Leonardo: Michaelangelo why are you wearing boxer shorts?
Michaelangelo: So that the guy who arrives in my place doesn't arrive bare butt naked.
[upon realizing they are being watched by a couple of Japanese Honor guards]
Donatello: Uh, ohayou, wasabi.
Raphael: Hello, mustard?
Donatello: OK, so my Japanese is a little rusty. Uh, Suzuki, Kawasaki...
Raphael: [knocks them out cold] How 'bout, uh, sayonara?
Donatello: [gets up and looks around after landing face first in a shallow pond] Mud wrestling is defintely a spectator sport... Gross.
Donatello: [picks up his helmet and pours out mud] Grosser.
Donatello: April? Yo!
April O'Neill: [splashes mud at Donatello] Here! Help me up.
Donatello: Whoa! Alright, I'm comin'. A little mud, no problem.
Donatello: [picks up April out of the mud but slips and falls on his back] Wait! Wait!
April O'Neill: This is the worst rescue I've ever had.
Donatello: Help! I'm a turtle and I can't get up!
Donatello: [April picks him up from the mud] Thanks.
April O'Neill: We better get out of here.
Donatello: Think of it the bright side, April. We could've landed in a great, big, greasy pile of...
April O'Neill: Don't even say it, Donny.
Donatello: I think I swallowed a frog. I hope it wasn't an ancestor.
Lord Norinaga: You have come back.
Leonardo: Yeah, we like to drop in about every three or four centuries.
Casey Jones: Bet you guys feel lucky to be going back, right?
Benkei: We're lucky. We're going back.
Guards in unison: Not!
[slap high fives]
Casey Jones: This is really gonna screw up history.
Donatello: [April trims the leg part of her uniform] Whoa, leg-o-rama!
April O'Neill: Hey, I'm allowed. It's my vacation.
Michaelangelo: [recovering] My legs hurt. My arms hurt. My spots hurt. Even my bandana hurts.
Michaelangelo: What if we make a major u-turn and wind up in Godzilla-Land?
Michaelangelo: [after bursting from a building engulfed in flames] Kurt Russell, eat your heart out!
Michaelangelo: I don't think I'll ever laugh again.
Splinter: Hmmm... Yo, Dude!
Splinter: [suddenly wearing a Hawaiian hat] Hee hee hee hee hee...
Michaelangelo: Oh... Yo, dude!
Splinter: Just like Elvis in Blue Hawaii. Uh-huh-huh! I saw it on cable.
Michaelangelo: [continues laughing]
Raphael: Did you hear what he called me, Leo?
Leonardo: Yeah, an ugly lump of dung.
[casually walks away]
Raphael: That was an insult, Leo.
Donatello: Not necessarily, Raph. Did you know that in some countries dung is used as a fuel source?
Donatello: Gee, if we die here in the past, does that mean that we don't get born in the future?
April O'Neill: I'm going to find an apartment. I have an idea we're going to be here for a long time.
Leonardo: An apartment?
Michaelangelo: Do they have apartments in Japan?
Raphael: Do I look like a real estate agent?
Leonardo: What about condos?
Michaelangelo: [about a horse he is riding backwards] Don't these things ever run out of gas?
Raphael: Hey, Kid, you gotta control that temper. Did I say that?
Michaelangelo: [to Walker] Hey, buddy, don't you know that Westerns are dead?
Walker: Speaking of dead.
[aims pistol at Michaelangelo]
Michaelangelo: Uh what I meant was they're not all dead. Like Clint. You look alot like Clint!
Raphael: Maybe this means the village people won't be afraid of us anymore.
[the villagers bow]
Donatello: Well, it's a start.
April O'Neill: This is absolutely the worst rescue I have ever had.
Michaelangelo: But, I want to stay here... with you.
Mitsu: You will always be here with me, Michaelangelo.
Donatello: See guys, for every one of us that goes back, someone from the past will come here. But, the problem is, that switch will only work under one condition. You know what that is?
Donatello: If we don't come back in two-and-a-half days, we're turtle soup.
Niles: Give us a kiss, dumplin', while you still got your lips.
[April makes a retching noise]
Niles: Oh, you're not the first one that do that to me.
Michaelangelo: Hey, dudes, check it out! We're in *Shogun*!
Splinter: Put down your sword, Kenshin. They are not enemies. Only lost warriors, like yourself.
