Town & Country

This thing was beyond crap, and I don't use that word often. I had heard it was bad, so I rented it for dud night, and called my sister to come watch it, because we need to bounce our comments off each other. Well, she left halfway through, vowing to watch Lord of The Rings, to try to cleanse her brain. I'm going to use a toilet brush on mine.

I should have known it wasn't an ordinary bad movie in the first scene. There's Grampa, aka Warren Beatty, sitting in a bed, trying to cover his wrinkled shoulders with the sheet. Talk about stomach-turning. That's the plot in a nutshell, old Warren pretending it's 1966 when swingers like him hopped on the nearest woman as regularly as they hopped on a plane.

Seriously, there is no plot. Every washed-up actor or actress in Hollywood is invited to drop by to make an ass of him (or her) self, including Charleton Heston, who must have already been in the grip of his recently-announced Alzheimer's Disease. I know rents are high in Los Angeles, but how badly do these people need money? And did any of them even get any? This stinker can't have made a nickel.

I can't summarize this mess because there was no rhyme or reason anywhere. I can't describe the wild over-acting, except to call it amateur night. All I can do is recommend that nobody, and I mean nobody, watch this thing. Don't inadvertently let your dog or cat see it. It's so bad you can't even make fun of it. That's how bad it is.

"Town and Country" is a critically panned but mildly amusing flick which tells of the marital misadventures of two of middle aged couples (Hawn/Sanders, Keaton/Beatty) who split up over reasons of fidelity. The flick is top heavy with talent on the audience side of the lens with no evidence of same in screenplay and direction. Fraught with meandering repartee, comedic situation which come off like bad improv, a jerky flow, lack of cohesion, no center of gravity, etc. "T&C" isn't as awful as it is an underachiever. Okay for hard up sofa spuds.

It seems that the people behind this drudge of movie took all their cues from Woody Allen's movies during the 1990s. What I mean is, "Town & Country" is about a bunch of rich New Yorkers cheating on each other. I'm sure that everyone involved in it must be embarrassed beyond redemption for having gotten involved in it (and I don't just mean because of its abysmal performance at the box office). The only good character is Charlton Heston, basically spoofing himself. And how could a great screenwriter like Buck Henry have written this? He should have known MUCH better, given that he wrote "The Graduate".

All in all, terrible. Fortunately, the cast members have all done good work since. At least I think that they all have.

Warren Beatty is one of those Hollywood icons that has had an inconsistant career. For every Bonnie and Clyde he has made, he has also made Ishtar (which I think is better than this movie). This movie is by far his worst. It feels like a desperate attempt by Beatty to make him feel young by having him sleep around with so many women. The whole cast feels lost in this movie. The characters are all unlikable, especially Beatty's. Why would I sit through a "comedy" where we don't want to be around these people? The usually charming Goldie Hawn and Diane Keaton are rather shrill in this movie. I say read articles about this movie's troubled production. I think that story would be up there with the story of "Heaven's Gate," "Ishtar," "Bonfire of the Vanities," and "Waterworld" as the behind the scenes story is more interesting than the movie itself.

When Goldie Hawn and Garry Shandling's marriage crumbles because of his infidelity, their friends are shocked. How could he? How could she not suspect? Does every man cheat and he was unlucky enough to get caught? Diane Keaton's mind whirls while she proudly defends her own faithful husband, Warren Beatty, not knowing he's been far from innocent in his marital conduct.

Much like a 1960s sex comedy, this witty situational comedy has a lot of jokes but very little vulgarity. For example, there's a scene where Warren Beatty goes to the kitchen in the middle of the night for a snack. He's soon joined by his daughter's boyfriend, the cook's boyfriend, and his son. They're all in their underwear and it's clear what they were doing minutes earlier, but nothing is shown or explicitly talked about. Modern comedies actively promote show-and-tell, and it's refreshing to go back a few years and rent something cleaner.

While Warren juggles his wife and his brief distraction, Natasssja Kinski, he's also tempted by Goldie Hawn, Andie MacDowell, and Jenna Elfman. You'll also see Charlton Heston, as a silly, gun-toting protective father, Marian Seldes as a foul-mouthed grump, and Josh Hartnett as Warren's son. Check this one out if you prefer your movies on the tame side.