Mystery Men (1999)
Hank Azaria: Blue Raja
Photos
Quotes
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The Blue Raja : Sorry, but am I to understand you've inserted your father's skull inside of that ball for bowling?
The Bowler : No, the guy at the pro shop did it.
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[the trio talks about recruiting more heroes for the team]
The Blue Raja : Well, there's The Sphinx, of course.
Mr. Furious : The what?
The Blue Raja : The Sphinx.
The Shoveller : I know this guy. Big crime-fighter from down South. Big-league hitter down there.
Mr. Furious : What's his power?
The Blue Raja : Well, he's terribly mysterious.
Mr. Furious : [dismissively] That's it? That's his power? He's mysterious?
The Blue Raja : Well, TERRIBLY mysterious.
The Shoveller : Plus he can, like, cut guns in half with his mind.
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Mr. Furious : [talking about Carmine the Bowler] Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.
The Bowler : Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
The Blue Raja : You know, I've alwas suspected a bit of foul play there.
The Bowler : As have I.
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Invisible Boy : [after becoming invisible for a moment and reappearing naked] I'm invisible. Can you see me?
The Blue Raja , The Shoveller , Mr. Furious , The Sphinx , The Bowler , The Spleen : Yes!
Mr. Furious : Wow.
The Blue Raja : Two hands there, son.
[Invisible Boy covers up]
The Bowler : Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.
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The Shoveller : If we had a billionaire like Lance Hunt as our benefactor... yeah, we could spend a hundred and fifty.
Mr. Furious : That's because Lance Hunt IS Captain Amazing!
The Blue Raja : Oh, here we go...
The Shoveller : Don't start that AGAIN. Lance Hunt wears glasses. Captain Amazing DOESN'T wear glasses.
Mr. Furious : He takes them off when he transforms...
The Shoveller : That doesn't make any sense. He wouldn't be able to see!
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[the Mystery Men have accidentally killed Capt. Amazing]
The Blue Raja : Oh my god. Oh my god, we killed him.
[the Shoveller is standing on the other side of the room]
The Shoveller : What do you mean *we*? I was standing right here.
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[Mr. Furious, the Blue Raja, and the Shoveller are sneaking across Frankenstein's property to undertake some reconnaissance]
Mr. Furious : Shh! Wait! Hear that? We must have hit a trip-wire. It could be a proton eviscerator heating up.
The Shoveller : It could be a cybernetic atom scrambler. They target moving objects.
The Blue Raja : It sounds more like a heat-seeking anthrax projection gun to me. Quickly, cover your mouths.
Mr. Furious : No, let's bolt! Come on!
The Shoveller : No! Don't move.
The Blue Raja : Don't breathe!
Mr. Furious : Let's bolt!
The Shoveller : Don't move!
The Blue Raja : Don't breathe!
Mr. Furious : Let's bolt!
The Shoveller : Don't move!
[a sprinkler system turns on and the three are soaked]
The Shoveller : [disgustedly] Ohh, it's the sprinkler.
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The Blue Raja : I say, what the fork! Let's do it!
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[Mr Furious recommends a publicist for him and his friends]
The Shoveller : What are we gonna publicise, Roy? The fact that we get our butts kicked, a lot?
Mr. Furious : Well, maybe if you didn't smack me in the face with a shovel every time we went out, we'd have a few more victories to brag about.
The Shoveller : All right now, I'm sorry about that. I just have a tendency to lose my concentration when I've got a salad fork stuck in my rear end.
The Blue Raja : Oh, oh I get it, so YOUR shovel in HIS face is MY fault?
The Shoveller : You threw a spoon at the guy, Jeff!
Mr. Furious : Yeah, what was up with that?
The Blue Raja : I, I, I am embarrassed about that. I thought it was a fork.
The Shoveller : You're the master of cutlery. You couldn't throw a knife sometimes when someone's trying to kill me?
The Blue Raja : No, I can't! You couldn't, uh, use a rake sometimes?
The Shoveller : No. I'm the Shoveler.
The Blue Raja : Well, I'm the Blue Raja. I'm not Stab Man, I'm not Knifey Boy - I'm the Blue Raja.
Mr. Furious : Yeah, that's another thing...
The Blue Raja : What?
Mr. Furious : Well, you could work a little blue into the uniform somewhere. I mean you've got green, you've got this little flowery thing going on, but it's like everything BUT blue.
The Blue Raja : Well, if we could just step out of our literal minds, just for a moment...
