Next Friday (2000)
Joker: Count my money or party with bitches. Hundred and fitties or big ass titties. Count the green or get in between those titties.
Uncle Elroy: [Suga falls on Craig's lap, face down] Negro, what the hell you doing with my woman?
Craig: I don't know. I must have... shit.
Uncle Elroy: Suga? What the hell you doing with my nephew?
Suga: I'm sorry, baby. I thought it was you.
Uncle Elroy: Come on, baby. I'm faded, feeling X-rated. It's Mr. Nasty Time.
Suga: Mr. Nasty Time!
Uncle Elroy: Mr. Nasty Time. But take it easy on my back.
Uncle Elroy: Make yourself at home, nephew.
Mr. Jones: Hey, young man! You got knocked the fuck out!
Pinky: [sobbing] Day-Day... is this your cousin?
Day-Day: [worried] Yeah, that's my cousin...
Pinky: Good, 'cause you're fired!
Day-Day: Who, me?
Pinky: And Roach, you're fired too!
Pinky: [Roach and Day-Day chattering]
Pinky: Oh, I heard that! Say it again! Say it again!
[looks at Craig]
Pinky: I was just about to bust a cap in your ass. Give me back my motherfucking pistol. Fuck out my store.
Mr. Jones: I got your message, where is Craig?
Uncle Elroy: "Message"? I ain't sent you no damn MESSAGE.
Mr. Jones: You didn't call the sandwich joint with an urgent message
Uncle Elroy: Hell no Willie, boy you're startin' to think like a Dog. Leaving fleas & ticks suckin' on your old-ass brain.
Mr. Jones: Somebody send me a message, where is Craig & Day-Day
Uncle Elroy: I don't know. But come on in.
Uncle Elroy: [Sees his brother with poop in the back his uniform when coming in to his house] You know you got shit all over the back of your ass? Hey don't sit on that couch, put some paper down.
Pinky: [points a gun to Craig's head] Don't move! Or I'll blow your goddamn head smooth off. Now back up. Slowly! Don't say a word.
Craig Jones: But I was jus...
Pinky: [cuts Craig off] I said don't say a word!
Pinky: [giggles] Little muthafucka gonna try and rob me. Well I'ma show you how we do it here in Pinky's *noogah*.
Craig Jones: I wasn't trying to...
Pinky: [cuts Craig off] Shut up! Before I bust a cap in yo' ass. Now what'chu been done wit' Day-Day and Roach?
Craig Jones: Day-Day is my peep...
Pinky: [cuts Craig off] Shut up!
Pinky: Now who sent you, nigga?
Craig Jones: Nobody sen...
Pinky: [cuts Craig off] Shut the fu... Did I say... Ohhh, nigga! I'll... oh, shit! Say something! Say something else, nigga! I'ma tie yo' monkey ass up.
Day-Day: [shaking hands with Roach] I've knew we've never will be together forever, you're a cool Puerto-Rican dude.
Baby Joker: Falta feria, güey.
Joker: [Looks at Day-Day and Roach] ¡PINCHES HIJOS DE PUTA, CABRONES!
Joker: We're saying, you're fucked ese! You're staying with us!
Day-Day: Aw man.
Joker: Baby Joker, get the duct tape homes.
Baby Joker: Orale, carnal.
Joker: It's on my bed homes, I was using it earlier.
Day-Day: Shit, man!
Lil Joker: [Talking to the girls] Hey and you, got put your clothes back on, alright!
Craig Jones: Look, we cousins and everything, but don't be hooking me up with the *little* sister that's bigger than the *big* sister!
Day-Day: I got the BGs
Craig Jones: What's the BGs?
Day-Day: The bubble guts, I'm nervous and I'm bout to shit on my self
[discussion about Day-Day's ex]
Craig Jones: Psycho, huh? She must be worst than Left Eye from TLC or somethin'.
Day-Day: Yeah, well, this fat bitch ain't burnin'!
Day-Day: Fat bitches need love too, Craig!
Roach: Fa Sho.
Day-Day: Roach, if Pinky catches you doing that X-Games shit on the counter, we both gon' be fired!
African: [walking in store] Motherfuckers. You motherfuckers! What the fuck is this? You motherfuckers!
Day-Day: Can I help you, sir?
African: Yes, what is this? Huh? This is whack! I can't get jiggy with this shit! Where's your damn manager, that pink motherfucker?
