Marge Gunderson: [to Gaear] So, that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money? There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.
Marge Gunderson: Say, Lou, didya hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J3L2404?
Lou: Yah, that's a good one.
Mr. Mohra: So, I'm tendin' bar there at Ecklund and Swedlin's last Tuesday, and this little guy's drinkin' and he says, "So where can a guy find some action? I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake." And I says, "What kinda action?" and he says, "Woman action, what do I look like?" And I says, "Well, what do I look like? I don't arrange that kinda thing," and he says, "But I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake," and I says, "Well, this ain't that kinda place."
Officer Olson: Uh-huh.
Mr. Mohra: So he angrily says, "Oh I get it, so you think I'm some kinda crazy jerk for askin'!" only he doesn't use the word "jerk."
Officer Olson: I understand.
Mr. Mohra: And then he calls me a jerk, and says that the last guy who thought he was a jerk is dead now. So I don't say nothin' and he says, "What do ya think about that?" So I says, "Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him, then."
Officer Olson: [chuckles] Ya got that right.
Mr. Mohra: And he says, "Yah, that guy's dead, and I don't mean of old age." And then he just pays his tab and walks out saying, "Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake!"
Officer Olson: White Bear Lake?
Mr. Mohra: Well... Ecklund & Swedlin's, that's closer ta Moose Lake, so I made that assumption.
Officer Olson: Oh sure.
Mr. Mohra: So, ya know, he's drinkin', so I don't think a whole great deal of it, but Mrs. Mohra heard about the homicides down here last week and she thought I should call it in. So... I called it in. End o' story.
Officer Olson: What'd this guy look like, anyway?
Mr. Mohra: Oh, he was a little guy... Kinda funny lookin'.
Officer Olson: Uh-huh. In what way?
Mr. Mohra: Oh, just in a general kinda way.
Airport Lot Attendant: There's a minimum charge of four dollars. Long-term parking charges by the day.
Carl Showalter: I guess you think you're... you know, like an authority figure, with that stupid fuckin' uniform, huh buddy? King clip-on-tie there, big fuckin' man, huh? You know these are the limits of your life, man! The rule of your little fuckin' gate here!
[gives the attendant the money]
Carl Showalter: Here's your four dollars, you pathetic piece of shit!
Marge Gunderson: I'm not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your police work, there, Lou.
[Marge bends over next to the overturned car, as if she's looking at something on the ground]
Lou: You alright there, Margie?
Marge Gunderson: Oh, I just think I'm gonna barf...
Marge Gunderson: [standing up again after a moment] ... Well, that passed. Now I'm hungry again.
Marge Gunderson: Oh, for Pete's sake! For Pete's sake, he's fleeing the interview. He's fleeing the interview!
Carl Showalter: Who the fuck are you?
[Wade doesn't answer]
Carl Showalter: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
Wade Gustafson: I got your damn money. Now, where's my daughter?
Carl Showalter: I am through fuckin' around here! Drop that fuckin' briefcase!
Wade Gustafson: Where's my daughter?
Carl Showalter: Fuck you, man! Where's Jerry? I gave simple fuckin' instructions!
Wade Gustafson: Where's my damn daughter? No Jean, no money!
Carl Showalter: Drop that fuckin' money!
Wade Gustafson: No Jean, no money!
Carl Showalter: Is this a fuckin' joke here?
Wade Gustafson: [as he sinks to his knees and falls back] Aww, Jeez.
Carl Showalter: Happy now, asshole? What's with you people? Ya fuckin' imbeciles!
[as Carl reaches for the briefcase, Wade shoots him in the face]
Carl Showalter: Ah! You fuckin' shot me!
[Carl shoots Wade six more times, screams, then kicks the dead Wade twice]
Carl Showalter: You fuck!
Marge Gunderson: Okay, I want you to tell me what these fellas looked like.
Hooker No. 1: Well, the little guy was kinda funny-lookin'.
Marge Gunderson: In what way?
Hooker No. 1: I dunno, just funny-lookin'.
Marge Gunderson: Can you be any more specific?
