- Detective Ray Duquette: Why don't we begin with a question? What is a sex crime?
- Jimmy: Not gettin' any!
- [all the other students cheer]
- Sam: I was, until yesterday, a guidance counselor at Blue Bay High School. A student there is accusing me of rape.
- Kenneth Bowden: Male or female?
- Sam: The student is Kelly Van Ryan.
- Kenneth Bowden: As in Sandra Van Ryan?
- Sam: As in I'm fucked.
- Kelly Van Ryan: Jesus. Where'd she get those shoes? "Whores for less"?
- [Suzie gives her the finger and flicks her tongue]
- Sam: Nice to see you kids getting along.
- Kelly Van Ryan: I can't believe you called Sam. What's the matter with you?
- Suzie: I'm scared, that's what I'm scared, there's no one to trust.
- Kelly Van Ryan: You can trust me.
- Kelly Van Ryan: I miss Dad.
- Sandra Van Ryan: I miss him too... sometimes...
- Kelly Van Ryan: No you don't!
- Sandra Van Ryan: He didn't HAVE to kill himself, Kelly.
- Suzie: Kelly's pissed at Mr. Lombardo too. She's in love with him. I mean he's been her whole fantasy since her old man died, and then she found out that Mr. Lombardo was doing her mom and that was it.
- [the rest of the courtoom gasps]
- Sandra Van Ryan: What? Kelly!
- Kelly Van Ryan: [getting out of her seat and throwing a glass at Suzie in the witness stand] You skanky bitch!
- [the glass only just misses Suzie and shatters against the wall]
- Sam: Hello, Kelly.
- Kelly Van Ryan: Drop dead. You know how my mom's paying you off? She's breaking my trust. I can't touch it until she's dead, and now she's breaking it to pay you.
- Sam: I'm sorry, Kelly.
- Kelly Van Ryan: Why don't you start fucking her again! You can spend it together! I hate you!
- [Kelly swings her binder at Sam, hitting his trophy, it falls to the floor and breaks]
- Kelly Van Ryan: I fucking hate you, you son of a bitch! I fucking hate you!
- Kelly Van Ryan: Whooo, it worked! we screwed the bitch!
- [Kelly kisses Sam]
- Kelly Van Ryan: It worked just like you said. What's wrong?
- Sam: You scared the shit out of me. What's wrong, is you're coming here. That's what's wrong. Are you fuckin' crazy?
- Kelly Van Ryan: Yeah, I'm crazy. Ask my mom.
- Sam: [Ken is wearing a neck brace] What do you do to your neck?
- Kenneth Bowden: Oh, this? I don't have to wear it all the time.
- [looks out the window and takes it off]
- Kenneth Bowden: There was an insurance guy around here earlier.
- Kenneth Bowden: [Passing Sandra Van Ryan's limo and honking the horn] Hey, look who we've got here. Hey, Sandra!
- Sandra Van Ryan: I want you to nail that shyster's balls to the wall!
- Tom Baxter: Well, that might have been possible if miss not-so-bright here hadn't started throwing things in court.
- Kelly Van Ryan: Fuck off!
- Sandra Van Ryan: I can't believe you're going to let them, get away with this... shit!
- Tom Baxter: I don't think you understand, Sandy. Your little princess here committed perjury. It will be all I can do to keep her fucking little ass out of jail.
- Sandra Van Ryan: Well... what are we going to do?
- Kelly Van Ryan: [in a voice laden with sexual innuendo, as she and Nicole prepares to wash Sam's Jeep] So where's your hose, Mr. Lombardo?
- Sam: The hose, Kelly, is right in front of my Jeep.
- Gloria Perez: What about asking her to take a polygraph?
- Detective Ray Duquette: What about asking the Pope to take a piss test? This is Blue Bay, Gloria. You ask a Van Ryan to take a lie detector test and Tom Baxter'll cut you off at the knees.
- District Attorney Bryce Hunter: [watching the videotape of Kelly Van Ryan's statement where she claims she was raped by Sam Lombardo] "No little girl can ever make me come", Jesus. Too bad, we might have had some physical evidence.
