Friends (TV Series 1994–2004) Poster


David Schwimmer: Dr. Ross Geller, Russ



  • [repeated line] 

    Ross : We were on a break!

  • [Monica knocks] 

    Chandler : You can't come in.

    Monica : Why not?

    Chandler : Because, uh, Ross is naked.

    Ross : What?

    Chandler : Well, I couldn't tell her *I* was naked. She's allowed to see me naked.

    Ross : Why does *anyone* have to be naked?

  • Ross : What are you doing tonight?

    Chandler : Why, do you have a lecture?

    Ross : No.

    Chandler : Free as a bird, what's up?

  • [Ross is trying to talk Rachel's boss into giving her her job back so she won't go to Paris; Mr. Zelner has a son who is also named Ross] 

    Ross : Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?

    Mr. Zelner : Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?

    Ross : How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants.

    [Mr. Zelner looks shocked] 

    Ross : I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist, you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones - fossils!

  • [Ross defends his fast eating habits to Rachel] 

    Ross : I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat.

  • Rachel : Can you take care of Emma just for today?

    Ross : Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.

  • Ross : First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.

  • Ross : [frantically presses buttons on answering machine]  Oh my God! Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?

    Rachel : [from behind]  I got off the plane.

  • Joey : So, what, you just want to stay here and wait for Rachel to come back from her date?

    Ross : Yeah. I mean, this guy could be my baby's stepfather.

    Joey : They go out on one date and you worry about her marrying him? He's not you.

  • Phoebe : Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy... Phoebo.

    Ross : Uhh... Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name.

    Rachel : Ok, I got one. If it's a girl... Sandrine. It's French.

    Ross : That's a great name... for an industrial solvent.

    Rachel : Ok, you got a better one?

    Ross : Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy - Darwin.

    Rachel : Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard.

    Phoebe : By Sandrine.

  • Phoebe : I'm going to get a coffee. Anybody want anything?

    Monica : I'll have a latte.

    Ross : I'll have a blueberry muffin, with a decaf.

    Chandler : I'll have a bagel with a little...

    Phoebe : You know I was just being polite.

  • [Ross and Rachel are trying to decide a name for their baby] 

    Ross : OK, how about Ruth?

    Rachel : Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?

  • [Re: "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"] 

    Monica : Sex!

    Chandler : Seriously. Answer faster.

    Monica : I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.

    Chandler : It's like a big hug.

    Phoebe : Ross, how about you? Sex or food?

    Ross : Sex!

    Phoebe : What about sex or dinosaurs?

    Ross : My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.

    Phoebe : Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?

    Joey : I don't know it's too hard.

    Rachel : Come on, you have to answer.

    Joey : Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!

  • Rachel : ...How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?

    Dr Long : Three.

    Ross : Just three? I'm dilated three!

  • Ross : I love marriage.

    Phoebe : Seriously? You?... Divorce-O?

  • Ross : Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and *won*!

    Chandler : Ross came fourth and cried!

  • [Monica tells the others that she and Chandler won't have any more sex before the wedding] 

    Ross : A no sex pact! I have one of those with every woman in America!

  • Ross : Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine.

    Chandler : Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits.

  • Chandler : Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance.

    Ben : Thanks, daddy.

    Ross : No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy.

  • Monica : Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?

    Joey : I'd probably kill myself.

    Monica : Excuse me?

    Joey : Hey, if "Little Joey"'s dead, then I got no reason to live.

    Ross : Uh, Joey... Omnipotent.

    Joey : You are? Ross, I'm sorry.

  • [Ross and Rachel are picking out names for their baby, and have each 5 vetoes] 

    Ross : Curie.

    Rachel : Veto. Rain.

    Ross : Veto. Mark.

    Rachel : Veto. Vince.

    Ross : Veto. Lance.

    Rachel : Veto. James.

    Ross : Hmmm...

    Rachel : If it's a girl.

    Ross : Veto.

    Phoebe : Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?

  • [Ross and Joey's first meeting] 

    Ross : [glum]  My wife's a lesbian.

    Joey : Cool.

