Fight Club (1999)
Edward Norton: Narrator
Photos
Quotes
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Narrator : I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.
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Narrator : [19:34] This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.
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[last lines]
Narrator : You met me at a very strange time in my life.
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Narrator : [14:19] If I did have a tumor, I'd name it Marla.
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Narrator : You're making a big mistake, fellas!
Police Officer : You said you would say that.
Narrator : I'm not Tyler Durden!
Police Officer : You told us you'd say that, too.
Narrator : All right then, I'm Tyler Durden. Listen to me, I'm giving you a direct order. We're aborting this mission right now.
Police Officer : You said you would definitely say that.
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Narrator : [1:04:30] Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar. Lord knows what they charged. It was beautiful. We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.
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Narrator : [12:56] When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.
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Narrator : [34:11] Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you?
Tyler Durden : C'mon, do me this one favor.
Narrator : Why?
Tyler Durden : Why? I don't know why; I don't know. Never been in a fight. You?
Narrator : No, but that's a good thing.
Tyler Durden : No, it is not. How much can you know about yourself, you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on; hit me before I lose my nerve.
Narrator : This is crazy.
Tyler Durden : So go crazy. Let 'er rip.
Narrator : I don't know about this.
Tyler Durden : I don't either. Who gives a shit? No one's watching. What do you care?
Narrator : Whoa, wait, this is crazy. You want me to hit you?
Tyler Durden : That's right.
Narrator : What, like in the face?
Tyler Durden : [beat] Surprise me.
Narrator : This is so fucking stupid...
[Narrator swings, connects against Tyler's head]
Tyler Durden : Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!
Narrator : Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.
Tyler Durden : Ow, Christ... why the ear, man?
Narrator : Guess I fucked it up...
Tyler Durden : No, that was perfect!
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Tyler Durden : [22:28] You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?
Narrator : So you can breathe.
Tyler Durden : Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.
Narrator : That's, um... That's an interesting theory.
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Narrator : I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.
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Narrator : When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
Marla Singer : - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?
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Narrator : If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?
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[Poem on Narrator's computer]
Narrator : [55:00] Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave.
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Narrator : [20:22] On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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Narrator : [20:35] A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
Woman on Plane : Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?
Narrator : You wouldn't believe.
Woman on Plane : Which car company do you work for?
Narrator : A major one.
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Narrator : [while brutally beating Angel Face] I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.
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Tyler Durden : [29:10] It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.
Narrator : There's always that.
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Tyler Durden : [1:03:32] Fuck damnation, man! Fuck redemption! We are God's unwanted children? So be it!
Narrator : OK. Give me some water!
Tyler Durden : Listen, you can run water over your hand and make it worse or...
[shouts]
Tyler Durden : Look at me... or you can use vinegar and neutralize the burn.
Narrator : Please let me have it... *Please*!
Tyler Durden : First you have to give up, first you have to *know*... not fear... *know*... that someday you're gonna die.
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Narrator : Every evening I died, and every evening I was born again, resurrected.
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Narrator : [1:49:38] Is Tyler my bad dream? Or am I Tyler's?
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Narrator : Marla's philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't.
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Narrator : [reading] I am Jack's colon.
Tyler Durden : I get cancer, I kill Jack.
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Narrator : [1:52:23] Tyler, what the fuck is going on here?
Tyler Durden : I ask you for one thing, one simple thing.
Narrator : Why do people think that I'm you? Answer me!
Tyler Durden : Sit.
Narrator : Now answer me, why do people think that I'm you.
Tyler Durden : I think you know.
Narrator : No, I don't.
Tyler Durden : Yes, you do. Why would anyone possibly confuse you with me?
Narrator : Uh... I... I don't know.
[Random flashbacks]
Tyler Durden : You got it.
Narrator : No.
Tyler Durden : Say it.
Narrator : Because...
Tyler Durden : Say it.
Narrator : Because we're the same person.
Tyler Durden : That's right.
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Narrator : Oh, it's late. Hey, thanks for the beer.
Tyler Durden : Yeah, man.
Narrator : I should find a hotel.
Tyler Durden : [in disbelief] What?
Narrator : What?
Tyler Durden : A hotel?
Narrator : Yeah.
Tyler Durden : Just ask, man.
Narrator : What are you talking about?
Tyler Durden : [laughs] Three pitchers of beer, and you still can't ask.
Narrator : What?
