Alternate versions

All UK releases remove the scene where Lloyd returns to the newspaper stand and shouts for the "little old lady" after she has taken off with his groceries and wallet. The scene was originally broadcast on ITV when the film premiered in the UK in 1996, but it has since been excised from all VHS and DVD releases of the film. This scene is only present on the Dutch VHS released by RCV Entertainment and the Australian DVD released by Roadshow Entertainment.

The director's cut adds the following scenes:

• An alternate take is used of Mental killing Lloyd's parakeet Petey, in which we hear a brief snapping sound and see a disgusted reaction from Shay.
• In the diner, Harry tells the waitress that his soda is flat and has no "bubbles", and the waitress takes his drink and blows through the straw.
• The "uh-oh" guitar riff is added to the soundtrack when Sea Bass is first introduced.
• An alternate take of Sea Bass asking "You gonna eat that?" is used, and a shot is added of him spitting a wad of chewing tobacco spit into Harry's burger.
• The scene in the honeymoon motel is extended, with Lloyd using an empty shot glass to listen to a couple having sex in the adjoining room, and Lloyd then makes a joking remark to Harry about what he'd do to him if he was a woman.
• Shay tells Mental when they're pulled over that she has to "squeeze a lemon" (meaning urinate), which accounts for Mental telling her to "stay down" when Lloyd and Harry arrive.
• The soundtrack is removed from the opening shot of the Dante's Inferno restaurant.
• Lloyd's second encounter with Sea Bass in the restroom is extended, and alternate takes are used. Upon finding Lloyd in the stall, Sea Bass now announces "you've got to be shittin' me! It's my old friend, and right on time", strips to a leopard-skin thong, and tells him "Here's your happy place!" before Harry enters and knocks him unconscious.
• An extended scene in the van is added following the above, in which Harry drills Lloyd on why he was in a bathroom with a half-naked truck driver.
• At the hotel, Harry dresses up in a Spandex ski outfit, and Lloyd asks why he's wearing that. He also comes to the realization that if he and Mary were to be married, her name would be Mary Christmas.
• A brief scene is added where Harry empties Mary's toilet out the window after unsuccessfully trying to repair it.
• Lloyd makes a heated speech to Harry about Mary being the love of his life and telling him to stay away from her.

The version on Freeform keeps much of the movie intact except:

• When Lloyd is dreaming and lifts Mary's skirt up it looks like she's wearing underwear (digitally inserted)
• When Mental calls them pussies at the dinner it's blurred out

In the TV version the scene where Harry, Lloyd and Mary are on the bed at gunpoint and Harry are fighting, Lloyd tells Harry where to sign: "Right on my sandwich after you kiss it!", as opposed to the movie where he says "Right on my ass after you kiss it!"

In the TV version, Lloyd says "Slap me sideways" instead of "Suck me sideways" and also, they delete the shower scene from the dream sequence, and the "schoolboy monologue" and the resulting verbal faux pas made by Lloyd

The version shown on Fox removes the scene where Lloyed urinates in the empty beer bottles and then is pulled over by the police officer.

Network TV version edits the scene where Lloyd rips out the chef's heart in his dream fantasy. It shows Lloyd jabbing the chef's chest, then immediately cuts to the chef falling down backwards, thus making the "doggy bag" in his hands a mystery.

The TBS version eliminates the following things on TV:

• The entire scene where Lloyd urinates in the beer cans is cut.
• Lloyd does not pull up Mary's skirt, it cuts right before that.
• Lloyd does not fart into a lighter, it cuts before he can even sit down and do it.
• Lloyd does not kick the guy in the nuts, it cuts just before the kick hits and it is implied that he kicks him.
• Lloyd does not pull the chef's heart out, he just puts his hand in the guy's chest and the guy dies.
• You do not see Mary's boobs.