    Chandler : Ross, this is Joey. Joey, Ross.

  • Rachel : Wha... married?

    Ross : Well, yeah, I think we should get married!

    Rachel : What? Because that's your answer to everything?

  • Joey : Hey Ross. If homo sapiens were in fact "homo sapiens", could that be why they're extinct?

    Ross : Joey, homo sapiens are people.

    Joey : Hey! I'm not judging here.

  • Ross : What are you doing?

    Chandler : Making chocolate milk. You want some?

    Ross : No thanks, I'm 29.

  • Ross : We were on a break!

    Chandler : Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!

  • [Ross is trying to cheer Chandler up who won't get out of his sweatpants] 

    Ross : C'mon man, just take 'em off, just take 'em off and we'll have some fun.

  • Ross : [after trying to kiss his cousin] 


    Ross : Say something. Say anything. Nothing you say could make this situation worse. Oh my God, this is the longest that anyone has not spoken EVER.

    [actually speaking to his cousin] 

    Ross : I haven't had sex in a very long time.

    [thinking again] 

    Ross : Yeah you really shouldn't have said anything.

  • Ross : If you're going to call me names, I would prefer Ross, the Divorce Force. It's just cooler.

  • Ross : Ok, look. You don't have to get married. We can just go home and take a shower. That's not so scary is it?

    Chandler : Depends on what you mean by "we".

  • Mike Hanigan : You're not gonna try and make me join a cult are you?

    Ross : No...

    Mike Hanigan : Oh okay. You just have that look.

    Ross : [to himself]  Damn SuperCuts!

  • Ross : I guess I should have known... we'd be out somewhere, and a beautiful woman would go by, and Carol would go, "Ross, look at her." And I'd think, "My wife is cool."

  • Ross : Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.

    Chandler : Du-ude!

    Monica : What happened in Atlantic City?

    Ross : Well, Chandler and I are in a bar...

    Chandler : Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?

    Ross : ...and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls.

    Monica : You kissed a guy? Oh my God.

    Chandler : In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.

  • Monica : What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.

    Joey : Yeah, right!... Y'serious?

    Phoebe : Oh, yeah!

    Rachel : Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.

    Monica : Absolutely.

    Chandler : Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.

    Ross : Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.

    Chandler : The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.

  • [doing a crossword puzzle] 

    Ross : Heating device.

    Phoebe : Radiator.

    Ross : Five letters.

    Phoebe : Rdatr.

  • Ross : [leaning over and talking to Rachel's lap]  I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words.

    Phoebe : [wide eyed]  Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?

    Rachel : He's talking to the baby.

    Phoebe : Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick!"

  • Rachel : How about for a girl, Rain?

    Ross : Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat."

    Phoebe : I know her!

  • Ross : Oh. *Oh*. Thank God, most women don't even feel them.

    Rachel : Okay, no uterus, no opinion.

  • Ross : You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*!

  • Chandler : What? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?

    Ross : A little louder, okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor - in a COMA - who didn't hear you.

  • [Mona doesn't know that Rachel is living with Ross] 

    Mona : Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?

    [Ross enters with his gift for Mona] 

    Rachel : What are you talking about? I live here.

    Ross : [nervously gives Mona her present]  Happy Valentine's Day.

    [Mona stares angrily at Ross] 

    Ross : Or, something to remember me by...

  • Ross : This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year.

    Chandler : What, you never look down in the shower?


    Chandler : Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make *one* joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?

  • [Ross is walking down the aisle at Chandler and Monica's wedding] 

    Ross : Wow. This is the first time I've walked down the aisle without the possibility of it ending in divorce.

  • Rachel : You didn't finish reading it?

    Ross : It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for eighteen pages - front and back!

  • Ross : [holding a bottle of champagne]  Gunther, six glasses!

    Gunther : [hopeful]  Six? You want me to join you?

    Ross : Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five will be fine.

    [Gunther walks away disappointed] 

    Ross : Boy I'm gonna get spit in my coffee, now.

  • Ross : Hey, Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart? Pheebs?