Tyler Durden : You call me because you need a place to stay.
Narrator : Oh, hey, no, no, no, I didn't mean...
Tyler Durden : Yes, you did. So just ask. Cut the foreplay and just ask.
Narrator : Would - would that be a problem?
Tyler Durden : Is it a problem for you to ask?
Narrator : Can I stay at your place?
Tyler Durden : Yeah.
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Narrator : I ran. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid. Then I ran some more.
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Narrator : I am Jack's smirking revenge.
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Tyler Durden : Do you know what a duvet is?
Narrator : It's a comforter...
Tyler Durden : It's a blanket. Just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and me know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then?
Narrator : ...Consumers?
Tyler Durden : Right. We are consumers. We're the by-products of a lifestyle obsession.
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Narrator : Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.
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Narrator : [9:01] And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.
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Marla Singer : I got this dress at a thrift store for one dollar.
Narrator : It was worth every penny.
Marla Singer : It's a bridesmaid's dress. Someone loved it intensely for one day, and then tossed it. Like a Christmas tree. So special. Then, bam, it's on the side of the road.
[Grabs Narrator's crotch]
Marla Singer : Tinsel still clinging to it. Like a sex crime victim. Underwear inside out. Bound with electrical tape.
Narrator : Well, then it suits you.
Marla Singer : You can borrow it sometime.
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Narrator : Bob is dead, they shot him in the head!
Tyler Durden : You wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs.
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[meeting aboard an airliner]
Narrator : [23:04] What do you do for a living?
Tyler Durden : Why? So you can pretend like you're interested?
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Narrator : Marla... the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't.
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[while burning the Narrator's hand with lye]
Tyler Durden : [1:03:07] Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?
Narrator : No, no, I... don't...
Tyler Durden : Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.
Narrator : It isn't?
Tyler Durden : We don't need him!
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Narrator : [1:54:59] It's called a changeover. The movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea.
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Richard Chesler : [1:04:51] The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club?
Narrator : [Voice-over] I'm half asleep again; I must've left the original in the copy machine.
Richard Chesler : The second rule of Fight Club - is this yours?
Narrator : Huh?
Richard Chesler : Pretend you're me, make a managerial decision: you find this, what would you do?
Narrator : [pauses] Well, I gotta tell you: I'd be very, very careful who you talk to about that, because the person who wrote that... is dangerous.
[Gets up from the chair]
Narrator : [Talking slowly] And this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years. Someone very, very close to you.
Narrator : [Voice-over] Tyler's words coming out of my mouth.
[Snatches the piece of paper from boss' hands]
Narrator : [Voice-over] And I used to be such a nice guy.
Narrator : Or maybe you shouldn't bring me every little piece of trash you happen to pick up.
[Phone rings]
Narrator : [Into phone] Compliance and Liability...?
Marla Singer : My tit's gonna rot off.
Narrator : [to boss] Would you excuse me? I need to take this.
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Marla Singer : ...Condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night... then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger.
Narrator : What?
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Tyler Durden : [1:36:52] Where'd you go, psycho boy?
Narrator : I felt like destroying something beautiful.
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Narrator : I am Jack's wasted life.
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Narrator : If I didn't say anything, people always assumed the worst.
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Narrator : I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
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Narrator : With insomnia, nothing's real. Everything's far away. Everything's a copy of a copy of a copy.
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Narrator : This is crazy...
Tyler Durden : People do it everyday, they talk to themselves... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it.
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Tyler Durden : My dad never went to college, so it was real important that I go.
Narrator : Sounds familiar.
Tyler Durden : So I graduate, I call him up long distance, I say "Dad, now what?" He says, "Get a job."
Narrator : Same here.
Tyler Durden : Now I'm 25, make my yearly call again. I say Dad, "Now what?" He says, "I don't know, get married."
Narrator : I can't get married, I'm a 30 year old boy.
Tyler Durden : We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.
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Narrator : [1:39:00] What are you doing?
Tyler Durden : Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?
Ricky : Paint a self-portrait.
The Mechanic : Build a house.
Tyler Durden : [to Narrator] And you?
Narrator : I don't know. Turn the wheel now, come on!
Tyler Durden : You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?
Narrator : I don't know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!
Tyler Durden : Not good enough.
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Narrator : I can't get married - I'm a thirty-year-old boy.
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Tyler Durden : [the Narrator is trying to disarm a car bomb of nitroglycerin] You don't know which wire to pull.
