Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994) Poster

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2/10
"They've been doing this act for over a hundred years."
The_Movie_Cat16 December 2001
What is it that's so resolutely unfunny about Mission to Moscow? Is it the lifeless direction? The disinterested performances? The lack of atmosphere? The joke-free script? It's all of these things, of course, but there's also something inexplicably poor about it that you just can't quite put your finger on.

The regulars are the major weak point. While the guest cast have the misjudged enthusiasm to irksomely overact, all the usual culprits seem embarrassed by the whole thing. None of them sell their underwritten, reheated lines, and the fact that Bubba Smith and Marion Ramsey failed to sign up is a damning indictment. What comes through the screen, from George Gaynes to David Graf, is the sense of souls bleeding. "Please get me a proper job, there must be a better way to pay my mortgage" these actors scream with every fibre of their being. Leslie Easterbrook gets her usual single "my character's got big breasts" joke - why does she even bother to sign up for this crap? Michael Winslow looks old, tired, and frankly bored with the whole thing. Was his involvement only confirmed at the last minute? Because while he gives a curiously muted performance throughout, the script also fails to accommodate his talents in almost any way. Note that this is the ONLY Police Academy sequel in which he doesn't do his (admittedly run into the ground) "Bruce Lee" schtick.

Police Academy managed to keep up the same level of quality between films three to six - they were all rubbish. But even by their low standards Mission to Moscow plumbs the depths, making Citizens on Patrol look like Annie Hall. New recruit Charlie Schlatter, there for the completely incongruous love interest theme, is never funny and the Russian characters are the crass stereotypes you'd expect. Any film that promises "we're going to kick buttski" is clearly dumber than is tolerable, and a tasteless reference to Chernobyl doesn't help matters.

The only Police Academy film made outside the 80s, it was produced five years after the last one - why?!!?? Was there a big demand in the market for sh*te? Some cartoon sound effects (whistles, birdcall, etc.) are added to the action to try and pep things up, but this really is a DOA of a movie. True to form (or should that be formula?) it ends with an extended chase sequence that is neither suspenseful nor convincing.

Just look at scenes like the one where G.W. Bailey gets hit in the face with stew. The stew is clearly missing his face and just lands on his chin, so Bailey (the only regular who tries) moves his face so that the full brunt of the stew will land on it. This dedication to duty is admirable, but also perfectly highlights the sloppy desperation of the whole thing.

The series' move from the teen fodder of the first two, 15 certificate, movies had been subverted into the last five, PG cert entries. This is at its lowest ebb here; a comedy that seems wholly aimed at the under-5s and doesn't know what to do with its characters. Russian acrobats entertain the kiddies while its ... er... "stars"... are left to stand around like second bananas, giving unfunny reaction shots.

Maybe it's the "fish out of water" feel of it all, with the somewhat flat Russian espionage themes failing to ignite. But whatever it is, Mission to Moscow feels like a TV sitcom with the canned laughter track removed. In any other franchise this would be described as an "unfortunate, sad end" to the series. With Police Academy however, finishing with one of the unfunniest comedies of all time seems strangely apt. 2/10.
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A serious drama about mental illness
adrian_knott17 December 2001
Imagine having your testicles ripped off by a Grizzly and you're half way to appreciating how painful an experience this movie is. Whatever you thought about the previous Police Academy movies (and I'm not particularly fond of any of them) they at least fitted in to the genre of comedy. This one creates it's own sub-genre: the anti-comedy. There's not a single joke in the entire film that makes any sense, and this is partly due to the fact that the script reads as though it was translated from English into Russian and then back again. And I'm not trying to insult the Russians. They get a hard enough time in the movie. If the makers of this film are to be believed, the Russian people are a humourless bunch, and so you imagine that the producers thought that a film with absolutely no humour in it would go down a storm with Moscow audiences. Now, I've never seen a Russian comedy, but I think it's safe to bet that they're better than this.

In one scene, a character batters a hole in a hotel room door using an ice bucket stuck to his head. I don't know why, and it's typical of this film that you're never quite sure what it is you're supposed to be laughing at. The jokes just rattle on and on like this making no sense whatsoever.

If you were to convince yourself that what you were actually watching was a serious drama about the mental illness of a high-ranking police officer lost in Moscow, you might get some perverse pleasure out of this. On the video packet, though, the distributors assure us that it's a comedy, so you can't even give the film the benefit of the doubt.