Day-Day: The manager's not here. I'm running the store right now.
African: You look like the playa-hater who sold me this shit. Give me back my damn money right now, and I don't have no damn receipt.
Day-Day: Do you have the cover, sir?
African: I don't have no damn cover! Kiss my ass, so what?
Day-Day: Can I see it sir?
[looks at CD]
Day-Day: What, were you chewing on this shit before you got here?
African: Bullshit, motherfucker! Do you know who you are fucking with?
Day-Day: Bishop Desmond Tutu?
African: Try again, motherfucker!
Day-Day: Winnie Mandela's lil'...
African: Try *again*, motherfucker!
Day-Day: Just an ugly ass black dude.
African: I'll go *postal* in this motherfucker!
Day-Day: Man, you better take your hostile black ass outta here!
African: [knocks down CD stand as Craig walks in] Ol' biatch...
[Craig shoves him into CD rack]
African: Oh, shit! Please, don't hurt me! Please! This's John Blaze; I can get jiggy with this!
Craig: Get your ass up outta here!
African: I'm just a bitch-ass nigga!
Mr. Jones: Can't even count to ten and you win the lottery, aint that a bitch
Uncle Elroy: I bet you smoke a lil' weed, don't ya?
Craig Jones: Why do say that?
Uncle Elroy: [looks at him] Cause your lip's turnin' black!
Tyrone: [Deebo wants Tyrone to call the Food Stand Cashier and tell him to tell Mr. Jones that Craig is "in trouble"] Hello? I have an urgent message for a nigga named Mr. Willy Jones...
Food Stand Cashier: Nigga who?
Tyrone: [Deebo slaps Tyrone over the head] Ow, I mean, I have an urgent message for a Mr. William Jones.
Food Stand Cashier: Urgent message?
Tyrone: Yeah, tell him, "Craig's in trouble, come quick."
Food Stand Cashier: Craig who? Who is this?
Tyrone: Tell him you could just...
[begins to sing]
Tyrone: call on Tyrone...
Tyrone: [Deebo slaps him over the head again] Ow! Tell him it's a friend of the family!
Tyrone: [Tyrone hangs up] Man, you better stop hittin' me like. I'll bust your ass just like Craig did. Knock your eye straight.
Pinky: Looky here, baby. You're hittin' them corners too goddamn fast. You need to slow this motherfucker down, you understand? I almost spilled my 'yak on this $200 suit, nigger. Come on, baby, keep it together.
Pinky Chauffeur: Yeah, whatever, motherfucker.
Mr. Jones: Hot sauce... for my burrito! You taste so good to me!
Craig Jones: Look, I'm your cousin an' ev'rything, but don't be hookin' me up with the little sister that's bigger than the big sister!
Pinky: C'mon, Young Blood. Don't kill me, man. I got a mothafuckin' girlfriend. I got a wife on the side.
Deebo: Here come that dog truck. Shut your mouth! We about to fade to black.
Craig Jones: [as Craig notices Deebo standing in front of the truck] Daddy, Stop!
[Mr. Jones Screams]
Deebo: Get your punk-ass out of the car Craig, this is the re-match!
Deebo: Get out of the car!
Craig Jones: Punch It!
Tyrone: [as Mr. Jones drives away] Deebo! Help!
Craig Jones: Fake-Ass Suge Knight!
Deebo: [yelling out before kicking his brother in the stomach] You know I gonna find you and when I do, I'm gonna put my foot up in your ass!
[Looking down at his brother]
Deebo: Man get up!
Tyrone: Damn! Man, I'm tired. I'm goin to mommy's house.
Deebo: [pulling him by the chain on his leg] Come on!
Tyrone: [Yelling at Deebo] No!, No!
Mr. Jones: [on the way to Rancho Cucamonga] Did you see That! Those two niggas were acting like pit bull dogs!
Craig Jones: What's that smell?
Mr. Jones: Must be your upper lip, son, I don't smell nothing.
Craig Jones: Ew, I do! It smell like you didn't fall in no mud!
Mr. Jones: [while Spraying air freshener] Just use some of this spray, son.
Craig Jones: Aw, Too much!
[Trying to get the window open]
Craig Jones: What's worng with this window?
Mr. Jones: It's broken, remind me to get it fixed
Craig Jones: [Struggling to get the window open] Damn!