Hooker No. 1: I couldn't really say. He wasn't circumcised.
Marge Gunderson: [amused by this unhelpful detail] Was he funny lookin' apart from that?
Hooker No. 1: Yah.
Marge Gunderson: So, you were havin' sex with the little fellow, then.
Hooker No. 1: Uh huh.
Norm Gunderson: They announced it.
Marge Gunderson: They announced it?
Norm Gunderson: Yeah.
Marge Gunderson: So?
Norm Gunderson: Three-cent stamp.
Marge Gunderson: Your mallard?
Norm Gunderson: Yeah.
Marge Gunderson: Oh, that's terrific.
Norm Gunderson: It's just a three-cent stamp.
Marge Gunderson: It's terrific.
Norm Gunderson: Hautman's blue-winged teal got the 29-cent. People don't much use the three-cent.
Marge Gunderson: Oh, for Pete's sake. Of course they do. Whenever they raise the postage, people need the little stamps.
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, that's it then. Here are the keys.
Carl Showalter: No, that's not it, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: Huh?
Carl Showalter: The new vehicle plus $40,000.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, the deal was the car first then the $40,000 as if it was the ransom. I thought Shep told you that.
Carl Showalter: Shep didn't tell us much, Jerry. Except that you were gonna be here at 7:30.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, I'm sorry. That was a mix up.
Carl Showalter: Yeah, you already said that.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, but this is not a whole pay in advance deal. You see, I give you a brand new vehicle in advance and...
Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: Okay.
Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna sit here and debate.
Jerry Lundegaard: [Jerry and Wade discuss business opportunity] This could work out real good for me and Jean and Scotty.
Wade Gustafson: [coldly] Jean and Scotty never have to worry.
[Jean is making noise in the back of the car]
Gaear Grimsrud: Shut the fuck up! Or I'll throw you back in the trunk, you know?
Carl Showalter: Jesus, that's more than I've heard you say all week.
Norm Gunderson: [rubbing Margie's pregnant stomach] Two more months.
Marge Gunderson: [smiling] Two more months.
Carl Showalter: You ever been to Minneapolis?
Gaear Grimsrud: Nope.
Carl Showalter: Would it... kill you to say something?
Gaear Grimsrud: I did.
Carl Showalter: "No." That's the first thing you've said in the last four hours. That's, a fountain of conversation there, buddy. That's a geyser.
Carl Showalter: [irately, over the phone] Alright, Jerry, I'm through fuckin' around! You got the fuckin' money?
Jerry Lundegaard: [into the phone] Yeah, I got the money, but... uh...
Carl Showalter: Don't you fuckin' fuck me, Jerry! I want you to get this money to the parking garage at the Dayton Radisson, top level, in 30 minutes, Jerry. We wrap this thing up.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, but...
Carl Showalter: Hey, you're there in 30 minutes, Jerry, or I find you, Jerry, and I shoot you and I shoot your fuckin' wife and I shoot all your fuckin' children and I shoot them all in the back of their little fuckin' heads! You got it?
Jerry Lundegaard: Okay, now you stay away from Scotty, now.
Norm Gunderson: I love you, Margie.
Marge Gunderson: I love you, Norm.
[she leaves, closing the door; after getting in the car briefly, she comes back in the door]
Marge Gunderson: Hon?
Norm Gunderson: Yah?
Marge Gunderson: Prowler needs a jump.
Jerry Lundegaard: I'm, uh, Jerry Lundegaard.
Carl Showalter: You're Jerry Lundegaard?
Jerry Lundegaard: Ya. Shep Proudfoot said...
Carl Showalter: Shep said you'd be here at 7:30. What gives, man?
Jerry Lundegaard: Shep said 8:30.
Carl Showalter: We've been sitting here an hour. He's
[motioning to Gaer]
Carl Showalter: peed three times already.
Jerry Lundegaard: I'm sure sorry. Shep told me 8:30. It was a mix-up, I guess.
Jerry Lundegaard: [answering the phone] Jerry Lundegaard.
Carl Showalter: [voice over the phone] Alright, Jerry, you got the phone to yourself? Are you alone?