Narrator : I know everything you do, so if you know I know.
Tyler Durden : Or maybe, since I knew you'd know I spent all days thinking about the wrong wires.
[Narrator pauses]
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Narrator : [19:14] You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?
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Narrator : Tyler, I'm grateful to you; for everything that you've done for me. But this is too much. I don't want this.
Tyler Durden : What do you want? Wanna go back to the shit job, fuckin' condo world, watching sitcoms? Fuck you, I won't do it.
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Richard Chesler : Get the fuck out of here, you're fired!
Narrator : I have a better solution. You keep me on the payroll as an outside consultant and in exchange for my salary, my job will be never to tell people these things that I know. I don't even have to come into the office, I can do this job from home.
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Narrator : I am Jack's broken heart.
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Narrator : [to Tyler, while looking at a Calvin Klein-esque ad on the bus] Is that what a real man is supposed to look like?
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Narrator : A guy who came to Fight Club for the first time, his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.
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Narrator : We have just lost cabin pressure.
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Narrator : When the fight was over, nothing was solved, but nothing mattered. We all felt saved.
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Narrator : I am Jack's cold sweat.
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[Tyler and Narrator are discussing ideal opponents]
Tyler Durden : OK: any historic figure.
Narrator : I'd fight Gandhi.
Tyler Durden : Good answer.
Narrator : How about you?
Tyler Durden : Lincoln.
Narrator : Lincoln?
Tyler Durden : Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.
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Narrator : You can swallow a pint of blood before you get sick.
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Tyler Durden : [39:29] If you could fight anyone, who would you fight?
Narrator : I'd fight my boss, prob'ly.
Tyler Durden : Really.
Narrator : Yeah, why, who would you fight?
Tyler Durden : I'd fight my dad.
Narrator : I don't know my dad. I mean, I know him, but... he left when I was like six years old. Married this other woman, had some other kids. He like did this every six years, he goes to a new city and starts a new family.
Tyler Durden : Fucker's setting up franchises.
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Narrator : You had to give it to him: he had a plan. And it started to make sense, in a Tyler sort of way. No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.
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Narrator : [1:55:55] Deja vu - all over again.
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Narrator : We have front row seats for this theatre of mass destruction. The demolitions committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the foundation columns of a dozen buildings with blasting gelatin. In two minutes primary charges will blow base charges and a few square blocks will be reduced to smoldering rubble. I know this, because Tyler knows this.
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[First lines. Tyler points a gun into the Narrator's mouth]
Narrator : [voiceover] People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden.
Tyler Durden : Three minutes. This is it - ground zero. Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion?
Narrator : ...i... ann... iinn... ff... nnyin...
[voiceover]
Narrator : With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.
[Tyler removes the gun from the Narrator's mouth]
Narrator : I can't think of anything.
[voiceover]
Narrator : For a second I totally forgot about Tyler's whole controlled demolition thing and I wonder how clean that gun is.
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Narrator : I know it seems like I have more than one side sometimes...
Marla Singer : More than one side? You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass!
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Narrator : Bob loved me because he thought my testicles were removed too. Being there, pressed against his tits, ready to cry. This was my vacation... and she ruined *everything*.
Marla Singer : This is cancer, right?
Narrator : This chick Marla Singer did not have testicular cancer. She was a liar. She had no diseases at all. I had seen her at Free and Clear, my blood parasite group Thursdays. Then at Hope, my bi-monthly sickle cell circle. And again at Seize the Day, my tuberculous Friday night. Marla... the big tourist. Her lie reflected my lie. Suddenly, I felt nothing. I couldn't cry, so once again I couldn't sleep.
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Tyler Durden : [1:01:50] Now, ancient people found their clothes got cleaner if they washed them at a certain spot in the river. You know why?
Narrator : No.
Tyler Durden : Human sacrifices were once made on the hills above this river. Bodies burnt, water speeded through the wood ashes to create lye.
[holds up a bottle]
Tyler Durden : This is lye - the crucial ingredient. The lye combined with the melted fat of the bodies, till a thick white soapy discharge crept into the river. May I see your hand, please?
[Tyler licks his lips until they're gleaming wet - he takes the Narrator's hand and kisses the back of it]
Narrator : What is this?
Tyler Durden : This...
[pours the lye on the Narrator's hand]
Tyler Durden : ... is chemical burn.
