True Lies (1994)
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Harry Tasker
[Harry is under the influence of a truth serum,in private room located on a deserted island]
Samir : Is there anything you'd like to tell me before we start?
Harry : Yeah. I'm going to kill you pretty soon.
Samir : I see. How, exactly?
Harry : First I'm going to use you as a human shield. Then I'm going to kill this guard over here with the Patterson trocar on the table. And then I was thinking about breaking your neck.
Samir : And what makes you think you can do all that?
Harry : You know my handcuffs?
Samir : Mmm-hmm.
Harry : [holds up his hands] I picked them.
[Samir gasps. Harry springs up from his chair and grabs Samir, using him as a shield while he kills the guard, then breaks Samir's neck]
[while preparing to fire a Harrier missile, from which Salim Abu Aziz is hanging from]
Harry : [presses the button] You're fired!
Harry : [holding Simon at the edge of an aquaduct] Son of a bitch, Did you think you can elude us forever, Carlos, huh?
Simon : Hey, you got the wrong guy! My name's Simon! Just let me go. There's no need to kill me. I haven't seen your...
[Harry and Gib remove their masks]
Simon : face. No, no, no I didn't see it, I didn't see it!
[realizes that it is Harry]
Simon : Oh, it's you! Hey, you still interested in that 'Vette at all?
Gib : Hey, Carlos? Game's over. Your career as an international terrorist is well documented.
Simon : No...
Gib : -Oh, yeah.
Simon : No...
Gib : Oh, yeah!
Simon : No!
Gib : OH, YEAH!
Simon : No, I sell cars! That's all! C'mon, I'm not a terrorist. I'm actually a complete coward, if I ever saw a gun, I'd...
Harry : [Harry takes his gun out and points it in Simon's face]
Simon : [Whining and pleading] Oh God, no, please don't kill me. I'm not a spy. I'm nothing. I'm navel lint! I have to lie to women to get laid, and I don't score much. I got a little dick, it's pathetic!
[Harry and Gib gave Simon a weird look, then Simon pees his pants]
Simon : Wha, uh, oh God. Would a spy pee himself, huh? Please, I'm not worth a bullet. Oh, mercy sir!
Harry : [Disgusted] Get the fuck out of here. Just go, just beat it.
Simon : No, no, as soon as I turn, you're gonna shoot me! You're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me!
Gib : [Gib and Harry get into their van] Get lost, dipshit.
[fires a few rounds into the ground near Simon]
Simon : [hitting on a woman at the party] Here, let me pour you some more champaigne. I gotta keep up the waiter bit, these stakeouts can be a little tricky you know, you never know if things can explode to a life or death situation, just stay low and I'll contact you later. Maybe you should give me your tele...
Harry : [puts his hand in Simon] So, we meet again Carlos.
Helen Tasker : [puts her lipstick case under Simon's chin] Honey, I'm gonna do him right here.
Harry : [proudly] Go for it.
Simon : Oh god.
[pees in his pants]
Helen Tasker : Fear is not an option.
[Simon runs out of the party nervously screaming]
Simon : [in a Chinese restaurant] Did you read the papers yesterday?
Helen Tasker : [whispers] Yes.
Simon : Sometimes a story's a mask for a covert operation. See "Two men killed in a restroom and two unidentified men in a running shootout ending at the Marriot."
Helen Tasker : That was you.
Harry Tasker : [listening to their conversation with Gib]
Simon : You see...
Harry Tasker : [whispers to Gib] That was me.
Simon : You're very good. You recognize my style. You're a natural at this.
Gib : The guy's a fake, man. He's taking credit for our moves.
Helen Tasker : What happened?
Simon : Hardly worth talking about. Two of them won't bother me again.
Gib : Unbelievable!
Helen Tasker : You chased one?
Simon : Something came over me. I just had to nail this guy no matter what the risk. Pretty hairy. I thought he had me a couple of times. But I can't take credit.
Helen Tasker : Why not?
Simon : It's the training. It shapes you into a lethal instrument. You react in a microsecond without thinking.
Gib : [laughing] I'm startin' to like this guy.
[Harry gives him a mean look]
Gib : [gets serious] We still gotta kill him. That's a given. You know.
Simon : [trying to sell Harry a Corvette with Simon driving] You see, it's not just a car. It's a total image. An identity you have to go for. This isn't some high-tech sports car. Tell you the truth, it doesn't even handle that great. But that's not the idea, is it? What are we talking about here? Pussy, right?
Harry : [fake laughs] Absolutely.
Simon : Let's face it, Harry. The 'Vette gets 'em wet.
Harry : [referring to Helen] So who are you working on right now?
