Friend: God, Evie, if you were going to turn gay, you'd think you could at least choose someone's who's pretty.
Evie: I didn't say I was gay. I said I was in love.
Randy: I don't want to shock you or anything, but I really want to hold your hand right now. I've been wanting to hold your hand all day.
Evie: I've held hands with a girl before.
Randy: With a girl like me?
Evie: No I guess not. But what's the worst that could happen?
Randy: We could get the shit kicked out of us is all.
Evie: Just for holding hands? I don't believe that.
Randy: God Evie, you are so sheltered.
Evie: [holding out her hand] Then unshelter me.
Evelyn Roy: We're having a little crisis on our hands. We're trying to get Evie to come out with her new friend... Randy?
Friend: Randy's already out, Mrs. Roy.
Friend #2: I don't think that's what she meant.
Randy: You know I hate math... and English... and History.
[after Wendy's husband has grabbed Randy by the neck and threatened her]
Wendy: I just wanted to say that you-know-who is all brawn and no bite.
Randy: Thanks for the info.
[Lena is knocking on doors at the motel looking for Evie and Randy and finds two elderly women in one room]
Lena: Hi, I'm looking for two teenage girls.
Old Lady: Did our husbands send you?
Randy: I'll have a beer.
Waitress: What kind?
Randy: A Mick.
Waitress: A what?
Randy: A Mick... ya know, Michelob?
Waitress: You got ID?
Randy: [pretends to look for ID] Shit, ya know, I must've left it at work.
Waitress: No ID, no Mick.
Randy: Alright then, I'll have a cup of joe.
Waitress: A what?
[both girls look at her incredulously]
Waitress: Just kidding, two cups of coffee coming up.
Randy: Everyone's got to be a kidder.
Evie: I know this sounds weird but I just can't put the air in the tires because I think they're going to blow up in my face.
Randy: Well, actually, you know, tires don't blow up from having air put in them, but um, I'll put some air in it if you want me to.
Evie: I'm at my wit's end. I really am. I don't know what to do anymore.
Randy: Try going out with a married woman.
Evie: Excuse me?
Randy: Oh nothing. I just said everybody needs love, that's all.
Evelyn Roy: Evie, do you have something you want to tell me?
Evie: What? No.
Evelyn Roy: Honey, if you can't tell me, you can't tell anyone. You know that.
Evie: Mom, why is it that every time I try to separate from you, which is a totally normal adolescent impulse, and in fact, crucial to my adult development, you come back with that weird thing about me telling you what I can't tell the rest of the world?
Evelyn Roy: [as Randy runs out of bedroom] It's a girl! Get her out of here!
Frank: I swear I don't know where they are.
Regina: Frank, do you want us to torture you, or what?
Frank: You already are torturing me.
Vicky: Don't hurt him, darling.
Evelyn Roy: Frank, you have to tell us where they are. We have a major crisis on our hands.
Lena: I'll let you borrow my boxing gloves, Frank.
Frank: Oh Jeez.
Randy: Some asshole at work called me "sir" again today.
Randy: [after admitting she's having a fling with a married woman] You're not weirded out, are you?
Evie: No. No. Not at all. I mean, why should I be?
Randy: Well, most people are. At least most people at our school.
Evie: Well, I'm not most people.
Randy: I think proms are stupid.
Vicky: God, I would've given anything to go to the prom if I had a girlfriend in high school.
Lena: I went to the prom with a girl.
Vicky: Going with your sister doesn't count, Lena.
Lena: She's a good dancer.
Regina: Don't tell me you wouldn't want to go to the prom with your girlfriend, Randy.
Randy: First off, I don't have a girlfriend. Second off, I think proms are stupid. And third off, if I went to the prom, I would go with Frank.
Lena: Frank's a good dancer.
Hayjay: Why do you always make everything an intellectual thing? You never see things from an emotional point of view.
Randy: I like poems. I mean, do you like Billie Holiday? I think she's kind of a poet.
Lena: [Reading off the nutritional facts on a bag of chips] Mono and diglycerides...
Vicky: Lena, if you don't stop reading that stuff out loud, I'm going to kill you.
Evie: Listen, if you guys can't handle it, then you can just dump me right now and not be my friends any more. I'm telling you though, I am still the same Evie. If you can't take it, then you can just get up and leave and we'll never have to speak again.
Randy: What's symbiotic mean?
Evie: It means when you're really, really close to someone. Like, too close. Like um... an infant and its mother.
Randy: I knew that.
Randy: Evie, there's somebody downstairs. Evie! What if it's a murderer or something?
Evie: [nonchalantly] Okay.
Randy: [about Mozart's Requiem] What are they saying?
Evie: I have no idea. Something in Latin. Isn't it beautiful?
Randy: How do you know it's beautiful if you can't understand it?
Evie: You just know.
Evie: This is a really great cookbook... Antoine's. It's amazing.
Randy: Who's Antoine?
Evie: I don't know.
Randy: You don't know?
Randy: Why do you have his cookbook?
Friend: Um, you know, you should see if you can get that movie on video, Evie. It was pretty good.
Evie: I think that people should act out of love, not obligation.
Randy: [Practicing what to say to Evie] Hey, Evie, you wanna meet my weird family and eat organic pasta at my house?
Hayjay: Evie, why haven't we seen each other?
Evie: Why? Why is the sky blue, okay? Why does the earth turn? Why are people the way they are? Why isn't anyone fighting for change?
Hayjay: I don't know.
Evie: Why does Ted always tell you what to do? Why do you always listen to him?
Hayjay: Wait a minute, I'm asking you a simple question. It deserves a simple answer.