The Substitute 3: Winner Takes All

Karl Thomasson: Steroids, they pump you up, make you huge, make you feel like you're the master of the universe! But while you're mastering the universe, let me tell about a couple of other things that they can do: They can give you high blood pressure. They can give you coronary disease, kidney disease, cancer of the liver. They can cause impotence, and sterility, not to mention diareaha, acne, hair loss, body odor, and the always popular, withered testicles. Having trouble getting a date on Saturday? Wait till she finds out what you're packing in your shorts when you're doing steroids. Absolutely nothing. Oh hey! And I almost forgot one other minor side effect: they can kill you! Not years from now down the road, but right now, today, this minute. But hey, don't take my word for it. Just ask your classmate Josh Silver. But don't expect and answer any time soon. 'Cause right now, he's on a stainless steel autopsy table in the medical examiner's office, having his organs removed and disected ONE BY ONE. But hey, he sure could bench press couldn't he?