The Flintstones (1994)
John Goodman: Fred Flintstone
Photos
Quotes
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Fred Flintstone : We'll make new friends, there's 4,000 other people in this world!
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Barney Rubble : You know, Fred, I hear that eatin' too much red meat is bad for you.
Fred Flintstone : What a load of bunk! My father ate it every day of his life and he lived to the ripe old age of thirty-eight.
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[Dino grabs one of the steaks off the grill and runs away]
Fred Flintstone : Hey, Barn, you like your steak rare?
Barney Rubble : Yeah.
Fred Flintstone : That one's yours.
[Barney chases Dino]
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Wilma : [when Barney and Betty are waiting for their adopted child] Fred? And promise me you won't say anything like what you did when you saw my sister's baby.
Fred Flintstone : The kid had a tail? What was I supposed to do? Pretend I didn't notice?
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Barney Rubble : You're afraid to tell Wilma, aren't you?
Fred Flintstone : [skids the car to an abrupt halt] Afraid? Now let's get this straight, Rubble, I don't need permission from my wife to make a decision. In my cave, I reign supreme, *su-PREME*!
Barney Rubble : I won't tell her, Fred.
Fred Flintstone : [relieved] Thanks, pal.
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Fred Flintstone : I'm only one man.
Barney Rubble : Not from the back.
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Wilma : I cannot believe you just sat there and let them walk out on us.
Fred Flintstone : At least I can walk around the house in my underwear again.
Wilma : And that is more important to you than 20 years of friendship?
Fred Flintstone : It is on a hot day.
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Sharon Stone : Can I get you anything? Coffee?
Fred Flintstone : Sure.
Sharon Stone : [seductively] How would you like it?
Fred Flintstone : In a cup?
Sharon Stone : Bold choice, Mr. Flintstone! You'll go far in this company.
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Mrs. Pyrite : Mr. and Mrs. Rubble, this is your little boy.
[Presents Bamm-Bamm]
Betty Rubble : Oh, Barney, isn't he precious?
Fred Flintstone : [aside to Wilma] Precious? They'd have been better off with the monkey.
Wilma Flintstone : Fred!
Betty Rubble : Does he have a name?
Mrs. Pyrite : Bamm-Bamm.
Barney Rubble : Is that short for something?
Mrs. Pyrite : Bamm-Bamm-Bamm. You're going to have to take it slowly with this one. He doesn't speak yet and is a little skittish around humans, but, then again, I would be too if I'd been raised by wild mastodons. Ha ha ha.
Betty Rubble , Barney Rubble : Mastodons?
Mrs. Pyrite : Let's not nitpick! A mammal's a mammal.
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Barney Rubble : So, Fred, what am I gonna call you now? Boss? Chief?
Fred Flintstone : No, simply Your Highness will do.
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[as Fred and Pearl argue]
Wilma Flintstone : You two should be ashamed of yourselves!
Pearl Slaghoople : I got my hands full just being ashamed of him.
Fred Flintstone : You got your hands full when you scratch your neck!
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[repeated line]
Fred Flintstone : Yabba dabba doo!
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Fred Flintstone : I just want my old job back and my old life.
Barney Rubble : Hey, Fred.
[waves Fred over and whispers in his ear]
Fred Flintstone : Oh, and two weeks paid vacation for all the men in the quarry, an annual cost-of-living increase, and those little packets of ketchup in the lunch room.
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Cliff Vandercave : Do you know what we do up here?
Fred Flintstone : Well, me and the guys have always wondered.
Cliff Vandercave : We interface, Flintstone. We conceptualize, tenderize, prioritize.
Fred Flintstone : When do we eat?
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Cliff Vandercave : I want you to fire Bernard Rubble.
Fred Flintstone : Done! Wait, fire Barney, why?
Cliff Vandercave : Well, he scored the lowest on the company aptitude test. He's an imbecile. The company can't afford to have dead weight like him on the payroll.
Fred Flintstone : But Mr. Vandercave, he's got a new kid, a mortgage, I'm his best friend, I can't.
Cliff Vandercave : Look, Fred, if you don't fire him, I will, and then I'll fire you.
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Fred Flintstone : Barney Rubble has been my neighbor, my lodge brother and my best friend since the first time I went through the fifth grade.
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Barney Rubble : It's like a dream come true. A son. Somebody to carry on the proud name of Rubble. Think I'll be a good daddy, Fred?
Fred Flintstone : Well, you're bound to find something you're good at.