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Narrator : I wrote little haiku poems. I emailed them to everyone.
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Narrator : Tyler was a night person. While the rest of us were sleeping, he worked. He had one part time job as a projectionist. See, a movie doesn't come all on one big reel. It comes on a few. So someone has to be there to switch the projectors at the exact moment that one reel ends and the next one begins. If you look for it, you can see these little dots come into the upper right-hand corner of the screen.
Tyler Durden : In the industry, we call them "cigarette burns."
Narrator : That's the cue for a changeover. He flips the projectors, the movie keeps right on going, and nobody in the audience has any idea.
Tyler Durden : Why would anyone want this shit job?
Narrator : Because it affords him other interesting opportunities.
Tyler Durden : Like splicing single frames of pornography into family films.
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Narrator : I had it all. Even the glass dishes with tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof they were crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of... wherever.
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Tyler Durden : We're consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
Narrator : Martha Stewart.
Tyler Durden : Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all going down, man. So fuck off with your sofa units and Strinne green stripe patterns.
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Narrator : Bob had bitch tits.
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Tyler Durden : [23:34] Did you know that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?
Narrator : No, I did not know that; is that true?
Tyler Durden : That's right... One could make all kinds of explosives, using simple household items.
Narrator : Really...?
Tyler Durden : If one were so inclined.
Narrator : Tyler, you are by far the most interesting single-serving friend I've ever met... see I have this thing: everything on a plane is single-serving...
Tyler Durden : Oh I get it, it's very clever.
Narrator : Thank you.
Tyler Durden : How's that working out for you?
Narrator : What?
Tyler Durden : Being clever.
Narrator : Great.
Tyler Durden : Keep it up then... Right up.
[Gets up from airplane seat]
Tyler Durden : Now a question of etiquette; as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch...?
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Tyler Durden : This is your pain. This is your burning hand. It's right here. Look at it.
Narrator : I'm going to my cave. I'm going to my cave and I'm going to find my power animal.
Tyler Durden : No! Don't deal with this the way those dead people do. Deal with it the way a living person does.
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Narrator : First person that comes out this fucking door gets a... gets a *lead salad*, you understand?
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Narrator : After fighting, everything else in your life got the volume turned down.
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Tyler Durden : The salt balance has to be just right, so the best fat for making soap comes from humans.
Narrator : Wait. What is this place?
Tyler Durden : A liposuction clinic.
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Narrator : When deep space exploration ramps up, it'll be the corporations that name everything, the IBM Stellar Sphere, the Microsoft Galaxy, Planet Starbucks.
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Narrator : Like so many others, I had become a slave to the Ikea nesting instinct.
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Tyler Durden : Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion?
Narrator : mumbles...
Tyler Durden : I'm sorry...
Narrator : I still can't think of anything.
Tyler Durden : Ah... flashback humor.
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Narrator : I'll tell you: we'll split up the week, okay? You take lymphoma, and tuberculosis...
Marla Singer : You take tuberculosis. My smoking doesn't go over at all.
Narrator : Okay, good, fine. Testicular cancer should be no contest, I think.
Marla Singer : Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you. You still have your balls.
Narrator : You're kidding.
Marla Singer : I don't know... am I?
Narrator : No, no! What do you want?
Marla Singer : I'll take the parasites.
Narrator : You can't have both the parasites, but while you take the blood parasites...
Marla Singer : I want brain parasites.
Narrator : I'll take the blood parasites. But I'm gonna take the organic brain dementia, okay?
Marla Singer : I want that.
Narrator : You can't have the whole brain, that's...
Marla Singer : So far you have four, I only have two!
Narrator : Okay. Take both the parasites. They're yours. Now we both have three...
Marla Singer : So, we each have three... that's six. What about the seventh day? I want ascending bowel cancer.
Narrator : [Narrating] The girl had done her homework.
Narrator : No. No, I WANT bowel cancer.
[the clerk gives them both a weird look]
Marla Singer : That's your favorite too? Tried to slip it by me, eh?
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Narrator : [24:45] Was it ticking?
Airport Security Officer : Actually throwers don't worry about ticking 'cause modern bombs don't tick.
Narrator : Sorry, throwers?
Airport Security Officer : Baggage handlers. But, when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.
Narrator : My suitcase was vibrating?
Airport Security Officer : Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while...
[whispering]
Airport Security Officer : it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.