Day-Day: [Day-Day introduces Craig to Ms. Ho-Kym] Craig, meet Miss Ho!
Ms. Ho-Kym: Ho-Kym, motherfucker.
Craig Jones: [in Craig's halluncination showing Karla giving him a lap dance] You heard of El Nino?
Karla Joker: [Speaking Seductively] Yeah...
Craig Jones: This is El Negro. Come on down here and let me tap that ass.
Roach: [At the Jokers house door] Knock.
Day-Day: You want me to knock?
Roach: Well knock.
[Day-Day knocks at the door slightly]
Roach: You're acting like a little bitch right now man, they're not gonna hear that, the music is playing.
Day-Day: Excuse me partner, that was a fuckin' ghetto knock I just did.
Roach: I'm gonna show you how to knock on a door.
Day-Day: Hey, hey no stop.
Baby Joker: [Inside the house when Roach is banging on their door with his feet] Yeah, rub that shit.
Joker: [He hears Roach banging his door and get's his gun] I hear something? Fuckin' shit. Yeah I got to do everything around here, SHIT! Ruining my flow.
Girl #1: [Talking to Lil Joker when kissing her neck] Right there.
Joker: [When talking to his brothers] Hey you lover boys, YOU HEAR THAT SHIT!
Day-Day: [Talking to Roach about banging the door with his feet] Motherfucker you better stop, they're gonna think we're the police in there.
Roach: It get's results.
Joker: [the brothers opening the door at a gunpoint] The fuck do you want?
Day-Day: We came to borrow some sugar.
Joker: Does this look like a fuckin' 7-Eleven to you homes? Do you see a Red-Dot on my Forehead my friend? Do you see an ATM in the corner that doesn't work? DO YOU? NO, YOU DON'T SO FUCK YOU MY FRIEND. Get the fuck outta here Day-Day, and you too, Slim Shady.
Day-Day: No problem, we're gone.
Roach: Hold on, just a second, hey man you've run over my skateboard. I DON'T APPRECIATE THAT, ALL RIGHT!
Day-Day: [the Joker brothers grab him and Roach and get them inside their house] Oh no, that's that bullshit, man it ain't like...
Day-Day: How'd you get out here?
Craig Jones: I walked.
Day-Day: You walked?
Craig Jones: Yeah.
Day-Day: You can't be walkin' around this white neighborhood, man. You look suspect.
Suga: [groping Craig] Oooh, that's a fat ass!
Uncle Elroy: All right, all right, all right, that's enough! Shit! That's enough! Now get upstairs and put some clothes on! Go on, now!
Uncle Elroy: Hey Day-Day, that crazy bitch out there again!
Mr. Jones: Now Craig, it's gonna be different living out here. Don't let your Uncle or your cousin get you in any shit. Now you hear me?
Craig Jones: Pops I'm grown now, can't nobody get me in trouble no more.
Mr. Jones: Well I'm glad you said that son, but since you grown, don't bring your black ass back home.
Mailman: [knocks on door] .
Mailman: Delivery, got a delivery.
[rings doorbell twice]
Craig Jones: Who is it?
Mailman: Got a delivery. Come on smart blood. Come on I got a delivery, its kind of hot out here buddy.
[Craig opens the door]
Mailman: Come on sparky.
Craig Jones: What's up!
Mailman: Nice house. I didn't expect you to answer it, but this is a fine place here. What are you, one of those uh, entertainer guys, huh. What do you play sports? What team do you play for?
Craig Jones: I play for the Cucamonga Cracker Killers. You want tickets...
Mailman: [waves his hand] Hey don't want any trouble with you. You don't have to send your posse out here to do a 187 in my ass. Just uh, got a little mail for you to sign.
[puts both hands up]
Craig Jones: What's this?
Mailman: Uh, that's what they call a delinquent property tax notice. I hope the crack killers pay well. Otherwise it's back to the ghetto you go. Uh, take it easy.
[starts singing a tune and walks away]
Uncle Elroy: [to Craig] You family, I love you, you welcome to anything in my house. But don't let me catch you in my refrigerator, don't let me catch you with yo finger in my Suga Bowl, You feel me knockin'.
Joker: [after realizing his bedroom door is locked]
[using his date's butt as a mouth]
Joker: No more locked doors! Gracias.