    Phoebe : Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?

    Ross : Hey, I might.

  • Ross : I would date her but there is a big age difference.

    Joey : Well think about it when you're 90...

    Ross : I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference.

    Joey : No. What I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.

  • Rachel : [upset]  All right, well, if you must know... I had a traumatic... swing incident... when I was little.

    Ross : Seriously?

    Rachel : Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to - had to cut a big chunk of my hair.

    [she starts crying] 

    Rachel : And it was uneven for weeks.

    Ross : [sarcastically]  And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie.

    Rachel : Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there.


    Rachel : And I was thinking Claire Danes.

  • Ross : [receiving his Christmas gift]  You got me a cola drink.

    Chandler : And a LEMON LIME.

    Ross : You shouldn't have. I feel like I should get you another sweater.

    Joey : And last but not least.

    [Monica receives her gift] 


  • Ross : [to his parents]  Look, I, uh- I realize you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.

  • Ross : Wow, Joey, that's a steamy picture.

    Joey : Yeah, I know. The magazine said it was for my gay fans.

    [winks at Ross] 

    Ross : Why'd you wink at me?

    Joey : Don't look at me. You're the one who like the picture so much.

  • Chandler : Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream.

    Ross : Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech.

  • Ross : [clinks wine glass]  Uhh, excuse me. If I could have everybody's attention. I'm Ross Geller.

    Jack Geller : DR. Ross Geller.

    Ross : Dad... Please. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm Dr. Ross Geller...

  • Joey : Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?

    Ross : Yeah, sure.

    Joey : By someone besides Monica?

  • Ross : I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.

    Chandler : Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.

  • Ross : I think it'll be a boy.

    Phoebe : I think it'll be a girl.

    Ross : Phoebe, you thought Ben would be a girl.

    Phoebe : Have you seen him throw a ball?

  • Ross : My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us.

    Monica : Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play.

    Ross : Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.

    Chandler : Well, did-did you correct him?

    Ross : No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way.

  • [Ross's hand is in a cast and he is struggling to write something down] 

    Joey : Hey, do you need any help?

    Ross : Why, does it look like I'm having trouble with my mis-shapened claw?

  • Ross : Oh, I gotta go, kids... I got Lamaze class.

    Chandler : Oh! And I got Earth Science but I'll catch you in gym?

  • Ross : Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.

    Susan : Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.

  • [Jack knows that Richard is dating a younger woman, but doesn't know that it's actually Monica] 

    Jack Geller : Come on, tell us.

    Jack's friend : Yeah. Is she really 20?

    Richard : I'm not telling you guys anything.

    Jack Geller : Come on, Rich. It's my birthday, let me live vicariously.

    Ross : Dad, you really don't want to do that.

    Jack Geller : Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?

    Richard : Jack, would you let it go?

    Jack Geller : Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got my Porsche. You... you got your own speedster.

    Richard : Guys, seriously, it's not like that.

    Jack Geller : Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...

    Ross : Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.

  • [pounding a scone] 

    Ross : Stupid British snack food.

    Chandler : Did they teach you that in your anger management class?

  • Chandler : [taking duck out in the hallway]  Now you stay out here and you think about what you did.

    Ross : That's a duck.

    Chandler : That's a bad duck.

  • Ross : [on Monica's phone]  Yeah, Tony, hold on.

    [gets second line] 

    Ross : Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on.

    [returns to second line] 

    Ross : Yeah, Tony I'll call you back. It's my sister's boyfriend.

    [switches back to second line] 

    Monica : Give me that.

    [into phone] 

    Monica : Hi sweetie. Before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your house?


    Monica : Oh, hi mom.

    [starts throwing things at Ross] 

  • [Ross looking at Monica's legs] 

    Ross : Wow.

    Chandler : Hey stop staring at my wife's legs. No, no, stop staring at your sister's legs

  • Ross : So, uh, what did the insurance company say?

    Chandler : Oh, they said uh, "You don't have insurance here so stop calling us."

  • [Chandler's trying to quit smoking] 

    Chandler : Eww, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock in my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.