Narrator : I don't own...
[Officer waves Narrator off]
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Richard Chesler : Is that your blood?
Narrator : Some of it, yeah.
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Narrator : You're insane.
Tyler Durden : No, you're insane.
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Narrator : I want you to listen to me very carefully, Tyler.
Tyler Durden : Okay...
Narrator : My eyes are open.
[the Narrator puts the gun into his mouth and pulls trigger]
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Narrator : [looking at a Calvin Klein ad on a bus] Is that what a man looks like?
Tyler Durden : [laughs] Self-improvement is masturbation. Now self-destruction...
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[the narrator pulls a loose tooth out of his mouth]
Narrator : Fuck.
Tyler Durden : Hey, even the Mona Lisa's falling apart.
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Angel Face : Bury him in the garden. Come on people, let's go!
Narrator : Get away from him! Get the fuck away!
Angel Face : He was killed serving Project Mayhem, sir.
Narrator : This is Bob. He was a decent man, and we're not gonna bury him in the fucking garden!
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Marla Singer : There are things about you that I like. You're smart, you're funny, you're... spectacular in bed... But you're intolerable! You have very serious emotional problems. Deep seated problems for which you should seek professional help.
Narrator : I know, and I'm sorry...
Marla Singer : Yeah, you're sorry, I'm sorry, everybody's sorry, but... I can't do this anymore. I can't. And I won't. I'm gone.
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Tyler Durden : [the Narrator places the gun under his chin and cocks back the hammer] Now why would you want to go and blow your head off?
Narrator : Not my head, Tyler, *our* head.
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[about Tyler splicing frames of pornography into family films]
Narrator : So when the snooty cat, and the courageous dog, with the celebrity voices meet for the first time in reel three, that's when you'll catch a flash of Tyler's contribution to the film.
[the audience is watching the film, the pornography flashes for a split second]
Narrator : Nobody knows that they saw it, but they did...
Tyler Durden : A nice, big cock...
[several audience members look rattled, a little girl is crying]
Narrator : Even a hummingbird couldn't catch Tyler at work.
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Narrator : You're fucking Marla, Tyler.
Tyler Durden : Uh, technically, you're fucking Marla, but it's all the same to her.
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Narrator : What do you want me to do? You want me to hit you?
Tyler Durden : Come on, do me this one favor.
Narrator : Why?
Tyler Durden : Why? I don't know why, I don't know. Never been in a fight, you?
Narrator : No, but that's a good thing.
Tyler Durden : No, man it's not. How much can you know yourself if you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die with out any scars.
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Narrator : Except for their humping, Tyler and Marla were never in the same room. My parents pulled this exact same act for years.
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[the Narrator's apartment has just been blown to pieces]
Narrator : I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was close to being complete.
Tyler Durden : Shit man, now it's all gone.
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Narrator : Tyler's not here. Tyler went away. Tyler's gone.
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Narrator : What do you do?
Tyler Durden : What do you mean?
Narrator : What do you do for a living?
Tyler Durden : Why? So you can pretend like you're interested?
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Narrator : Hello?
Tyler Durden : [Eating breakfast cereal] Who is this?
Narrator : Tyler?
Tyler Durden : Who is this?
Narrator : Uh... we met... we met on the airplane. We had the same suitcase. Uh... the clever guy?
Tyler Durden : Oh yeah, right.
[Snickers]
Tyler Durden : Ok?
Narrator : I called a second ago, th - there was no answer, I'm at the payphone...
Tyler Durden : - yeah, I *69ed you, I never pick up my phone.
[Crunch, crunch]
Tyler Durden : So what's up, huh?
Narrator : Uh, well... You're not gonna believe this...
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Narrator : I am Jack's raging bile duct.
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Narrator : Tyler was now involved in a class action lawsuit against the Pressman Hotel over the urine content of their soup.
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Narrator : How embarrassing... a house full of condiments and no food.
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Narrator : Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business trip.
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Narrator : It's just, when you buy furniture, you tell yourself, that's it. That's the last sofa I'm gonna need. Whatever else happens, I've got that sofa problem handled.
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Narrator : [44:38] If you could fight any celebrity, who would you fight?
Tyler Durden : Alive or dead?
Narrator : Doesn't matter. Who'd be tough?
Tyler Durden : Hemingway. You?
Narrator : Shatner. I'd fight William Shatner.
