere was sent by Ramses the Fourth over 3,000 years ago. He sent over a thousand men.
Rick: And none of them was ever seen again.
Evelyn: How did you know?
Rick: I didn't. But that's always the story.
Ardeth Bay: I am sorry if I alarmed your son, but you must understand, now that the bracelet is on his wrist, we have only seven days before the Scorpion King awakens.
Rick: We? What we?
Ardeth Bay: If he is not killed, he will raise the Army of Anubis.
Jonathan: I take it that's not a good thing?
Rick: Oh, he'll wipe out the world.
Jonathan: Ah, the old "wipe out the world" ploy.
Rick: [to Ardeth Bay on seeing Imhotep's resurrection] You know, a couple of years ago this would have seemed really strange to me.
[after their narrow escape, Izzy cheers wildly, then rounds on O'Connell, furious]
Izzy: O'Connell. You almost got me killed!
Rick: [shrugs weakly] At least you didn't get shot.
Evelyn: Izzy! Thank you!
[kisses Izzy on the cheek]
Evelyn: Thank you!
[kisses Izzy on the cheek again]
Jonathan: [with his diamond] Yes! Yes! Yes!
Izzy: [considerably more mellow] O'Connell, who the hell you been messin' with this time, huh?
Rick: Oh, you know, the usual. Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.
[on seeing Izzy's dirigible, Rick draws his gun]
Izzy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! She's faster than she looks. And she's quiet. Real quiet. Perfect for sneaking up on people, which is a very good thing.
Izzy: [lowers voice] Unless, of course, we go with your approach, barging in face-first, guns blazing, and getting your friends shot in the ass!
Rick: Right. She's a reincarnated princess, and I'm a warrior for God.
Ardeth Bay: And your son leads the way to Ahm Shere. Three sides of the pyramid. This was all preordained thousands of years ago.
Evelyn: But how does the story end?
Ardeth Bay: Ah, only the journey is written, not the destination.
Izzy: [to Rick] Whatever it is, whatever you need, I don't care. Forget it, O'Connell. Every time I hook up with you, I get shot! Last time, I got shot in the ass! I'm in mourning for my ass!
Ardeth Bay: [to Rick] My friend, there is a fine line between coincidence and fate.
Rick: Okay, you're here, the bad guys are here, Evy's been kidnapped. Let me guess.
Ardeth Bay: Yes, they once again removed the creature from his grave.
Jonathan: I don't mean to point fingers, but isn't it your job to make sure that *doesn't* happen?
Jonathan: Pull me up! Pull me up! Pull me up!
[he sees the huge diamond on top of the pyramid]
Jonathan: Wait! Wait! Let me down! Let me down!
Rick: It's not worth your life, you idiot!
Jonathan: Yes, it is! Yes, it is!
Rick: [talking about Alex] I swear, the kid gets more and more like you every day.
Evelyn: What, you mean more attractive, sweet and... devilishly charming?
Rick: No, he's driving me crazy.
[Jonathan and Shafek are being chased by pygmies and are running into the burial ground]
Jonathan: Look! There's a burial ground! We're safe! We're safe! See those sacred stones? They'll never cross those.
Shafek: You are sure?
Jonathan: Yes, of course I'm sure!
[a pygmy runs past and stabs Shafek. Jonathan screams]
Jonathan: Sorry. My mistake.
Jonathan: I say, chaps, look at this. Shrunken heads. I'd *love* to know how they do that.
[Everybody looks strangely at Jonathan]
Jonathan: Just curious.
[Evelyn has just kicked a poisonous snake towards Rick]
Rick: Those are poisonous, you know.
Evelyn: Only if they bite you.
Izzy: Remember that bank job in Marrakesh?
Evelyn: Bank job?
Rick: It's not like it sounds.
Izzy: Ah, it's exactly how it sounds. I'm flying high, *hiding* in the sun. The white boy here flags me down, so I fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! I'm lying in the middle of the road with my spleen hanging out and I see him waltzing up with some belly dancer girl.
Evelyn: Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.
Izzy: As long as I don't get shot.
[while Jonathan is fighting Anch Su Namun]
Alex: Efday Shokran... Efday Shokran... Uncle Jon, I don't know what this last symbol is!
Jonathan: What's it look like?
Alex: It's a bird! A stork!
Jonathan: [ecstatic] I know that one! I know that one!
Alex: Then what is it?
Jonathan: [struggling with Anch Su Namun] Ah... Ah...!
[throws her off]
Jonathan: [triumphantly] Ahmenophus!
Alex: Hey! The Book of the Dead!
Meela: What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you'd better behave.
Alex: Lady, I don't behave for my parents. What makes you think I'm going to do it for you?
Meela: Because your parents wouldn't slip poisonous snakes into your bed...
[kisses Alex on the cheek]
Meela: ...while you were sleeping.
Jacques: This place... is cursed.
Red: What is it with you and curses?
Spivey: He ain't happy without a good curse.
Spivey: [mockingly] This is cursed. That is cursed.
Red: Give it rest, will ya!