It's interesting to note that after the Police Academy team's adventure in Moscow, the authorities saw fit to let them back into their own country, where they went on to make Police Academy : The Series which is, believe it or not, even worse than this.

Best to watch this drunk. And with the television switched off.
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1/10
Moronic piece of retarded trash
assassin00725 January 2007
"Kicking buttski. Making you laughski. The Academy is backski!"

What the hell is that even meant to mean!!?? I cannot think of a single Russian word (apart from the obvious "Russki") that ends with "ski". This is just one of the many idiotic retarded things in this movie. The story makes no sense. Why would Russians want to hire a bunch of American loudmouths to hunt down some supposed "Russian" gangster who doesn't look, sound, or talk like a Russian. What kind of a Russian surname is "Konali" anyway? And he's planning to take over the world with a stupid video game about a bear who runs around punching people? WHAT THE HELL!? The jokes aren't funny and the acting is crap. Whoever made this movie should be dragged through their own vomit.

This movie a dumbski piece of crapski.
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Awful
Big Movie Fan20 August 2002
The original Police Academy movie was the best comedy film ever in my opinion. Ten years after it's release we got to see the quite awful Police Academy 7.

It ruins the spirit of a film series when later installments fail to match up to the original. The Police Academy films were brilliant with the exception of Part 4 but even Part 4 was better than this.

For starters, it was too serious. The first six Police Academy films had our heroes battling bumbling foes such as street punks and bumbling diamond thieves. But in this movie the heroes battled the Russian mafia. It didn't seem right.

There were very few laughs in this movie, in fact there were none really. Maybe it would have been better if there had been more laughs and a less serious storyline. Being serious didn't do this film any justice.

I felt real disappointed when I first watched this in 1994 because it got me thinking about how I had sat in a cinema ten years earlier enjoying a really funny movie.
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now it's stupid
mcfly-3117 July 1999
I now know how everyone felt about these films. The first six I got through ok, I have a pretty wide sense of humor. But this, oh is it awful. I mean come on, George Gaynes is now the lead actor in the credits?! Bubba's gone, Matt McCoy's gone, not even Lance Kinsey's Proctor came back. And poor Charlie Schlatter. Six years ago he was starring opposite the legendary George Burns in "18 Again," and now he's doing stuff like this. I feel for ya, bro. But as far as the film goes, here's what passed for a joke: Gaynes getting into the wrong car and riding with strangers...oh stop, your killin me! And way too painful sight gags like Bailey's inner ear being yanked with an earpiece through a wall. Mmm, that was just tough to watch, not funny. I have to come clean here, though. I did not see this entire movie. I gave it 45 minutes but just couldn't take it anymore, it was just too putrid. I didn't even get my customary smile at the opening credits when Robert Folk's familiar P.A. theme started up... they revamped the damn thing! Yuck, stay away from this dreck.
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One weak, stupid pratfall after another
bob the moo27 October 2002
The fine men and women of the Police Academy get seconded to Moscow to help the police there deal with the threat of the Moscow Mafia. Namely one Konstantine Konali who has invented a video game that is sweeping the nation. He plans a sequel that will include a piece of software that will him access to any computer that comes in contact with the game. Can the officers get enough evidence before he succeeds? Meanwhile Lassard gets lost and moves in with a Russian family.

I always feel that when even the support characters start to back out of a film series then you're onto a loser. Surely the fact that even Steve Guttenberg felt he'd had enough by part 4 should have told the makers and the audience that enough was enough. The plot is – oh arse, what's the point!!? Imagine all the characters being allowed to get into all sorts of stupid and unlikely situations all in the name of dumb jokes and you'll have an idea of what this is about. The plot of bringing down the Russian mob is only evident at the start and end – the rest of it is just one silly pratfall after another. Some of it is amusing – I've always found Lassard's innocent wanderings to be pretty funny and the only smile I had was where he wnet off with a Russian family!

None of the cast have anything approaching ambition or drive. They seem happy to be sitting in their cartoon characters for 7 movies! Gaynes is as dopey as ever but I like that. Graf is dead now and it's sad to think this is his legacy. I have seen him in other films and he's OK when he's not just shouting and firing comedy guns. Winslow needs to get a new act – does anyone find `the human sound effect' funny anymore? Easterbrook is blonde with large breasts – and that's all the film needs her to do. Schlatter makes a weak lead man and is real poor. But wait – my God but who are these support actors?

