My So-Called Life (1994–1995)
Devon Gummersall: Brian Krakow
Photos
Quotes
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Brian : Dear Angela, I know in the past I've caused you pain and I'm sorry. And I'll always be sorry 'till the day I die. And I hate this pen I'm holding because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter because it's not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say. If you want to hate me, go ahead. If you want to burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down; you could tell me to go to hell. I'd go, if you wanted me to. And I'd send you a letter from there. Sincerely, Jordan Catalano
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Brian : It's like you have created your own prison and now you have to exist in it.
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Richard Katimski : [reading to the class] "My mistress eyes are nothing like the sun. Coral is far more red than her lips' red. If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun. If hair be wires, black wires grow on her head. I have seen roses damas red and white, but no such roses see I in her cheeks. And some perfumes is there more delight than in the breath that from my mistress reeks. I love to hear her speak, yet well I know that music hath a far more pleasing sound. I grant I never saw a Goddess go. My mistress when she walks treads on the ground, and yet, by Heaven, I think my love as rare as any she belied with false compare." What kind of a girl is Shakespeare describing here? Is she the most beautiful girl?
Brian : No.
Richard Katimski : Is she a Goddess? Physically perfect? The kind of girl who stops traffic when she walks down the street?
Brian : No.
Richard Katimski : So he's not in love with her?
Jordan : Yeah. He is.
Richard Katimski : And why is that? Why is he in love with her? What is it about her?
Brian : That she's not just a fantasy. She's got, like, flaws. She's real.
Richard Katimski : Thank you.
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Jordan : Hey! Um, where is... I mean, is Tino here?
[Brian shakes head no]
Jordan : That's uh... I mean, that's Angela's.
Brian : Uh, shouldn't it prove she's 21?
Jordan : So?
Brian : So, according to this she was born yesterday.
Jordan : Why are you here?
Brian : I live here.
Jordan : Is she really from France? Wait, nevermind. Just makes sure she gets that, okay?
Brian : Sure.
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Angela : Brian, look at me. That letter I told you about. Rickie said you wrote it. And I have to know because...
Brian : Know what? There's nothing to know. Okay, what Rickie probably meant was Jordan Catalano asked me to proofread it for grammatical errors.
Angela : You proofread a love letter? Is this, like, a game to you?
Brian : Hardly.
Angela : But you admit that you were involved.
Brian : I'm not admitting anything!
Angela : This is a joke, right? Oh God. I can't believe I fell for it. It's obviously a total lie.
Brian : No, I meant every word. I mean, the person who wrote it meant every word. Probably.
Angela : Brian?
Brian : I didn't write it.
Angela : Brian, you said...
Brian : Forget what I said! Forget this whole conversation!
[pause]
Brian : You liked it, though. Right? It made you, like, happy.
Angela : Yeah.
Brian : Because that's probably all that matters.
Angela : To who?
Brian : To, you know, the person who wrote it.
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Sharon Cherski : [inner monologues] I resolve to never again have sex with Kyle, or anyone, ever again unless I really love and respect them.
Kyle Vinnovich : To spend more time with the dog and Sharon.
Brian : I resolve to stop obsessing over Angela Chase.
Danielle Chase : To badger mom into letting me wear makeup.
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : To find someplace where I, like, really belong.
Angela : But, what if not thinking turns me into this really shallow person? I better rethink this becoming less introspective thing.
Rayanne : To stop drinking. But this time, like, really stop.
Patty : I resolve to be less judgmental. Less critical. To lighten up. And, above all, to be more supportive and less suspicious not matter how much it seems like he's hiding something.
Graham : To tell Hallie Lowenthal once and for all that I'm not going into the restaurant business with her. And to stop all those long talks with her after class.
Jordan : Wait a second. Isn't tonight New Years Eve?
Angela : Okay, so I'll stay introspective. But I do resolve to stop doing Jordan Catalano's homework.
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Brian : What?
Jordan : She would sleep with you.
Brian : [shocked] What?
Jordan : She would sleep with you!
Brian : Because I gave her my eraser?
Jordan : No. Because... because she would. Go get her number.
Brian : What? How am I supposed to get her number? Just ask her? Ask some girl I don't even know for her phone number? Like, without warning?
Jordan : [Jordan gets up to gets her number] So anyway, The Odyssey is like this real long book, right?
Brian : I don't believe this. You, like, do this? This is how you live?