Jerry Lundegaard: [into the phone] Well, yeah.
Carl Showalter: [voice] You know who this is?
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, yeah, I got an idea. How's that Ciera working out for ya?
Carl Showalter: [voice] Circumstances have changed, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, what do ya mean?
Carl Showalter: [voice] Things have changed, circumstances, Jerry... force majeure, acts of God.
Jerry Lundegaard: How's Jean?
Carl Showalter: [puzzled] Who's Jean?
Jerry Lundegaard: My wife! What the-?
Carl Showalter: [voice] Oh... right. She's alright, but there's a few people in Brainerd who aren't so okay, I'll tell you that.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck are ya talking about? Let's just finish this deal up here.
Carl Showalter: [voice] Blood has been shed, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck do ya mean?
Carl Showalter: [voice] Three people, in Brainerd... are dead.
Jerry Lundegaard: Oh, jeez!
Carl Showalter: [voice] That's right, we need more money.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck are ya talking about? What do you fellas have yourself mixed up in?
Carl Showalter: [voice] Never mind that. We need more money...
Jerry Lundegaard: [interrupting] This was supposed to be a no rough stuff type deal!
Carl Showalter: [angry] DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME, JERRY! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, I'm sorry, but I just... I don't...
Carl Showalter: [voice] I'm not gonna debate with you on this, Jerry! I'm not gonna debate! Three people in Brainerd were killed last night. We now want the entire 80,000!
Jerry Lundegaard: Oh, for chris'sake here!
Shep Proudfoot: [beating Carl Showalter violently] Fucking little weasel! Fuck you! You fucking motherfucker son of a bitch! Fucking cock! Jesus Christ! You fucking shitbag motherfucker!
Carl Showalter: Would it... kill you to say something? "No." That's the first thing you've said in the last four hours. That's a... that's fountain of conversation, man. That's a geyser. I mean, whoa daddy! Stand back, man. Shit. I'm sitting here driving. Doing all the driving, man. The whole fucking way from Brainard driving. Just trying to... chat, you know. Keep our spirits up, fight the boredom of the road, and you can't say one fucking thing just in the way of conversation. Oh fuck it. I don't have to talk to you either, man. See how you like it. Just total fucking silence. Two can play at that game, smart guy. We'll just see how you like it. Total silence.
Marge Gunderson: Mind if I sit down? I'm carrying quite a load here.
Gaear Grimsrud: Where is pancakes house?
Carl Showalter: What?
Gaear Grimsrud: We stop at pancakes house.
Carl Showalter: What... are you nuts? We had pancakes for breakfast. Gotta go to a place I can get a shot and a beer, steak, maybe, not more fuckin' pancakes, c'mon.
[Gaear just stares at Carl]
Carl Showalter: Oh, come on, man! Okay, here's an idea: we can stop outside of Brainerd. I know a place there we can get laid. Whaddya think?
Gaear Grimsrud: I'm fucking hungry now, you know!
Carl Showalter: Yeah yeah Jesus, I'm sayin' we can... stop, get pancakes and then we'll get laid, alright?
[Gaear glares briefly]
Carl Showalter: [entering cabin, with shot-up face] You should see the other guy.
Carl Showalter: [he sees Jean Lundegaard's dead body] What the fuck happened to her?
Gaear Grimsrud: [watching TV and eating TV dinner] Uh, she started shrieking, y'know. She wouldn't stop...
Carl Showalter: Geesus. Well, it doesn't matter. I got the money. All of it. All eighty grand.
Carl Showalter: [he puts a couple stacks of bills down on table] That's forty for you, forty for me.
[Grimsrud pokes at the stacks of bills with his fork]
Carl Showalter: [puts a set of keys next to the money] That's it, then. You can have my truck. Here's the keys. I'm takin' the Ciera.
Gaear Grimsrud: We split that.
Carl Showalter: [pause] How the fuck do you split a fuckin' car, ya dummy? With a fuckin' chainsaw?
Gaear Grimsrud: One of us pays the other for half.
