Ninja Terminator (1986) User Reviews

Drunken crabs

[yaffleridesagain · 4/10 · 31 March 2013]

A cheap looking idol that splits into three parts grants the bearer immunity to rubber swords of all kinds. But only if he holds all three parts! Actually, it works with just the one bit as demonstrated by one of the mustachioed ninjas midway through the movie which, at a stroke as lethal as any ninjas blade, completely kills the meager plot logic the film has managed to piece together by this point. At first it looks as though the entire film is just going to be people beating each other up in a mall garden but the plot does start to develop towards something like a story later on.

Meanwhile, Jaguar Wong wanders around getting involved with kidnappings and his scheming former lover. Everywhere he goes groups of three or four men attack him feebly providing intermittent filler for the already vague plot.

All this sounds quite reasonable and par for the course but there are some decidedly strange additions. The ninja master uses a cheerful garfield phone for example, the mid-level henchman wears a woman's wig without explanation and the bad guy delivers his messages via cheap kids robot toys that someone must have had to walk right up to the door and place, rendering them less in the ninja style of stealth than say slipping the note under the door.

I got a few laughs out of this movie, it's bad but in a good way. My favourite bit was the way the ninja master was able to completely hide his ninja double wife from his wife whose biggest worry in life is the crabs she's steaming for dinner escaping. Even stopping one escaping by hurling a shuriken across the room doesn't seem to arouse her suspicions!

A spliced up ninja cheesefest starring Richard Harrison and Hwang Jang Lee

[gorthu · 5/10 · 26 April 2009]

I have seen way too many Joseph Lai/Godfrey Ho ninja movies, and most are completely unwatchable. About 1/10 may have something decent in it. Luckily, Ninja Terminator is one of those in the minority. The dialogue is so bad that it is actually good. It is laugh out loud funny at times, but I don't think it was supposed to be. If you can make it through a script that seems to have been written by a 5 year old, you may be able to make it through this. It doesn't help that this is 3 movies spliced together, and it doesn't make any sense. But if you love bad movies, you can't pass up this masterpiece of horrible cinema. In one scene, the bad guy uses a toy robot to send a message to Richard Harrison. The toy robot arrives with smoke and can talk. Godfrey Ho really wanted to show off his $5 budget. And if you like to see people kick a lot, you will get plenty of that. Jack Lam (named Jaguar Wong in the movie) and Hwang Jang Lee give great kicking displays. Hwang only participates in the final fight, but Jack Lam gets to show off his kicking skills throughout the entire movie.

I have the Videoasia DVD and the picture quality is decent, and the English dubbing is classic. Sometimes a guy will have a redneck voice, and sometimes it will sound like a little kid. Fans of cheesy movies will love this Godfrey Ho classic. "I don't usually smoke this brand, but I'll do it for you."

Ninja. Terminator.

[BandSAboutMovies · 4/10 · 3 June 2022]

If you owned a Korean film called The Uninvited Guest Of The Star Ferry, it probably wouldn't sell in the west. But what if you shot new footage of Supreme Ninja having his three greatest warriors - Ninja Masters Tamashi, Baron and Harry MacQueen (Richard Harrison) - celebrate the second decade of his power by assembling the Golden Ninja Warrior and making him impervious from swords, well, then you'd be able to sell that.

Godfrey Ho. Genius or madman? Maybe both?

Two years after the three ninjas took each part of the statue to keep their master from becoming too strong, Karada has killed the ninja Tamashi and Baron and Harry have been manipulated into battling one another. Will Supreme Ninja take the statue and reign forever?

So yes, that's the basic plot. What I have not captured - I really don't know if I can - is just how lunatic this movie gets, constantly introducing new characters and ideas and rarely following up on them, like if someone introduced Jack Kirby to manga and then slipped him some amphetamines. I also am writing this under the influence of COVID-19 and the way my brain has been going from lucid to foggy to sleep to pain to being exhausted in a matter of seconds feels exactly like this movie but in a way better way than not being able to breathe and needing to sanitize my hands every ten seconds.

Richard Harrison is a hero. I mean, yes, his career probably was ruined by Godfrey Ho repeatedly re-editing him into movies. I wish there was a way I could send him some cash by Paypal to make up for that because in this movie he wears a camouflage ninja suit and talks on a Garfield phone and honestly, I've never seen Robert Deniro do that.

There's also a scene where one ninja can shoot fire out of his hands and another shoots ice and you know, that's no CGI, it's two dudes putting their lives on the line to entertain you thirty some years in the digital future. Also: sex scenes that refine the word gratuitous.