Is that Claire Forlani? Why yes it is, well I suppose she was still at the bottom of her career ladder. Oh no – tell me that isn't Ron Perlman, but it was and he just seems content to be in an American movie no matter how bad it is. Worse still is the fact that Christopher Lee is in this at all – I know he is having a great spell at the moment but is this how low he sunk at one point?

Overall this has almost no smiles in it never mind laughs of any form. Even die hard fans of the series and idiots who laugh when they see the colour red will struggle with this.
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1/10
Shocking. Truly shocking.
Herr Gruber28 August 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Resting down on the toilet, I released my bowels.

Police Academy: Mission To Moscow splattered all over the toilet bowl.

Good lord, it stunk. I mean really, really stunk. I had to open the window.

Mrs. Blandflapp from next door could even smell it. " Hey, Gruber! Have you been shitt*ng out Police Academy 7 again? Stop it or I'll take legal action."

This 'movie' is truly a shocker. It lacks humour, atmosphere and virtually everything else required to make a film watchable.

My insane cousin loves it, though. He splits his pants at the sight of Lassard getting into a funeral hearse and later spitting out an egg. He drips urine at the sight of Captain Harris dressed as a ballerina. My cousin is also completely mental and dangerous.
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1/10
What happened?
GrandMaster_E31 May 2003
This film is the worst film that I have ever seen in my entire life. Where is Guttenberg and all the funny charachters? Why is the tall, blonde women being betin up? What in every courses names is going on in this movie? The first movie in this serie was good. The second one good, third one good, fourth was funny at it's places and so was also the case of the fifth...number six was very bad and number seven is so f***ing bad that im crying when i see the piece of crap.
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1/10
Nothing else to do, and still a waste of time.
Mercury782 November 2002
I saw this film when I was on a 9 hour ferry crossing, I didn't even have to pay to go and see it, and it was still the most painfully stupid and unfunny film I have ever sat through. I actually quite liked the first film, being young and impressionable it made me laugh. But this was just embarrassing.

I'm very happy to help this film out with its progress up the IMDB list of worst films of all time. 1/10.
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1/10
Zero out of Five
bronsonskull7229 March 2006
This time the remaining recruits (Gaynes,Winslow,Bailey,Easterbrook and Graf) are back this time to help Russia fight off a computer programmer/mobster who plans on ruling the world with a strange video game in what is unquestionably one of cinema's worst movies ever. Yes it's that awful. I don't give many movie Zero stars, because I like giving at least a full star rating, but this sequel is just so awful one cannot even believe their eyes when watching this worthless tripe. Is there one laugh to be found in the entire movie? Well, yes there was one scene that had me laughing, it's how the news reporter is supposed to be hooked on "The Game" but there is actually no video game inside the unit. Aside from that this is so awful that it doesn't even deserved to be mentioned in the same sentence as comedy, indeed it doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence of Police Academy 5! The only positive spin I can perhaps put on Mission To Moscow is that it most likely killed the series, and even if it didn't, there's no possible way a sequel could be worse than this.

0/5 Matt Bronson
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4/10
"Could've Been Better!"
gwnightscream16 July 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Michael Winslow, David Graff, Leslie Easterbrook, Charlie Schlatter, Claire Forlani, Ron Perlman, G.W. Bailey, George Gaynes and Christopher Lee star in this 1994 comedy sequel. In this final entry, Commandant Lassard (Gaynes) and his team of misfits, Jones (Winslow), Tackleberry (Graf), Callahan (Easterbrook) and Harris (Bailey) visit Moscow to stop a Soviet mobster, Constantine Konali (Perlman) In the process, Lassard unwittingly becomes a member of a Russian family. Schlatter plays rookie cop, Kyle Connors who has vertigo, Forlani plays Katrina, a woman who Connors gets romantic with and Lee plays Soviet Commander, Ratkov. I think this could've been better and upset that Bubba Smith and Marion Ramsay were not in it.
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1/10
Can it get any worse?????????
Old Crow-210 March 2000
This movie is one of the worst films I´ve ever seen. I didn´t laugh at all during this total flop. I can´t believe the Police Academy went this far! They should´ve stopped years ago!!!!!!!!

