Friends (TV Series 1994–2004) Poster


Jennifer Aniston: Rachel Green



  • Rachel : See? Unisex.

    Joey : Maybe *you* need sex. I just had it a few days ago.

    Rachel : No, Joey, U-N-I-sex.

    Joey : I wouldn't say no to that.

  • Joey : Rach, you gotta find out if he's in the same place you are. Otherwise, it's just a moo point.

    Rachel : A moo point?

    Joey : Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.

    Rachel : Have I been living with him too long or did that all just make sense?

  • Rachel : You know, Ben, I was your daddy's girlfriend.

    Ben : But you're not anymore. Because you were on a break.

  • Rachel : Can you take care of Emma just for today?

    Ross : Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.

  • Monica : I'm Rachel. I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross.

    Rachel : I'm Monica. I can't get a boyfriend so I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there.

  • Ross : [frantically presses buttons on answering machine]  Oh my God! Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?

    Rachel : [from behind]  I got off the plane.

  • [Rachel is upset about something] 

    Phoebe : Aww Pheebs.

    Rachel : Honey, that's your name.

    Phoebe : Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe I thought that's just what we called each other.

  • Rachel : I don't want my baby's first words to be "How You Doing"

  • Phoebe : Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy... Phoebo.

    Ross : Uhh... Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name.

    Rachel : Ok, I got one. If it's a girl... Sandrine. It's French.

    Ross : That's a great name... for an industrial solvent.

    Rachel : Ok, you got a better one?

    Ross : Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy - Darwin.

    Rachel : Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard.

    Phoebe : By Sandrine.

  • Monica : Rach, it's the Visa card people.

    Rachel : Oh, God, ask them what they want.

    Monica : [on the phone]  Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.

    [to Rachel] 

    Monica : Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.

    Rachel : But I haven't used my card in weeks.

    Monica : That is the unusual activity.

  • [Ross and Rachel are trying to decide a name for their baby] 

    Ross : OK, how about Ruth?

    Rachel : Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?

  • [Re: "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"] 

    Monica : Sex!

    Chandler : Seriously. Answer faster.

    Monica : I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.

    Chandler : It's like a big hug.

    Phoebe : Ross, how about you? Sex or food?

    Ross : Sex!

    Phoebe : What about sex or dinosaurs?

    Ross : My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.

    Phoebe : Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?

    Joey : I don't know it's too hard.

    Rachel : Come on, you have to answer.

    Joey : Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!

  • Rachel : ...How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?

    Dr Long : Three.

    Ross : Just three? I'm dilated three!

  • [Ross and Rachel are picking out names for their baby, and have each 5 vetoes] 

    Ross : Curie.

    Rachel : Veto. Rain.

    Ross : Veto. Mark.

    Rachel : Veto. Vince.

    Ross : Veto. Lance.

    Rachel : Veto. James.

    Ross : Hmmm...

    Rachel : If it's a girl.

    Ross : Veto.

    Phoebe : Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?

  • Rachel : Wha... married?

    Ross : Well, yeah, I think we should get married!

    Rachel : What? Because that's your answer to everything?

  • Monica : Anyway, are you gonna get a handyman to install all this stuff?

    Rachel : No, I was going to do this all by myself.

    Joey : [laughs]  You're gonna do it?

    Rachel : Yeah. Why, you don't think a woman can do this?

    Joey : Oh, women can. You... can't.

  • [a ritual to get rid of bad-boyfriend karma] 

    Phoebe : Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine.

    Monica : All I have is oregano and a Fresca.

    Phoebe : That's okay.

    [Adds them] 

    Phoebe : All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man.

    Rachel : OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.

  • Rachel : I'm not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he's divorced.

    Monica : No, you go after them five minutes before they get married...

  • Joey : [drinking a beer on the boat]  Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river.


    Joey : Get out of the way jackass.

    [to Rachel] 

    Joey : Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?

    Rachel : That is the Coast Guard.

  • Chandler : You rent out these tuxes to celebrities for award shows.

    Rachel : Yeah.

    Chandler : You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people screaming "Wow. You look fabulous." at them?

    Rachel : Honey, could I recommend watching a little bit more "ESPN" and a little less "E."?

  • Monica : Are you sure you peed on the stick right?

    Rachel : How many ways are there to do that?

  • Monica : What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.

    Joey : Yeah, right!... Y'serious?

    Phoebe : Oh, yeah!

    Rachel : Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.

    Monica : Absolutely.

    Chandler : Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.

    Ross : Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.

    Chandler : The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.

  • Ross : [leaning over and talking to Rachel's lap]  I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words.

    Phoebe : [wide eyed]  Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?

    Rachel : He's talking to the baby.