Gordon has trouble with crabs

[LThomas72 · 1 November 2003]

Can't really tell you a lot about this one as I watched it whilst pretty drunk. I CAN say that Gordon (Richard Harrison) was beset by mysterious clouds of gas at one point - created by what looked to be a small clockwork robot - (confusing for him in the extreme I should imagine). Oh, and his girlfriend is attacked in her kitchen by vicious marauding crabs - even Gordon himself looks a little unsettled by that one. I could be wrong but I think it might be VERY good...must watch it again and find out.

Terminal Ninjas

[thesar-2 · 2/10 · 9 August 2017]

Help me develop a drinking game for this movie! Here are the categories:

• Hilariously bad dialogue/dubbing. • Number of kidnapped women. • Number of men in women's wigs. • Full-on men in drag. • Out of frame shots. • ADR. • Movie exposition. • Henchmen out of nowhere. • Silly Sound Effects. • Teleportation. • Mention of the Golden Toy-thing. • Bowing before said Golden Toy-thing. • Jackie Chan "humor fighting." • Garfield opening/closing his eyes. • Shocked Ninja faces. • Ninjas covering/exposing their faces. • Theft of American Movie Scores. • Summersaulting. • Men on the phone. • Attack of the crabs. • Busted car roofs. • Threatening toy robots. • The Ring VHS viewings. • Shots of women's hairy armpits. • Plausible plot points.

Okay, granted, that last one is for the AA members.

No real sense of reviewing this "movie." It was just an excuse for men to exercise, sell a few tickets to recoup the $5 budget and become another How Did This Get Made? podcast victim. I fell for it. And maybe you'll get a few laughs out of it, like I did.

After all, it's described as The Room filled with ninjas.

***

Final thoughts: I still don't know if this was intentionally hilarious or not. The tonal shifts don't help. But, at least it's sidesplittingly over-the-top, mercifully short and thankfully free with an Amazon®Prime™ membership. Whew! Hiiii-yaaaah!

The Ho-Man strikes again with: NINJA TERMINATOR!

[Idiot-Deluxe · 2/10 · 29 April 2017]

First an observation and that is evidently Chinese women in the 1980's didn't shave their pits or at least that's what I saw in Ninja Terminator, twice.

Now that I got that off my mind what about the movie, well it's simple with "Ninja Terminator" you can expect an action-film that bares all the hallmarks of director Godfrey Ho - it is completely typical of his work and a fine representation of his ninja-movie-mastery of the 80's. This flick is really busy with the kick, punch and yell formula, as there must be at least a dozen fight scenes (often crudely edited, bringing extra laughs) crammed into 88 minutes worth of movie and unlike "The Ultimate Ninja" (a totally incoherent cut n' paste job) this movie is more coherent, having some semblance of logical thought behind it and like in most movies, it has only one plot to follow, which is contrary to what's seen in The Ultimate Ninja. Do to incompetence and a total lack of taste (i.e., insipid dialog, garish synthesizer scores, the ripping-off of popular movie titles: Ninja TERMINATOR) Ho's films are always a hootin' good time at the movies and a true treasure trove of trash-cinema.

With Ninja Terminator top-billing deceptively goes to Richard Harrison, but in reality it's much more of a Jack Lam (as "Jaguar Wong") movie, owning to the fact that he has three times more screen time. Jack Lam (of Japanese descent if I'm not mistaken) is a kickin' machine and first-rate martial artist, who seems to be a natural in front of the camera, as he unfailing exudes confidence (to the point of arrogance) whenever and wherever he finds himself and in scene after scene he easily defeats his opponents with his superior mastery of the martial arts; often seen casually chewing gum, while flashing a series cocky smirks/smiles as he's kicking the crap out of his opponents and afterwards he'll typically cap the moment with a sarcastic quip. I for one just hope that Jack has his feet insured, because he's Busy with em'. The fight choreography this time around is top-notch, if not a bit repetitive, which is all but unavoidable with more then a dozen fights breaking out.

The plot once again revolves around this small golden statuette known as the "golden ninja warrior" (that breaks down into three separate pieces) which as before, has been stolen and whoever possesses the whole statue will be the mightiest ninja in the land - or in other words will have supremacy among ninjas. Like all of Godfrey Ho's ninja-flicks the cheese-factor is simply off-the-charts, some scenes more so then some others, for example the scenes that laughably involve 8-inch tall battery-powered toys (i.e. Transformer knock-offs for the oriental market) with flashing lights, delivering "or else" messages and later on the very same toys are seen delivering VHS tapes... this is how Mr. Ho chose to advance the movies plot... only in the 80's. Besides how could you not take seriously an off-brand Transformer figurine whose message is: "Traitor, listen. - You have just three days - to return - the golden ninja warrior - to our master. - Hear & obey."

