- Bill Truitt: [pulling on Jason's pierced nipple] Listen to me, you little grunge faggot. I survived my family, my schoolyard, every Republican, every other Democrat, Anita Bryant, the Pope, the fucking Christian Coalition, not to mention a real son of a bitch of a virus, in case you haven't noticed. In all that time since Paul Lynde and Truman Capote were the only fairies in America, I've been busting my ass so that you'd be able to do what you wanted with yours! So I don't just want your obedience right now - which I do want and plenty of it - but I want your fucking gratitude, right fucking now, or you're going to be looking down a long road at your nipple in the dirt! Do you hear what I'm saying?
- Dedee: My mother was the kind of mother who always said she was her daughter's best friend. Whenever she did, I thought, "Great! Not only do I have a shitty mother, but my best friend's a loser bitch!"
- Lucia: I don't know. I just don't - I don't get sex.
- Bill Truitt: You should get out more.
- Lucia: I mean, "I don't understand sex." I don't get it. Get it? It seems like a lot of trouble for not much. Am I the only one that thinks this?
- Bill Truitt: I don't think you're the tip of an iceberg, frankly.
- Lucia: I would rather have a backrub, you know. It lasts longer and there's no fluids. You know, what's so great about that? It's like, "Hi! I'd like to blow my nose on your face." I mean, you wouldn't like that, would you?
- Bill Truitt: And after they do it, they never phone you.
- Lucia: Yeah, or a shampoo. You know, just a really great shampoo. That would make sense. If you were chasing this asshole all around the country because he gave really great shampoos...
- Bill Truitt: It's not just sex, Lucia. I CARE for Matt, alright?
- Lucia: It IS sex, Bill. You just won't admit it. Cuz you wanna be above that. You wanna think that nothing that happened happened because you like sex.
- Bill Truitt: I'm really beat.
- Lucia: You know, sex kills, Bill. You just - you won't accept that. But why do you think there's no more real Hawaiians, huh? And why would they bother coming up with the phrase "died in childbirth" if it only happened one time? It's fucking dangerous, sex!
- Bill Truitt: Tom didn't die because of sex.
- Lucia: Didn't he? I mean, PC crap aside, didn't sex kill Tom? Huh? I mean, if he just couldn't get enough shampoos or backrubs, wouldn't he still be here today?
- Bill Truitt: You might as well say I killed him.
- Lucia: You didn't give it to him.
- Bill Truitt: No, but some OTHER faggot did! Isn't that what you think?
- Lucia: No. What I think is: Fine. Chase this bimbo from Indiana to Chippewa Falls, for all I care. Go ahead. Throw away your reputation, your job, and your students, and whatever because you want Matt. That's - it your RIGHT! Just don't say that it's about love, okay? You're an English teacher. Call things by their right name.
- Sheriff Carl Tippett: What's the point of sleeping with you if it doesn't get your attention? If I always come second to Bill?
- Lucia: Excuse me?
- Sheriff Carl Tippett: Say the point of sex isn't recreation or procreation or any of that stuff. Say it's concentration. Say it's supposed to focus your attention on the person you're sleeping with, like biological highlighter.
- [significant pause]
- Sheriff Carl Tippett: Otherwise, there's just too many people in the world.
- Lucia: So while I'm sleeping with you, I'm not supposed to care about anybody else?
- Sheriff Carl Tippett: Look for me first in any crowded room. And I'll do likewise.
- [poignant pause]
- Sheriff Carl Tippett: Otherwise, a person ends up sleeping with somebody else.
- [Looks at her intensely and then sits back and waits]
- Lucia: It's just a habit, thinking about Bill. Because of Tom.
- Sheriff Carl Tippett: I know.
- Lucia: I don't know how you do it. You're always so nice and so calm. Tom was like that too. It's depressing.
- Bill Truitt: You're nice.
- Lucia: That's how I always felt around you too, like the Baroness in The Sound of Music. While everybody's just singing and climbing an Alp. And I just wanna STUFF THAT GUITAR UP THAT NUN'S ASS! And... ugh!
- Dedee: I'd like a Long Island iced tea, please.
- Bill Truitt: Is that a good idea, for the baby?
- Dedee: Oh, please. This baby owes its life to Long Island iced teas, if you know what I mean.
- Dedee: [as Dedee is walking away from Bill's, looking for a ride and stopping under a tree, she narrates:] Seems like everybody's having sex but me. Good for them. It's not that I'm against sex. I mean, it was clever of God or evolution or whatever to hook the survival of the species to it because we're gonna screw around no what. It was a smarter thing to pick than say... the instinct to share your toys or return phone calls. We'd have died out like eons ago. But on the minus side, god... all the *attachment* that goes with it. It's like this net. Sex always ends in kids or disease, or like, you know, relationships. That's exactly what I don't want. I want the opposite of all that. Because it's not worth it, not really, is it? When you think about it?
- Dedee: [cut to montage of memories of heart-warming relationship scenes with Tom, Bill, and Lucia together, then with other cast characters, and ending with one of Dedee and Randy together back in Louisiana. Back to Dedee smoking with narration continuing:] OK, so maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's not all shit. Maybe...
- Dedee: God damn it.
- Dedee: [Frustrated, she sits down on street curb, smoking and thinking. She continues narrating:] I thought the whole idea was I know what happens next. I'll tell you one thing... I'm not gonna go back to Bill's house and be this big changed person for you. I told you right off I don't grow a heart of gold. And if I do, which is, like, *so unlikely*... give me a break and don't make me do it in front of you. Come on, guys, go, okay?
- Dedee: [looking at the camera angrily and violently shooing us away with her left hand] GO!