Jordan : Yeah.
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Brian : That girl whose, like, number you got for me. She's a junior, so I don't know if you still think I should call her. I mean, I can't stop thinking about how you did that. You just got up and went over there. I mean, like, how did you do that?
Jordan : Maybe we better get down to work. You can even start with the basics.
Brian : Oh, okay.
Jordan : I mean, even if it seems too basic, start with that. And then after, if you want, I can teach you how to get someone's phone number.
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Jordan : Wait, you actually signed me up?
Angela : I know. In a way it was wrong, but I just have a feeling this is going to be really good.
Jordan : I don't know.
Angela : So, whoever is going to tutor you, their name is next to yours.
Jordan : Brain Krakow?
Angela : Wait, maybe this is a bad idea.
Jordan : No. If I'm already signed up.
[Turns around]
Jordan : Are you Brain?
Brian : Brian.
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Brian : [Narration] Dear Angela, I know in the past I've caused you pain and I'm sorry. And I'll always be sorry until the day I die. And I hate this pen I'm holding because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter because it's not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say. If you want to hate me, go ahead. If you want to burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down. You could tell me to go to hell. I'd go if you wanted me to and I'd send you a letter from there. Sincerely, Jordan Catalano.
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Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : Brian, what did you do?
Brian : I wrote this letter to her.
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : Oh my God. And she thinks he wrote it? Brian, you have to tell her.
Brian : No! What difference does it make? So they happen to be together, so what? If you, like, analyze why certain other people wind up with certain other people, it would make you want to kill yourself.
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : Tell her.
Brian : No, it wouldn't be right. See, he asked me for help. I helped him. I can't go back on that.
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Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : If you must know, she's in shock. Once again something that Jordan Catalano did had left her totally and completely mystified.
Brian : It was me. I mean, I told Jordan what to say.
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : What?
Brian : I can't, like, defend it. It's undefendable.
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : Brian, I don't believe this. You're using Jordan Catalano.
Brian : What? He's using me!
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : Yeah, but you're using him too. To, like, express your true feelings towards Angela. Or whatever.
Brian : Oh my God, you're right.
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Brian : You tell me a story, a true story that happened to you, and I take certain keywords from the story and make flash cards.
Jordan : I blew it.
Brian : Wait, is this the story?
Jordan : Forget about the story. I can't think about some crappy story. My life sucks too much.
Brian : Yeah, how come?
Jordan : Because she hates me and I deserve it. You know who I mean, right?
Brian : Yeah.
Jordan : Today, after Katimski's, I tried to explain to her that I was sorry, or whatever.
Brian : So, what happened?
Jordan : Nothing. I didn't know what to say.
Brian : Say you're sorry. You can go up to any girl and get her phone number, yet you're afraid to tell Angela Chase you're sorry?
Jordan : So?
Brian : So nothing. It's just ironic.
Jordan : So what.
[pause]
Jordan : What's ironic?
Brian : When you realize the like component of weirdness in a situation.
Jordan : Help me, Brain. Help me figure out something good to say to Angela.
Brian : No! No, uh-uh, no way. Look, you did an undefendable thing. No one can change that. I mean, You have to live with it. It's like you created your own prison and now you have to exist in it.
Jordan : That's perfect. Give me some more stuff like that.
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Rayanne : We gotta find Angela!
Brian : We can't. We looked. Get over it.
Rayanne : It's so dark. Why does it got to be so dark? This is all your fault! You were looking at me.
Brian : What are you talking about?
Rayanne : You were scoping my legs and you let the stupid door shut! You must be so hard up.
[Brian gets up]
Rayanne : Where you going?
Brian : Anywhere you're not.
Rayanne : Brian? Brian, don't go! I'm scared. I'm scared of the dark, okay? Have fun telling all your little friends
Brian : You are? I mean, it just doesn't seem like something you'd be.
Rayanne : Yeah, well, I am.
Brian : Is there a reason? Why?
Rayanne : Because when I was a kid, my dad would come home, wigged out of his mind, and he'd lock me in the basement.
Brian : Oh my God.
Rayanne : I'd sleep at the foot of the stairs because if I pressed my face against the floor, I could see the light that we left on in the hallway. But if I turned around, it would be...
[Brian hugs Rayanne]
Rayanne : So dark.
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Angela : I don't even want to talk to you.
Brian : Then don't.
