No Strings Attached

female caller #1: [phoning in, on speakerphone] He tries to kiss me, but I slap his face away. I tug hard on his leash, and I lead him into the kitchen, lock the door behind us so he can't get out!

Marc Demetrius: Uh-huh. I see.

female caller #1: [as Marc paces while listening] He bites my underwear.

[with much laughter in her voice:]

female caller #1: He starts tugging at it.

[chuckles]

female caller #1: I grab his ears and say "Slowly, Hans, slowly!" Hello? Are you there?

Marc Demetrius: Sure, I'm just, uh... enthralled. Go on.

[from across office, colleagues snicker]

female caller #1: Then I smear pancake butter on my breasts, on my... you know, between my legs. Hans watches me and licks his lips.

Marc Demetrius: I'm sorry, remind me, Hans is who?

female caller #1: My German Shepherd.

Marc Demetrius: Right. Okay. Go on.

female caller #1: Okay, he licks at the batter. Now I, you know...

Marc Demetrius: [as his grinning editor comes walking in] You orgasm. Yeah, sure.

female caller #1: And that's basically it.

Marc Demetrius: Well, that's plenty. Now, if you don't mind, would you please state your name, age and occupation for me.

female caller #1: Forty-seven... a kindergarten teacher.

Marc Demetrius: You know something, I had a hunch.