As with his films of that era all the actors voices are dubbed-over, but the words for once actually come close to matching their lip-movements, but I'm not sure I like that, I prefer the dialog to be as out-of-synch as possible - just for humors sake. As with these terrible films of Ho, the sound is always extremely shrill and is loaded with either terrible sounding synthesizer music or music taken from other movies (such as John Barry's music from "The Deep") and of course it wouldn't be right without over-doing it with the sound-effects, because after all when someone kicks or punches air it makes a loud swooshing noise, right? The movie ends with a trio of ninjas duking it out over ownership of the "golden ninja warrior" on some sea cliffs over-looking a harbor. In this final fight an orgy of ninja gimmickry unfolds, a whirlwind of action where the ninja elite pull-out every trick in their bag. This scene ends in a flurry of spectacular nin-jastic high jinks and then all of the sudden "BOOM"!

The End.

These truly are great terrible movies. For the uninitiated if it's second-rate ninja flicks you seek, go with the obvious choice, Mr. Ho's 80's out-put is the true cream of the crop of the genre. Start the drum roll "Godfrey Ho's Ninja-Schlock-Theater" presents (add ANY title of the DOZENS he cranked out in the 80's AND 90's - "Ninja Knight Thunder Fox" being the tackiest of them all).

Keep your ears open, in the middle of the movie you'll hear the word "ninja" pronounced "ningur" on at least three occasions. Also take note of the goofy Garfield phone - one could not and should not ever take these movies seriously - but they are fun. It's my wish that there was a huge Godfrey Ho ninja-flick box-set (of 25 discs or more) out on the market. Make it happen Ho-Man.

A great host of baffling choices diminish its so-so entertainment value

[I_Ailurophile · 2/10 · 1 April 2024]

As someone who will happily watch just about anything and everything, I'm not about to fuss about the anticipated quality of a film I receive as a gift after being plucked from the bargain bin. I am also, however, very familiar with the antics of Hong Kong schlockmeister Godfrey Ho; at his best he has made some wonderfully fun movies, and at his worst, one has to question the legality of his productions and his credibility as a filmmaker. Just as 1993's 'Angel the kickboxer' was merely the silly but fun 1992 Cynthia Rothrock vehicle 'Honor and glory,' dubiously recut, redubbed, and spliced with new material, I'm given to understand that 'Silver Fox and Ninja Terminator' is new footage edited together with an existing South Korean feature. And, well, it doesn't take long after we sit to watch that this begins to heavily test our patience as viewers. It's not that I specifically regret watching - there's a backhanded, somewhat masochistic measure of entertainment to be derived from even the sorriest of pictures, and in the very least, the avid cinephile can't truly appreciate the greats without also suffering through the slop. Yet from top to bottom this is so flummoxing and poorly made that I can't possibly fathom what merit it could claim.

And so we have stereotypical lousy dubbing, and thanks to the opening credits we know that it's Sally Nicholson who served as coordinator in this capacity, and who is therefore responsible. We have shots and scenes in which the characters speaking aren't even in frame, and the camerawork is often a tawdry mess in and of itself. We have clips of terrific, recognizable songs like Pink Floyd's "Echoes" - and a hilariously remixed rendition of Gustav Holst's "Mars, the bringer of war" - inserted almost at random. There's terrible dialogue, a paper-thin plot that struggles to make sense or hold itself together, and extremely bad elucidation of that plot or of who characters even are, or how we progress from A to B to C. We're treated to perplexing costume design, and novelty props. Where they aren't hideously chopped up by the editing or camerawork I think the stunts and action scenes are pretty swell, but these by themselves cannot save the title at large. I suppose that ultimately we do get the action film we were promised, but for everything we have to sit through to get it, I don't know why anyone would bother. What lasting value is there in 'Silver Fox and Ninja Terminator' except as a baffling curiosity? I'm glad for those who find a way to like this more than I do; I'm unsure how they do it, is all.

There are genuinely, incredibly, far worse things you could watch. This flick can be enjoyed on some level. If there is any cleverness herein, though, there is much, much more that raises a deeply skeptical eyebrow, including substantial portions of the new footage - and that's to say nothing of the fact that eighty-eight minutes manage to feel more like a full two hours, or more. For as shoddily as it was assembled, it's best reserved as something frivolous of which to partake on a very lazy day, when you're not in the mood to watch anything else. Maybe I'm being too harsh; then again, maybe I'm being too kind. Take that as you will.

Typical budget ninja movie!

[cbarnett7-1 · 2/10 · 24 September 2005]

For a start I do not recommend watching this movie sober. The movie follows the battle for the "Golden Ninja Warrior" by three (quite girly) ninjas; with some random martial arts thrown in as well.