Carl Showalter: Hold on! No fuckin' way! You fuckin' notice this? I got fuckin' shot! I got fuckin' shot in the face! I went and got the fuckin' money. I got shot fuckin' picking it up! I've been up for thirty-six fuckin' hours! I'm taking' that fuckin' car! That fucker's mine, you fuckin' asshole!
[as usual, no response from Grimsrud]
Carl Showalter: You know, I've been listening to your fuckin' bullshit all week! Are we square?
[no response from Grimsrud who continues staring at the TV]
Carl Showalter: [flashing his gun] Are WE square?
Carl Showalter: Yeah, ya fuckin' mute. And if you see your friend Shep Proudfoot, tell him I'm gonna nail his fuckin' ass!
[he exits angrily toward the Ciera; after a few seconds, Grimsrud follows him out the door with an axe in hand]
Carl Showalter: [Showalter turns and sees Grimsrud striding toward him, axe raised] Oh no! Aaaaaah!
[Grimsrud brings the axe down toward Carl's neck]
Carl Showalter: [Shep Proudfoot, enraged, bursts into apartment and knocks Carl out of bed while having sex with hooker] Shep, whatthefuckyadoin'? I'm banging that girl!
[Jerry and an irate customer argue over a sealant that the customer had previously indicated he didn't want, after Jerry has gone off to pretend to talk to his boss]
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, we've never done this before. But seeing as it's special circumstances and all, he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that Trucoat.
Irate Customer: [stunned that Jerry still intends to charge him for something he didn't order] One hundred... You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard. You're a bald-faced liar. A... fucking liar.
Irate Customer: [to his wife, frustrated] Where's my goddamn checkbook? Let's get this over with.
Stan Grossman: But you're sayin'... what are ya sayin'?
Carl Showalter: [on date with hooker] So, how long you been with the escort service?
Escort: I don't know, a few months.
Carl Showalter: Find that work interesting, do ya?
Escort: What're you talkin' about?
[quick cut to next scene, where he's having sex with her]
Mike Yanagita: [moves to Marge's side of the table and puts arms around her] Do you mind if I sit over here?
Marge Gunderson: No. Why don't you sit over there? I'd prefer that.
Mike Yanagita: Huh? Uh... ok.
[moves back to other side of table]
Mike Yanagita: Sorry.
Marge Gunderson: Oh, no, no. Just so I can see you. I don't have to turn my neck.
Reilly Diefenbach: [voice] Mr. Lundegaard? This is Reilly Diefenbach from GMAC. How are you this morning?
Jerry Lundegaard: [into the phone] Real good. How are you?
Reilly Diefenbach: [voice] Pretty good, Mr. Lundegaard. I must say, you are damn hard to get a hold of over the phone.
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, we're pretty darn busy here, but that's the way we like it.
Reilly Diefenbach: [voice] Well, that's for sure. The reason why I've been trying to reach you is that these last financing documents that you sent over to us... I can't read the serial numbers of the vehicles...
Jerry Lundegaard: [getting nervous] Yah, well I already got the money. The loans are in place. I already got the...
Reilly Diefenbach: [voice] Yah, the 320 thousand... you got the money last month from us.
Jerry Lundegaard: So, we're all set then.
Reilly Diefenbach: [voice] Yah, but the vehicles that you're borrowing on, I just can't read the serial numbers on your application. Maybe if you could just read...
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, but the deal's already done. I've already got the money.
Reilly Diefenbach: [voice] Yah, but we have an audit here and I just have to know that these vehicles that your financing with this money that they really exist.
Jerry Lundegaard: [getting more nervous] Well... they exist all right.
Reilly Diefenbach: [voice] Well, I'm pretty sure they do, but I can't read the serial numbers here. Maybe if you could read the numbers to me on the first...
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah... well... see... I don't have them in front of me. Why don't I just fax you over a copy?
Reilly Diefenbach: [voice] No, no, a fax is no good. That's what I have here and I can't read the darn thing.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, I'll have my girl send you a copy then.
