In a crumbling Europe, powerful mafia families have emerged from the anarchy to vie for control of the lucrative arms trade.In a crumbling Europe, powerful mafia families have emerged from the anarchy to vie for control of the lucrative arms trade.In a crumbling Europe, powerful mafia families have emerged from the anarchy to vie for control of the lucrative arms trade.
Firstly, I didn't pay to see this and I knew it would be awful as it's an Albert Pyun movie. I just wasn't ready for how awful it was. As long as I've known who Albert Pyun is, I have always considered him one of the worst active directors for atrocities like Blast, Knights and Omega Doom among others. I figured I would watch it just to see how bad it was and that it would maybe be so bad that it would be amusing to watch. Although it was so awful that I laughed at several points, I really feel for the poor souls who've shelled out their hard earned cash for this junk expecting a good movie.
Where do I start? I cannot think of one positive thing to say about this "movie". I really can't. Everything in the movie that is significant to the story could have been told in 15 minutes but it is stretched out to 90 minutes. This is accomplished by filling it with lots of pointless, long drawn scenes, usually long slow motion shots that have nothing to do with the story itself, in between (very little) dialogue and what little "action" there is. Many movies can convince you of their quality in the opening scene, Crazy Six certainly doesn't let you down in this regard. The opening of Crazy Six is about 25 minutes long, with small scenes of dialogue backed by sounds of the wind and thunder in between close ups of the character played by Ivana Milicevic singing a dreary song (which is heard repeatedly throughout the movie) surrounded by hideous pink lighting. This scene is exactly like an extremely bad 25 minute music video, in fact the entire movie is like a 90 minute amateur music video. A very similar scene is repeated in the final 10 minutes. The average human being would probably have difficulty trying to figure out just what the hell this is if they turned on TV and found it on. It sure as hell doesn't look like a movie, that's for sure. Visually, it's also hideous on the eyes. All of the indoor scenes are shot with bizarre pink, orange and red lighting and filters, not to mention the picture quality is extremely blurry. While the outdoor scenes are mostly filmed in wastegrounds and ruins under grey skies. This has to be the dreariest movie I've ever seen. And then there's the camera-work which for the most part is jerky and full of quick cuts. Much of the indoor conversations are filmed with close up mugshots of the cast, barely showing more than one on screen together. The action scenes are terrible, just terrible. Full of the aforementioned close ups and quick cuts, in the shootout and fight scenes it's impossible to see who's shooting who, or who's hitting who. In one scene you see two silhouettes hitting each other, but who is who is not clear. That's how bad the lighting is. Some people have defended Alert Pyun and said that his style is "stylish, creative and different". Sorry but no. Adding close ups, ugly filters and extending the run time of the movie with long drawn out sequences in slow motion that have no relevance to the plot is anything but creative. Your own style should be something that adds to the movie, not detracts from it and serves as an excuse to extend the runtime. It may be different but it's not big or it's not clever. A car with rectangular wheels would be different but would be neither big nor clever, and would only detract from it rather than add to it. And then there's the performances. The only character that actually stands out is Mario Van Peebles with his laughable French accent, which is not a compliment. Rob Lowe is poor. Burt Reynolds is poor. Ice-T is poor. Nobody looks to be enjoying themselves one bit, and rightly so. No matter who was cast in this travesty, they could not save it. I could also rip apart the story itself. What are all those foreigners doing here in Eastern Europe? Why is it even set in Eastern Europe to begin with when only one of the main characters isn't foreign? But it's hardly worth it, as it's far from the worst of the problems in this nonsense.
Overall, I do not recommend you to go near this under any circumstances. It is the most ugly, badly made, poorly shot and dreary garbage you'll ever see. If you happen to get it for free or catch it on TV, it may be worth a watch so that you can witness for yourself just how bad it is. It will make any mediocre movie look like an Oscar winner. What I did find hilarious is the fact that it ends with a scene which indicates that they think the viewer will care about the characters. Avoid at all costs.
- Sep 25, 2004