Richie Rich (1994)

Christine Ebersole: Mrs. Rich

Photos 

Quotes 

• [having forced Richard Sr. and Regina to open Mount Richmore, Van Dough finds that instead of money, it contains... baby pictures, comic books, baseball cards, finger paintings, and other bric-a-brac!] 

  Van Dough : This is incredible! This is amazing! This is -...

  [gets disillusioned] 

  Van Dough : This is... this is junk!

  Regina Rich : [they both look insulted]  Junk?

  Van Dough : Bronze dog bones? What - Accordions? Baby pictures, tricycles, kites...

  [picks up a] 

  Van Dough : Bowling trophies?

  Richard Rich Sr. : Oh, do you remember that, darling?

  Regina Rich : Our first date!

  Van Dough : What is all of this crap?

  Regina Rich : These are our priceless possessions!

  Van Dough : Where are the gold bars... the diamonds... the negotiable bearer bonds? The money!

  [points his gun at them] 

  Van Dough : WHERE'S THE MONEY?

  Richard Rich Sr. : In banks, where else? And the stock market, real estate...

  Van Dough : No! Is this some kind of joke? You're telling me there's not one single solitary gold bar, or emerald, or $1,000 bill in this *entire mountain*?

  Richard Rich Sr. : Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Lawrence, but that's not what we treasure.

  Van Dough : [to Ambler]  Shoot them! Shoot them now, please!

• Richard Rich Sr. : How do you put up with me, Regina?

  Regina Rich : Well, you do have $70 billion.

  Richard Rich Sr. : Is that the ONLY reason?

  Regina Rich : [she lightly gives him a smooch]  No. You also have a **cute butt**.

  [she walks away sensually, and he looks embarrassed, and then chuckles] 

  Richard Rich Sr. : Hey, Cadbury, did you hear that?

  Herbert Cadbury : [valiantly trying to maintain his supreme dignity and keep a straight face, while also feeling very awkward to be discussing --- or even a party to --- such a crude topic]  Indeed, sir. Madam admires your BUTT. I'm most dee-LIGHTed for you.

• [last lines] 

  Richard Rich Sr. : I must say, Regina, now our son really *is* the richest boy in the world.

  Regina Rich : He has *friends.*

  [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE] 

  Regina Rich : ... And in about half a year, he'll have something else that money can't give him, but *we* can.

  Richard Rich Sr. : [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE]  Oh? Whatever might *that* be?

  Regina Rich : [lightly pats her belly]  ... A baby sister.

  Herbert Cadbury : [Richard beams - as does Cadbury, who has been looking on from behind, and who now turns to a nearby mirror]  ... Well, old boy, here we go again.

• Van Dough : I'm all in favor of charity, sir. But your donations are costing the corporation $1 billion a year, and I think it's time we asked ourselves: What are we getting for it?

  Regina Rich : [incredulous]  What are we getting for it? Why, we're getting food banks, medical clinics, shelters for the homeless-!

  Richard Rich Sr. : Now, Regina, calm down! It's my job to keep an eye on the bottom line.

  Van Dough : Which is why I have to oppose the United Tool acquisition. We should be getting rid of dead weight, not acquiring more.

  Richard Rich Sr. : I agree. That's why I am getting rid of United Tool...

  Regina Rich : Richard! All those people and their jobs!

  Van Dough : That is brilliant. I should've thought of it myself. We buy the company in bankruptcy, level the factories...

  Richard Rich Sr. : No, I'm keeping the factory open.

  Van Dough : Then we go in and bust the unions, slash benefits, and after that sell the company. Right?

  Richard Rich Sr. : No. We give it away.

  Van Dough : [bangs his hand down on the table, and snaps his finger]  We git it a - -

  [suddenly looks despaired] 

  Van Dough : We give it away.

  Richard Rich Sr. : Absolutely! We modernize it, of course, and retool. Then we turn the factory over to the workers.

• Richard Rich Sr. : [singing the passcode to open the family vault]  We ain't got a barrel of money.

  Regina Rich : Maybe we're ragged and funny.

  Richard Rich Sr. , Regina Rich : But we'll travel along-singing our song-side by side.

  Vault Security System : Code accepted.

