Shrek (2001)
Cameron Diaz: Princess Fiona
Photos
Quotes
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Princess Fiona : Where are you going? The exit's over there!
Shrek : [going to save Donkey] Well, I have to save my ass.
Princess Fiona : [shocked] What kind of knight ARE you?
Shrek : One of a kind.
-
Donkey : Hi, Princess!
Princess Fiona : It talks!
Shrek : Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!
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Princess Fiona : The sooner we get to Duloc, the better!
Donkey : Oh, you gonna love it there, Princess, it's beautiful!
Princess Fiona : And my groom-to-be Lord Farquaad, what's he like?
Shrek : Well, let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in SHORT supply.
[chortles]
Donkey : Yeah! Though there are those who think LITTLE of him!
[laughs]
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Princess Fiona : [hears a roar] You didn't slay the dragon?
Shrek : It's on my to-do list, now come on!
Princess Fiona : But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banners flying! That's what all the other knights did!
Shrek : Yeah, right before they burst into flame!
[They pass a skeleton of one of the unfortunate victims]
Princess Fiona : That's not the point...!
-
Merry Men : [singing] Ta da, da da da da - whoo!
Monsieur Hood : I steal from the rich and give to the needy...
Merry Man : He takes a wee percentage...
Monsieur Hood : But I'm not greedy - I rescue pretty damsels, man I'm good!
Merry Men : What a guy, ha ha, Monsieur Hood!
Monsieur Hood : Break it down...
[Merry Men Irish step dance]
Monsieur Hood : I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid...
Merry Men : What he's basically saying is he likes to get...
Monsieur Hood : Paid!
Monsieur Hood : So, when an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad.
Merry Man : [joining in] That's bad, that's bad, that's bad!
Monsieur Hood : When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad!
Merry Men : He's mad, he's really, really mad!
Monsieur Hood : Now I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys, 'Cause I'm about to start...
[Fiona swoops in and kicks him - the music stops]
Princess Fiona : Man, that was annoying!
-
[Shrek has been hit by an arrow]
Princess Fiona : Oh!... oh, this is all my fault...
Donkey : Why, what's wrong?
Princess Fiona : Shrek's hurt!
Donkey : Shrek's hurt? Shrek's HURT? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
Shrek : Donkey, I'm okay!
Donkey : You can't do this to me, Shrek, I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich...?
Princess Fiona : [grabs Donkey] Donkey, calm down! If you want to help Shrek, go into the forest and look for a blue flower with red thorns.
Donkey : Blue flower, red thorns! Okay, I got it! Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns! Don't die, Shrek, and if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light!
Shrek : DONKEY!
Donkey : Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns!
[runs off]
Shrek : What're the flowers for?
Princess Fiona : For getting rid of Donkey.
-
Princess Fiona : [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body.
Donkey : [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!
-
Shrek : Princess, I was SENT to rescue you by Lord Farquad, okay? HE's the one that wants to marry you.
Princess Fiona : Well, why didn't he come to rescue me?
Shrek : Good question! You can ask him that when we get there...
Princess Fiona : But I'm supposed to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre a-a-and his PET!
Donkey : Well, so much for noble steed!
Shrek : Look, Princess, you're not making my job any easier...
Princess Fiona : Well, I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You tell Lord "Far-Quad" that if he wants to rescue me PROPERLY, I'll be waiting for him right here!
[sits down]
Shrek : Hey! I'm nobody's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy!
Princess Fiona : You wouldn't dare...!
[Shrek carries her off]
Shrek : You coming, Donkey?
Donkey : Yeah, I'm right behind you.
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Princess Fiona : [after Shrek and Donkey rescue her] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek : Uh, no...
Princess Fiona : Why not?
Shrek : I... have helmet hair.
Princess Fiona : Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
Shrek : Oh, no, you wouldn't... tst.
Princess Fiona : But... how will you kiss me?
Shrek : [bangs his head] What? That wasn't in the job description!
The Donkey : Maybe it's a perk!
Princess Fiona : No, it's destiny! You must know how it goes! A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss.
The Donkey : With Shrek? Whoa, whoa, whoa... you think, you think that Shrek is your true love?
Princess Fiona : Well, yes!
[Shrek and Donkey look at each other and burst into laughter]
Princess Fiona : What is so funny?
Shrek : Let's just say, I'm not your type, all right?
-
Donkey : Princess?... You look... uh... different.
Princess Fiona : [as ogre] I'm UGLY! Okay?
Donkey : Yeah! What was it, something you ate? I told Shrek those weedrats were a bad idea!
Princess Fiona : No. it's... it's been this way as long as I can remember.
Donkey : What d'you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before!
Princess Fiona : It only happens when the sun goes down.
[looks at her reflection in a water barrel]
Princess Fiona : "By night one way, by day another / Thus shall be the norm / Till you receive true love's kiss / then, take love's true form."
Donkey : Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
Princess Fiona : It's a spell! When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this, this horrible ugly beast! I was placed in the tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad before the sun sets, and he sees me... like this.
[starts sobbing]
Donkey : All right, all right, calm down. It's not so bad. You're not that ugly... well, you are. I ain't gonna lie, you ARE ugly. But you only look like this at night, Shrek's ugly 24/7!
Princess Fiona : But Donkey, I'm a princess! And this is not how a princess is supposed to look!
Donkey : How about you don't marry Farquaad?
Princess Fiona : I have to. Only the true love's kiss can break the spell.
Donkey : Well, you're kind of an ogre. And you and Shrek, well, you got a lot in common.
Princess Fiona : Shrek?
-
[Shrek burps in front of Donkey and Fiona]
The Donkey : Shrek!
Shrek : What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
The Donkey : But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Fiona burps louder]
Princess Fiona : Thanks.