    Ross : Okay, I think it's time to change someone's nicotine patch.

    [does so] 

    Chandler : [deadpan]  Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.

  • Ross : Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?

  • Ross : [waiting for Rachel and Monica to come out of the bathroom]  Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your moustache, did, used to be different?

    Richard : No.

    Ross : Oh. How do you uh, ya know, keep it so neat?

    Richard : I have a little comb.

    Ross : Oh. And what do you call that?

    Richard : A moustache comb.

  • Monica : You broke a little girl's leg?

    Ross : I know. I feel horrible. Okay.

    Chandler : [reading the paper]  Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night.

    [to Ross] 

    Chandler : Where exactly were you around ten-ish?

  • [Upon learning he must move far away and commute to work] 

    Ross : Why, it's like I've been given the gift of time.

    Chandler : That's great. Last year I got the gift of space. We should get together and make a continuum.

  • Phoebe : You still love Rachel.

    Ross : No, I don't.

    Phoebe : You got married to her.

    Ross : In Vegas. I was so drunk, I could've married Joey.

    Phoebe : [angry]  Hey. You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribianni.

  • Monica : I am so jealous.

    Rachel : You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?

    Chandler : Yes... Right where?

    Monica : The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking...

    Chandler : Yeah you gotta love the talking.

    Monica : And the sex?

    Chandler : Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level.

    Rachel : Oh, chandler, that is so nice.

    Ross : That is really nice... Lying! No way is that the reason.

    Rachel : Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?

    Chandler : He's right. I'm totally lying.

    Monica : Then what is it?

    Chandler : Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.

    Ross : And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?

    Chandler : No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him.

    Ross : I was going for the metaphor.

    Chandler : Yes and I was saying the actual words.

    Monica : Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed.

    Chandler : We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot.

    Monica : With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love.

    Chandler : Yeah?

    Ross : Just go for it Chandler.

    Monica , Rachel : Yeah you should.

    Chandler : All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys.

  • Chandler : You wanna tell secrets? Okay. In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers.

    Ross : All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won.

    Chandler : Ross came in fourth and cried.

    Ross : Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm.

    Chandler : That was you.

    Ross : Whatever dude. You kissed a guy.

  • Monica : Look, Joey feels really bad for what happened. He thinks you hate him. He wants to move to Vermont.

    Ross : I don't hate him. It's just... You know what, I'll go talk to him. It's not his fault.

    Monica : Thank you. He already asked me where he could exchange his dollars for Vermont money.

  • Ross : So, uh, how long are you going to punish him?

    Joey : Five years.

    Ross : You've sentenced him?

    Joey : Hey, don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

  • Rachel : Thank you for my beautiful earrings, they're perfect. I love you.

    Ross : Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, okay?

    Rachel : Now I love you even more.

  • Rachel : So are things between you and Joey getting any better?

    Chandler : It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me.

    Rachel : Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?

    Ross : Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?

    Rachel : You shouldn't.

  • [Ross is wearing a white suit] 

    Monica : I like it even better on you than on Colonel Sanders.

    Ross : Look, I just came here to tell you guys something.

    Rachel : Oh. Was it how you invented the cotton gin?

  • Ross : No divorces in '99!

  • Ross : Rachel won't talk to me. She won't even let me in the apartment.

    Phoebe : Hmmm, I wonder why, pervert?

    Ross : I'm not a pervert.

    Phoebe : Please, that's the pervert motto. They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand in your pants and say that.

  • Ross : Hi...

    Joey : Pfft... This guy says, "Hello, " I wanna kill myself.

  • Ross : Because women never like Joey. You know, I hear he's a virgin?

  • Phoebe : You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.

    Chandler : Maureen Rosilla.

    Ross : "'Cause she doesn't hate Yanni" is not a real reason.

  • Ross : That sandwich was the one good thing in my life. Someone ate the one good thing in my life.

  • Ross : Mississippilessly?

  • Ross : [Very drunk in Vegas]  It's Joey, I love Joey!

    Rachel : Joey lives with a duck!