The fighting itself is alright, with some neat acrobatics, though there are clear shots where kicks do not make contact. The dubbing is just awful, even when the characters appear to be mouthing in English.

The directing though is a little weird, like the occasional slow motion shots that actually have little action in them, or the weird bit where about 2 minutes of screen time is devoted to choosing swimsuits and dresses for a catalogue that seems to have no relevance to the rest of the film. This could easily have been 20 minutes shorter if they cut out redundant scenes.

The second worst element though is the plot. I don't want to spoil it, but it would be difficult even if I could because the last 15 minutes (even compared to the rest of the film) made absolutely no sense to me at all.

The worst element though is the music, never have I actually heard music that has forced me to hit the mute button until this film; in fact, it may not be a bad idea to have mute on for the whole of the film (except perhaps for the apparently random sex scenes).

This is a movie to watch with friends, but only because it's more fun to laugh at this atrocious piece of budget movie in company.

Unwatchable Garbage

[goose_chase · 1/10 · 24 August 2010]

Honestly, I can appreciate movies that are bad but still funny to watch, but this movie is honestly so bad that no amount of weed can make it fun. Every single aspect of this film is terrible. The story is hard to understand at all. The picture quality is again terrible. There are characters that are played by actors who look identical to each other, adding to the confusion even more. Seriously, I'm trying to do people a favour here by advising to avoid this utter rubbish. I bought it at cash converters for about one pound and I felt ripped off. It really is terrible. The only one thing I can think of about this film is that anyone with an interest in making music may wish to sample some of the lines, but Hextatic may have beaten you to that already.

Watch for the "Directions to the Restaurant" fight scene!

[ithearod · 7/10 · 4 June 2006]

POSSIBLE SPOILERS - (Although a movie like this could really never be "spoiled", it's so rotten to begin with!) Never in my life have I seen a fight scene with the premise being, "Fighting for information about directions to the restaurant". Keep a lookout for this scene. It begins and ends with nothing more than, "Pardon me, but where is this restaurant?", follows with serious ass-whipping, and proceeds to "So, are you gonna tell me where the restaurant is now?!", whereupon, the man points, and the camera swings, to illustrate the restaurant, a dozen or so yards away. Priceless.

There are countless gems in this "It's one movie, it's not two movies!" genre-film. (there's gotta be a name for the spliced B-movie genre, right?) I won't list them all. Suffice it to say that Jaguar Wong's part of the movie gets my vote for superior part of the film. Jaguar truly is one of the coolest men to ever have walked the earth. Notice how he *never* closes his lips, ever!! Chews his gum with his mouth open *always*! He is the coolest, and his kung fu rocks, a nice hard-kicking, joint-locking, modern hapkido style, powerful! See this if you have a chance. And watch out for those wild crabs!

I am Flabbergasted whatever that means...

[rottingcarrot · 10/10 · 5 January 2006]

I have seen a few ninja movies in my time. THe fabulous mafia vs. ninja and The Super Ninja instantly come to mind, but I have NEVER....EVER seen a movie like this. I've seen a few cut and splice ninja movies in my time: diamond force ninja (moments of excellence,) ninja: American warrior (moments of pure insanity) and ninja dragon (patheticly ridiculous and virtually un-watchable) but i have NEVER seen a God (godfrey ho) ninja movie like this!!!!! I'll make it plain and simple. The other reviewer had it dead on: Jaguar wong is the coolest man in history!!!! Usually these cut and splice ninja movies have great brief ninja action sequences and terrible (different movie) sub plots that are virtually un-watchable but ninja terminator (or as the title I rented it under: silver fox and ninja terminator) brings the genre to a whole new high!! THis movie makes no sense. I feel like I was just hit by a train. This is pure insanity. Two films mixed into one. Jaguar Wong vs. Some guy with the most lame ass blond wig i have ever seen mixed with footage of indestructible Ninja Master Gordon { actor RIchard Harrison (known is this film as ninja master Harry)} kicking red ninja and other ninja's butts over the possession of the golden ninja idol (the exact same lame ass plastic statue as seen in Ninja Diamond force if i'm not mistaken) The ninja action sequences between the different ninjas are amazingly top notch kung fu and NEVER and I mean NEVER underestimate the power of Jaguar Wong. He IS the coolest man in history and his kung fu does not disappoint. He NEVER gives up and beats the crap out of anyone who dares stand in his way. Even when he is tied up and has no chance of survival he....well just watch the movie.

THis is easily one of the best movies I have ever seen. Somehow while trying to quickly complete a ninja movie for profit in the eighties Godfrey Ho and friends inadvertently bring a truly unique film to the human race. If you can find it WATCH IT!!!!! If you have any interest in kung fu or so bad it's good movie making you'll LOVE this!!!!!! What the hell was that robot or Harrison's Garfield Phone?????!?!?!?! WTF!?! INSANITY!!!

