Ahh... the midnight horror movie. Cheesy, silly, and not in the slighest bit scary, its sole purpose is to provide a cheap thrill or induce sleep. As anyone who's read any of my other reviews can see, I like cheap thrills just as much as a good movie, and although Bones certainly was cheap, cheesy, silly, and not in the slightest bit scary, I didn't enjoy it as much as I'd thought I would.
The reasoning for this is that Bones is exactly like any other direct-to-video, midnight cable fare, only at theatrical release, midday pay-per-view pricing. The reason I like other cheap films so much is because they are just that - cheap. I'm biased; I expect a lot more from a movie that I shell out $9 for in a theatre than a $2 5-day rental.
In 1979, Jimmy Bones (Snoop Dogg!) is your friendly neighborhood numbers-runner. A crooked cop, a drug dealer, and his business associate try to convince him to bring crack to the hood. Bones is a numbers-runner with morals and a love for his people, and won't allow it. The business meeting ends with his murder.
In 2001, the neighborhood has gone to hell, especially Bones' old mansion, which is currently haunted by a big black dog with blood-red eyes. A group of teen wanna-be DJ's (who also just happen to be the children of Bones' old associate) decide to fix up the mansion and turn it into a happening nightclub. They discover Bones' skeleton buried in the basement, and a stray dog, whom they name Bones (how original!). This dog just happens to be the same killer incarnation of Jimmy Bones' ghost, and every life he takes adds life to the bones in the basement, until Jimmy is resurrected from the dead, and he sure is angry!
This film, equal parts horror, comedy and blaxploitation, begs you not to take it seriously. If you do, like most films of this type, you'll notice the atrocious acting and cheap special effects. If not, however, you'll be intrigued by bleeding pool tables, talking severed heads, and a climax in the "city of the dead", that is actually well done and far surpasses the rest of the film. Unfortunately, it lacks the campy "charm" of any of the above mentioned three genres.
I knew from the trailers and movie posters not to take this movie seriously. Even taking it as nonseriously as I could, I just couldn't enjoy it; it's a lowbrow wolf of a film trying to pass itself off in theatrical sheep's clothing. Honestly, if I had found this on the back shelf of some cheap video store I would've loved it. In a theatre, I just expect more from films.
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