  • Ross : All right, I'll tell you why you're a bad driver. You're fast and irresponsible.

    Rachel : Well, excuse me but in high school that made me head cheerleader.

  • Ross : I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.

    Joey , Chandler : That's nice.

    Ross : No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby. I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is comin' right at me.

    Joey : Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.

    Ross : Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, I just heave it downfield.

    Chandler : What are you crazy? That's a baby!

    Joey : He should take the sack?

    Ross : Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield, and I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See, I am so not ready to be a father.

    Chandler : Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.

    Joey : Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking.

  • Chandler : Ok, I'm just going to go outside.

    Ross : Whoa, whoa, hold it.

    Chandler : Don't worry. I'm not going to run away again. I just want to get some fresh air.

    Ross : Ok.

    Chandler : [exits into hallway and lights a cigarette]  Ahh, fresh air...

  • Joey : Of course it was a line!

    Monica : Why? Why? Why would anyone do something like that?

    Ross : I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than, "to get you into bed."

  • Ross : Hey who is this Casey? Why's he calling Rachel?

    Chandler : Well I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance... You know make a little love... Well pretty much get down tonight...

    Ross : [puts message in cupboard] 

  • Ross : You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today!

    Chandler : Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.

  • Ross : I'm FINE!

  • [Chandler is caught smoking] 

    Phoebe : Oh, I can't believe you. You've been so good, for three years.

    Chandler : And this- is my reward.

    Ross : Hold on a second, all right? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit.

    Chandler : Okay, so this time I won't quit.

  • Monica : Look, Chandler, I feel really bad about this. Please have this bachelor party.

    Chandler : No.

    Monica : Stop being a baby and watch the hot woman get naked.

    Chandler : ...All right.

    Joey : YEAH.

    Chandler : But, I'm only doing this for you... And Joey.

    Monica : Ok, so who's going to be there?

    Chandler : No, no, no. Just Ross and Joey is humiliating enough.

    Ross : Well, actually, I have a date tonight.

    Chandler : Yeah, I understand. What kind of guy would blow off a date for a fake bachelor party.

    Joey : [on cell phone]  Yeah, baby, I'm not gonna make it tonight...

  • Ross : What the hell are you doing, you scared the crap out of me!

  • Ross : Okay, there you go.

    Rachel : Sure. Sure, I'll just sit next to the... transsexual from purchasing.

  • Chandler : I know they call this a love seat but I'm not feeling anything special towards you...

    Ross : [takes newspaper... folds it up... faces Chandler... and hits him... ] 

  • Rachel : You always have to be right.

    Ross : I do not always- I'm not doing this.

    Rachel : Jurassic Park could happen.

    Ross : [gives up] 

  • Resident's Commitee Member : [pinning up warning notice]  Watch out for this guy. They say he's looking for some kind of Hot Girl.

    Ross : Who isn't?

    Neighbour : [doesn't laugh] 

    Ross : Hi, I'm Ross, I'm new to the building.

    Neighbour : Yes, you were the one who didn't chip in for the handyman.

    Ross : Never mind.

    Neighbour : Actually, I thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. You had just moved in.

    Ross : I had just moved in! Thank you!

  • Ross : [she's lost his monkey]  This is just classic Rachel! You're off in Rachel land with no thought for people's feelings or monkeys!

  • Chandler : At least your middle name isn't Murial!

    Ross : Chandler M Bing? Your parents never gave you a chance, did they?


  • Phoebe : [singing in the Hospital]  At first they're so cute and soft to the touch/ Then they grow up and resent you so much/ Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why/ and you cry and you cry and you cry/ and you cry and you cry and you cry and you cry... Thanks Ross!

    Ross : I'm paying you to STOP!

  • Ross : I went through the same thing with Carol and you know what I did? I got dressed really quickly.

  • Joey : Ross, if Homo Sapiens were HOMO Sapiens, is that why they're extinct?

    Ross : Joey, "Homo Sapiens" are People.

    Joey : Hey, I'm not Judging!