This movie is bad bad bad, perhaps worse than the worst movies I´ve seen. There´s nothing positive to say about this. Expect that if we are lucky, there won´t be any other parts in this series!

-10 out of 10 (SUCKS BIG TIME!!!!!!!)
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Even the tagline suckski!
MovieAddict20165 August 2003
Terribly unfunny addition to the "Police Academy" series involving no plot whatsoever. Guttenberg is gone, Goldthwait is gone, and pretty much the entire original cast is gone. Not that they were any good to begin with.

Continuity errors, including charactrs' names being misspelled on numerous occasions, make this (hopefully!) the last "Police Academy" film to come along. I'd actually like to see another one made, just so I can say, without a doubt, that this is the most-milked franchise ever.

0/5 stars -

John Ulmer
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1/10
100% Laugh-free
Remington32004 March 2012
Putting it as simply as I can so as to truly convey my contempt for this film: many of us have heard people use the line "two hours of my life I'll never get back" to describe a movie they disliked, and there really isn't anyone alive who doesn't find that phrase old and tired. This is the only movie I've ever bothered to use a version of that line on (thankfully, it's only 83 minutes, not two hours) out loud, because no other obscenity-free phrase describes it.

I've seen some terrible movies in my day, but up until sitting through this one I never found myself actually ANGRY at a movie for being terrible. This movie is supposed to be a comedy, and I'm not exaggerating at all when I say I found it to be ONE HUNDRED PERCENT laugh-free. There's not even a single accidental funny moment anywhere in all 83 minutes. Awful. Horrible.

I implore anyone who hasn't seen this movie yet to avoid it like the plague. Your 83 minutes could be spent better doing almost anything else.
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A masterpiece.
autumnshowers31 July 2003
After perusing some of the other reviews of this superb film, it occurred to me that most -- if not all -- reviewers are simply missing the point of this film. Yes, it is a light hearted, often brilliantly funny comedy, but it is also a serious and reverent look at Russian culture, shown in perhaps the only truly effective way it can be shown, from the perspective of a policeman in training. A cop on the street, a cop on the beat. I challenge you to watch this film, and take the title to heart: Mission to Moscow. Make it your mission to enter the heart of this great city seen through the eyes and ears of both comic genius and police authority. This is not a film to be missed, and is one of the few great cinematic achievements of our time.
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c'mon....... (WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD !)
the_silent_man6 February 2003
Warning: Spoilers
oh man, this is one of the worst films ever, if not THE worse! Just think about it: the first film was kinda good, the second and third ones were OK ( class reunion anyone ?duhhhhh...) but telling the same joke four times is ENOUGH !!!This film just breaks all the rules... It's all there: that guy who does funny noises with his mouth, the sargeant that tries to bring Cmdr. Lassard(is that right?) down, that Tackleberry guy... all of them doing the same things in the most predictable situations. The plot itself is so slight: Cmdr Lassard and his protegés get called by the Russian police(what?)to investigate about a bunch of "criminals" that made fortune selling videogames(!)and are believed to be smuugling diamonds... Meanwhile, all sorts of stuff happen: crappy cadet falls in love with ice-cold but cute Russian cop... In the end, everything works out OK: the cadet gets the cop, and everybody can return to the US safe and sound.... I can't believe that good artists such as Christopher Lee and Claire Forlani agreed to take part in this.... what a waste !This film is as tasteful as a bagful of garbage... AVOID AT ANY COSTS !!!
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10/10
Funny movie!
lady_y11 November 1999
I see that rating of this movie are not high but this is in USA. May be if you are Russian, you like it more? Anyway, never seen such a charming Russian gangster like Konali. I also thought that after losing Steve Guttenberg as Mahoney "Police academy" will never really come back again, I didn't like too much 5 and 6 movies. But it happened and although it has some boring scenes, I liked Russian mafia (the first time! *smile*), scenes in theater and restaurant and the idea of kidnapping *smile*. Yes, I like this movie. A lot.
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1/10
It's uhm, in color
Sandcooler24 September 2005
God, I don't even know where to start here. This movie is not just awful, the only thing to describe it is surreal or hypnotic. This is a comedy without any jokes, no story, no anything. It's not hard to get why this is the last credit for both screenwriters. We see something with a bellboy in a hotel, then something with Lassard getting in the wrong car, some bike tricks with Jones, just try to make a plot out of this. The actors all look incredibly bored, even the new guy seems like he's already sick of these movies. The attempts to humour are just really bizarre. Of course you have the usual reused jokes from the original, but now they've added weird cartoon sound effects to them like you're on a really bad trip. In reality you're just watching a really bad movie. Really it's no surprise this movie tanked, just check out the tagline. Oh God the tagline. Kicking buttski(cringe). Make you laughski(roll up in a ball). The academy is YAAARGH back...ski. Excuse me I'm going to hang myself now.
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8/10
Excellent film!!
vickyangel17 December 2001
Excellent film, really funny and Charlie Schlatter really made the film worth seeing. There was humour, action and romance, and well something in it for everyone to see. I really enjoyed it and recomend it to all Charlie Schlatter fans!!
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10/10
I'm in de bathrooooom...
fugu_28624 October 2001
Warning: Spoilers
SPOILERS (as if anybody cares!)