Look out! - It's a toy robot!!!!

[HaemovoreRex · 7/10 · 2 September 2005]

Here my friends, is a veritable Z-movie classic!

All the ingredients for a sure fire, fun filled evening are present in great abundance in this: Dire dubbing/dialogue, a suitably goofy plot, lots of fighting/action and a plethora of scenes that will leave your mouth agape as you ask yourself...'What the hell just happened there?!'

As with all the other ninja movies by Godfrey Ho, what we are witness to here is a completely separate and non-ninja related film into which some newly shot ninja footage has been spliced, whilst an illusionary link between the two unrelated stories is created and sustained by the over dubbing.

It has to be said, that in the majority of these cut and splice ninja outings, only the ninja footage is of any real fun. However, in the case of Ninja Terminator, BOTH 'movies' prove to be highly enjoyable!

In the non ninja sequences we have one ultra cool dude by the name of Jaguar Wong. Now let me tell you that this guy gets in more fights in this one movie than most professional boxers have in their entire career! Not only that but he wins every time with the utmost ease - in fact he's just soooooo cool! (although he does get a bit roughed up during the films climax by the always excellent Hwang Jang Lee) And.....to top it all off, seemingly just to demonstrate just how cool he really is, he has a constant smirk on his face during all this action!!!! Wow! - What a man! Move over James Bond!

The ninja sequences are equally as energetic with loads of sword play, acrobatics and people disappearing in plumes of smoke etc. (and of course, as he often does in these films, Richard Harrison wearing heavy mascara!)

But the best bit of all just has to be the rather bizarre method the ninja empire utilises to send messages to traitors......they send a toy robot!!!!!!!

Who the hell thought that one up?!

It really is a credit to the actors concerned here, that they managed to keep straight faces during scenes like that!

All in all, if you have a good sense of humour then you should rush out and watch this movie straight away! - It's all good natured (demented) fun!

You can't go wrong with Jaguar Wong.

[BA_Harrison · 7/10 · 1 October 2008]

An unbelievably daft effort from Godfrey Ho, the king of crap ninja movies, Ninja Terminator sees Ho's regular star Richard Harrison once again donning his natty camouflage suit to fight a variety of similarly garbed bad guys, all the while performing totally unnecessary cartwheels and back-flips.

This time, Harrison plays Harry, one of a trio of good ninjas who steal a precious, magical golden statue from their evil boss. When one of the trio is killed and part of the statue is taken back, Harry enlists the help of his friend Jaguar Wong (who is a cool-as-ice, high-kicking bad-ass) to protect his dead friend's sister and try and retrieve the missing piece.

Despite the story making little or no sense for most of the running time (which is what you get when you splice together footage from two different films, as is apparently the case here), Ninja Terminator is still well worth watching thanks to countless completely insane moments guaranteed to make you howl with laughter: watch in awe as Harry proves that no melon is a match for his ninja sword skills; be puzzled as a breakfast of live crabs suddenly turns nasty; wonder why the hell Hwang Jang Lee is wearing a bad blonde wig for most of the film; giggle uncontrollably as a toy robot menacingly delivers video tapes; and then check ebay to see if you too can get a cool Garfield phone like the one Harry uses.

Amongst all this unexplainable, but very entertaining silliness, there are also plenty of pretty good martial arts fights (Jack Lam, as Jaguar Wong, is excellent and displays loads of decent moves before his inevitable battle against super-kicker Lee). Throw in a couple of gratuitous sex scenes, and some awful dialogue, and what you have is one hell of a fun film.

Ultimate Final Ninja Power Supremacy Champion Super Film

[Bezenby · 10/10 · 19 March 2009]

If anybody has sat down to watch a decent Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee film and thought to themselves 'Hold on, you know what would make this better? Really bad ninja fighting that has little to do with the actual story, a story that makes absolutely no sense, and some of the most random quirkiness ever witnessed on screen, that'd make a GREAT film!' Then Ninja Terminator may be the film for them.

However, if they added to that 'Also, I'd like to see a love scene set to Pink Floyd's Echoes, twice, and perhaps a guy in a blonde wig for no reason at all'. Then 1) Ninja Terminator IS for them and 2) They have uncanny and ultra-specific pre-cognitive powers.

Ninja Terminator takes the whole 'so bad it's good' movie ethos to stratospheric levels, even beyond movies like Troll 2. What works here is the movie that Godfrey Ho is tacking his usual ninja battles onto is just about as crazy as the ninja battles themselves. I swear, there must be a kung fu fight every five minutes or so, each of them getting increasingly stranger until the penultimate fight on the beach (followed only, of course, by the bizarre ninja showdown).