The Donkey : [to Shrek] She's as nasty as you are.
-
[Shrek and Fiona are having dinner on the last day of their journey]
Princess Fiona : Mmmm... This is good... mmm... this is really good... what is it?
Shrek : A weed rat, cooked rotisserie style!
Princess Fiona : No kidding... Oh, this is delicious!
Shrek : Well, they're also great in stews. Now I don't mean to brag, but I make a MEAN weedrat stew!
[They both look over at the kingdom of Duloc]
Princess Fiona : I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night...
Shrek : Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime... I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you: swamp toad soup, fish-eye tartar, you name it!
Princess Fiona : I'd like that...
[he sucks up a weedrat tail, and awkwardly laughs. She smiles back at him, and their eyes meet. In the background, a love ballad, "You Belong To Me," plays]
Shrek : Um... Princess?
Princess Fiona : Yes... Shrek?
Shrek : I... um... I was wondering... are you... um... are you going to eat that?
[he makes a gesture of frustration when she isn't looking. She places the weedrat in his hand, and they lean towards each other...]
-
[Fiona notices it's sunset]
Princess Fiona : [uneasy] Shouldn't we stop to make camp?
Shrek : No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.
Princess Fiona : But, there's... ROBBERS, in the woods!
Donkey : Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is definitely starting to sound good!
Shrek : Hey, come on, I'm scarier than anything we're gonna meet in this forest...
Princess Fiona : [in Shrek's face] I need to find somewhere to camp NOW!
-
Shrek : Fiona? Are you all right?
[Fiona looks at herself, and sees she is still an ogre]
Princess Fiona : Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
Shrek : But you are beautiful.
Donkey : I was hoping this would be a happy ending...
[Shrek and Fiona kiss]
-
Donkey : Okay, so here's another question: Say there's a woman who digs you, right, but you really don't like her THAT quick - now how do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you do that?
Princess Fiona : Just tell her she's not your true love!
-
Princess Fiona : I wanted to show you before...
[turns into an ogre]
Shrek : Well... er... THAT explains a lot.
Lord Farquaad : [revolted] It's disgusting!
-
Princess Fiona : You're an ogre...
Shrek : Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming?
Princess Fiona : Well, yes, actually. Oh... this is wrong. This is all wrong! It's not supposed to be an ogre!
-
[Shrek rescues Fiona]
Princess Fiona : What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
Shrek : You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
Princess Fiona : [nods] Mmmh-hmm
-
[Princess Fiona has just defeated Monsieur Hood and his Merry Men single-handed]
Princess Fiona : Well, when one lives alone, one has to learns these things in case there's...
[points]
Princess Fiona : There's an arrow in your butt!
Shrek : What?
[looks at arrow]
Shrek : Oh, would you look at that?
-
Princess Fiona : Fare thee well, ogre.
[leaves with Farquaad]
-
Princess Fiona : Shrek? I'm... I'm worried about Donkey, he doesn't look so good...
Donkey : What you talking about? I feel fine!
Princess Fiona : Well, that's what they always say, and then, and then, and then next thing you know you're on your back!
[Donkey leers at Fiona]
Princess Fiona : ...Dead!
-
The Donkey : Wait a minute, I know what's going on. You're afraid of the dark.
Princess Fiona : Why... yes!
The Donkey : Don't worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until... No, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
-
Shrek : Um... Fiona?
Princess Fiona : Yes, Shrek?
Shrek : I... I love you.
Princess Fiona : Really?
Shrek : Really, really!
Princess Fiona : Mmmm... I love you too.
[they kiss. Thalonius writes "Awwww" on a cue card for the audience. Fiona floats up in the air and her enchantment breaks in a blaze of light...]
-
Princess Fiona : [Shrek interrupts her and Farquaad's wedding] What are you doing here?
Lord Farquaad : Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding...
Shrek : Fiona! I need to talk to you.
Princess Fiona : Oh, now you wanna talk? Well, it's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me...
Shrek : But you can't marry him.
Princess Fiona : And why not?
Shrek : Because... because he's just marrying you so he can be king.
Lord Farquaad : Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.
Shrek : He's not your true love.
Princess Fiona : And what do you know about true love?
Shrek : Well, I... uh... I mean...
Lord Farquaad : Oh, this is precious.
[chuckling]
Lord Farquaad : The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord.
[signaling his guards, one of them holds up a cue card reading "Laugh", and the attendees roar with laughter]
Lord Farquaad : An ogre and a princess!
Princess Fiona : Shrek, is this true?
Lord Farquaad : Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our happily ever after. Now kiss me!
-
Princess Fiona : [an arrow is stuck in Shrek's butt] Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.
Shrek : [jumping in pain] Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.
Princess Fiona : Well, I'm sorry, but it... but it has to come out.
Shrek : No, no, it's tender.
[she continues to try and remove it while he tries to stop her]
Princess Fiona : Now, hold on.
Shrek : Would... would you... what you're doing is the opposite of help.
-
[At the slop, Fiona slides down and she is happy about being rescued]
Princess Fiona : You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. You're... You're wonderful. You're...
[turns and sees Shrek fall down the slop and bump into Donkey]
Princess Fiona : A little unorthodox, I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.
[Donkey clears his throat]
Princess Fiona : And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?
Donkey : All right, I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed.
-
Monsieur Hood : [swings in to grab Fiona] La liberte! Hey!
Shrek : Princess!
Princess Fiona : What are you doing?
Monsieur Hood : Be still, mon cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this green - -
[kissing sounds]
Monsieur Hood : - -beast.
Shrek : Hey! That's my princess! Go find your own!
Monsieur Hood : Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?
Princess Fiona : Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!
Monsieur Hood : Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men.
[laughs]