Reilly Diefenbach: [voice] Okay, that's good. But I need to tell you that if I can't correlate these numbers with those specific vehicles, then I'm gonna have to call back all that money.
Jerry Lundegaard: How much money did you say that was?
Reilly Diefenbach: [voice] $320,000. I have to correlate that money with the cars that it's being lent on.
Jerry Lundegaard: Okay, no problem. I'll just fax...
Reilly Diefenbach: [voice] No, no...
Jerry Lundegaard: I mean send it right over. I'll shoot it right over. Good bye.
Irate Customer: We sat right here, in this room, and went over this and over this.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, but that TruCoat...
Irate Customer: I sat right here and said I didn't want any TruCoat.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, but I'm saying that TruCoat. You don't get it, you get oxidation problems. It'll cost you a heck of a lot more than $500.
Irate Customer: You're sitting there. You're talking in circles. You're talking like we didn't go over this already.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, but this TruCoat...
Irate Customer: We had a deal here for nineteen-five. You sat there and darned if you didn't tell me you'd get me this car, these options, without the sealant for nineteen-five.
Jerry Lundegaard: All right, I'm not saying I didn't...
Irate Customer: You called me 20 minutes ago and said you had it ready to make delivery! You says, "Come on down and get it." And, and, and here you are and you're wasting my time and my wife's time, and I'm paying nineteen-five for this vehicle here!
Jerry Lundegaard: All right. I'll talk to my boss.
[gets up and turns before leaving]
Jerry Lundegaard: See, they install that TruCoat at the factory. There's nothing we can do about that.
[Customer ready to shout]
Jerry Lundegaard: but I'll talk to my boss.
Irate Customer: These guys here. These guys. It's always the same! It's always more!
Jerry Lundegaard: I told ya. We haven't had any vehicles go missing.
Marge Gunderson: [cheerful tone] Okay! But are ya sure? 'Cause I mean, how do you know? Do you do a count, or what kind of a routine do you have here?
Jerry Lundegaard: [growing uncomfortable with the questioning] Ma'am, I answered your question!
Marge Gunderson: [long pause] I'm sorry, sir?
Jerry Lundegaard: Ma'am, I answered your question! I answered the darned... I'm cooperatin' here!
Marge Gunderson: [serious tone] Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me. I'm just doing my job here.
Jerry Lundegaard: I'm... I'm not arguing here! I'm cooperating. So there's no need to... we're doin' all we can here.
Marge Gunderson: Sir, could I talk to Mr. Gustafson?
[Jerry gives her a glassy-eyed look, knowing full well that Gustafson is dead]
Marge Gunderson: Mr. Lundegaard?
Marge Gunderson: [reporting over her police radio] There's the car! There's the car!
Lou: What car?
Marge Gunderson: My car, my car! Tan Ciera, tan Ciera!
Jean Lundegaard: [reprimanding Scotty, who is eating and watching TV, paying no attention] I am talking about your potential. You're not a 'C' student.
Scotty Lundegaard: Uh huh...
Jean Lundegaard: Yet you're gettin' 'C' grades. It's the disparity here that concerns your dad and me.
Scotty Lundegaard: [mumbling] Mmmm.
Jean Lundegaard: Ya know what a disparity is?
Scotty Lundegaard: [attentive now] Yeah!
Jean Lundegaard: Okay, then! That's why we don't want ya goin' out for hockey!
Scotty Lundegaard: [upset] Oh, come on! What's the big deal? It's just an hour a... what's the big deal?
Jean Lundegaard: [phone rings] Hold on.
Jean Lundegaard: Hullo? Oh, hi, Dad! Yah! He's here, I'll catch him for ya!
Jean Lundegaard: [to Jerry] Hon, it's Dad.
Scotty Lundegaard: [to his father, entering the room] Look, Dad, there's no fucking way...
Jerry Lundegaard: [putting his hand over the phone's mouthpiece] Hey, let's watch that language there!
Marge Gunderson: Well, I'm sorry, sir!
Jerry Lundegaard: [storming off to do a lot count] Aw, what the Chris'!