    Phoebe : Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick!"

  • Rachel : How about for a girl, Rain?

    Ross : Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat."

    Phoebe : I know her!

  • Ross : Oh. *Oh*. Thank God, most women don't even feel them.

    Rachel : Okay, no uterus, no opinion.

  • [Rachel complaining about her father] 

    Rachel : Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady".

    Chandler : Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that.

  • [Mona doesn't know that Rachel is living with Ross] 

    Mona : Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?

    [Ross enters with his gift for Mona] 

    Rachel : What are you talking about? I live here.

    Ross : [nervously gives Mona her present]  Happy Valentine's Day.

    [Mona stares angrily at Ross] 

    Ross : Or, something to remember me by...

  • Joey : [thinking]  OK, I have no feelings for Rachel. No feelings at all. She's just a friend. I mean, I might have had some feelings for her, but now they're all gone. All of them. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever had feelings for Rachel.

    [Rachel walks into the room] 

    Rachel : Hey, sweetie.

    Joey : [thinking]  I love you.

  • Phoebe : [Rachel's hormones are raging]  She's going through her fourth month of pregnancy. Remember when I was in my fourth month?

    Monica : Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me.

    Phoebe : Did not!

    Monica : Yes, you did.

    [puts on a seductive look] 

    Monica : Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you.

    Phoebe : Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on.

    [blows Monica a kiss] 

    Rachel : Guys! Stop it! This is even turning me on!

  • Rachel : Oh, honey. Don't get up. What do you need?

    Phoebe : Oh, no. Oh, nothing.

    Rachel : Come on. I am here to take care of you. What do you need? Anything.

    Phoebe : Okay, I have a wedgie.

    Rachel : Okay, that is all you.

  • Rachel : Hey Ben, you know what? When you were a baby, you and I used to do all sorts of stuff together, coz I was your daddy's girlfriend.

    Ben : But you're not anymore.

    Rachel : No, no we're not.

    Ben : Coz you and dad were on a break.

  • Rachel : You didn't finish reading it?

    Ross : It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for eighteen pages - front and back!

  • Phoebe : Today is Mike and my one year anniversary.

    Rachel : Oh! What's it the anniversary of? Your first date? Your first kiss? The first time you had sex?

    Phoebe : Yeah!

  • Rachel : Hey, just so you know: it's *not* that common, it *doesn't* "happen to every guy, " and it *is* a big deal!

    Chandler : [pointing]  I *knew* it!

  • Rachel : [walking out of the bathroom]  Mon, I'm gonna to check my messages.

    Chandler : And you thought of that in there?

    Monica : Well, nature called and she wanted to see who else did.

  • Rachel : Ok, Joey, we'll do it one more time. Don't forget the rules -heads I win, tails you lose.

    Joey : Just flip the coin!

  • Rachel : [upset]  All right, well, if you must know... I had a traumatic... swing incident... when I was little.

    Ross : Seriously?

    Rachel : Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to - had to cut a big chunk of my hair.

    [she starts crying] 

    Rachel : And it was uneven for weeks.

    Ross : [sarcastically]  And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie.

    Rachel : Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there.


    Rachel : And I was thinking Claire Danes.

  • Joey : [during Ross's speech, Joey laughs every time he hears 'homo erectus']  Ha, Ha, he said 'erectus'.

    [notices Rachel is also laughing] 

    Joey : Erectus?

    Rachel : [stifling laugh]  No, 'homo'.

  • [after Joey told Rachel he loved her, she told him her boss wanted to buy her baby in order to make things less awkward] 

    Rachel : Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things...

    Joey : I know. I know.

    Rachel : It kinda worked. I mean you know, I don't know about you but I haven't thought about our thing since all this.

    Joey : Hey you're right. Yeah, it's kinda been like us again a little bit.

    Rachel : Yeah I know. I miss that.

    Joey : Me too. I mean I... haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward.

    [long, awkward pause] 

    Rachel : My gynecologist tried to kill me.

  • Rachel : I've never asked a guy out before.

    Phoebe : You've never asked a guy out?

    Rachel : No. Have you?

    Phoebe : Thousands of times. That doesn't make me sound too good, does it?

  • [Rachel is trying to stall Monica from getting ready] 

    Rachel : I'll just become a lesbian

    Monica : Any woman would be lucky to have you

  • Rachel : [looking sad after finding out Joey's girlfriend, Kristin was just a loner, not looking for a serious relationship, when Rachel and Phoebe wanted their realtionship to work]  Well, I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here after all.

    Phoebe : No, just another regular flying dwarf.

  • Rachel : How do we end up with these jerks? We're good people.

    Monica : Maybe we're like some kind of magnets.

