Clubland

"Clubland" So Glen Ballard, super-producer of Alanis Morissette and Aerosmith, wrote a script about an aspiring singer in L.A. (sigh!) He would be the one to tell the story the most honest and direct way, right? While I haven't seen "Eyes Wide Shut" and "Dudley Do-Right" yet, I can safely say that "Clubland" will nail the top spot on my annual top ten worst of the year. It's an atrocious piece of filmmaking that was just barely released this past weekend. Director Mary Lambert drops every conceivable ball there is to drop here. She shoots the whole film in handheld (due to the lunchmoney budget) and with constant music going on in the background (Gotta sell soundtracks, people!). These two elements combined make for a headache inducing ride down the predictable "It's all about the music, man!" yellow brick road. And to heap on more pain, it's music so pretentious it would make current wuss-rock kings Matchbox 20 and Goo Goo Dolls wince. Add to this mess the most amateurish acting you will ever see in a theatrical release. Lead Jimmy Tuckett joins last year's inductee Alicia Witt ("Urban Legend") to the "I can't believe this performance was committed to film" hall of fame. He, seriously, is without talent. And that is saying something when the whole cast is awful. Lori Petty is in this, need I say more? The music that fills the film wouldn't sell two copies, and we as an audience are supposed to swoon over the songs. Nope. The whole film is filled with clichéd nonsense: slick drug dealers, a gunfight, the girl the lead "really" loves (and we are expected to swallow this tripe right after the hero of the film receives oral from a groupie?), and the brother who keeps messing up - but he's got good intentions. There's more, but who cares? Glenn Ballard was given the chance to make his movie, and it all sucks. "Clubland" is a work of pure drivel, the worst kind of film that comes out of Hollywood. Bad acting, bad directing, bad music, bad product placement, bad cinematography, (I'm sure) bad catering.... If so much work could go into stories more that .005% of humans care about (You never hear in a movie line "Oh, man! Aspiring musicians in Los Angeles! We gots to see dat!"), wouldn't that be a better use of a budget? I think so. -------------- 0