Y'ur Height Only

A 1979 Filipino movie filmed on a zero budget in Tagalog, and dubbed into English? Can it be worth watching? Absolutely.

It's about a small secret agent named 00 - really small - a dwarf about 3 feet tall, named Weng Weng. Now, I haven't consulted the Guinness records people, but I think it's a fair guess that he's the shortest secret agent of all time, unless you count Tom Cruise in those Mission Impossible films.

The budget is so small in this movie that they couldn't afford enough guns, so they have one bad guy point an umbrella at the l'il nipper, and the sound effects guy adds a gunshot noise to the sound track. 00 then uses this same umbrella to float down from a multi-story building, ala Mary Poppins.

Anyway, unlike James Bond, Weng Weng gets his assignment and his gadgets from the same guy, presumably because the Filipino Secret Service can't afford to have two separate guys do this, or perhaps because there are not enough letters in Tagalog to support having both an M and a Q.

This is one of the great scenes. The M and Q guy, like all the characters in the movie, speaks in 1930's American gangster slang, and he gives the l'il guy his gizmos with some interesting twists. And, bizarrely enough, he keeps complimenting 00 on his listening skills.

First, there is a radio controlled hat which looks just like one of those red, white and blue trimmed straw boaters that they wear on the floor of political conventions. Well, the "secret" agent looks mighty dapper in this, let me tell you. There isn't any explanation of why a secret agent would need a radio controlled Maurice Chevalier hat, but the bad guys seem to be deathly afraid of it. Perhaps there is the ever-present fear that he might break into "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" in his squeaky voice. Of course, if that was the plan, the Agency could have saved a few bucks, since this tactic would be just as effective with a non remote controlled hat.

Then there is a fountain pen which kills. "Of course. It isn't any good if you need to write with it, but we can't have everything."

Then there is a ring which can detect poison. It is made out of gold because the service couldn't afford platinum. Times are tough at The Secret Agency. They couldn't afford any marketing guys to create a catchy name for them, so they're just The Secret Agency.

Luckily, the bad guys are no better off, and have to drive Volkswagens. This is only one sign that their Evil Organization isn't doing that well. I'm pretty sure it's because their plan is to sell heroin to every sandbox and kindergarten in the country. Well, that's certainly evil enough, but it doesn't sound real profitable. I'm not sure if the little 1979 Filipino kindergarten kids had all that much disposable income, so Evil Organization's gross sales must be pretty low, and I think they can forget about floating that IPO. Either that, or the bad guys have priced the heroin so low that they can't make a profit from it. Either way, it isn't much of a plan.

Sample dialogue * "why, he's making a monkey out of the forces of evil" * "alright sister, freeze, the jig is up" * "Oh, my little head" * (about a police photographer photographing a crime scene) "I wonder if she does Bar Mitzvahs"

This movie is available on DVD. As I write this, The Godfather is not available on DVD. Nor is Schindler's List, nor Star Wars, nor American Beauty, nor Raiders of the Lost Ark, nor Rear Window, nor Lawrence of Arabia.

But For Your Height Only is.

Plot goes like this: Agent 00 (Weng Weng, under 3-foot tall Filipino superspy) has to track down the boss of a seemingly endless crime syndicate (admittedly played by a handful of non-actors) for kidnapping a doctor and his deadly weapon. Literally, that's it. There's some hand-to-hand combat, with Weng taking on thugs who tower over him, which actually gets pretty entertaining, what little there is of it. These scenes always incorporate his signature move: A swift kick or chop to the crotch. But the vast bulk of the fight scenes, and this movie is primarily made up of them, are ENDLESS GUN BATTLES. No, not even "battles," various stooges line up, or come barreling in, WAITING to be shot. Let me tell you, that got real dull in a hurry, and the movie's almost 90 minutes long.