Without going into specifics and spoiling things, I'll make a vague-ish list of what's nuts about this film: 1) Pink Floyd and Tangerine Dream on the soundtrack. 2)Split second ninja costume changes 3) Weird use of children's toys 4) Crabs 5) Pawning jackets 6) Random jacket changes 7) Feet that dig sand 8) Dramatic wig removal 9) etc etc...

I've watched a few of these ninja films so far, and it's by far the greatest one I've seen.

By the way, if you like actual good films, just reverse everything I've said and take it as a warning.

The "Inframan" of ninja movies, if you know what I mean

[ofumalow · 6/10 · 25 May 2020]

Goofy, fast-paced and frequently senseless action, probably partly padded out from pieces of the director's umpteen other films, as was his custom. The plot is so random I never really understood what the significance was of the golden thingie everybody was chasing after-this is just one of those movies where you accept that "the guys in red will fight the guys in blue who'll fight the guys in yellow," quickly forgetting to even wonder WHY anyone is fighting anybody. It's silly in a good way, energetic and slick on a B-grade level. At times it achieves a kind of inspired giddy absurdity that is close to trash heaven.

Nam-Ninja and co must do stand up

[PaulReyRey184 · 2 May 2004]

I really can't be bothered to write too much on this movie, as I have an essay to do and must get to it. Anyway suffice to say it's one of the third rate Ninja films with horrifically unoriginal plots and unintentionally hilarious characters. There is some sort of battle for the Golden Ninja warrior, something which makes you impervious to being struck with a Ninja's blade, until the end of the film, that is, where it suddenly and inexplicably wears off. There is a subplot where bubble-gum chewing, "YOU BROKE MY JACKET" copper Jaguar Wong kicks seven bills out of one of the head honcho's minions, all the while trying to get back together with an old flame of his. In one memorable bond like scenes, wong shows how suave he is by forcing himself upon her and unleashing the spearmint gum flavour into her mouth, whereupon she falls in love with him again and they coppulate ferociously. You know how it goes. Read the back of the DVD if you own it, prefferably before watching the movie, that way you can fall on the floor laughing over the disturbing amount of spelling mistakes that can be found, my personal favourite being "Three" spelt with a third E on the end. Priceless. Other humuorous points about this film include an asian big cheese with a puffy blonde wig, a Ninja dressed in a Vietnam Uniform, and a Ninja that looks uncanily like a younger version of Rock-God Ozzie Osbourne...although by far the two best moments are when Nam-Ninja hears a ring and picks up his Garfield phone to talk to Wong...and when Mister Wong hurls one of the wimps he fights into his own Car window despite the fact that the enemies car is parked directly along side it. If your depressed, you need to watch this, it's prozac on screen.

best £2 ever

[Jaguar_Loo · 7/10 · 10 January 2005]

this has to be one of the best films ever, and i bought it for £2. i thought it would be rubbish (which it was really) but i enjoyed it soo much i watched it twice since yesterday. don't know if there was a story or if it had any relevance to anything but it has to be th funniest film ever. what is with the crabs, and the suits, and the lack of extras. everyone in the film gets beat up by jaguar wong, and i mean everyone. and the crazy wig, what is that for? i cant stop laughing while i write this, I'm gonna leave it at that. the fighting seemed OK, especially the sound effects and the sand bit, hehe. best film i seen for ages, i'd buy it if i didn't own it. might go watch it again.

One of the greatest rubbish movies of all time

[bobdyland · 10/10 · 16 June 2008]

From the steamed crabs to explosive squash balls, diabolical dialogue to extraordinary wigs, death threat delivering toys to the most unsexy sex scenes ever, this has to be the very best cut and splice shitshower ever to grace the home video market. Bizarrely the soundtrack is genuinely good, as are some of the fight scenes.

Take the following conversation between Jaguar Wong (yes, that's his name; the main baddie's called Tiger Chang) and Hapless Henchman 1, bearing in mind that the characters don't actually know each other - "Can I dying man have a last request? A cigarette?" "Well I doubt you'll contract lung cancer before I kill you, hahahahaha!" "I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing. Oh, and have one yourself... I'd hate for you to remember me as a mean son of a bitch." "Hmmm, I don't usually smoke this brand... but I'll do it for you." Watch this film.

Oh, you'll be amazed in one way or another.

[lost-in-limbo · 6/10 · 31 December 2021]

So when ninjas are not slicing up watermelons with their blades. They sit at their dinner tables, and eat the remaining melons by the way of knife and fork. Very mannered. Well, I guess... it's no more ridiculous than a ninja talking smack on his Garfield telephone and being harassed by miniature toy robots knocking at doors delivering threatening messages. And lets not forget about the blonde wig. The bad guy sure knew how to flaunt it.