Barney Rubble : Yeah sure, but...
Barney Rubble : [realizes what he said] Hey!
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Pearl Slaghoople : Somebody has to look after my daughter and grandchild, while you're out carousing with a bunch of Neanderthals.
Fred Flintstone : Oh, really? Well, for your information, the lodge no longer accepts Neanderthals.
Pearl Slaghoople : He robs your nest egg to bail out that little troll next door, while my daughter has to wash her clothes in the river.
Fred Flintstone : I've got half a mind...!
Pearl Slaghoople : Oh, don't flatter yourself!
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Fred Flintstone : Sorry I'm late. Had car trouble, I picked up a nail.
[Shows everyone a bandaid on his dirty foot]
Mr. Slate : Thank you for sharing that with us, Mr. Flagstone. May we continue?
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Fred Flintstone : [Holding a miniature model of houses the quarry plans to build] I hate to bust your bubble, but if you build houses this small, who's gonna live in them?
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Wilma Flintstone : We have scrimped and saved for that money, and every time we get a little bit ahead, you have to go blow it on some hair-brained scheme!
Fred Flintstone : Now see here, Wilma! In this cave, I am the king! And...
Wilma Flintstone : And what, Fred?
Fred Flintstone : And you have every right to know, my queen.
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[after Cliff has announced that Fred had won the executive job]
Fred Flintstone : Barney, quick, what's my name?
Barney Rubble : Fred Flintstone!
Fred Flintstone : Don't toy with me, Barn.
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Fred Flintstone : Miss Stone, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Flagstone, and our daughter... uh... uh... isn't she beautiful? My family.
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Fred Flintstone : This is my office? This is my chair?
Cliff Vandercave : Yeah, not to throw too much at you on your first day, but this big thing here is your desk.
Fred Flintstone : My desk?
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Barney Rubble : Tell me something, Mr. Vice President, what's a graduated inventory plan? How about supply and demand? Hey Fred, what's two and two?
Fred Flintstone : ...I didn't come here to talk business. I'm out with my wife. Now get me a clean spoon.
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Fred Flintstone : Take a memo. Cliff, let's play golf. We can prioritize, conceptualize and tenderize. Executively yours, Fred Fliiii -
[falls backwards out of his chair]
Dictabird : Are there six or seven I's in 'Fliiii - '?
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Barney Rubble : [On Fred's first day of being a VP] Well, guess this is it, Mr. Flintstone. Go get 'em, big guy.
Fred Flintstone : Hey, Barn.
Barney Rubble : Yeah, Fred?
Fred Flintstone : Could you spot me a couple bucks for lunch? I'm a little short.
Barney Rubble : You're right, Fred. Nothing's changed.
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Fred Flintstone : Well, I'm not going to jail, but it won't be easy finding a new job. What kind of reference is Mr. Slate gonna give me after I destroyed his quarry.
Betty Rubble : Aw, none of this was your fault, Fred. I'm sure Mr. Slate will understand.
Mr. Slate : [screams] FLINTSTONE!
Fred Flintstone : Sure, now he gets my name right.
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Mr. Slate : How did this happen?
Fred Flintstone : Well, it all started when I lent money to Barney so he could adopt a baby.
Mr. Slate : Not that. How did this happen to Cliff?
[shows Cliff trapped in a hard rough substance]
Fred Flintstone : Well, the machine went haywire and the rocks got crushed up and mixed with the water, and it got onto Cliff. Mr. Slate, I'm sorry.
Mr. Slate : Sorry? I love this stuff! I'm gonna name it after my daughter, Concretia.
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Fred Flintstone : What can I do? I gotta think of something...
[a thought appears showing Pearl Slaghoople struggling in the mouth of a Brontosaurus, Fred giggles]
Fred Flintstone : Not now.
[the thought disappears and then another thought appears, showing what he did with that model of the machine and then he snaps his fingers]
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[last lines]
Fred Flintstone : Wilma? WILMAAAAAA!
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[Cliff is on the ground, scrambling to pick up the money Sharon Stone hit him with. Fred walks up and steps on his hand]
Fred Flintstone : Cliff? It's time for you and me to "interface"!
[punches his own hand threateningly]
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Barney Rubble : Fred, did you hear what happened to everyone at the quarry today?
Fred Flintstone : Yep! A few hours ago, I sent them all off on a nice, long vacation.
Barney Rubble : You mean a permanent vacation?