    Phoebe : I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.

    Monica : There's more beer right?

  • [Everyone is eating dinner at a fancy restaurant. Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel don't want to order something expensive because they can't afford it] 

    Rachel : I will have the uh,


    Rachel : side salad.

    Waiter : [whispers]  And what will that be on the side of?

    Rachel : Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?

  • Rachel : Didn't the chick and the duck di...

    Phoebe : -ve, dive. Yeah, they dove. Head first into fun on the farm.

  • Chandler : Can you see my nipples through this shirt?

    Rachel : No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there.

  • Rachel : I mean, is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?

    Joey : Yeah sure. Well, you know earlier she was talking about geography.

    Monica : Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in.

    Joey : Well, I think we all learned something.

  • [Ross is about to tell Rachel that he loves her before she leaves for Paris, but Gunther walks up to her first] 

    Gunther : I... I know you're leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you. I love you. I... I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I thought you should know.

    Rachel : Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.

    [kisses him on the cheek] 

  • Rachel : Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.

    Joey : [pause]  ... Are we still talking about sex?

  • Rachel : You don't just flit off to Vermont as soon as you meet someone.

    Monica : You flitted off to Vail as soon as you met Barry.

    Rachel : For once, could you not just remember every little thing?

  • Rachel : You don't want to try things too fast. You know what happened to the girl who tried things too fast?

    Jill Green : No. What?

    Rachel : Well... she died.

  • Monica : [about the erogenous zones]  Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp.

    Chandler : That-that's bad?

    Rachel : Well if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Materhorn.

    Chandler : Well you might if it were anything like 7.

  • Jill Green : All right, I'm leaving. Because I'm not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. That's you Rachel.

    Rachel : Yeah, I got that.

  • Rachel : Ooh, I'm a man. Ooh, I have a penis. Ooh, I have to win money to exert my power over women.

  • Rachel : You gotta come with me!

    Phoebe : Come where?

    Rachel : Wherever I go! Come on! You and me. We'll... we'll start a new group! We're the best ones!

    Phoebe : Okay, but try and get Joey, too.

  • Joey : Do you practice losing at the Grammys too?

    Rachel : No, at the Grammys, I always win.

  • Chandler : Where is Ross at? Hasn't he checked out yet?

    Monica : Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early.

    Rachel : Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out... Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had!

    Phoebe : Ohhhhhhh!

    Rachel : That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end.

    Phoebe : Yeah that'll kill it.

  • Rachel : Are you sure that on some level you don't want to take off my bra?

    Joey : I don't have another level!

  • [talking about engagement presents for Monica and Chandler] 

    Rachel : Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players.

    Monica : Oh, I already have one.

    Phoebe : Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.

    Rachel : Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey.

  • Rachel : God, this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride.

    [shows Phoebe the picture] 

    Rachel : And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman.

  • Tommy : So, you work at Bloomindales... My mom calls it Bloomies.

    Rachel : Yeah, ok, At ease soldier.

  • Rachel : Do you know the only person who'd wanna listen to this? A mental health professional. And that's only because they get paid a hundred dollars an hour.

  • [At a soap opera awards show, Joey accepted an award on an absent actress' behalf] 

    Rachel : Joey, you can't steal an award.

    Joey : I'm not stealing it. I'm accepting it on her behalf.

    Rachel : You don't even know what behalf means.

    Joey : I know what it means. It's a verb. As in, I behalfing it.

  • [after having sex with Rachel's boss] 

    Rachel : You promised you would break up with her.

    Chandler : I did break up with her. She just took it really, really well.

  • Rachel : [upon receiving her first paycheck]  Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money?

  • Rachel : How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?

  • Chandler : What are you guys like a gang or something?

    [Joey whispers to Rachel] 

    Joey : Yeah, we are.

    [Rachel whispers to Joey] 

    Rachel : We're the Cobras.

  • Monica : I am so jealous.

    Rachel : You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?

    Chandler : Yes... Right where?

    Monica : The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking...

    Chandler : Yeah you gotta love the talking.

    Monica : And the sex?

    Chandler : Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level.

    Rachel : Oh, chandler, that is so nice.

    Ross : That is really nice... Lying! No way is that the reason.

    Rachel : Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?

    Chandler : He's right. I'm totally lying.

    Monica : Then what is it?

    Chandler : Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.

    Ross : And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?

    Chandler : No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him.

    Ross : I was going for the metaphor.

    Chandler : Yes and I was saying the actual words.

    Monica : Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed.

    Chandler : We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot.

    Monica : With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love.

    Chandler : Yeah?

    Ross : Just go for it Chandler.

    Monica , Rachel : Yeah you should.

