The fate of the entire hotel industry is at stake. A group of evil black ninjas have threatened to insinuate themselves into the industry, take over, and transform the operation into something unspeakable.
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Title: The Vampire Raiders (1988)
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Cast
| Cast overview, first billed only: | |||
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Deborah Grant | ... | (as Deborah Tao) |
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Seng-Kwong Chang | ... | White Ninja |
| Chien Sun | |||
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Louis Roth | ... | Black Ninja Leader |
| Siu-Ming To | ... | Vampire / Captain | |
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Tau Wan Yue | ... | Vampire / Mr. Mak |
| Pak-Kwong Ho | ... | Mr. Ho | |
| Agnes Chan | ... | Elsie (archive footage) | |
| Ho-Kai Law | ... | Alex (archive footage) | |
| Kam Cheung | ... | Fatty (archive footage) (as Kam Chiang) | |
| Deborah Dik | ... | Betty (archive footage) | |
| Mang-Ha Cheng | ... | Elsie's mother (archive footage) | |
| Fei Shu-Shu | ... | Mr. Wang (archive footage) | |
| Ju Fang | ... | Mr. Wang's maid (archive footage) | |
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Yue-Fan Cheung | ... | Joyce (archive footage) |
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Storyline
The fate of the entire hotel industry is at stake. A group of evil black ninjas have threatened to insinuate themselves into the industry, take over, and transform the operation into something unspeakable.
I was twenty minutes or so into this madness when someone threw a dead pig at two ninjas and crushed an old couple to death. The next day it's reported in the news that the pig "was part of an assassination squad" and had "no head for heights", leading one character to say that the strange goings on had something to do with "all those nuclear explosions". Then our heroine read a bible passage that went along the lines of "And God said to Moses, I've got some commandments for you, go get a pen and write them down." At that point I was laughing so much I had to pause the film and go into my kitchen to laugh hysterically. My wife at the time was watching the Boy in the Striped Pyjamas.
The plot, whatever that is, I think is about the purple ninjas fighting vampire ninjas for control of the hotel industry, mainly regarding some guy called Mr Benson about whom a receptionist hears conversations about before seeing ghosts and vampires everywhere, none of which is even remotely explained at all. However, you do get to see loads of ninja fights that are truly hilarious, as our chick ninja (who has a lengthy sun tan lotion scene and is attacked by a vampire that cops a feel) goes up against the various vampire ninjas and some guy that seems to get irate when our female ninja and her partner defend themselves (that scene barely made sense at all).
I don't even know if I have to mention this in these reviews any more, but, yes, this is a Godfrey Ho film, and one of his funniest to boot. It's the usual ninja madness tied in with some Chinese horror comedy, which leads to a lengthy scene on a boat where our heroes are stalked by two zombies, which, just as it starts to drag, ends up being as demented as the rest of the film, what with the use of virgin's pish as a weapon and crazy extending arms.
The ubiquitous ninja battle at the end is especially crazy, even by Ho standards, with a purple ninja approaching the battle by skimming along the ground on his face, a vampire detaching its head, which then explodes, and the usual THE END caption to tell you that you can go back to reality.
This is one of Ho's funniest and least offensive films and gets a high recommendation from me, a complete stranger who babbles on about films no one cares about on the internet. Does anyone even read these things?