Anyway, 'Ninja Terminator' is a run-of-the-mill, copy and paste job by Godfrey Ho. Splicing two unrelated (and hilariously dubbed) films together. So incomprehensible, yet so absurd... and very repetitive. What can you say, it's signature Ho.

Ninja trash classic

[Leofwine_draca · 6/10 · 4 September 2016]

NINJA TERMINATOR is one of the best known of the Godfrey Ho ninja cut 'n' paste films that proliferated during the 1980s, and for good reason: it's one of the most entertaining of his "efforts", coming only behind SCORPION THUNDERBOLT in terms of on-screen insanity and outrageous cheesiness. Once again, Richard Harrison is embroiled in this mess that takes the usual template of using an old Chinese film, redubbing it and adding in lots of unrelated sequences involving ninjas. The thing that lifts this movie above similar fare is that the original film it rips off is actually decent – at least, the scenes they take from it are pretty good. It's an action-packed offering with Jack Lam playing 'Jaguar Wong' who has a vendetta against crime boss Hwang Jang Lee, wearing a silly blond wig for some reason. Basically, Lam kicks and thumps his way through dozens of bad guys, who sometimes attack him for no better reason than they don't want to tell him where the local restaurant is!

The fights are fluid if low budget, and packed with butt-kicking and people being tossed through car windows and the like. Lam's swaggering demeanour seems based on the type of character Bruce Lee used to play, although taken to the extreme. Hwang Jang Lee does some good work in the climatic fight, and in all it's a pretty entertaining little flick. Then we have the newly-filmed ninja stuff, and it's a hoot. Richard Harrison plays Harry, a renegade ninja who lives in his apartment and enjoys his girlfriend cooking him steamed crabs in a well-remembered sequence that's one of the funniest in the movie. Harrison finds himself up against sinister toy robots as well as myriad ninja enemies, who often phone him on his Garfield telephone and write messages on his car windscreen reminding him he has just days left to return the golden ninja warrior he stole (the statuette itself is the subject of another of these collaborations).

Eventually he finds himself up against dastardly ninja Phillip Ko in a cheesy fight to the death. All the ninja staples are here, from throwing stars and knives to disappearing tricks and clouds of gas and explosives. The fights are incredibly cheesy but I found them, like the film itself, surprisingly entertaining. Ho might be one of the world's worst directors but he often makes the unintentionally funniest movies and this is another classic for those with the right B-movie sensibilities. Drunken crabs, anyone?

Watch this film and join the ninja empire

[somekindofmarv · 10/10 · 4 October 2006]

I'm extremely glad to read the other reviews for this film and see that there are others out there that understand just how awesome this film is. My recommendation is that you watch this film with a large group of friends and a chilled crate of beer at the ready; you'll never look back. When I watched it we blasted the volume nearly to full, and while it was kinda painful during the opening scene where a bizarre high-pitched squeal comes out of the mysterious golden case (pulp fiction anyone?!!) it soon became a mind blowing experience. THX or DTS this is not, but man does it pack a punch. In terms of scenes I was especially fond of the extremely long shot of the gravestone and bank of grass while the two characters explained the storyline. First class. The red ninja trying to jump Harry in his apartment is legendary - he just appears in his cameo ninja suit and mascara instantly and kicks serious ass. Jaguar Wong was also a treble hard bastard. I'd miss-heard his name and thought it was Jaguar One so when I asked my friend where Jaguar Two was near the end I felt like a bit of a moron. Still, I wish Jaguar Wong was my dad.

THIS FILM IS PURE CLASS

GENIUS!

[andrewpaynter · 20 July 2004]

jaguar wong is the baddest dude ever. He's got more style than Cary Grant and Wes Anderson. Here, Jaguar Wong destroys the entire syndicate that consists of a Chinese guy in a blonde bob wig with his half assed fighting crew. Worst thing to ever do is rip another guys suit. Richard Harris also wears mascara and a camo ninja suit. The film begins with the most strange ritual that is run by a fat guy (also with mascara) wearing a red ninja suit laughing out of control while his students hit his arm with their ninja swords. He's protected by the Golden Ninja Warrior.

COMEDY

The other Golden Ninja Warrior film

[daniel-mannouch · 6/10 · 7 February 2019]

Ninja Terminator seems to be the most famous collaborative effort from Godfrey Ho and Joseph Lai. God knows why. They're all gems! I got a few theories though. THAT WIG for one. That Garfield phone. The awesomely fetishistic opening sequence with all those shiny, sharp, only slightly out of focus weapons, as well as the following...