I just found this movie on IMDB's Bottom 150 films and as a longtime fan of the PA series, decided to watch it again to see if it's really as bad as people are claiming it to be.

Folks, it's not THAT bad...

It's just your average slapstick comedy of errors. I wonder how many people that trashed this film actually watched it. And I wonder if they are the same ones that sing the praises of Deuce Bigelow Male Gigolo. There is at least two genuinely funny scenes, one of which I referred to in the subject. I won't spoil the other one for you. The plot isn't completely contrived either. The premise of the Russian video game as a criminal tool is great. I wish it had been explored further. Konstantin Kanali (Ron Pearlman) is genuinely funny and charismatic. Cmdt. Lasard (George Gaines) also steals a few scenes. I never tire of his deadpan expression.

This isn't Citizen Kane but it might induce a few chuckles. Just don't try to analyze it as if it were the Godfather.

**/*****
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5/10
Looks like the last of a redoubtable series
John Seal11 December 1999
Call me weird, but I have always enjoyed the Police Academy movies, and I found this one a pleasant diversion thanks to guest stars Christopher Lee and Ron Perlman. It's as silly as ever, but quite inoffensive, and Ian Jones captures some wonderful Moscow locations. Just think, without the fall of the Berlin wall, this film would not have been possible! Rife with continuity errors (look at the car windows during the chase sequence, and note that Perlman's character's last name is spelled differently on a manifest than it appears elsewhere), this was obviously filmed on the cheap. I like it anyway.
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10/10
Low budget comedy movies never work.
Bosco 55th5 August 1999
We should all know low budget comedy movies with a storyline never works. Besides, it was the seventh sequel. You shouldn't expect that much from this movie. As a loyal fan to the earlier Police Academy movies...I am forced to like it.
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10/10
Police Academy rules the world!
on_the_line6 August 2011
Any Police Academy film is worth 1 million 'The Hangover's'. I don't get people who only like the first Police Academy. The Police Academy franchise has brought us many, many, wonderful, wonderful, films. They are all excellent. I still can't decide whether number 3 :Back In Training is better than the first film. I am yet to find any other film that replicates the wonderful style of comedy put forward in the Police Academy films. I can't wait for the 8th film to be released and if brain-dead haters, who can't work out that the films are supposed to be ridiculous, stop the 8th film from being released, then the world will reap my vengeance.
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1/10
god help us all.
s-woodier2 October 2007
enthusiastically, i took my best friend to this film. he is still not speaking to me. the audience were silent for the whole movie (except for the ones who were demanding a refund, and that was more or less everyone.) my other friend is blind and deaf and even he was finding it a struggle.this film must be quarantined for all our sakes. if there is an outbreak of police academy 7, we are all dead. the actors all look like someone has got a gun pointing at them from behind the camera. In reality, it is the audience who are pointing guns at them. I will never forgive warner bros. for tricking people into going to see this monstrosity.
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1/10
I'm glad my power button works.
JRGBUCS16 July 2000
After 6 movies, couldn't they buy better writing? Or at least better acting? The slapstick is the dumbest I ever seen. Harris is just dumb, not funny anymore, in fact that goes for the whole group. If you want to see a good PA movie, just watch the first one. BTW, I love it when they show the Russians speaking English to each other, even when there are no Americans around.
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