Alex: Mom! What do I do with this chest? This sucker weighs a goddang ton.
Evelyn: Alex, watch your language!
Alex: Rather weighty, this.
[after the Scorpion King grabs Hafez]
Baltus Hafez, the Curator: My lord! Save me! Save me!
Imhotep: [in Ancient Arabic] Why?
Izzy: Uh, that's half mine, you know.
Izzy: [indicating the diamond] That's half mine.
Jonathan: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: What? You took my gold stick! I know you took my gold stick!
Jonathan: No, I have no id... I swear on the head of my wife, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: You haven't... you a... you ain't got a wife!
Jonathan: I don't got your gold stick either!
[they keep arguing and their voices fade as the ship sails off into the sunset]
[Evie is trying to bribe Rick into checking out the Oasis of Ahm Shere]
Evelyn: I think the bracelet is some sort of guide to the lost oasis of Ahm Shere.
Rick: Evy, I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no. We just got home.
Evelyn: That's the beauty of it. We're already packed.
Rick: Why don't you just give me one good reason?
Evelyn: It's just an oasis... darling. A beautiful... exciting... romantic... oasis.
Rick: Hmm. The kind with the white, sandy beach and the palm trees and the cool, clear, blue water and... We could have some of those big drinks with the little umbrellas.
Evelyn: Sounds good.
Rick: Sounds too good. What's the catch?
Evelyn: Supposedly it's the resting place of Anubis's army.
Rick: Ah, ya see? I knew there's a catch. There's *always* a catch.
Izzy: Isn't she beautiful?
Rick: It's a balloon.
Izzy: Ah! It's a dirigible.
Rick: Where's your airplane?
Izzy: Hah, airplanes are a thing of the past.
Rick: Izzy, you were right.
Izzy: I was?
Rick: You're gonna get shot.
Lock-Nah: When the time comes, I shall truly enjoy killing you.
Alex: But until that time, you better be a *little* nicer to me. Now, where's my water?
[Lock-Nah shoves a container of water into Alex's hands]
Alex: No ice?
Rick: Who the hell are those guys? Where are they taking my wife?
Ardeth Bay: My friend, I'm not sure, but wherever this man is, your wife will surely be.
Alex: [Alex rips the picture out of Ardeth's hands] Hey, I know him. He's the curator. He works at the British Museum.
Ardeth Bay: Are you sure?
Rick: You better believe him. He spends more time there then he does at home.
[O'Connell sees mummified soldiers starting to crush his car]
Rick: No, no! Not my car!
[Mummies continue to run over and destroy his car]
Rick: Oh, I hate mummies.
Izzy: This thing was filled with gas. Not hot air. Gas. I need gas to get this thing off the ground. Where am I gonna get gas from around here? Huh? Bananas? Mangos? What, Tarzan's ass? Well, maybe I could finagle it to take hot air. But do you know how many cubic meters I'd need? It's too big!
Rick: If anybody can fill this thing up with hot air, Izzy... it's you.
Ardeth Bay: If a man does not embrace his past, he has no future.
[as Jonathan picks up his rifle]
Ardeth Bay: You any good with that?
Jonathan: Three times Fox and Hound's grand champion, I'll have you know.
[nods at Ardeth's scimitar]
Jonathan: You any good with that?
Ardeth Bay: You'll know soon enough.
[in a flash, the scimitar is in his hand and the blade rests against Jonathan's neck]
Ardeth Bay: Because the only way to kill an Anubis warrior is by taking off its head.
Jonathan: [swallows] I'll remember that.
Lock-Nah: The Book of the Dead gives life.
Meela: And The Book of the Living... takes life away.
Lock-Nah: I thought that was my job.
Ardeth Bay: Whomever can kill the Scorpion King can send his army back to the Underworld or use it to destroy mankind and rule the Earth.
Rick: So, that's why they dug up Imhotep. 'Cause he's the only guy tough enough to take out the Scorpion King.
Ardeth Bay: That is their plan.
Rick: [sees hieroglyphic of warrior with a tattoo like his] Okay, now I'm a believer.
[trying to console Alex about his moms death]
Jonathan: Try to think of it like this, Alex. She's gone to a better place. You know, like it says in the Good Book.
Alex: The book.
Alex: That's it. That's it!
Jonathan: That's what?
Alex: Come on, Uncle Jon! Come on, come on!
Alex: That's it! The book!
Jonathan: [to Ardeth Bay] Where is all this stuff written?
Rick: Folks, knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you're about to do to him, but this is my house, I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.
Alex: My dad is going to kick your ass.
[Imhotep takes off his mask and Alex gasps and steps back]
Imhotep: I do not think so.
[as Evelyn is waving her torch trying to recreate a vision]
Rick: You know, if you move that fast enough, you can almost write your name.
[after crashing through London and fighting off the Mummy soldiers]
Rick: You all right?
Ardeth Bay: This was my first bus ride.
Izzy: O'Connell, if you give me that gold stick there, then you can shave my head, wax my legs, and use me for a surfboard.