Weng Weng's partner Irma, who he rescues from being shot in an incredibly bad edit (also resulting in a gun fight), appears to be the only competent person on set who can believably appear to be able to kick someone's ass. Which is ironic in a movie including a veritable army of bad guys. One sequence has Weng attacked by guys with swords. None look competent of holding one, never mind wielding it. So... More Irma?

Other foxy ladies appear. Weng charms, kind of. He's supposed to be this suave ladies man. There's one scene where a woman seduces HIM, tells HIM to take his clothes off, we witness his giant nipples, and... End scene. Maybe I missed some more subtle flirting, frankly, I was falling asleep. He gets it on with NO ONE, at least not on screen.

All the stuff I actually enjoyed in this film are overshadowed by an overabundance of gunplay. Such as, there's no stand-in for Weng Weng. So, "Stunts by Weng." The rocket pack is pretty amusing, where he is obviously being held by a wire (fact that the wire is clearly visible doesn't help). He climbs, kicks ass, and can jump like a cat, clearly the star of the show (well, occasionally upstaged by his partner). Ultimately, the film has it charms, but is totally bogged down in filler, and lack of a real story.

This movie cracked me up the whole time, I couldn't stop laughing or commenting,that Weng Weng is a dwarf had nothing to do with it. (ok, there were a couple of times) If you want to watch a movie that is a really terrible production but fun to watch, this is the one for you. Weng Weng truly is a gifted martial artist and fun to watch do stunts, one in particular made me gasp for his safety. If you go in not expecting a lot from this movie I think you will greatly enjoy it, especially if you watch it with some friends.

At the height of his popularity, Weng Weng was invited by then First Lady, Imelda Marcos to the palace in honor for his contributions to Philippine cinema. He was also named an honorary Philippine Secret Agent and was presented a custom-made .25 caliber pistol by then Vice Chief of Staff General Fidel Ramos.

(53%) A truly unique movie that really has to be seen to be believed. It's a James Bond spoof staring a midget as he takes on the many bad guys with guns, gadgets and his bare hands. Normally a movie like this sounds fun but the film itself is either too boring or too poorly made to be worth a look, but this really is quite a good little fun and watchable film. There's tons of action too as Weng Weng guns down hundreds, well the same five men, in a scene that rivals commando in sheer body count. Overall it's much better made than the awful Godfrey Ho movies, and is perhaps worth tracking a copy down just to watch something a little bit different.

For Y'ur Height Only (1981)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Philippines exploitation at its finest or worst depending on how you look at it and what type of sense of humor you have. The evil Mr. Giant kidnaps a brilliant scientist and plans on using his creation for world destruction by Agent 00 (Weng Weng) is on the case and in between the babes tries to stop any wrong doing. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY is best remembered because of it casting the 30-inch tall Weng Weng as the secret agent, of course spoofing James Bond. There's really a couple ways you can look at this. I'm sure many will view this as pure exploitation and be put off by the fact that they're using Weng just because of his size. There are others who enjoy watching cheap movies like this and they'll probably get a kick out of seeing Weng play a ladies man who can kick anyone's butt no matter how big they are. I'm in the camp who can be entertained by weird stuff like this but there's only one problem and it's the fact that this film clocks in at 87-minutes. I will admit that I've seen quite a few "midget" films and this one here really isn't any different than the others. They each feature their own charming material and there's no question that the real key here is the work of Weng who just comes off so charming that you really do just want to have a beer with him. I found Weng to be incredibly charming and his unique face and visuals just add to the fun. The most jaw-dropping thing is watching him do his own stunts and especially in the scenes where it's obvious someone is just off from the camera throwing him into action. The size thing makes for some interesting scenes but sadly when you stretch it out to a full-length film it just loses its punch and you're left with a bunch of boring scenes that rarely go anywhere. The "story" is silly and not good enough to hold your interest. Technically speaking the film is quite poor and especially some horrid editing. Still, I'm sure most will expect this badness and as bad as the movie is it's still worth sitting through just for Weng.