    Chandler : All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys.

  • Rachel : Thank you for my beautiful earrings, they're perfect. I love you.

    Ross : Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, okay?

    Rachel : Now I love you even more.

  • Rachel : So are things between you and Joey getting any better?

    Chandler : It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me.

    Rachel : Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?

    Ross : Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?

    Rachel : You shouldn't.

  • [Ross is wearing a white suit] 

    Monica : I like it even better on you than on Colonel Sanders.

    Ross : Look, I just came here to tell you guys something.

    Rachel : Oh. Was it how you invented the cotton gin?

  • Rachel : Cool. "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."

  • Chandler : Rachel, it's the Visa card people.

    Rachel : Oh, okay. Will you take my place?

    Chandler : All right.

    [on phone] 

    Chandler : Yes, this is Rachel.

  • Rachel : Come on. You guys can pee standing up.

  • Rachel : I've never been to an analyst!

    Phoebe : And it shows.

  • Phoebe : It's raining. I don't like to fly in the rain.

    Joey : Oh, I'm going to go for a walk in the rain.

    Rachel : Oh... me too!

    Phoebe : Huh! I bet they're doing it!

  • Ross : [Very drunk in Vegas]  It's Joey, I love Joey!

    Rachel : Joey lives with a duck!

  • Rachel : [after winning a hand of poker. sing-song to Ross]  I have got your money, and you'll never see it, and your fly's still open


    Rachel : ha, I made you look.

  • Ross : All right, I'll tell you why you're a bad driver. You're fast and irresponsible.

    Rachel : Well, excuse me but in high school that made me head cheerleader.

  • Rachel : [Referring to Ross's new girlfriend]  Ooh look, she's touching his leg.

    Phoebe : Oh you see, that's probably nothing she's very sexually aggressive.

  • Ross : Okay, there you go.

    Rachel : Sure. Sure, I'll just sit next to the... transsexual from purchasing.

  • Rachel : Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you.

    Mark : Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!

    Rachel : Sorry.

    Mark : Okay. I'll just go home and get back at him by myself.

  • Rachel : [Phoebe's "sold out" at a corporate massage parlour]  Of course I admire you Phoebe! You have principles! I don't have any.

  • Rachel : You always have to be right.

    Ross : I do not always- I'm not doing this.

    Rachel : Jurassic Park could happen.

    Ross : [gives up] 

  • Rachel : Yes, Phoebe, but Jack gave up a Cow, and I gave up an Orthodontist!

    Phoebe : Did you love him?

    Rachel : No.

    Phoebe : Well, there you go, Jack loved the Cow.

  • Monica : I use my breasts to get people's attention!

    Rachel : We both do that!

  • [When one of Ross' male students claims to be in love with him] 

    Ross : I mean, last year Elizabeth now-now this kid. What-what-what-what is it? Am I giving out some kind of... sexy professor vibe?

    Rachel : Not right now.

  • Ross : So I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out but my monkey is OUT OF CONTROL!... He keeps erasing the messages on my machine!

    Rachel : Oh yeah... I've done that

    Ross : And a few days ago he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword!

    Rachel : I've never done that

    Ross : And last night I don't know what he did but there were capers EVERYWHERE!

  • Rachel : Ever since I was humiliated, I've not been in a very museum-benefitty sort of place.

  • Monica : [trying to persuade Phoebe to live with Rachel]  Did you know she has like a hundred pairs of shoes, and she'll let you borrow them?

    Rachel : Yeah, and then you stretch them out with your big ol' clown feet...

    Monica : You want to sleep outside, 'cos it's getting cold!

  • Joshua Burgin : Oh God, that Special Bond again!

    Rachel : Well...

    Joshua Burgin : Do you have a brother?

    Rachel : No, but one of my sisters had a very... masculine energy.

    Joshua Burgin : And how did you get on?

    Rachel : Oh, I don't talk to them, they're not very nice people.

  • Rachel : Does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?

    Phoebe : I don't know, you might be the first one.

  • Rachel : [goes crosseyed]  Wow, must have been Drake.

  • Rachel : Come on, Monica! They are Cute Doctors.


    Rachel : Doctors who are


    Rachel : Cute!

    Chandler : So what have we learned so far? Rachel, what's all this about you and Doctors? I mean, was your Father a Doctor?

    Rachel : ...Yes.

  • Rachel : You just grabbed some insane woman at the Coffee House?

    Ross : None of the Sane ones wanted to come back with me!

  • Rachel : Aw, this is a present from my boyfriend. It's a Love Bug, ha!

  • Rachel : I'm tired of getting clobbered.

  • Rachel : I can't go alone to my own Prom, it's too harsh!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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