DUBBING: Steamed Crabs! and other delights. Why do these South Koreans, in South Korea, sound like they're from Chicago? Like i'm complaining.

NINJA: The evil ninja master who finds everything hilarious was quite an opening act. He was followed strongly though by some good acrobatics and ninjacanery around some ancient looking shrine. A crab gets a throwing knife to the shell. Hope that was glued on. The ending was incredible and very appropriate. The Ninja Empire's robot messengers provide some of the most memorable sequence's in Ho's ENTIRE filmography. I found myself uncontrollably laughing at the idea that these AA powered messenger's of death wearn't sturdy enough even to carry a VHS. They had to slide it in on their back. No wonder only two Ninja TRAITOR's took on this empire and won.

THE MOVIE BEFORE NINJA: Uninvited Guest is a 105 minute martial arts crime picture from South Korea that features plenty of innovative choreography and charming fashion choices. A great intentionally funny moment when our protagonist kicks a goon into a car boot which then slams shut. the other goons drive off in the car with the aforementioned goon still in the boot. Great stuff. Harrison's footage blends in better than Ninja Dragon's.

CEASE AND DIS SOUNDTRACK: Ohmaiiiii! Tangerine Dream and Pink Floyd, on one soundtrack, none the wiser of their contributions to psychotronic cinema. An obscure number from TD's soundtrack for Thief, of all things and Floyd's Echoes in a quite hairy love scene. It's gonna take some balls for another Ho film to top this, 'borrowing' from two of the most infamously hawkish bands in this regard.

In conclusion, Ninja Terminator has plenty of Ninja, High kicks and rocking onesies and Steamed Crabs! and black magic invincibility spells. Starting Ninja here is not a bad idea at all.

Absolutely Amazing. The BEST Film in the Universe.

[jack_macmichael · 10/10 · 7 May 2007]

Ninja Terminator is quite simply the most amazing film I have ever seen, the mind truly boggles at it's unsurpassed magnificence.

If you are expecting big budget production qualities or remotely recognizable actors then think again because this film has nothing of the sort. Essentially this movie is pure rubbish, but that is its charm. The total lack of cohesion between the plots of the two films that have been obviously hashed together will provide the viewer with undoubtedly the most hilarious experience of their lives. Fundamentally it's two movies for the price of one, the tale of Jaguar Wong, who has to defeat some evil syndicate boss who for some totally baffling reason sports a terrible joke shop wig, and "Harry the Ninga"(sic) who must defeat "Darren the Ninja" and some other guy to get hold of some miscellaneous golden object, which according to the blurb on the box will gain him "the super strength of the ninja sorcery". It must be seen to be believed, total lack of budget, total lack of talent, atrocious dubbing and editing and the most hilarious script you'll have ever heard.

Once I finished watching this film I literally ached all over from laughing so hard, I nearly gave myself a hernia, there is no way that any movie could possibly even come to close being as side splitting hilarious as this epic catastrophe in cinematography.

After watching Ninja Terminator you and those who have the pleasure of watching it with you will be united through the pure, unintentional comic genius of this film. Buy Ninja Terminator, it will change your life.

The "Citizen Cane" of ninja flicks, or, as one viewer put it: „Awesomeness in a box"!

[t_atzmueller · 10/10 · 6 February 2012]

There are two types of people in this world: people who like Godfrey Ho's cut-and-paste, cheaper than Chinese all-you-can-eat, Ninja-flicks and those who don't.

I'm with the first category. See, people don't understand why you'd waste endless hours watching films, spliced from leftover Asian C-grade movies, left on the editing floor, and random scenes of European actors wearing tacky ninja costumes and fighting stuntmen, impersonating said European actors. They cannot gasp the grandness behind ninjas in various colors (in this case it's traditional black, camouflage and red) slugging it out over a mythical statue, that seems to have been purchased at a souvenir store at the airport. How to explain the awesomeness of Jaguar Wang, the coolest human-being that has ever walked the earth? Has the English language words to describe a gangster boss called 'Tiger', wearing a golden wig or do those words have to be invented first? A toy-robot delivering a secret message on a VHS-tape, throwing shuriken at steamed crabs and a Garfield-telephone – it has been rumoured that those scenes raised Sergei Eisenstein from the dead and gave Werner Herzog an aneurism.

We may never find out why the 'Lifetime Achievement Award' has no yet been presented to Godfrey Ho or why there hasn't been a rain of Oscars (tm) for "Ninja Terminator" (we can only suspect it has to do with nepotism), but, all things considered, we really have no choice but to give the movie 10 points out of 10 and declare it the perfectest film ever filmed … … if you like Godfrey Ho's ninja flicks, that is. If you don't, you might give it … a little less.