[to Wilma and Betty]
Barney Rubble : He fired them!
[Betty gasps]
Wilma : [turns to him] Fred! How could you?
Fred Flintstone : I didn't do that!
Barney Rubble : You did, too! It's all over the TV!
Wilma : Fred!
Fred Flintstone : Wilma, who are you gonna believe? Me or some busboy?
Betty Rubble : That busboy is your best friend!
Fred Flintstone : Best friend? Best friend? I lost my best friend the day, I became an executive! He's just jealous of my hard-earned success!
Barney Rubble : Hard-earned? Tell me something, Mr. Vice President. What's a graduated inventory plan, huh? How about supply and demand? Hey, Fred! What's two and two?
Fred Flintstone : I didn't come here to talk business, I'm out with my wife! Now... get me a clean spoon.
Barney Rubble : [slams the tablecloth] That does it. The only reason you got that job, is because I switched tests with you.
Betty Rubble : Oh, Barney!
Fred Flintstone : Oh, ho-ho! That's rich! What good would it do me to switch tests with the guy that got the lowest score in the quarry?
Barney Rubble : Think about it, Fred.
Betty Rubble : Oh, finally. It all makes sense.
Wilma : You don't believe this, do you?
Betty Rubble : Are you calling my husband a liar?
Wilma : Now, this has gone far enough. After everything that we've done for you. We took you into our home.
Betty Rubble : Oh, yes? So, you can show off every chance you've got.
[Wilma gasps]
Betty Rubble : You used to be such nice people, but now... you're just a couple of rich snobs! Mmm!
Fred Flintstone : Better than being a couple of petty ingrates.
[Betty gasps]
Betty Rubble : [to Barney] Come on, Barney. We are moving out, tonight!
Barney Rubble : Hang on, Betty... I forgot to punch-out.
[Barney punches Fred in the face]
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Hoagie : Waka-waka-woo!
Fred Flintstone , Barney Rubble , Joe Rockhead : Waka-waka-woo!
Hoagie : Wooga-wooga-wee!
Fred Flintstone , Barney Rubble , Joe Rockhead : Wooga-wooga wee! Piki-piki-piki, Poki-poki-poki!
[They howling and guests brought the giant cup of lava juice]
Hoagie : Lava juice!
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Barney Rubble : You know, Fred, I hear that eating too much red meat is bad for you.
Fred Flintstone : What a load of bunk. My father ate it everyday of his life, he lived to the ripe old age of thirty-eight.
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Fred Flintstone : [the Rubbles have walked out on the Flintstones] They were holding us back, Wilma! We'll make new friends, There are 4,000 people in this world. Who needs the Rubbles?
Wilma : I do... But I'll tell you what I don't need. I don't need... this necklace.
[Wilma rips off her necklace]
Wilma : You know I don't need this lamp.
[Knocks over a lamp which is based on the one from A Christmas Story]
Wilma : And I don't need this television set.
Fred Flintstone : [Frantically] Not the TV!
Wilma : [Wilma pushes the TV breaking it] I don't need this... I don't need this... Oh, I don't think I'll be needing any of this bone of china.
[Wilma throws them at Fred]
Wilma : Because I don't have any friends to invite to dinner! So I don't think I'll need these cups and saucers.
[Throws away the dishes smashing them]
Fred Flintstone : [Missing the point] You'll regret this, Wilma. It's going to take you hours to clean up this mess.
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[Hoagie, Joe Rockhead and the crew yelling at the gate, Hoagie notices that Fred in car is coming to the gate]
Hoagie : [yells] There he is!
[Hoagie, Joe Rockhead and the crew comes to Fred in the car]
Hoagie : You're a traitor, Flintstone!
Fred Flintstone : Listen to me, I'm your friend!
Hoagie : You're no friend of ours and you're a rotten bowler too!
[He throws stuff at Fred Flintstone pass the gate and the policeman closes the gate]
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Bamm-Bamm : Hi, da-da!
[Pebbles notices to him and gasps]
Barney Rubble : You did it! You called me da-da!
[bonked him in the head]
Fred Flintstone : Ooh! Barney, you lunkhead!
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Wilma : Fred, do you have to get Dino so wound up when you come home?
Fred Flintstone : It's not my fault. Maybe he'd calm down if we had him fixed!
Dino : WHAT?
[he runs away]
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Fred Flintstone : [to the garbage disposal after he realizes his watch is missing] All right you, spit it out!