- Sam: [while taking off Kelly Van Ryan's knickers] Guidance counselors get to find out all sorts of interesting things.
- Kenneth Bowden: Leonor, would you see Mr. Lombardo out, please?
- [Ken's law office is so small that the entrance is only a few steps away]
- Ken's Secretary: [doesn't get up from her desk] Goodbye, Sam.
- Suzie: You - you are gonna fuck me over, aren't you?
- Kelly Van Ryan: Oh, for chrissake.
- Suzie: You are!
- Kelly Van Ryan: Are you retarded, or just brain-dead from whiffing fumes out there in the swamp?
- Suzie: That's that I am to you, isn't it? Swamp trash, just like my mom.
- [Kelly tries to touch Suzie's shoulder, but Suzie bats her away]
- Suzie: Don't!
- [Suzie slaps Kelly across the face]
- Suzie: [Kelly slaps Suzie back]
- Kelly Van Ryan: [Kelly shoves Suzie's head in the pool] You stupid cunt!
- Kelly Van Ryan: He said "Don't worry, I didn't come." I can't forget that. He said "No little girl can ever make me come."
- Suzie: Sure took you guys long enough to get here. What if someone was trying to strangle me, or... fuck me up the ass or something?
- District Attorney Bryce Hunter: The conversation on this tape is totally unintelligible. What we have here, is you on the Van Ryan property, without a proper warrant, shooting a porn flick!
- Kenneth Bowden: Nice to see you, Tom. Come by, we'll have lunch.
- Tom Baxter: See you at the club.
- [Tom Baxter leaves. Ken takes the out-of-court settlement document Baxter's client Sandra Van Ryan has signed and starts rubbing it all over himself including under his arms and over his crotch and bottom]
- Kenneth Bowden: See you at the club. See you at the club. See you at the club. See you at the club, Tommy. Hey, Tom! What'd you shoot today, pal? Hey, my man!
- Detective Ray Duquette: Did Sam sell you up front on the idea of whacking Suzie?
- [grabs Kelly]
- Detective Ray Duquette: That's murder, kid.
- Kelly Van Ryan: Please, God, get a life!
- Detective Ray Duquette: You're good, you know that? But you don't think that little freak Suzie is gonna hold up, do ya?
- Sam: After tonight, the three of us are not to be seen together ever again.
- Kelly Van Ryan: After tonight?
- Sam: We've gotta stop. I'm gonna cum.
- Kelly Van Ryan: That never seemed to worry you out at the Glades.
- Tom Baxter: Maybe you didn't hear me, Lombardo. You're finished in Blue Bay. And if I find you around my daughter again, you'll be finished, period. Get the fuck out of here.
- Sam: [looking at a photo] Hey, Art, this is one hell of a fish.
- Art Maddox: It's a barracuda. If you weren't so busy chasing booty at the yacht club, you could have caught one for yourself.
- Sam: You aren't going to eat that thing are you? It's barracuda, it's poisonous, it'll kill you.
- Art Maddox: Shit, man. I could say that about most of the girls you date.
- Kenneth Bowden: [into an intercom] Hold my calls, Leonor.
- Ken's Secretary: [pops her head over the partition separating her area from Ken's in the tiny office] OK, Mr. Bowden.
- Sam: [to Kelly and Suzie] Now I want you two to kiss. Come on, now, never let the sun go down on an argument.
- Kelly Van Ryan: [there's a corpse in the back, but what does she think about?] Mom would kill me if she knew I took the Rover.
- Detective Ray Duquette: Did Sam Lombardo rape you?
- Suzie: Yeah, Okay? He did. He pushed me to the floor and he did it to me.
- Barbara Baxter: Kelly Van Ryan's gonna wash your jeep?
- Sam: Come on, Barbara. It's for a good cause.
- Barbara Baxter: [laughs] Sam the Philanthropist.
- Sam: Yeah, well, you know what they say. A little hard work never hurt anyone.
- Barbara Baxter: [whispering] oh, ok.
- [Barbara and Sam kiss]
- Sam: Have fun at the club.