Tank Girl (1995)
[to Tank Girl and Jet Girl]
Deetee: Okay, we're gonna give you babes a chance to prove yourselves. Call it an initiation.
T-Saint: You fail, you die!
Donner: Yeah, but first, you gotta strip.
Booga: That's not in the plan.
Kesslee: Eight, eight, the burning hate. Between Sunday and Monday there lies a day so dark it will devastate.
Tank Girl: Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues, shoot me now, please.
Tank Girl: You gotta think about it like the first time you got laid. You just gotta say: "Daddy, are you sure this is right?"
Jet Girl: [shy laugh, covering her mouth] You're sick.
Tank Girl: How come you always do that? How come you always cover your mouth when you smile? You got bad teeth or somethin'?
Tank Girl: [locked in a meat freezer, wearing nothing but a straitjacket] It's... really... hard for me... to play with myself in this thing.
Booga: I took the bullets out of their guns. That was smart, huh?
Tank Girl: Booga, that was very smart.
Tank Girl: [has the Madam captive] Now - everybody throw down your guns or I scrape off all her make up!
[considers the Madam's face]
Tank Girl: This might take a really long time.
Jet Girl: You see, this tank isn't... isn't...
Tank Girl: What? Just one little adjective and we'll have a *whole* sentance. Isn't, glad, sad... mad... Lonely...
Jet Girl: Isn't... Operational.
Tank Girl: [seizes Jet by the throat] How do I know you're not lying?
Jet Girl: [choking] Because if, if I was lying, your lungs would be full of cyanide gas.
[Tank releases her]
Tank Girl: Cool! So we get a new tank.
Jet Girl: Now here's the situation. This bird has got no electrical and in about two minutes we're going to be kissing gravel, so listen to me you sperm sucker! Either you get off your butt and clear us for landing or I'm gonna fly this rocket right up your socket!
Soldier: [mockingly] That cut looks painful.
Tank Girl: I *like* pain.
Soldier: What else do you like?
Tank Girl: Hot oil. Vacuum attachments. Yup. Hey, which of you gorgeous guys would like an oil change, hmm?
[the Soldier starts to get up]
Second Soldier: Don't be stupid, she's gonna...
[the Soldier shakes him off]
Second Soldier: ...bite it off.
Soldier: [stands in front of her and puts his gun to her head] The moment I feel teeth, you feel lead.
[He unzips his pants, she does nothing]
Soldier: Well? What are you waiting for?
Tank Girl: I'm gonna need a microscope and tweezers, it's like, uh...
[furious, the Soldier knees her in the face, while the others laugh and snicker]
Tank Girl: Whoa... you're gonna have to stop this... you're really getting me hot.
[the soldier kneels down and tries to rape her, but she raises both legs and wrenches his neck with her boots, killing him instantly; all the soldiers yell "FREEZE!" and train their guns in her face]
Tank Girl: ...What?
Tank Girl: Look, it's been swell, but the swelling's gone down.
Kesslee: The pipe. You're gonna really love this one. It goes down 40 meters.
[throws a marble down the pipe]
Kesslee: It gets smaller and smaller the deeper you go.
Tank Girl: Sounds wicked. Can I go first?
Tank Girl: Listen up, cause I'm only telling you this once. I'm not bedtime story lady, so pay attention. It's 2033. The world is *screwed* now. You see, a while ago this humongous comet came crashing into the earth. Bam, total devastation. End of the world as we know it. No celebrities, no cable TV, no water. It hasn't rained in 11 years. Now 20 people gotta squeeze inside the same bathtub - so it ain't all bad.
Booga: I was a dog, but because I was really good, they moved me up to human being status.
[Looks down his mutant body]
Booga: Ehh... sort of.
Tank Girl: [shakes fists around] Oh I'm so pretty!
[continues shaking fists and begins to dance from foot to foot]
Tank Girl: Oh, I'm gonna hit you so hard, your children will be born bruised!
Che'tsai: All the king's horses and all the king's men... wish they had the technology I have.
[looking at a girl on the tv screen in the dressing room]
Tank Girl: I can get you out!
Tank Girl: The Rippers are a demonic army of bloodthirsty, human eating, purse snatchin', mutant creatures.
Soldier: You've been stealing water.
[points his gun in Rebecca's face]
Soldier: Not smart.
Second Soldier: Whoa, whoa, whoa! We could have a lot of fun with this one.
[Rebecca's pet cow lows]
Soldier: Well, well... don't you know you shouldn't own animals?
[shoots the bull]
Soldier: There's a water shortage.
Tank Girl: [spits in his face] There's your water!
Sgt. Small: What the hell is that?
Trooper Wayne: Sounds like Cole Porter, sir.
Sgt. Small: [points his gun] End it!
Trooper Wayne: Sir!
T-Saint: I say we kill 'em!
Donner: I say we hump 'em.
Booga: I say we eat crumpets and tea.
Deetee: Tasty! Crumpets and tea. All in favor of crumpets and tea, say "Aye."
T-Saint: Shut up! Ain't gonna be no crumpets and tea.
T-Saint: Prison, my ass. That's exactly what they want us to think.
Booga: Or better yet, that isn't what they want us to think, that way we'll think what they think we might think, but actually...
T-Saint: Try not to speak.