Bill Murray: Ernie McCracken
[Roy Munson is getting ready for his turn to bowl]
Ernie McCracken : It all comes down to this roll. Roy Munson, a man-child, with a dream to topple bowling giant Ernie McCracken. If he strikes, he's the 1979 Odor-Eaters Champion. He's got one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst.
Roy : Hey. Do you mind? I wasn't talking when you were bowling.
Ernie McCracken : Was I talking out loud? Was I? Sorry. Good luck.
Ernie McCracken : The Munson.
Roy : Big Ern. Long time.
Ernie McCracken : I'll say. Probably a year for every topping on the table. I heard a horrible rumor...
Ernie McCracken : [looks at Roy's prosthetic rubber hand] Oh, creepy! I'm sorry. You know, for the first couple years, I felt responsible. How you been otherwise?
Roy : You know, in the last 17 years, a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about what I'd say to you if I ever ran into you again.
Ernie McCracken : I bet!
Ernie McCracken : [notices Claudia] Hello.
Ernie McCracken : You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.
Ernie McCracken : Hi... not you... hi.
Ernie McCracken : It's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits Roy.
Ernie McCracken : One more time, sweetness.
Ernie McCracken : Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music.
Roy : [to the Bowling Priest] Give us a chance to win our money back.
Ernie McCracken : Are you crazy?
[to the Priest]
Ernie McCracken : Padre, how much are you into us for already?
Bowling Priest : Uh, three-hundred and fifty.
Ernie McCracken : $350. That's a landau roof and power steering down the drain. Could be in your pocket right now. Let's go.
Roy : Double or nothing I can pick up that spare. I think I can do it.
Ernie McCracken : That's the 6-7-10. You'll pick up that spare the same day my hair starts falling out. Come on, let's get outta here.
Roy : I can do this.
Ernie McCracken : For $700? No way. No. No way. For $700.
[grabs the money out of Roy's pocket]
Ernie McCracken : What have you got here? Fifteen-hundred. For $1500. Guys, you want some of the "action", as he calls it.
Bowling Priest : [to the hustlers] Come on, you chickenshits. I'm good for the money, put up my share.
Ernie McCracken : Now, Mr. Bigshot! Mr. "I wear my pants high and I pick up every spare... drunk or sober!"
Beaver Bowl Hustler : Alright, we'll take that bet.
Ernie McCracken : Fine, my friend, my so-called friend. Take your silly little ball and make your silly little spare... Or miss it!