  Van Dough : Thank you, Beavis and Butthead.

• Richard Rich Sr. : Mount Richmore? I did say that we needed a family portrait, Regina. But this?

  Regina Rich : Well, it was Rafaelle's idea. She's the artist. I didn't want to stifle her creativity.

  Richard Rich Sr. : Oh, honey. You know I'm all for the arts. But don't you think it's a tad pretentious to have our faces 100 feet high? Wait 'til Geraldo gets a hold of this!

• [after the laser gun has destroyed the nose on her Mount Richmore carving] 

  Regina Rich : Oh, my God, my nose! I look like Michael Jackson!

• Richard Rich Sr. : [on Prof. Keenbean's Smellmaster 9000]  Darling. We have Glasses to help us SEE better, and hearing aids to help us HEAR better. Why shouldn't we have something to help us SMELL better?

  Regina Rich : We do, dear. It's called Chanel.

• [after surviving a plane crash, they are on a raft in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean] 

  Richard Rich Sr. : Well, that's it, honey. We're out of Perrier, the caviar's gone, and there's no more melba toast. The only thing we've got left is a bottle of Dom.

  Regina Rich : And this little pack of Bubblicious. Richie's favorite. He's only twelve years old, Richard. He's just a boy...

  [She looks past him and notices something] 

  Regina Rich : Oh, my God! We're saved!

  Richard Rich Sr. : What?

  Regina Rich : My Louis! Darling, my suitcase.

  [It is floating nearby; In another scene, Richard Senior brings it aboard the raft, and they examine the contents] 

  Regina Rich : My makeup case, my dresses, my Karl Lagerfeld, my Bill Blass...

  Richard Rich Sr. : My tuxedo. Now we can throw a dinner party - Wait a minute. Here's something we CAN use.

  [He holds up a Remington "Microscreen" electric razor and flips the switch, then beams and chuckles in delighted relief as it powers on] 

  Regina Rich : Richard, don't you think this is an odd time to start shaving your legs?

  Richard Rich Sr. : No, Regina. This is might be the very thing that saves us. The very thing. Yes!

  Regina Rich : Richard, darling, you've been too long at sea.

• Regina Rich : [still lost at sea]  Richard, if we ever get out of this, I'm gonna soak for a week in a vat of Oil of Olay... Why haven't they found us yet?

  Richard Rich Sr. : Probably because the locator-transmitter in the plane is under a mile of water. So unless we find a Radio Shack out here at sea, we can forget about getting my Dadlink to work.

  Regina Rich : There's only one person ruthless enough to set off a bomb on our plane. When I get my fingers on him, I'll-...

  Richard Rich Sr. : Now, Regina, we don't know for sure who it was.

  Regina Rich : Oh, Richard, wake up and smell the seaweed.

  [assuming that he knows she means Van Dough] 

  Regina Rich : You should have fired him years ago!

  Richard Rich Sr. : Darling, I have never fired anyone in my life, and I don't intend to start now.

  Regina Rich : But, Van Dough!

  [she shirks in disgust at him] 

  Richard Rich Sr. : He thought Richie was on the plane with us.

  [becomes a newsflash to both of them] 

  Richard Rich Sr. : Regina, we have to survive! If only to warn Richie, his life could be in real danger.

• Regina Rich : [frantically]  He's trying to kill us!

  Richard Rich Sr. : [calmly]  I know, dear.

• Regina Rich : [They are boarding a plane bound for England]  Oh, Richard, you're not seriously considering giving the queen the Smellmaster for her birthday?

  Richard Rich Sr. : Why not, Regina? I think she'd get a kick out of it! Anything to take her mind off those children of hers.

• Richard Rich Sr. : [as Regina is dangling from the glasses of Rich Sr's Mount Richmore face, being held onto by Richie and Rich Sr]  I'm gonna swing you into my mouth.

  Regina Rich : [frantically]  In you mouth?

  Richard Rich Sr. : [calmly]  In my mouth.

  Regina Rich : [frantically]  In your mouth?

  Richard Rich Sr. : [calmly]  It's large enough.

• Regina Rich : [sees her statue counterpart's nose after it got blasted]  Oh my god, my nose. I look like Michael Jackson.