Rick: Didn't we do that in Tripoli?
Rick: [to Scorpion King] Go to hell, and take your friends with you!
Alex: [Alex has just destroyed a temple] Mom, dad, I can explain *everything*.
[Rick, Ardeth and the others are being pursued by Imhotep's soldier-mummies]
Ardeth Bay: Glad to see me now?
Rick: Just like old times, huh?
Ardeth Bay: Why can't you people ever keep your feet on the ground?
[as Meela walks toward Imhotep]
Baltus Hafez, the Curator: Do not be frightened.
Meela: I am not afraid.
Meela: [in ancient Egyptian to Imhotep] I am Anck-Su-Namun reincarnated.
Imhotep: [in ancient Egyptian] Only in body. But soon, I will bring your soul back from the Underworld and our love shall once again be whole.
Red: Get out of my way. Get out of my way. Get out of my way, or I'm gonna shoot you in the face.
Spivey: He means it. He shot someone before.
[Princess Nefertiri falls during her duel with Anck Su Namun and lifts her mask]
[Anch Su Namun lifts her own mask]
Anck Su Namun: [in Ancient Egyptian] Put your mask on! Let's not scar that pretty face.
[after Anck Su Namun wins the duel with Nefertiri]
Anck Su Namun: [in Ancient Egyptian] You are learning quickly, Nefertiri. I'll have to watch my back.
Princess Nefertiri: [in Ancient Egyptian] Yes... and I'll watch mine.
[Imhotep watches Evelyn saving Rick]
Imhotep: [in Ancient Arabic] Anck-su-namun! Help me!
[Anck-su-namun doesn't know what to do]
Imhotep: [in Ancient Arabic] Help me!
Anck-Su-Namun: [runs away and abandons Imhotep] No!
[Evelyn and Rick step away from the evil pit and watch how Imhotep is abandoned by Anck-su-namun]
Imhotep: [sad and heartbroken, in disbelief] Anck-su-namun.
[Evelyn and Rick are astonished about what happened]
Imhotep: [Imhotep watches the O'Connell couple one last time, and sees that he has no reason to live and chooses to die and the forgotten souls take him to the underworld]
Anck-Su-Namun: [in Ancient Arabic] Good.
[they start fighting]
Rick: I thought I almost lost you there.
Evelyn: For a moment there, you did... Would you like to know what heaven looks like?
[Rick and Evelyn kiss]
[having just been suprised in the underground ruins by his son]
Alex: [laughing] What were you thinking, a mummy had come back to life?
Rick: I'll tell you a story sometime.
Evelyn: Alex, I'm serious. If you've lost that key, you're grounded.
Alex: I haven't lost it. I just can't *find* it. There's a difference.
Rick: What'd you do this time?
Jonathan: Well, I haven't done anything to anybody
[bullets fly through the door]
Jonathan: ... lately.
[as Imhotep raises mummified soldiers]
Rick: Oh no. Not these guys *again*.
Evelyn: [to Imhotep] You wait! I'll put you in your grave again!
Baltus Hafez, the Curator: [to Evelyn] Our thinking was, not if we put you in your grave first.
Imhotep: This bracelet is a gift and a curse. The sands of time have already begun to pour against you.
Alex: Yeah, yeah. I already heard this part. From the minute I put the bracelet on, seven days do I have before the Scorpion King wakes up.
Imhotep: Did you also hear that if you do not enter the pyramid before the sun strikes it on that very morning that the bracelet will suck the life out of you?
Alex: That part I missed.
[after Evelyn opens a door base on a vision she had]
Rick: All right, now you're starting to scare me.
Evelyn: Now I'm starting to scare myself.
[as the Scorpion King is about to attack]
Imhotep: [in Ancient Arabic] I am your servant! I am your servant!
The Scorpion King: [in Ancient Arabic] We shall see.
Imhotep: [in Ancient Arabic and pointing to Rick] But *he* was sent to kill you!
Rick: Have I kissed you today?
Rick: I *hate* it when you do that.
Rick: [grins] Why?
Evelyn: Makes me feel like agreeing to anything.
[Jonathan, mistaken for Rick is in a chair with a knife at his throat while being asked about the Bracelet of Anubis]
Meela: Where's your wife?
Jonathan: My wife? Oh you mean Evy. Well, I think she went off to Baden-Baden or Tibet or something. The girl is a free spirit. Did I mention I was single now?
Meela: [pulls a snake out of a basket] Egyptian Aps are quite poisonous.
Jonathan: It's downstairs. There's a safe. the combination is, uh, uh, 320-58, er, 393-something. It's the safe downstairs. I told you. I told you!
Meela: And your point is?
Jonathan: My point is, I told you so you wouldn't kill me.
Meela: When did we make that arrangement?
[leans towards him and points the snake at his throat]
Meela: [Rick enters and sees Jonathan tied up and Meela and her men surrounding him]
Rick: Uh, hello. Uh, Jonathan, I thought I said no more wild parties.
Jonathan: Well, when you're popular...