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The Blue Raja : May the forks be with us.
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[commenting On The Disco Boy's arsenal]
Mr. Furious : What? Guns? That's your power, you shoot guns?
The Blue Raja : There's no theme at all here.
Mr. Furious : Weak.
The Blue Raja : At best.
[a Disco Boy wields a pipe]
The Shoveller : And who are you supposed to be, the Disco Plumber?
[they high-five each other]
Mr. Furious : See, you've got a chain, I would at least make it a gold chain. That's just off the top of my head.
Mr. Furious : [to Tony C, referring to his outfit] What's up, Tiger Lily?
Tony C. : Top of your head, huh.
[Tony C pistol-whips Furious]
Tony C. : [the Disco Boys proceed to beat the hell out of Furious, Blue Raja, and the Shoveller]
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Tony P. : You guys never learn, do you?
The Blue Raja : Apparently we don't, ass.
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The Blue Raja : All I'm saying is, when we split the cheque three ways the steak-eater picks the pocket of the salad-man.
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Blue Raja's mother : [the Blue Raja's mom walks in on him, in full costume, rummaging through her silverware drawer] Jeffrey, what are you doing?
The Blue Raja : Um, I was just, um, uh, um, I'm, uh...
[shifts to British accent]
The Blue Raja : I'm a superhero, mother.
Blue Raja's mother : A superhero?
The Blue Raja : An effete British superhero, to be precise. I am pilfering your tableware because I hurl it. I hurl it with a deadly accuracy. The Blue Raja is my name. And yes, I know I don't wear much blue and I speak in a British accent, but if you know your history it really does make perfect sense. The point is, your boy's a limey fork-flinger, Mother. Hard to swallow, I know, but there 'tis. What will the bridge club think?
Blue Raja's mother : You need more forks?
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The Blue Raja : Well, I'd better get going. I got a city to save.
Blue Raja's mother : Jeffrey?
The Blue Raja : Yeah.
Blue Raja's mother : Do the accent.
The Blue Raja : Oh. Uh, well...
[shifts to British accent]
The Blue Raja : Well, I'd love to stay and chit-chat, Mother, but I fear I must away with me - our metropolis is in the clutches of madmen!
Blue Raja's mother : Jeffrey?
The Blue Raja : Yeah?
Blue Raja's mother : Cheerio.
The Blue Raja : Mother, I really should get going.
Blue Raja's mother : Oh. Oh, okay.
The Blue Raja : Thanks, Mom.
[He hugs and kisses her before leaving]
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The Blue Raja : I'm not StabMan, I'm not KnifeyBoy, I'm the Blue Raja.
Mr. Furious : [referring to the Blue Raja's costume] Yeah, that's another thing... why are you the Blue Raja? I mean, you've got green, you've got a little flowery thing going on, but it's like everything but blue.
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Mr. Furious : I'm a wannabe. I AM a wannabe - a TRUE wannabe, in the worst sense of... You guys are gonna have to go fight this battle without me.
The Spleen : You start doubting your super-powers, man, you are SHAFTED!
Mr. Furious : If I had any super-powers to doubt, I w... I guess I'd be in trouble, but I don't. What do I do? I don't. I don't. I go... What do I... I go 'R-r-r-r-r-r'!
The Spleen : What? What are you talking about? You lifted a bus once!
The Blue Raja : Yes, precisely! That story's legend'ry!
Mr. Furious : Yeah... It was really more of a...
[waves hand sideways]
Mr. Furious : ... a push, really, than a lift.
The Blue Raja : That still takes INCREDIBLE super-human strength.
The Blue Raja : Indeed, it does! To push an entire bus out of the way.
Mr. Furious : Well, actually, the driver kinda had his foot on the accelerator... JUST in the beginning; just to get it going. Then it actually was me. But he kinda...
The Blue Raja : Oh, shit.
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PMS Avenger : [at the tryouts] PMS Avenger. I only work 4 days a month. Anybody have a problem with that?
The Blue Raja , Mr. Furious , The Shoveller , Invisible Boy , The Spleen : [nervously] No, no problem at all. That's good for us. Thank you.
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The Spleen : Where's Captain Amazing?
The Blue Raja : There's been a bit of a cock-up, actually...
The Bowler : Raja murdered him!
[an argument starts]
Mr. Furious : Guys, I think we have a bigger fish to fry right now!
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The Blue Raja : ...I will fork-give you if you fork-get. Haha... who's next?