- Dedee: [fade to black and narration continues:] I'll give you this much, though... I never was the same again after that summer.
- [credits roll]
- Jason Bock: If I save one kid from getting butt-fucked, from having his ass totally reamed until it looks like the Lincoln Tunnel and he can't stand up for three weeks, then maybe all of this is worth... something. Teachers everywhere have to learn that no means no... at least until we've dropped out.
- Randy: I'm just askin' that you stand by your man, like I'm standin' next to you! You know, a lot of guys, man, they woulda said that, "Shucks, man, she took up with them homosexuals. You know, she turned her back on righteousness."
- Dedee: Oh, yeah, but blowing you in the backseat of your car every day after band, that was a stairway to heaven, right?
- Girl Student: This is America, and we're Christians here - aside from a few Jewish people who were just born that way - and I can tell you one thing: Jesus Christ and his apostles were certainly not into "man-on-man action," which is how they describe it on their porno videos, which, I am proud to say, Blockbuster does not carry. Um, I work there and it's very family...
- [pause]
- Girl Student: Plus, that religion John Travolta belongs to.
- Dedee: If you think I'm just plucky and scrappy and all I need is love, you're in over your heads. I don't have a heart of gold and I *don't* grow one later, OK? But relax. There's other people a lot nicer coming up - we call them "losers."
- Dedee Truitt: Lucia and Carl had their baby. You can imagine the pick of that litter. It was the kind of kid that if you played with it too much after a feeding, you threw up.
- [Why sex is the opposite of what she wants]
- Dedee: Sex always ends in kids or disease or like, you know, relationships.
- Dedee Truitt: Bill's kind of cute. I mean, even though he's old.
- Lucia: He's 35!
- Dedee Truitt: Yeah but he's still kind of cute. Too bad he's a fairy, right?
- Lucia: [huffily] That is not how I would put it.
- Dedee Truitt: Well, then too bad he's however *you'd* put it.
- Dedee Truitt: My name is Dedee Truitt. I'm 16, and this is Creve Coeur, Louisiana. Which is French, I think, for, like, "fucked heart".
- Dedee Truitt: Les was a real asshole. To get cancer of the ass was, like, poetic. Almost as good as cancer of the dick, if they have that.
- Matt Mateo: I'm bisexual.
- Lucia: Puh-lease! I went to a bar mitzvah once. That doesn't make me Jewish.
- Lucia: Matt, this is not your baby, OK? It's some other idiot's baby, probably with an eighth grade education and a trunk full of Waco pamphlets.
- Lucia: Vagina, vagina, vagina. Does that word do anything for you?
- Bill Truitt: I don't think it does much for anyone, gay or straight.
- Lucia: Bill, I don't think he's as stupid we think.
- Bill Truitt: As you think, Lucia.
- [She gets mad and walks to the door]
- Lucia: Fine! Goddammit! God... Fuck! Shit! I hope Tom Cruise is as straight as they come... I never thought he wasn't!
- Dedee Truitt: [narrating over a flashback of ugly duckling Lucia sitting at a table alone at a wedding] I know in movies you kind of feel sorry for girls like this, but in real life, you wouldn't be sitting next to her either.
- [about Matt's disappearance]
- Jason Bock: For all I know, you killed him.
- Bill Truitt: For all you know, I'm just getting started.
- Dedee: He was like a blind person you know, they can't see but they hear real well. Matt couldn't think at all, but he looked great.
- Lucia: See, you think you're being nice, but it's really just self-destructive.
- Bill Truitt: When is it too hot to analyze me? 110, 115 degrees?
- Lucia: You've got a death wish. So selfish.
- [pause]
- Lucia: I have one too, but I direct it toward others.
- Sheriff Carl Tippett: Say the point of sex isn't recreation or procreation or any of that stuff. Say it's concentration. Say it's supposed to focus your attention on the person you're sleeping with, like biological highlighter. Otherwise, there's just too many people in the world.
- Dedee Truitt: [about gay men] I know AIDS is, like, awful and stuff, and that guy who got all those boys up to his room and ate them and froze them and then got killed in prison, like we cared... I mean, all that is disgusting. But they do look better than straight people. And smell better. They're cleaner, if you don't count viruses. And there's not all that hair in their ears and noses and stuff. So it evens out.
- [old home movie footage of Lucia, her sisters and her gay brother Tom as children is shown. Her sisters have put makeup, a wig and a dress on little Lucia... and also on Tom. Their father pulls the wig off Tom and gives him a spanking]
- Dedee Truitt: [narrating] If you ask me, it was a giveaway he liked the spanking.
- Bill Truitt: Who's the father? He has rights and responsibilities.
- Dedee Truitt: My stepfather, if you want to know. And the only responsibility he has is to rot in his grave, which I hope he's living up to.
- Dedee Truitt: [about Bill, who is 9 years older than Matt] He could be your father. Basically, you're blowing your father. That can't feel right.
- Matt Mateo: I never knew my father.
- Dedee Truitt: And you really think this is a good way to make up for it?
- Dedee Truitt: Too bad he's a fairy, right?
- Lucia DeLury: That's not how I would put it.
- Dedee Truitt: Well, then too bad he's however you'd put it.
- [Dedee gets her brother's boyfriend Matt to put sun tan lotion on her back. Then she takes off her bikini top and faces him with her bare breasts exposed]
- Matt Mateo: I think you can reach them yourself.
- Dedee Truitt: Scared you'll get a woody?
- Randy: It's not his baby?
- Dedee Truitt: Oh, whose do you think it is, Mister "Who needs a rubber, I'll pull out in time"?
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