Allen Doyle: [phone rings, Doyle answers] Angel Investigations. We hope you're helpless.
Charles Gunn: [referring hockey] You realize this is the whitest sport known to man?
Angel: True. But the games are indoors and they usually play at night.
Charles Gunn: Got you.
Fred: [to Wes in a dream] Don't you understand that I'm gone?
Cordelia: So, um, are you still... 'Grrr'?
Angel: Yeah. There's not actually a cure for that.
Wesley: I'm a rogue demon hunter now.
Cordelia: Wow. What's a rogue demon?
Angel: I saw her, I'm not crazy.
Angel: Right between the clowns and the big talking hot dog.
Spike: [after he's been betrayed for the umpteenth time] Son of a bitch!
[he hurls a record player to the floor]
Spike: I do the work. I do the digging. Fight off a Slayer.
[kicks a box out his way]
Spike: Drive to LA! Hire the help. And what do I get?
[turns over a table]
Spike: Royally screwed, is what! Well, that cinches it. No more partners. From now on, I'm my own man. Lone wolf. Sole survivor. Yeah, look out! Here comes Spike! The biggest, baddest, mother...
[rays of daylight through the ceiling start to set his head on fire and Spike frantically pats it out with his hands]
Spike: [referring to Angel and Marcus, his betrayer] I really hope they kill each other.
Penn: What? You don't drink so now no-one gets to?
Angel: I don't expect you to understand.
Penn: Oh, oh I... I understand. I was a Puritan, remember?
Angel: It's gotta end.
Penn: Why? Because you say so? How does that work exactly? You just wake up one morning and decide "OK, now I'm good?"
Penn: No, Angelus. It doesn't end. It never, ever ends. It just goes on and on.
Cordelia: It's not the only thing that goes on and on.
Angel: I am a detective.
Kate: Well, you see, the thing about detectives is, they have résumés. And business licenses. And last names. Pop stars and popes - those are the one-name guys.
Angel: You got me. I'm a pope.
Allen Doyle: If you need help, then look no further. Angel Investigations is the best. Our rats are low...
Allen Doyle: It says rats... Our rates are low, but our standards are high. When the chips are down, and you're at the end of your rope, you need someone that you can count on. And that's what you'll find here. Someone who'll go all the way, who'll protect you no matter what. So don't lose hope. Come on over to our offices, and you'll see that there's still heroes in this world.'... Is that it? Am I done?
Angel: Fight the good fight, whichever way you can
Allen Doyle: Tell you what. You fight, and I'll keep score.
Allen Doyle: The good fight, yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.
Angel: Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.
Wesley: It's the bodily excretion of an Ethros demon.
Cordelia: No one could have said "demon poo" before I touched it?
Cordelia: You can always tell when he's happy. His scowl? A little less scowly.
Angel: I thought she was in a coma.
Cordelia: Pretty lively coma.
Faith: I gotta be the first slayer in history to be sponsored by a vampire.
Angel: I'm sorry, I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil?
Buffy: I felt your heart beat
Darla: Angel. It's been a long time. I'd love to see that boy.
Angel: There are three things I don't do: tan, date and sing in public
Kate: I can go wherever I want, and you can go to Hell.
Angel: Been there. Done that
Angelus: [Angelus has cut power to his office building plunging Wesley, Cordelia and TV actress Rebecca Lowell into darkness] Looks like somebody didn't pay the power bill.
[Angelus' dark form strolls into view]
[she can't help but whimper]
Angelus: I'd lay odds that the phone's dead too. What do you all think? Hmmm? What happens if there's an emergency?
Wesley: Angel, I want you to listen to me. What you're experiencing is not genuine. You've been fed a drug - it's simulating bliss. All that you're feeling is just chemical suggestion. Angel?
Angelus: [he slowly walks forward, only a few inches away now, and his vampire face is on] Name's Angelus.
Wesley: I don't wish to resort to drastic measures, but unless you listen to reason I warn you...
Angel: [cuts him off] You're warnin' me?
Angel: What happened, Wes? Did you suddenly grow a pair? Well, that's it, isn't it? I mean, that's the whole root of your inferiority complex.
[his voice begins to rise]
Angel: Well, good news, Wes old boy! You don't really have an inferiority complex! You're just simply inferior!
[he suddenly grabs Wes and hurls him across the room into a wall]
Cordelia: Wesley, no!
Cordelia: Why don't you...?
[she becomes uncharacteristicly flustered]
Angelus: [Angelus does the same, but much more nastily] "Line! Of course, a time will come when Torvald is not as devoted to me!"
[Cordelia takes a second to realise he's aping her terrible performance in a recent play]
Angelus: You were really... let me tell you... bad.
Cordelia: Stop it.
Angelus: [right in her face] Why!
