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Chairman of the Board (1998)

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A surfer becomes the head of a major company.

Director:

Alex Zamm

Writers:

Alfredo Septién (story) (as Al Septien), Turi Meyer (story) | 3 more credits »
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3 nominations. See more awards »

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Scott 'Carrot Top' Thompson ... Edison
Courtney Thorne-Smith ... Natalie Stockwell
Larry Miller ... Bradford McMillan
Raquel Welch ... Grace Kosik
Mystro Clark ... Ty
Jack Plotnick ... Zak
Jack Warden ... Armand McMillan
Estelle Harris ... Ms. Krubavitch
Bill Erwin ... Landers
M. Emmet Walsh ... Freemont
Jack McGee ... Harlan Granger
Glenn Shadix ... Larry
Fred Stoller ... Toby, McMillan Gate Guard
Taylor Negron ... Mr Withermeyer
Patrick J. Clifton Patrick J. Clifton ... Edison's Father
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Storyline

A surfer and inventor Edison is chosen by his roommates to raise rent with his outrageous (and absurd) inventions. There's no luck in job interviews until he meets billionaire Armand McMillan, who likes him, and leaves his company after his death to Edison. Edison has a lot of success with his inventions while the company's competitors do all they can to destroy him. Written by Anonymous

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Work sucks!

Genres:

Comedy

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated PG-13 for crude and sex related humor and language | See all certifications »
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Details

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Release Date:

18 September 1998 (Singapore) See more »

Also Known As:

Untitled Carrot Top Project See more »

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Box Office

Opening Weekend USA:

$181,233, 15 March 1998, Limited Release
See more on IMDbPro »

Company Credits

Show more on IMDbPro »

Technical Specs

Sound Mix:

Dolby

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.85 : 1
See full technical specs »
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Did You Know?

Trivia

Made $181,233 at box office domestically See more »

Goofs

After tennis, Bradford drinks about half of a cup of water and sets it down. When he picks it up again, it's half full, but as the scene changes angles, it alternates between half full and almost brimming. See more »

Quotes

McMillan Gate Guard: Alright, pull over... wait, no, that's not right...
See more »

Connections

References Sesame Street (1969) See more »

Soundtracks

Hail to the Chief
Written by James Sanderson
Arranged by Henrik Nielsen
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User Reviews

The end of decency
15 June 2004 | by tbreuerSee all my reviews

A few weeks ago I watched Carrot Top's Chairman of the Board on HBO.

This is not just the worst movie I've ever seen, it's the worst movie that's ever been or ever could be.

There's a notorious scene in John Waters' Pink Flamingos where the drag queen Divine picks up an actual piece of dog feces and eats it. That is a Capraesque delight compared to the moment in COTB when Carrot Top leans in to kiss actress Courtney Thorne-Smith. Indeed, Thorne-Smith deserves an honorary Oscar for not vomiting her small intestines the second Top's fish-underbelly skin came within Taser range of her lips.

I have spent the better part of my life a happy-go-lucky atheist, endlessly circling an epistemological cul-de-sac, foolishly content in the delusion that naught but unremarkable randomness and the caprice of evolution govern our planet and our lives.

I write this now as a careworn and grudging theist, cursed with the metaphysical certainty that God exists and that there must indeed be a reckoning. Only a literal hell can restore to the universe a sense of order and return to our souls - souls thirsting for justice for humanity, for cable subscribers everywhere, and not least of all for Courtney Thorne-Smith - a small measure of peace.

Indeed, Mr. Top's crushingly unfunny "film" is a long, jagged scar across our collective unconscious. It is your hopes and dreams replaced by a dying, weeping child crushed and all at once bereft of breath in your unconsoling - and inconsolable - embrace. It is blood in your stool on the eve of your wedding day. It is an unaccounted-for prosthetic eyeball swimming languidly in your vegetable pad thai. It is happiness itself blotted forever from the cosmos.

Carrot Top is the worst human being who has ever lived or ever will live. Stalin? What's a pogrom here or there? Pol Pot? The killing fields are the sweet songs of seraphim heard within the fragrant bosom of your lover compared to this dread offering. Hitler? Europe, she recovered by and by. There is no Marshall Plan for the pain and ruin we Chairman of the Board survivors must endure the sad remainder of our now-squalid lives.

Not only are there no - no - laughs in this movie, this film will steal laughs from the rest of your life. It represents a debt that can't be repaid - not now, not here, not in Superman's Bizarro World, not in a far, future galaxy run by countless trillions of nanorobots singularly programmed to wipe away forever the stain of this film, a film that is now irretrievably etched in thousands of banshee-screaming layers of space-time.

What's done is done. Though every cell of your body may cry out in anguish and every ribbon of DNA struggle mightily against an unslakeable urge to rip itself asunder, there can be no peace - not for you, not for your children, not for your children's children. Satan, to put it all too bluntly, has won. The collective efforts of millions of preachers, doctors, philanthropists, inventors, kings, queens, philosophers and humble servants of God throughout history are but piffle and dreck.

At Carrot Top's official Web site, www.oh-my-god-why-am-i-typing-this/someone-please-take-my-e yes-out-with-a-melon-baller/and-fill-the-raw-moist-sockets-with-m olten-pig-iron/lest-the-next-thing-i-see-be-carrot-tops-shiny-disgus ting-head.org/index.html, Carrot Top offers 8-by-10 glossies of himself for 10 bucks apiece.

If deep within the 342 pages of legislation comprising the USA PATRIOT Act there had been a provision for abolishing the civil liberties and reproductive rights of all purchasers of the graven image of this execrable amalgam of Ed Gein-lampshade skin and circus peanut-colored horror, I for one would have been happy to donate every last dollop of fat and tallow in my belly, buttocks, thighs and shanks to grease the skids for fascism once and for all.

But alas, the right to be screamingly unfunny and to slobber to horrifying effect on attractive blond actresses is a long-recognized pillar of our democracy. The right to enjoy watching this sort of thing is similarly entrenched, as is the right to watch dwarf-tossing, to view pornography in which midgets peeing is the central theme, and to stare at the noonday sun.

Still, though I've never met a Carrot Top fan, they are presumably out there. According to his Web site, he performs in Las Vegas a lot. Believe me, I would prefer to see a Siegfried and Roy show in which their tigers break loose and devour half the audience and the better part of my lower torso.

In fact, Carrot Top came to my home town earlier this year. Some poor reporter at our local paper had to write a feature story on him. Knowing that writing anything about Carrot Top that doesn't completely savage him is akin to being one of the PR flacks assigned to spin the Bhopal thing for Union Carbide, I can sympathize with this poor fellow. But not that much.

For when it comes to Carrot Top, his stupid AT&T commercials, or that steaming pile of offal Chairman of the Board, you are either with us or you are with the terrorist. Suffice to say, you're better dead than red.


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