Surf Ninjas (1993)
Rob Schneider: Iggy
Zatch : Something not even money can buy: the knives of Kwantsu.
Iggy : Knives? Oh yeah, seriously. That's something money can't buy. Knives. Once I went to a cutlery store and said 'Here's $100,000, can I buy a knife?' They said, 'NO. Money can't buy knives.' Gee, I guess that's why you hardly ever see any of 'em around.
Iggy : On the third day of the expedition they came across a giant rubber plant. Unfortunately, they could not cut it down, for as we know, money can't buy knives. Walking around the plant, they continued on the shores of Patusan.
Zatch : Is there no way we can shut this chattering monkey up?
Lt. Spence : You know, I'd cut him. But, I don't have a knife.
Johnny : [Johnny and Adam are about to surf the waves] Wooo, the waves our pumpin...
Iggy : Go.
Johnny : What, you're not coming with us?
Iggy : I'll be there in a minute, I just gotta wax the old "Man to wave friction reducing vehicle".
[Johnny and Adam stare at him with pause]
Iggy : ... Surfboard!
Johnny : Oh, so we'll see you after, Right?
Iggy : Sure, gotta put some wax on so I dont slip off, need a lotta wax.
Johnny : [Afterwards] Whoa, I think I fully dinged my board on a rock or somethin...
[Iggy starts walking towards the water]
Johnny : ... Bro we're leaving!
Iggy : What, now? Awww c'mon, I had some moves in me too!
Johnny : [Under his Breath] Yeah right, you never surfed a day in your Life.
Iggy : Look, tommorow we start off early, o.k.?
Adam : [after leaving the raid at their house] So... when can we go back home?
Zatch : Your home is Patusan.
Johnny : No! Our home, was that house, back on Ocean Park.
Iggy : Whoa, guys I don't think you really wanna go back there. I mean, our Buddy Long John Silver here left the GAS running in the House, real Bright! I mean, what if the house blows up...
[a big Explosion happens in the background]
Iggy : ...WHOA!
Adam : [Stunned] Our home!
Johnny : [Stunned also] He... blew up our home!
Zatch : [Regretably] I had no choice, and now you have no choice but to come with me, it's your Destiny.
Johnny : [Starts attacking Zatch] You had no choice... You had no CHOICE? Your INSANE!
Adam : [Helping Johnny] Get your rotten hands off my Brother!
Zatch : Stay calm your highnesses, you must know that there is no turning back!
Iggy : I can't believe... that I just DID that, I am Responsible for the Destruction of my best friends personal property!
Johnny : What are you talking about Iggy, you didn't do anything.
Iggy : I did too! Something happened, I don't know what it is, but now every time I say WHAT IF about something it comes true, and back there I said "What if the the house blows up", and it blew up!
[Convinced that He has Special Powers]
Iggy : Wow, I have this tremendous responsibility! What if I lose this power?
Iggy : Oh no, I just what if I lose this power! Damn it, I had it, then I lost it!
Zatch : [Annoyed by Iggy] But what of THIS one, the Commoner?
Adam : Why don't you just blow HIM up!
Iggy : ...because as we all know, money can't buy knives.
Mac : [Johnny and Mac are in Shock for a moment as the camera angle focuses on a hand holding a kitchen knife] I'd put that knife down if I were you!
[the Camera Angle starts pointing up revealing Iggy's Face]
Iggy : Seriously, if you don't want chives, I wont put em in.
Johnny : Well, I want chives bro.
Mac : Iggy, you're here every day, and every night, don't your Parents wonder where you've been?
Iggy : Mr. MC.Quinn, My Parents are locked up in a Bio-Screen in Arizona, Pimento?
Mac : Huh?
Iggy : ...It's like a little Tomato. Yes, Bio-Screen, lots of plants n animals, no one else allowed in anywhere around them. look, for it to be hard for me to explain it to a layman, like Yourself.
Mac : Iggy, You know what you need, is a professional listener.
Johnny : He visits the School shrink every day.
Mac : Not helping, and don't your parents ever feed ya, and don't they ever provide you with enough clothing besides MY BOXER SHORTS!
Iggy : [Looks down at the Shorts He's wearing] These are yours?
Mac : YES!
Iggy : [after Zatch helped Johnny, Adam, and Iggy escape from the raid at the food hut] I just want you to know, that I felt completely safe in your arms, and I never said that to a man before.
Iggy : All right, Kids, come in here and Clean up Yer Bloody Room! I know well, cuz I'm 37, and don't make Me beat You with Leg of Mine that no longer Works cuz I'll do it!
Adam : Say, Johnny, what if what that Zatch guy said was true? I mean, about Your Destiny to become a Warrior, and Mine to be a Seeker...
[Iggy interupts from behind the couch holding a Playboy Magazine]
Iggy : ...and don't forget, I'm the King, seriously, you guys couldn't of missed these Magazines, there is a whole stack of em underneath Your Bed...
Johnny : Iggy, you can't be the King of Patusan.
[Iggy looks at Him Discouragingly]
Johnny : You're not Asian.
Iggy : Hey, two words for you; David Carradine, and Kung Fu.