3.6/10
648
31 user 38 critic

Things (1989)

Unrated | | Horror | Video September 1989
An impotent husband, driven by a fanatical desire to father children, forces his wife to undergo a dangerous experiment. The result: the birth of a multitude of monstrous THINGS.

Director:

Andrew Jordan
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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Barry J. Gillis ... Don Drake / TV Maniac
Amber Lynn ... Reporter
Bruce Roach Bruce Roach ... Fred Horton
Doug Bunston Doug Bunston ... Doug Drake
Jan W. Pachul Jan W. Pachul ... Dr. Lucas
Patricia Sadler Patricia Sadler ... Susan Drake
Gordon Lucas Gordon Lucas ... Tortured Man
Bruce Hamilton Bruce Hamilton ... In Dream
Daryn Gillis Daryn Gillis ... Reporter #2
Allison McGinnis Allison McGinnis ... Reporter #3
Jackie Seaman Jackie Seaman ... Doctor's Assistant
Jeff Payne Jeff Payne ... Hanging Man
Jessica Stewarte Jessica Stewarte ... Nude Lady
Glenn Orr Glenn Orr ... Stretcher Boy
Tom Hochman Tom Hochman ... Igor
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Storyline

An impotent husband, driven by a fanatical desire to father children, forces his wife to undergo a dangerous experiment. The result: the birth of a multitude of monstrous THINGS.

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Things, A Movie That Defines What Cult Really Is... See more »

Genres:

Horror

Certificate:

Unrated | See all certifications »

Parents Guide:

View content advisory »
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Details

Official Sites:

Official site

Country:

Canada

Language:

English

Release Date:

September 1989 (USA) See more »

Also Known As:

Вещи See more »

Filming Locations:

Ontario, Canada See more »

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Box Office

Budget:

CAD 30,000 (estimated)
See more on IMDbPro »

Company Credits

Production Co:

Left Field Productions See more »
Show more on IMDbPro »

Technical Specs

Color:

Color (Super 8 & 16mm Film)| Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.33 : 1
See full technical specs »
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Did You Know?

Trivia

The sandwich eating scene was actually filmed over a few days because not all three cast members of the scene were there at the same time. This is of note for the moment when the three characters toss a bottle cap between each other. See more »

Goofs

When a Thing bites off Doug's fingers a person's hands are clearly seen holding the Thing puppet by the sides to move it into shot. Immediately after, a person in a white shirt walks past the camera lens, who is not dressed like the two characters involved in the scene. See more »

Crazy Credits

You have just experienced Things. See more »

Connections

Featured in Half in the Bag: Summer Movie Catch Up and Things (2013) See more »

Soundtracks

Ya-Ah
Performed by Stryk-9
Courtesy of Stryk-9
Movie Music Productions
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User Reviews

at what point do you draw the line and say "This is NOT a movie"?
26 August 2003 | by EyeAskanceSee all my reviews

THINGS is notable mostly as a curio, being the mainstream(?) film launchpad of blue movie queen Amber Lynn. So popular was she in the jizz biz, it seemed inevitable that she'd do a non-sexual role. Well...in this stultifying mess, Amber demonstrates that she is, indeed, able to read(!). Her participation consists entirely of prerecorded video footage which features her as a news anchor, reporting a number of random idiocies on a t.v. in the house where this "movie" takes place. She looks just as if she were on a porn set, and reads blankly from a cue-card at the side of the camera(after suffering through a few moments of this, you'll be praying for Ron Jeremy to enter the scene and shovel his hairy business into her flapping maw just to keep her silent).

What we're offered, besides the dramatic marvels of Ms. Lynn, is badly shot footage(sans synchronized sound)of drunk morons in a trashy house spouting bits of witless dialog, and a woman in the bedroom who dies while giving birth to several immobile paper-mache bugs that look like baked hams with spindly legs and fangs. That's about all I can say for certain, as THINGS is so unfathomably disjointed and illogically conceived. Sadly, I have little doubt that some will actually find reason to praise this garbage as some sort of "art brut" masterpiece, rhapsodizing with masturbatory ardor over its disorienting surreal quality and experimental concrete minimalism. God help them.

1/10...a legitimate contender for "all time worst" accolades.


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