[as Shep angrily approaches Carl]
Carl Showalter: You stay away from me, man! Hey, smoke a fuckin' peace pipe!
Wade Gustafson: What kind of finders fee are you looking for?
Jerry Lundegaard: Huh?
Stan Grossman: The financials are pretty through. The only thing we don't know is your fee.
Jerry Lundegaard: My fee? Wade, what the heck you talking about?
Wade Gustafson: Stan and I are okay. We gotta load in. But we never talked about your fee for bringing it to us.
Jerry Lundegaard: Wade, no. I was bringing you this deal for you to loan me the money to put in. It's my deal here, see?
Stan Grossman: Jerry, we thought you were bringing us an investment.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, right.
Stan Grossman: But you're saying that... what are you saying?
Wade Gustafson: You're saying that we put in all the money and you collect when it pays off?
[both Wade and Stan laugh]
Jerry Lundegaard: [getting nervous; stammering again] No... it's just... I'd pay you back the principle and interest. Heck, I'd go... one over prime.
Stan Grossman: We're not a bank, Jerry.
Wade Gustafson: If I wanted a bank interest loan on $750,000 I'd go to Midwest Federal and and talk to old Bill Deal.
Stan Grossman: Does he work at North Star now?
Jerry Lundegaard: No, no, it just... I... I don't need a finders fee. Finder's fee that's... what? Ten percent? Heck, that's not gonna do it for me. I need the principle!
Stan Grossman: Jerry, we're not going to just give you $750,000 of our money.
Wade Gustafson: What the heck were your thinking? If I am getting bank interest, I want complete security. Heck, FDIC. I don't see nothing like that here.
Jerry Lundegaard: [getting desperate] Yah, but... it's... I... just... I guarantee all your money back with interest when the deal starts paying. You have my word.
Wade Gustafson: I'm not talking about your damn word here, Jerry! What the hell were you thinking? Jesus! Look... I don't want to cut you out of the loop here. This here is a good deal. I assume that if you are not interested in getting a finders fee, you won't mind if we move on with the deal independently.
Carl Showalter: [voice] Three people were killed last night in Brainerd. We're in a load of trouble, Jerry. I'm comin' there tomorrow. You have the money ready by then.
Jerry Lundegaard: [into the phone] Now, we had a deal. A deal's a deal.
Carl Showalter: [voice] Is it, Jerry? Why don't you ask those three poor souls in Brainerd if a deal's a deal? Go ahead, ask them!
Jerry Lundegaard: [into the phone] The heck do ya mean?
Carl Showalter: [mimicking Jerry mockingly] "The heckya mean?" I'll call you tomorrow!
Norm Gunderson: I'll fix you some eggs.
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, heck! If you wanna... If you wanna play games here, I'm working with ya on this thing here, but... Okay!
[slams table as he stands up]
Jerry Lundegaard: I'll do a damn lot count!
Marge Gunderson: Sir, right now?
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah! Right now. You're darn tootin'! If it's so damned important to ya!
Marge Gunderson: Well, I'm sorry, sir.
Jerry Lundegaard: Ah, what the Christ!
Marge Gunderson: OK, so we got a trooper pulls someone over, we got a shooting, these folks drive by, there's a high-speed pursuit, ends here and then this execution-type deal.
Carl Showalter: Just keep it still back there, lady, or we're going to have to, you know, shoot you.
Jerry Lundegaard: You see, my wife's dad is real well off.
Carl Showalter: So, why don't you just ask him for the money?
Gaear Grimsrud: Or your fucking wife, you know.
Carl Showalter: Or your fuckin' wife, Jerry?
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, it's all part of... look, the thing is they don't know that I'm in trouble. My wife and father-in-law don't know I need money. And if they did... I still won't get it. Okay? These are personal matters.
Carl Showalter: Personal matters? Okay, you're tasking us to perform this mission, but you won't tell us what... oh, fuck it. Let's have a look at the Ciera.
Scotty Lundegaard: [finishing supper] May I be excused?
Jerry Lundegaard: Ya done, there?
Scotty Lundegaard: Yah. Can I go out?