Angela : Did Rickie have the gun?
Brian : Give me a break! God, Angela.
Angela : Because you don't know the whole situation. I just don't want to see him hurt.
Brian : Him hurt? What about me? This is the police. Am I supposed to get kicked out of school protecting someone I don't even know?
Angela : Don't ask me.
Brian : And you know, this doesn't even have anything to do with the truth. Nobody's interested in the truth. They only care about what they want to believe.
Angela : If you're so incredibly concerned about the truth, why did you lie about me?
Brian : You didn't even come up!
Angela : Not the gun thing. With Sharon! What you said to her about me and Jordan Catalano.
Brian : What are you talking about?
Angela : I heard her, Brian. You told her terrible things. False things. You lied to her.
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Jordan : Okay, let me see. That thing about the prison?
Brian : Just beg her forgiveness! I mean, tell her you're scum. That you're more than scum. That you're not fit to lick her shoes. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get insulting.
Jordan : Well, what about that other thing? You said your parents always say.
Brian : My parents are psychiatrists, okay! You can't go by them.
Jordan : What kind of wish?
Brian : Unconscious wish to punish you. I mean her.
Jordan : Got it.
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Angela : What did Rickie want?
Brian : Nothing.
Angela : What did you say to him?
Brian : Nothing! I just said it was better that maybe he didn't, like, hang out with us.
Angela : What?
Brian : I thought that might be awkward, or whatever.
Angela : Rickie's my friend.
Brian : He's my friend, too. It's just... I don't know. What if we wanted privacy, or something?
Angela : Why would we want privacy?
Brian : Well, we probably wouldn't. But...
Angela : Brian, what do you think is happening here?
Brian : What? Nothing!
Angela : Didn't I explain what the whole reasoning for this was?
Brian : I just thought if you wanted to dance, or something.
Angela : Why would we?
[pauses]
Angela : We're not going to dance.
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Angela : What did you say to Delia?
Brian : What do you mean?
Angela : You don't understand people, Krakow. You're so heartless!
Brian : [narration] I mean, the fact that she called me heartless.
[Angela leaves to see Jordan Catalano]
Brian : That's just really good. That's excellent. How ironic can you get without, like, puking?
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Brian : I don't believe you. You're in some kind of dream world, or something, that revolves around you! You have no concept of anybody else's life!
Angela : I know.
Brian : You couldn't even begin to imagine the pressure I'm under. You think you're under pressure? You? That is so laughable.
Angela : Brian, you're completely right. Okay? But could you just please explain geometry to me anyway?
Brian : Are you completely insane?
Angela : Yes, I probably am.
Brian : You think I care? You could not possibly conceive how much studying I have to do tonight. Have you ever even heard of calculus? Geometry is a paid vacation compared to calculus! Okay? I mean, do you have any idea what it's like to be in accelerated? Do you understand the pressure on someone when it's, like, assumed they will always get A's? Hey Brian, pull another A? That Brian, he always gets an A. You have the option of insanity! I do not! And that makes me crazy! I have to leave. I'm leaving.
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Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : Rayanne! It's okay!
Rayanne : [yelling] No, it's not okay and you know it! Now everybody knows it! And you all thought I would screw up, didn't you?
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : Rayanne?
Rayanne : Well congratulations! You were right.
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : [crying] Rayanne, wait!
Brian : Hey, don't worry. I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about.
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez : No, there is.
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Brian : So, it's sort of about the dance. It turns out that I kind of forgot about this other commitment that I had. It's kind of special, or whatever, so...
[narration]
Brian : Of all the stupid things I've said, which are countless, I've never wanted to take something back more than that one.
[pauses]
Brian : Maybe we can go somewhere else sometime. Catch a movie, or whatever.
Delia Fisher : This other commitment. Is it another girl, or something? Brian, look, it doesn't matter who you told first. You know, if it was her or it was me. You should go with who you want to go with. Just be honest with me. Please?
Brian : Okay. So, I guess I would.
Delia Fisher : You would, what?
Brian : Rather go, you know, with her.
[Delia starts crying]
Brian : I'm really sorry.
Delia Fisher : It would be really good if you would leave.
Brian : Delia.
Delia Fisher : Please?
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Brian : It just really boils down to respect, you know? I have, like, zero respect for him. So, it's that simple. I mean, for me to tutor someone that I don't respect... wouldn't that be almost like using him?
