Phillip Brainard: I love you with every cell, with every atom. I love you on a subatomic level.
[Smith and Wesson discuss the incident at Brainard's house]
Chester Hoenicker: All right. One more time, what happened?
Wesson: He took a golf ball. He rubbed this cream on it and then the golf ball took and...
[Wesson makes a popping sound]
Wesson: ...popped Smith in the head.
Smith: Several times.
Chester Hoenicker: Mm-hmm.
Wesson: I got hit with a bowling ball.
Chester Hoenicker: Were you drinking?
Smith: Two beers at dinner. Wesson had a white wine.
Wesson: With dinner.
Chester Hoenicker: Right.
Wesson: It's this stuff he's got, sir. Its... I don't know what it is. I don't know where it come from, but...
[Smith and Wesson both sigh]
Wesson: ...It will give you one heck of a headache.
Chester Hoenicker: Oh... goodness.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: [to Sara, before he attempts to fall out the window with the flubber springing him back up] Ta-ta, my love.
Sara Reynolds: [deadpan] Are you nuts?
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: I'll be right back!
[the flubber flys out of Phillip's back pocket. Phillip falls to the ground]
Sara Reynolds: Phillip, are you hurt?
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: [pained] Just my pride.
Phillip Brainard: If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.
Wilson Croft: What happened between us, Phil?
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: Well, I just got tired of you stealing my ideas, Wilson.
Wilson Croft: I'm not an innovator like you, Phil. I'm an adapter, and to that end, I have profited from your ideas.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: Why are you here?
Wilson Croft: Well, to be honest. I'm here this weekend to steal your fiancee. And make her my wife.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: Well, I think you'll be sadly disappointed.
Rutland Coach: Hey, are you blind? They're doin' something illegal out there.
Referee: Coach, nowhere in the rule book does it say anything about jumpin' too high. Now sit down!
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: I was just gonna, you know, grade my lunch, eat a few tests and hope for the best.
Martha George: [about the excitement of getting married] How do you hold it in?
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: [thinking she meant waste] Well, like everybody else, Ruthie. I just cross my legs real tight.
Martha George: [gets a little tickled by that answer] I was talking about your excitement.
Father: There's not a darn thing to be afraid of, pal. How can anything get in your window? It's closed, OK?
[Flubber crashes through the neighbor's window, bounces around and the boy covers himself in a blanket]
Phillip Brainard: Weebo - - I've just solved all our problems!
Weebo: [showing an image of Dumbo on her display screen] I'm all ears.
Coach Willy Barker: All right, Squirrels! Listen up here now. Okay, Rutland may have us in height and reach... weight and power... agility, speed and talent... They have the advantage on offense... and defense... Sure they are better coached... Better trained... And their will to win is unmatched in the conference... They are undefeated in the last 108 games. But that doesn't mean we can't whip these guys, right?
Weebo: Maybe you should just go without me.
Weebo: Because I get car sick.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: Oh, come on. You're not gonna blow chips.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: You don't have a stomach.
Weebo: I have a queasy gyro.
[after two of Brainard's balls hit Smith and Wesson while testing the Flubber, the bowling ball knocks the cap off a tank of a compressed gas]
Phillip Brainard: [high-pitched voice] This definitely has applications in the field of sports. Ho, ho, ho! Yes!
[Brainard and Reynolds are visiting Hoenicker to discuss the Flubber]
Chester Hoenicker: You came to repay your loan?
Phillip Brainard: No.
Chester Hoenicker: I know you didn't. I was just having a little fun.
Phillip Brainard: I'm here to sell you the Flubber.
Chester Hoenicker: You been to your house recently?
Phillip Brainard: Yes.
Chester Hoenicker: Do I really need to buy it?
Phillip Brainard: Flubber's a very quixotic substance. It's very difficult to handle. Have you tried to do anything with it?
Chester Hoenicker: My man is working on it. It won't be a problem.
Phillip Brainard: Well, I could make it a lot easier for you. If you give us a 30 day extension on the loan, I'll tell you everything I know... and make you a great deal of Flubber.
Chester Hoenicker: I'll give you the 30 days, and after that you give me two years. Whatever you come up with over the next two years is mine.
Sara Reynolds: That's not fair.
Chester Hoenicker: Shop somewhere else, lady.
Phillip Brainard: Sara. Sara. I'll do it.