Batman & Robin

BATMAN & ROBIN will make you lose all faith in Hollywood, indeed humanity as a whole. Stunningly awful, this was a disaster from the moment George Clooney traded in his scrubs for the black rubber boots. And it's not even awful in a cute, SHOWGIRLS kind of way. You won't laugh, but you might cry over the fact you've just flushed 125 precious minutes of your life down the crapper.

While everyone involved brings shame to their families, from the uncomfortable Clooney as the lamely-interpreted hero to Governornator Arnold Schwarzenegger as the junior-high-dialog-spewing Mr. Freeze, director Joel Schumacher must be punched the hardest. Even those who thought he embarrassed the franchise with the light-hearted BATMAN FOREVER were taken aback. Schumacher treats the audience like a group of eight-year-old boys with ADD, constantly trying to impress us with unexciting action scenes like a hockey-themed opening battle reminiscent of the under-appreciated genius of MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS.

The writers only make things worse with their "witty" hero chatter ("This is why Superman works alone"... har har, where do they come up with them??) and drawn-out "human" angles, such as butler Alfred's illness and a childish romantic triangle between Batman, Robin and the sexy Poison Ivy. This isn't root-on-the-heroes entertainment. On the contrary, you'll find yourself wishing Poison Ivy would tongue kiss both masked men to put us all out of our misery.

I love Batman and superhero flicks. I'm not a movie snob by any means, as I'm willing to forgive many a gaffe. But I absolutely loathe BATMAN & ROBIN. I loathe how it disgraces the characters it depicts. I loathe how the "talent" involved is still allowed within 100 feet of a film set or writer's room. It must be said again that BATMAN & ROBIN is the kind of experience that will make you lose all faith in Hollywood -- and humanity.