5.6/10
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1 user 1 critic

Up Your Alley (1971)

A nerdy virgin who spends most of his waking hours dreaming about big-busted, naked women gets a job catering at a film festival party that is chock full of his "dream girls". Unfortunately... See full summary »

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
... Seymour
... Maria Manina
Michael Finn ... Grogan
Marius Mazmanian ... Toenails
Lee McLaughlin ... Sissy
Charles Knapp ... Don Marco
Steve Raymond ... The Chief
Lillian Shrewsbury ... Mother
Irene Makarewicz ... Aunt
... Bruno
Anthony Giger ... Krown (as Tony Giger)
Parker Haig ... Hippie
Tyra Tashiro ... Gardener
Luanne Roberts ... Nazi (as Luann Roberts)
... Spumoni #1 (as Uschi)
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Storyline

A nerdy virgin who spends most of his waking hours dreaming about big-busted, naked women gets a job catering at a film festival party that is chock full of his "dream girls". Unfortunately, he finds himself involved in a Mafia jewel-smuggling plot and must impersonate a Mafia don who he has inadvertently caused to die of a heart attack. Written by frankfob2@yahoo.com

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Plot Keywords:

mafia | virgin | female nudity | sex | moped | See All (7) »

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They Gonna Kill You With Laffs! See more »

Genres:

Comedy | Crime

Certificate:

R | See all certifications »
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Details

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Release Date:

24 February 1971 (USA)  »

Also Known As:

Bang, Bang, the Mafia Gang  »

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1.85 : 1
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Connections

Featured in Twisted Sex Vol. 21 (2002) See more »

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User Reviews

 
Wacky, mad but good busty fun.
19 August 2006 | by See all my reviews

OK, so the acting is hardly up for Oscar nomination, and this film does seem to have become lost in the mists of time. However, the early appearance of Uschi Digard as the nurse in Seymour's (the main character around which the film revolves) fantasy is a sight for sore eyes. I can still remember the sharp intakes of breath in a local cinema where I first saw this film (under the title "Sex or Bust"), as Uschi, having buried Seymour's face in her magnificent big bosoms, retracts them for all to see. She does this two or three times, to one's undying pleasure.

Uschi is far and away the bustiest girl in the film, which involves Seymour becoming involved in a Sicilian diamond heist, taking over as the Godfather figure who dies of a sudden heart attack. Up till that point, he had worked for seven years in a dead-end job in the catering industry, as a mail clerk! The busty Haji (of Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill!), known as Maria Manina, is the central character behind the plot to seize the diamonds. She takes Seymour under her wing because she loved the way he looked after everyone at a special party/orgy thrown by her and she uses him for her intention to get her hands on the valuable diamonds that she is planning to seize. She also makes sure that Seymour loses his virginity so that he can attend to two young virgins (!) provided for his pleasure by the Mafia Gang, who are unaware that the actual Godfather figure is dead - one of the virgins being Uschi!! It all turns out happily in the end, and Seymour and Maria ride off into the sunset on a stolen motorscooter.

This is a completely mad film, but enjoyable in a crazy kind of way, and especially if you like big bosoms. Have fun!!


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