Simon : I always got a few on the line. But there's this one chick I got right now. I got her panting like a dog. Its great.
Harry : What does she do?
Simon : Some sort of legal secretary. Married to some boring jerk.
Harry : Married to some boring jerk.
Simon : Aww, but she could be so hot if she wanted to. She's like all these babes, you get their pilot lit, they could suck start a leafblower. And she's got the most incredible body too and a pair of titties that make you wanna stand up and beg for buttermilk. Ass like a ten year old boy! AHAHAHAHA!
Simon : [Harry punches him in the face instantly breaking Simon's neck and the daydream ends] AHAHAHAHAHA!
[Harry has just returned from Helen's office and is shell-shocked]
Harry : Helen... Helen...
Gib : Helen...?
Harry : Helen...
Gib : It's got something to do with Helen, I'm guessing.
Harry : Helen...
Harry : [on the sidewalk next to their SUV] Helen... is having an affair!
Gib : [hugs him] Welcome to the club, man!
Simon : [leaning on Simon's corvette, having lunch] Okay, just ask yourself: What do women really want? You take these bored housewives, married to the same guy for years, they're stuck in a rut, then need some release! Promise of adventure, a hint of danger. I create that for them.
Harry : So basically, your lying your ass off the whole time. See, I can't do that.
Simon : What are you, a boy scout? No, no, no, think of it as playing a role as fantasy. I mean, you got to work on their dreams. Get them out of their daily surburban grind for a few hours.
Harry : But what about their husbands?
Simon : Dickless! I mean, let's face it, if they took care of business, I'd be out of business! You know what I mean?
Harry : [fake laughs] Those idiots!
Harry : [Loopy from the truth serum he's been given, in private room located on a deserted island] Ask me a question I would normally lie to.
Helen Tasker : [panicky] Are we gonna die?
Harry : Yep!
Helen Tasker : I'd say it's working.
Harry : They're gonna shoot us in the head or they gonna torture us to death or they gonna leave us here when the bomb blows up...
Helen Tasker : Harry!
Harry : Well, you see, this is the problem with terrorists. They're really inconsiderate when it comes to people's schedules.
Party Guard : [on the driveway of the castle] Can I see your invitation?
Harry : [takes out a cigarette case and presses a button on it] Sure, here's my invitation.
[blows shed sky-high]
Harry : [Harry is reading the tapped phone conversations from Helen, notices something, and quickly pulls the car over to the side of the road and up onto the curb]
Gib : [getting out of the passenger side] My turn to drive?
Harry : Give me the page!
Gib : What?
Harry : This jumps from page 9 to page 11, where's page 10?
Gib : [looks at paper] Must be a typo.
Harry : [shouts, breaks the window with his bare fist] Give me the goddamn page!
Harry : ok
[Gib looks at the window, and quickly grabs page 10 from his coat]
Harry : OK.
Harry : [viewing Aziz and his behind the railing on one of the upper balconies,trying to translate for Helen what Aziz is saying] In 90 minutes, the holy fire, will light up the skies.
[the terrorists are covering the nuclear warhead with an american flag and cement]
Harry : We will tell the the whole world, that we speak, the truth. No force can stop us now, we're cool, we're badasses, blah, blah, blah.
Helen Tasker : Honey, if we're on an island, why are they using trucks?
Harry : We must be in the Florida Keys. These are the islands that have highways that connect the islands to the mainland.
Helen Tasker : There's no borders, no customs. They can go anywhere in the U.S. They're will be no one to stop them.
Harry : But, us. Here take this
[hands Helen an Uzi]
Helen Tasker : [nervously] Oh, shit.
Harry : [translating the terrorist celebrations for Helen] ... We're cool, we're badasses, blah, blah, blah.
Harry : Put a tap on her phone.
Gib : What are you talking about? I already did that.
Harry : I'm talking about Helen's. Put a tap on her office line and the line to my house. Do it NOW.
Gib : Okay. All right. Just come over her. Sounds great. I just wanna ask you about something.
[takes him aside]
Gib : I got two words to describe that idea, in-sane. An unauthorized wire tap is a felony, pard...
Harry : [slams him up against the wall] And we're doing it twenty times a day! So don't give me that crap.
Harry : [to Juno, on her private plane] There *is* no us, you psychopathic bitch!
[Harry sticks an unconscious terrorist's head in a bathroom urinal and flushes it]
Harry Tasker : Cool off.
Harry : [regrettably to Helen] What can I say? I'm a spy.
Harry : [speaking to the horse] What the hell were you thinking? I had the guy, and you let him get away. Look at me when I talk to you. What kind of a cop are you anyway?