Jean Lundegaard: Where ya goin'?
Scotty Lundegaard: Just to McDonalds.
Jerry Lundegaard: Be back at 9:30.
Wade Gustafson: He just ate - he didn't finish! He's goin' to McDonalds instead of finishin' here.
Jean Lundegaard: He sees his friends there. It's okay.
Wade Gustafson: It's okay, MAC-Donalds. Heh. Whaddya think they do there? They don't drink milkshakes, I assure you.
Jean Lundegaard: It's okay, Dad!
Marge Gunderson: So, Mike, should we get together another time?
Mike Yanagita: No!
Mike Yanagita: I'm sorry, I... I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have done this, I shouldn't have... I thought we'd have a really terrific time.
Marge Gunderson: It's OK, Mike.
Mike Yanagita: You were such a super lady... and I'm, I'm so lonely.
Wade Gustafson: I'm not talking about your damn word, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: [Jerry just got off the phone with a furious Carl who demanded the entire $80,000 instead of the $40,000 that was promised after him and Gaear killed three people in Brainerd when the phone goes again] Yah!
Reilly Diefenbach: [over the phone] Jerome Lundegaard?
Jerry Lundegaard: [slightly friendlier] Yah.
Reilly Diefenbach: [over the phone] This is Reilly Diefenbach from GMAC. Sir, I've not received those vehicle ID's you promised.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, I... those are in the mail.
Reilly Diefenbach: [over the phone] That very well may be. I must inform you, however, that absent the receipt of those numbers by tomorrow afternoon I will have to refer this matter to our legal department.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah.
Reilly Diefenbach: [over the phone] My patience is at an end.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah.
Reilly Diefenbach: [over the phone] Good day, Sir.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah.
[Jerry hangs up the phone and then suddenly throws things off his desk in a fit of rage]
Mike Yanagita: So, uh, you married old Norm son-of-a-Gunderson?
Marge Gunderson: [on lobby phone, asking advice about a restaurant] Is it reasonable?
Carl Showalter: Oh, fuck it, I don't have to talk, either, man! See how you like it. Just total fuckin' silence. Two can play at that game, smart guy. We'll just see how you like it. Total silence.
Marge Gunderson: So, do you remember getting a phone call late Wednesday night?
Shep Proudfoot: [after a short pause] No.
Marge Gunderson: You do reside there at 1425 Freemont Terrace?
Shep Proudfoot: Yes.
Marge Gunderson: Anyone else residing there?
Shep Proudfoot: No.
Marge Gunderson: Well, Mr. Proudfoot, this call came in past three in the morning. It's just hard for me to believe you don't remember anyone calling. Now, I know you've had some problems; struggling with the narcotics, some other entanglements, currently on parole.
Shep Proudfoot: So?
Marge Gunderson: Well, associating with criminals, if you're the one they talked to, that right there would be a violation of your parole; would end you up back in Stillwater. I saw some rough stuff on your priors, but nothing like a homicide. I know you don't wanna be an accessory to something like that.
[after another pause]
Marge Gunderson: So... you think you might remember who those folks were who called ya?
Carl Showalter: You know, it's proven that second-hand smoke is, uh, carcin-... uh, you know, cancer related.
Jerry Lundegaard: I'm in a bit of trouble...
Carl Showalter: What kind of trouble are you in, Jerry?
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, that's, that's... I'm not gonna go into, inta... see, I just need money.
Jean Lundegaard: [chopping vegetables] Hiya, hon! Welcome back! How was Fargo?
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, real good now.
Jean Lundegaard: Dad's here.
[Jerry's mood changes as he hears this news]
Jerry Lundegaard: Is he stayin' for supper then?
Jean Lundegaard: I dunno... I think so. Dad?
Wade Gustafson: What?
Jean Lundegaard: [thick Minnesota accent] You stayin' for supperrrrr?
Wade Gustafson: Yah!
Carl Showalter: [banging on the TV] Come on, plug me into the ozone, baby, come on!
Marge Gunderson: [sitting up in bed, while Norm lies next to her, sleeping] Norm?