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Narrator : I flipped through catalogs and wondered: What kind of dining set defines me as a person?
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Narrator : By the end of the first month, I didn't miss TV.
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Narrator : [V.O] This is Bob. Bob had bitch tits.
[Camera pans to a REMAINING MEN TOGETHER sign]
Narrator : [V.O] This was a support group for men with testicular cancer. The big moosie slobbering all over me... that was Bob.
Robert 'Bob' Paulson : We're still men.
Narrator : [slightly muffled due to Bob's enormous breasts] Yes, we're men. Men is what we are.
[V.O]
Narrator : Eight months ago, Bob's testicles were removed. Then hormone therapy. He developed bitch tits because his testosterone was too high and his body upped the estrogen. And that was where I fit...
Robert 'Bob' Paulson : They're gonna have to open my pecs again to drain the fluid.
Narrator : [V.O] Between those huge sweating tits that hung enormous, the way you'd think of God's as big.
-
Narrator : I got in everyone's hostile little face. Yes, these are bruises from fighting. Yes, I'm comfortable with that. I am enlightened.
-
[after giving Marla a breast exam]
Marla Singer : I wish I could return the favor.
Narrator : There's not a lot of breast cancer in the men in my family.
Marla Singer : I could check your prostate.
-
Tyler Durden : *slaps the Narrator, throws away goggles* Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you, never wanted you, and in all probability, he HATES you. It's not the worst thing that can happen.
Narrator : It isn't?
Tyler Durden : We don't NEED Him!
Narrator : *squirms* We don't - we don't - !
Tyler Durden : Fuck damnation, man! Fuck redemption! We're God's unwanted children, SO BE IT!
-
Narrator : You know what, I really think it's time you got out of here.
Marla Singer : Oh don't worry, I'm leaving.
Narrator : Not that we don't enjoy your little visits...
Marla Singer : You know you are such a nutcase, I can't even begin to keep up!
-
Narrator : Oh, yeah, Chloe... Chloe looked the way Meryl Streep's skeleton would look if you made it smile and walk around the party being extra nice to everybody.
Chloe : Well, I'm still here. But I don't know for how long. That's as much certainty as anyone can give me. But I've got some good news: I no longer have any fear of death. But... I am in a pretty lonely place. No one will have sex with me. I'm so close to the end, and all I want is to get laid for the last time. I have pornographic movies in my apartment, and lubricants, and amyl nitrite...
[the group leader takes the mic]
Group Leader : Thank you, Chloe... everyone, let's thank Chloe.
-
Narrator : Fight Club wasn't about winning or losing. It wasn't about words. The hysterical shouting was in tongues, like at a Pentecostal Church.
-
Narrator : What are we doing tonight?
Tyler Durden : Tonight? We make soap.
Narrator : Really.
Tyler Durden : To make soap, first we render fat.
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Narrator : Most of the week we were Ozzie and Harriet, but every Saturday night we were finding something out: we were finding out more and more that we were not alone. It used to be that when I came home angry and depressed I'd just clean my condo, polish my Scandinavian furniture. I should have been looking for a new condo. I should have been haggling with my insurance company. I should have been upset about my nice, neat, flaming little shit. But I wasn't.
-
Narrator : I've found a new one. For men *only*.
Marla Singer : Oh, is it a testicle thing?
-
Narrator : And then, Tyler was gone.
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Narrator : [voiceover] It must've been Tuesday. He was wearing his cornflower-blue tie.
-
Narrator : I just need to know if you've seen Tyler.
Proprietor of Dry Cleaners : I'm not disclosed to bespeak any such information to you, nor would I, even if I had said information you want, at this juncture be able
Narrator : [Resigned] You're a moron.
Proprietor of Dry Cleaners : [as Narrator is leaving] I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
-
Narrator : Fuck you! Fuck Fight Club! Fuck Marla! I am sick of all your shit!
-
Narrator : He was full of pep. Must've had his grande-latte enema.
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Narrator : I wasn't really dying. I wasn't host to cancer or parasites. I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around.
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Narrator : Why wasn't I told about Project Mayhem?
Tyler Durden : What are you talking about?
Narrator : Why didn't you include me, in the beginning?
Tyler Durden : Fight Club *was* the beginning.
-
Narrator : [1:54:17] No, you have a house.
Tyler Durden : Rented in your name.
Narrator : You have jobs! You have a whole life!
