Chris Tucker credited as playing...
Smokey
- Craig Jones: We ain't got no sugar.
- Smokey: No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either y'all got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn.
- Smokey: I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do.
- Smokey: I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the fuck up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.
- Smokey: Weed is from the earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage.
- [Pastor Clever drives up as Smokey rolls a joint]
- Craig Jones: Put that out, man, here come the pastor.
- Smokey: For what? Probably smoke bud too.
- Pastor Clever: How ya doin', Brother Craig? How ya doin'?
- Craig Jones: I'm all right.
- Pastor Clever: Um, say, um, by chance is Sister Jones in?
- Craig Jones: Nope. Neither is Brother Jones. They both at work.
- Smokey: [under his breath] Where yo' ass need to be, nigga.
- [he starts rolling again]
- Pastor Clever: 'Scuse me, brother. What we call drugs at 74th Street Baptist Church, we call a sinny-siiiiin-sin.
- Smokey: [singing] Well, 'round here, between Normandie and Western, we call this here a little twenty-twen-twen... niggaaaaa!
- Pastor Clever: Why don't ya just give me a little bit for my cataract.
- Smokey: You didn't put in on this, man.
- Pastor Clever: It's better to give than receive, my brother.
- Craig Jones: [looking across the street at Mrs. Parker] Look, look, look, she bendin' over!
- Pastor Clever: Lord have mercy! The Lord is my shepherd, he know what I want. Excuse me, brother.
- [he walks away]
- Pastor Clever: Mrs. Parker! Mrs. Parker! Can I talk to you for a minute, Mrs. Parker?
- Smokey: [to Craig] Told ya. The weed be lettin' ya know... evil lurks.
- Smokey: Older the berry, the sweeter the juice.
- Craig Jones: Man, it's the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
- Smokey: Yeah, well she blacker than a motherfucker too.
- Smokey: Damn! Mrs. Parker finer than a motherfucker.
- Craig Jones, Smokey: Hi, Mrs. Parker.
- Mrs. Parker: Hi, boys.
- Smokey: [quieter, but still audible] When you gonna let me *fuck* Mrs. Parker?
- Mrs. Parker: What you say, honey?
- Smokey: Huh? Nothing.
- Smokey: [after Craig knocks out Deebo] You got knocked the fuck out, man! Give me my goddamn money...
- [Smokey takes $200 from a knocked-out Deebo]
- Smokey: Payback's a motherfucker, ain't it? Nigga!
- [walking away]
- Smokey: Pow! Pow, Pow, POW!
- Red: [punches Deebo as he's getting up and takes chain back] My grandmama gave me this chain!
- Ezal: [slowly walks to Deebo] Deebo? DEEBO! Man, you shoulda been bobbin' and weavin'! Look 'it at ya! GET UP! Since you ain't, maybe I'll take these shoes!
- [struggling to take Deebo's shoe off]
- Ezal: Big... foot... motherfucker, you can *have* ya knife! 'Cause I *STEAL*, I don't *KILL*.
- Felisha: I need to borrow your car right quick.
- Smokey: What kinda shit is that? Most people wanna borrow sugar. Or even ketchup. You wanna borrow my car? Hell naw! Get the hell on.
- Felisha: Well, let me borrow a joint.
- Smokey: You need to borrow a job. With yo' broke ass. Always trying to smoke up somebody's shit. Get the hell on, Felisha.
- Felisha: I'ma remember that.
- Smokey: Remember it. Write it down, take a picture, I don't give a fuck!
- Felisha: Tsk.
- [realizes she can try her luck with Craig]
- Felisha: Craig.
- Craig Jones: [not bothering to look at her] Bye, Felisha.
- Felisha: Damn. Y'all stingy.
- [she leaves]
- Smokey: Why you not goin' to work?
- Craig Jones: I got fired yesterday.
- Smokey: No shit? I thought you had the day off yesterday.
- Craig Jones: I did. I went in to pick up my check, came home, my supervisor called me about four o'clock, told me he got me on tape stealing boxes.
- Smokey: The fuck you stealing boxes for? What you trying to build, a clubhouse?
- Craig Jones: Hell, no, ain't got me on tape. But they said they did. Fired me on the spot. Talkin' about pressin' charges.
- Smokey: Goddamn! You've got to be one stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off.
- Smokey's mom: Smokey, get me some cigarettes.
- Smokey: Well, give me some money.
- [Smokey's mom gives Smokey a dollar]
- Smokey: Wait, this isn't enough.
- Smokey's mom: Make it enough.
- Red: [after having his necklace snatched by Deebo] Hey, man, why didn't y'all help me!
- Smokey: [slouching in his chair] Man, I'm high.
- Red: Man, that's fucked up. If it was y'all, I would've helped y'all.
- Craig Jones: What about the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?
- Red: [pause, thinks about it] Oh, that was different.
- Smokey: Why don't you tell your daddy to comb his damn hair, look like some spiders is having a meetin' on his head.