Whit: Take me with you.
April O'Neill: Where? New York? Nahh, you wouldn't fit in. I mean, uh,
[takes in his grungy appearance]
April O'Neill: well, actually you *would* fit in.
Raphael: Fightin's for grown-ups, and that's only if you got no other choice.
Walker: Did you really think I'd make it that easy, you *nasty* little reptiles?
Donatello: Do you think I could *possibly* live without a single microchip?
Kenshin: We wait 400 years, and this *Casey* is still late.
Casey Jones: Hey, guys! So, when do we get together and bust some skulls?
Leonardo: Hang on, Casey, you're not gonna be doing any head breaking this time, pal, sorry.
Casey Jones: What was that? You wanna run that by me again?
Raphael: We need someone to remain here to make sure the time bandit here doesn't get out of hand.
Casey Jones: Gotcha.
Casey Jones: Enough of this camaraderie. When do we get to bust some skulls?
Casey Jones: What do you say we get together and bust some skulls?
April O'Neill: [about Whit] He is lower than scum! He gives scum a bad name.
Walker: Of course he does, that's why I hired him.
Kenshin: It will only work if the magic travellers each have the same weight.
Donatello: Bingo! Gee, you guys *do* have a good educational system, don't you?
Walker: So they've gone missing. I mean, war does have a habit of doing that to people.
April O'Neill: Would somebody please tell me what the heck is going on around here?
Donatello: Well, relax, April. It's just your, uh, ordinary time travel equal-mass-displacement kind of thing.
Raphael: Ahh, nature. I *love* it. Makes me want to, I don't know, migrate or something.
Donatello: Turtles don't migrate, Raph. Birds do!
Raphael: Hey, I got a beak, don't I?
Walker: Excuse me, Niles. Shouldn't you be trying to scare somebody?
[preparing to jump into a burning building]
Michaelangelo: I don't think I'm cut out for this hero stuff.
Walker: My cannons can destroy these demons. You can rewrite history.
Lord Norinaga: No!
[stalks out of room]
Walker: I can rewrite *you.*
April O'Neill: You don't mean - you're not seriously suggesting that Donatello is going to make an incredibly arcane time travel machine, are you?
Michaelangelo: That'd be totally bogus.
Raphael: Really stupid!
April O'Neill: Well, that's a relief.
Donatello: [points over his shoulder] No, that guy's gonna make it.
[Michaelangelo shows a villager how to make pizza]
Michaelangelo: We've got a, uh
Michaelangelo: Ahhh. Pi-zza. Got that, dude? Pizza!
[takes a bite, makes a face]
Michaelangelo: Frisbee. Also cool.
Lord Norinaga: How did you capture such a woman?
Walker: Same way you capture any wild animal. By setting a trap.
Michaelangelo: Sorry about the crack about the bad vibes. You've got *great* vibes.
Whit: I think she's telling the truth.
Walker: Really? Well, I don't pay you to think, do I? I pay you to lie, cheat, and steal.
Mitsu: We will both die, but only one of us with honor.
[she and Lord Norinaga both draw weapons]
Leonardo: Are we outta the loop here, or what?
Michaelangelo: Who's trapped inside?
Leo: Lord Norinaga!
Donatello: Lord Norinaga?
[hits the bell with his Bo staff]
Donatello: Name rings a bell.
Lord Norinaga: Go ahead. Finish me.
[forms his two swords like scissors and cuts off Norinaga's hair]
Leo: There. Short enough for you?
[Walker enters melodramatically]
Raphael: Well, if it ain't the Phantom of the Opera.
Walker: Love to stay and chat, but places to go and people to kill.
Walker: [to his prisoners] Really don't have time for any of these social pleasantries, I'm afraid.
[to his men]
Walker: Shoot them.
Donatello: Wow. Bungee jumping without a bungee. That could be dangerous.
Casey Jones: [leaning on baseball bat, to Raphael] Hey Raph, how'd your brain implant go, good?
Raphael: We've been here for five minutes and we already lost one brother, the magic scepter...
Donatello: Our dignity.
Raphael: ...and no April.
Lord Norinaga: Kenshin, I forbid you to leave the castle. You have disgraced me.
Kenshin: No, father! It is you who have disgraced me.
Niles: But there's a demon up the road, Cap'n. A wild beast with the body of a man and the head of the Devil himself!