Norm Gunderson: [Norm wakes up] Yeah, Marge?
Marge Gunderson: I'm turning in now.
Marge Gunderson: [to Radisson hotel concierge] I'm doing really super there, thanks. I am Mrs. Gunderson. I have a reservation.
Hotel Clerk: Yep, you sure do, Mrs. Gunderson.
Marge Gunderson: [smiling] Is there a phone down here, you think?
Lou: How's it look, Marge?
Marge Gunderson: Well he's got his gun on his hip there and... he looks like a nice enough guy. It's a real shame.
José Feliciano: It goes like this.
José Feliciano: Let's find each other tonight, Everything will be alright, Don't hesitate now, Let's find each other tonight...
Stan Grossman: We're not a bank, Jerry.
Shep Proudfoot: [to Carl after he inadvertently put a police chief on Shep's trail who's an ex-con] Fuckin' asshole!
Gaear Grimsrud: [after being bit on the hand by Jean Lundegaard] Unguent... I need unguent.
Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna debate you.
Officer Olson: Hiya, Norm. How ya doin', Margie? How's the fricasse?
Marge Gunderson: Pretty darn good, ya want some?
Officer Olson: No, I gotta - hey, Norm, I thought you was goin' ice fishin' up at Mille Lacs?
Norm Gunderson: Yah, after lunch.
Officer Olson: Ah.
Jerry Lundegaard: Wade, have ya had a chance to think about, uhm, that deal I was talkin' about, those forty acres there on Wayzata?
Wade Gustafson: You told me about it.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, you said you'd have a think about it. I understand it's a lot of money.
Wade Gustafson: A heck of a lot. What'd you say you were gonna put there?
Jerry Lundegaard: A lot. It's a limited...
Wade Gustafson: I know it's a lot.
Jerry Lundegaard: I mean a parking lot.
Wade Gustafson: Yeah, well, seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot.
Marge Gunderson: [on the phone] Oh, my. Where? Yeah? Oh, geez. I'll be there in a jif.
Marge Gunderson: Okay. So we got a trooper pulls someone over, we got a shooting, these folks drive by, there's a high-speed pursuit, ends here, and then this execution-type deal.
Marge Gunderson: I'd be very surprised if our suspect was from Brainerd.
Wade Gustafson: I give these sons a bitches a million dollars, where's my guarantee they're gonna let her go.
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, they...
Wade Gustafson: A million dollars is a lot a damn money!
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, but they...
Wade Gustafson: And there they are, they got my daughter!
Hooker No. 1: Hey, they said they were goin' to the Twin Cities.
Marge Gunderson: Oh, yah?
Hooker #2: Yah!
Hooker No. 1: Yah. Is that useful to ya?
Marge Gunderson: Oh, you betcha, yah.
Marge Gunderson: Hiya, Lou. Woo! Whatcha got there?
Lou: Margie. Thought you might need a little warm-up.
[hands her a cup of coffee]
Marge Gunderson: Thanks a bunch. So what's the deal, now? Gary says triple homicide?
Marge Gunderson: So, where you girls from?
Hooker No. 1: Chaska.
Hooker #2: LeSeure. But I went to high school in White Bear Lake. Go bears.
Marge Gunderson: I'm a police officer from up Brainerd investigating some malfeasance and I was just wondering if you've had any new vehicles stolen off the lot in the past couple of weeks - specifically a tan Cutlass Ciera? Mr. Lundegaard?
Jerry Lundegaard: Brainerd?
Marge Gunderson: Yah. Yah. Home a Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox.
Jerry Lundegaard: Babe the Blue Ox.
Marge Gunderson: Yah, you know we've got the big statue there. So, you haven't had any vehicles go missin', then?
Jerry Lundegaard: No. No, ma'am.
Marge Gunderson: Okey-dokey, thanks a bunch. I'll let you get back to your paperwork, then.
[knocks on Jerry's desk]
Escort: So, are you from around here?
Carl Showalter: Just in town on business. Just in and out.
Carl Showalter: Just a little of the old in-and-out!