Santa with Muscles (1996)

An evil millionaire believes he is Santa Claus after an accident renders him amnesiac.

Director:

John Murlowski

Writers:

Jonathan Bond, Fred Mata

Stars:

Hulk Hogan, Don Stark, Robin Curtis

Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Hulk Hogan	...	Blake
Don Stark	...	Lenny
Robin Curtis	...	Leslie
Garrett Morris	...	Clayton
Aria Noelle Curzon	...	Elizabeth
Adam Wylie	...	Taylor
Mila Kunis	...	Sarah
Jennifer Paz	...	Helen Chu
Clint Howard	...	Hinkley
William Newman	...	Chas
Robert Apisa	...	Franco
Pierre Dulat	...	Pierre
Steve Valentine	...	Dr. Blight
Ed Begley Jr.	...	Ebner Frost
Kai Ephron	...	Dr. Vial

Storyline

An evil millionaire believes he is Santa Claus after an accident renders him amnesiac.

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Plot Keywords:

police chase | mall santa | pantyhose | black pantyhose | female stockinged legs | 

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Taglines:

He's arrived in the St. Nick of time!

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Genres:

Comedy

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Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated PG for action violence and brief mild language

Details

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Release Date:

8 November 1996 (USA)

Also Known As:

Agios Vasilis me... pontikia

Filming Locations:

Calabasas, California, USA

Box Office

Opening Weekend USA:

$120,932, 10 November 1996, Limited Release

Gross USA:

$220,198, 5 December 1996

Company Credits

Production Co:

Hit Entertainment, Cabin Fever Entertainment

Technical Specs

Runtime:

97 min

Sound Mix:

Dolby SR

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.85 : 1

Did You Know?

Trivia

The original author's draft was changed so much that he sued to have his name removed.

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Quotes

[first lines]
Elizabeth: Dear Santa, how are you? I'm not doing so well. There's this really, really bad man, Ebner Frost, who lives up on the hill... He's got these weird people working for him and I think they're gonna do something really bad this Christmas.

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Connections

Referenced in I Hate Everything: the Search for the Worst: Demon Island (2014)

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Soundtracks

Jingle Bells
(uncredited)
Written by James Pierpont

User Reviews

A painful film experience... that I'd probably watch again.

Let me first say that this is a film which I gave a 1/10 stars, but it was one of those "so bad, it's good" types, which is why I must say that it was an enjoyable painful film experience.

"Santa with Muscles" was just plain bad for a number of reasons... Let's Begin.

Acting- You know the acting will be subpar when the star of the film is Hulk Hogan. Hogan is a likeable character, but only in the ring, not the movie industry. You would hope that the director would soften the blow to the movie by placing Hogan in a cast that he could learn from and play off of - but in this case, he was cast in a miserable selection of actors and actresses that undoubtedly regret becoming a part of this movie. All acting was bad, but there were some enormously bad acting jobs by Steve Valentine and Kevin West.

Plot- Intro to characters was brief and rediculous. Viewers are supposed to buy into unbelievable situations, and are supposed to relate to characters that could be replaced with cardboard cutouts. So the plot is off to a bad start. It could still recover though... but it doesn't! No surprize. So it is something like this - rich dude goes to mall, hits head, thinks he's santa, saves the day against hapless thugs, finds orphanage with only 3 kids, wants to save orphanage from evil guy, beats people up, hits head (on soft garbage), recruits his staff, kicks butt, saves the day, orphanage now looks like a scene from Richie Rich. RRiiiiigggggghhhhhhhtttttt.

Continuity Problems- There are an incredible number of continuity problems in this film. Ranging from car damage, to car order, room setups, time of day, etc. Was there even an editor hired for this film?

Other Issues I Had with the Movie- 1. Blake falls down a multi-story trash shoot (which by the way leaves to the floor and not a trash bin) and wakes up seconds later, later he falls into soft trash and doesn't wake up until at least hours later. Hmmmmm... 2. It was so nice that even after her bedtime Sarah manages to get ahold of Blake's santa suit and totally alter it overnight. 3. An orphanage with three kids (unbelievable itself) uses a facility that it could never afford. 4. A white guy plays the sumo-type thug characters. interesting, maybe they were low on cast members. 5. Odd that the state allowed an orphanage to exist in the facility that had open access to old catacobs (complete with plastic skeletons!!), and even more odd that the kids were allowed to have a club in the catacombs by their inresponsible caretakers. 6. Once Blake gets his memory back, he fails to remember his childhood! But luckily, one photo brings it all back. facinating. 7. Frost's posse includes a geologist, a Canadian chemist, and an electifyingly ugly woman. Not to mention a sumo thug, several guys with t-squares as weapons, and a "doctor." 8. Blake stops a truck moving at 40+ miles an hour, or at least it is supposed to be that speed, but the obvious fastforward and then rewind effects didn't work too well. 9. Hapless police carry rocket launchers, fire at will, miss, and then make no attempt to chase after the hummer with a butler, chef, and driver hanging out the top. 10. My favorite... the HORRIBLE one-liners that filled the dialouge of the movie. Bar none the worst was "Santa Sleigh Me." I nearly peed my pants when I heard that.

I'll admit, I bought this movie online (used) after I saw it on the IMDB bottom 100. The reviews had me in tears, and I had to experience this movie. Even the reviews couldn't prepare me for a cinema experince of this low quality. It is a poorly thought out, poorly directed, poorly acted, poorly produced, poorly scripted, poorly casted movie that you have gotta see.

1/10 Stars