Tyler Durden : You have night jobs because you can't sleep. Or you stay up and make soap.
Narrator : Marla. You're fucking Marla, Tyler.
Tyler Durden : Technically *you're* fucking Marla, but it's all the same to her.
Narrator : Oh my God.
-
Narrator : I want bowel cancer.
-
[after beating an 'applicant' with a broom]
Narrator : I'm gonna go inside, and I'm gonna get a shovel.
-
Inspector Bird : [20:29] Here's where the infant's head went through the wind-shield. Three points.
Narrator : A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 miles per hour. The rear differential locks up...
Inspector Dent : The teenager's braces are still wrapped around the backseat ashtray. Might make a good anti-smoking ad.
Narrator : The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall?
Inspector Bird : The father must have been huge, see where the fat burned to the seat? The polyester shirt? Very modern art.
-
Narrator : He was *the* guerilla terrorist in the food service industry.
[the Narrator looks at Tyler, who's urinating in a pot]
Tyler Durden : Do not watch. I cannot go when you watch.
Narrator : Apart from seasoning the lobster bisque, he farted on the meringue, sneezed on braised endive, and as for the cream of mushroom soup, well...
Tyler Durden : [snickers] Go ahead. Tell 'em.
Narrator : ...you get the idea.
-
Narrator : [being embraced by Bob at the group therapy session for Testicular Cancer] Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one.
-
Group Leader : [10:08] Now we're going to open the green door, the heart chakra.
Narrator : I wasn't really dying. I wasn't host to cancer or parasites. I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around.
Group Leader : Imagine your pain as a white ball of healing light. It moves over your body healing you. Now keep this going, remember to breathe, and step forward to the back door of the room. Where does it lead? Into your cave. Stepping forward into your cave
Narrator : Every evening I died. And every evening I was born again. Resurrected. Bob lived me because he thought my testicles were removed, too. Pressed against his tits. Ready to cry. This was my vacation. And she ruined everything. This chick Marla Singer did not have testicular cancer. She was a liar. She had no diseases at all. I had seen her at Free & Clear, my blood parasites group Thursdays. Then at Hope, my bimonthly sickle cell circle. And again at Sieze The Daym my terbeculosis Friday Night. Marle, the big tourist. Her lie reflected my lie. Suddenly, I felt nothing. I couldn't cry. So once again, I couldn't sleep.
-
Tyler Durden : [23:33] Did you know if you mixed equal parts of gasoline, orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?
Narrator : No, I did not know that. Is that true?
Tyler Durden : That's right. One can make all kinds of explosives using simple household explosives if one were so inclined.
-
Tyler Durden : [46:53] OK, any historical figure
Narrator : I'd fight Ghandi
Tyler Durden : Good answer!
Narrator : How about you?
Tyler Durden : Lincoln
-
Narrator : Home was a condo on the fifteenth floor of a filing cabinet for widows and young professionals. The walls were solid concrete. A foot of concrete is important when your next-door neighbor lets their hearing aid go and have to watch game-shows at full volume. Or when a volcanic blast of debris that used to be your furniture and personal effects blows out of your floor-to-ceiling windows and sails flaming into the night. I suppose these things happen.
-
Narrator : Do you want me to deprioritize my current reports until you advise me of a status upgrade?
Richard Chesler : Yes. Make these your primary action items.
-
The Narrator : [from trailer] Wait. Let me start earlier. Like many of you, I was stuck. I couldn't sleep. I'd flip through catalogs and wonder what kind of dining set defines me as a person? This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. I prayed for a different life. And this is how I met Tyler Durden. It was on the tip of everyone's tongue. We just gave it a name. After Fight Club, we all started seeing things differently and she ruined everything. He had a plan. To what purpose? In Tyler we trusted.
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Narrator : [36:21] I don't know how Tyler found that house but he said he had been there for a year. It looked like it was waiting to be torn down. Most of the windows were boarded up. There was no lock on the front door from when the police or whoever kicked it in. Stairs were ready to collapse. I didn't know if he owned it or if he was squatting. Neither would have surprised me. What a shithole. Nothing worked. Turning on one light meant another light in the house went out. There were no neighbors. Just some warehouses and a paper mill. That fart smell of steam. That hamster cage smell of wood chips.
-
Narrator : [37:44] Every time it rained we had to kill the power. By the end of the first month, I didn't miss TV. I didn't even mind the warm stale refrigerator