  • [When one of Ross' male students claims to be in love with him] 

    Ross : I mean, last year Elizabeth now-now this kid. What-what-what-what is it? Am I giving out some kind of... sexy professor vibe?

    Rachel : Not right now.

  • Mona : Thanks for showing me your semi-precious stone collection. You got 300 of them. It was fascinating. So, we still on for tonight?

    Ross : Sure.

    Mona : Ok. Bye.

    Ross : Bye.

    Chandler : [to Ross]  Wow, you must be great in bed.

  • Ross : Did you see the kid on that nose?

  • Ross : You're crazy!

    Benjamin Hobart : Crazy? Or... Romantic?

    Ross : Crazy!

    Benjamin Hobart : Ooor...

    Ross : Get out!

  • Dr. Leonard Green : So, Geller, is this what you dumped my Rachel for,

    [points at Mona] 

    Dr. Leonard Green : so you could hang around with this tramp!

    Mona : *Tramp*?

    Ross : Oh, uh; Dr. Green, Mona; Mona, Dr. Green.

  • Ross : The door's closed! I can't see anything with the door closed!

    Chandler : And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.

  • Ross : Wow, you sure have a lot of books on being a Lesbian.

    Susan : Well, you have to take a Course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.

  • Gunther : Here is your coffee.

    Ross : Thanks Gunther, or "dank je wel voor de koffie".

    Gunther : You are speaking Dutch - "heb je familie daar?"

    Ross : Yeah we are done.

    Gunther : Ezel.

  • Chandler : Did you do it on our invitations?

    Ross : Not on the ones we sent out.

    Chandler : Oh, so it was on the ones, we had framed.

  • Ross : So I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out but my monkey is OUT OF CONTROL!... He keeps erasing the messages on my machine!

    Rachel : Oh yeah... I've done that

    Ross : And a few days ago he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword!

    Rachel : I've never done that

    Ross : And last night I don't know what he did but there were capers EVERYWHERE!

  • Ross : I made Marcel's favorite: Banana cake...

    Joey : Mmm.

    Ross : ...with mealworm.

    Joey : Ugh.

  • Ross : I want someone who gets my heart pounding

    [sees Rachel] 

    Ross : ... Someone who...

    Chandler : Little play things with yarn?

    Ross : What?

    Chandler : Could you want her more?

    Ross : Who?

    Chandler : Dee the sarcastic sister from "What's Happening".

  • Ross : [Long, serious lecture]  All of which proves that I thought of Jurassic Park first.

  • Ross : Cat!

  • Joey Tribbiani : [whispers]  Not knowing when to shut up!

    Ross : Yep, that's my thing...

  • Phoebe : [Chandler's run off]  Come on, Ross we've got to think like Chandler!

    Ross : So where's the one place he'd never expect us to look?

    [Scene Cuts] 

    Ross : So THIS is your Office?

  • Ross : You're going to destroy the Whole Illusion of the Party!

  • Ross : Ugly Baby Judges you!

  • Ross : "Ooh, I must Take a Mental Picture"!

    Phoebe : You were making fun of Parker? Okay so he's Positive and Energetic and maybe that's a bit much, but I like that about him. You wanna know what I think? I think your collective dating record reads like a Who's Who of Human Crap!

    Ross : ...What was wrong with Mona?

  • Rachel : You just grabbed some insane woman at the Coffee House?

    Ross : None of the Sane ones wanted to come back with me!

  • Chandler : I was being Shelley Winters from the Poseidon Adventure.

    Ross : I know.

  • Ross : There's going to be Hoopla?

  • Ross : My Dad would say "Why are you messing around with Dinosaur Toys? Why don't you go out and play like a Real Boy!"

  • Ross : There was nothing in your father's fridge except Heavy Cream and Bacon. I think I solved the mystery of the heart attack.

  • Dr. Leonard Green : Rust is boat cancer, Ross!

    Ross : I lost an aunt to that.

  • Ross : It's always been you, Rachel!

    [they kiss and are happy until a minute and a half later, when Rachel notices her name on Chandler's Computer Screen] 

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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