[she gasps and recoils]
Angelus: You didn't. I mean, I've been to Hell but that was so much worse!
Angelus: You had to be there. I mean, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Everybody was just laughing so hard!
[back to Cordelia]
Angelus: Here's a thought. Maybe you can get Raven here to coach you? Then you'd actually... suck!
Cordelia: [she suddenly threatens Angelus with a plastic water bottle] Back off!
Angelus: [sneers at it and Cordelia] What are you gonna do? Melt me?
Cordelia: [determined] One more step and you'll find out. You think this is just water?
Angelus: [a little more cautiously] You're bluffing.
Cordelia: Am I? You don't think I wasn't ready for this, do you? That I hadn't prepared for it? Why do you think I have a stake stashed in my desk? A cross in my bag? I think about this happening... every... single... day.
Angelus: [Angelus looks more sure than he really is] That's just drinking water.
Cordelia: Fresh from a mountain spring delivered right to our door and then blessed every second Tuesday by Father Mackie, the local parish priest while you're down in the Batcave sleeping through the better part of the day. You don't believe me? Have some!
[Cordy douses him with it but nothing happens]
Cordelia: And the Oscar goes to...
[before Angelus can tear her triumphant head off Wesley comes to and knocks him into the elevator shaft, out cold]
Cordelia: [Angel comes to some time later, back to his old self again, but chained to the bed and Cordelia and Wesley are staring stakes at him] Are you still evil?
Angel: [he's groggy, but he remembers everything that happened] Oh, I'm so sorry.
Cordelia: Can I get another reading on that line, please?
Angel: Rebecca, is she...?
Cordelia: Gone. Oh, and no, she won't be keeping you on retainer as her bodyguard. I think it was the trying to murder her that lost you the gig.
Angel: I need to apologise to both of you.
Wesley: There's really no need.
Cordelia: [rolls her eyes] Er, hello?
Wesley: It was the drugs. It couldn't be helped. Things were said. It's true.
Wesley: But I think it best if we simply put it behind us. Move on.
Angel: [sheepishly] Thankyou.
Wesley: You walk a fine line, Angel. I don't envy you.
Angel: [just as Wesley's about to leave] Wesley, nice moves up there.
[he just smiles, nods and walks away]
Cordelia: [interrupts] Ok. Here's something I never thought I would say to you. Wesley's right. Forget about it.
Angel: But I really didn't mean it...
Cordelia: Yes, you did. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to weasel out of it. Angelus may not be the most relaxing company but at least he's honest. Shouldn't I expect the same from the not-evil version of my friends?
Angel: So, we're Ok then?
Cordelia: I'm too big of a person to let something so petty get in the way of our friendship.
Angel: I appreciate that.
Angel: You're not gonna untie me, are you?
[she saunters off]
Cordelia: [last lines]
Angel: Wesley? Cordelia?
Marcus: [Spike has hired Marcus, a vampire to torture Angel until he gives up the location of the Gem of Amara, a ring that renders any vampire unkillable] You did terrible things when you were bad, didn't you? And now you're trying so hard to do good. But Angel, there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.
[some of a chair Spike shattered has formed a handy stake on the floor near Angel's foot which he strains to conceal from Marcus while his back is turned]
Marcus: Now, I can make the pain go away.
[he pulls a red hot poker out of Angel, making him scream in agony]
Marcus: And as you know, I can bring it back again.
[he pulls the other out, and Angel screams again]
Marcus: What do you want, Angel? I think I know but I'd like to hear it from you. The truth... I'll know if you're lying.
[he walks over to Angel, waiting for the answer]
Angel: [this is difficult, but Angel gives him the answer] I want...
[Marcus leans in]
Angel: ... forgiveness.
Marcus: [pleased] Yes, that's the truth. And you want to earn it. You're not the type who takes the easy way out, which is why I like you so much. In the end, you won't feel guilt... or remorse... or anything but pure darkness. In the end... the ring... the past... none of it will mean anything anymore. You'll be free. I promise.
Angel: And I promise... to kill you.
[Angel is just about to stake Marcus when Spike returns and takes it away]
Spike: Now, now! Staking the torturer is strictly prohibited.
[for the first time, Marcus's impassive mask slips and he starts to pummel Angel, but Spike holds him back]
Spike: Easy, big fella. We need that ring.
Spike: Now, you've made him mad. Wouldn't want to be in your chains.
Marcus: [regaining his calm facade] It won't be long now.
Spike: Well, what's say I... grab a pair of needle-nosed pliers and give a hand?
[from outside the warehouse, Angel screams]
Wesley: You're a soldier, fight-to-the-death kind. I respect that. You work for a man who you think is noble and good. I respect that. Trouble is, he's not.
Justine Cooper: You work with a vampire.
Wesley: Who, in fact, is noble and good. Quirky, but there it is.