Cabin Boy (1994)
Old Salt in Fishing Village: Would you like to buy a monkey?
Nathanial Mayweather: I just don't get it! She seems totally uninterested in me, despite my smothering obsessiveness!
Trina: And secondly, don't ever call me missy again or you'll end up losing the rest of your teeth.
Paps: Sassy little thang ain't she? Want me to give her a SPANKING?
Skunk: Why doesn't she give ME a spanking?
Nathanial Mayweather: I'm sorry, sir. I was just pondering what drifter's corpse you stole those shoes from.
Mulligan: Do you know what I do to guys who quote unquote "sleep" with my wife?
Nathanial Mayweather: Talk about your discomfort over a cup of hot cocoa?
Mulligan: Clooooooooose. I cut off their heads with a nail clipper.
Nathanial: Thank you, fellow crewmates, I'm off. And when I return, I shall be a cabin man.
Nathanial Mayweather: Paps, you've been like the drunken, abusive grandfather I never had.
Paps: Ah, stop that. You'll have my glass eye foggin' over.
Nathanial Mayweather: Oh, cappy, tell me about all of this. Tell me about the sea. What does it mean to you?
Captain Greybar: Basically, money. I come from six generations of seamen all with the same goal in life: catch fish, sell 'em, get drunk, and get laid.
Cupcake: Now I know what you're thinking. "What could be stranger than a big fatass floatin' cupcake?" Heh. How about one that spits tobacco?
Old Salt in Fishing Village: Man, oh man, I hate those fancy lads!
Paps: Okay, you icy bastard, how about a hot cup-a joe!
Trina: What happened to you?
Nathanial Mayweather: Well, let's just say I've finally shed my feminine side, like a snake sheds its fur.
Nathanial Mayweather: Here they are. Your fish stick kitties!
Captain Greybar: [singing] When I go ashore and get my pay, I'll go and meet my Essie May. She'll hike her skirt and toss her shoe. She'll clean my pipes, my buddies' too. Don't need a church to find my way 'cause I've found heaven with Essie May.
Nathanial Mayweather: I overheard the captain saying it would be jolly-jack splendid to spend a fortnight or two in Hawaii
Kenny: Yea... that sounds like the captain... you do good impressions
Nathanial: I love sitting up here, looking at those bright, twinkly things in the sky, I forget their technical name.
Trina: Are you sure this is what you want?
Nathanial Mayweather: Yeah! I am sure. I've permanently yanked the silver spoon from my mouth, and I buried it 6,000 miles beneath the Earth's crust.
Nathanial Mayweather: I mean, figuratively speaking, of course. I mean, who could do such a thing? That would be insane.