Bean

Mr. Bean: Well, hello. I'm Dr Bean. Apparently. And... and my job is to sit and look at paintings.

[applause]

Mr. Bean: Um... so... um... what have I learnt that I can say about this painting? Um... well, firstly, it's quite big, which is excellent. Because if it was really small, you know, microscopic, then hardly anybody would be able to see it, which would be a tremendous shame. Um, secondly... and I'm getting quite near the end now of this analysis of this painting... secondly... why was it worth this man here spending fifty million of your American dollars on this portrait? And the answer is... um... well... this picture is worth such a lot of money because... it's a picture... of Whistler's mother. And, as I've learnt by staying with my best friend, David Langley and his family, families are very important. And even though Mr Whistler was perfectly aware that his mother was a hideous old bat who looked like she had a cactus lodged up her backside, he stuck with her, and even took the time to paint this amazing picture of her. It's not just a painting. It's a picture of a mad old cow who he thought the world of. And that's marvellous. That's what I think.

[applause]