Surf Ninjas (1993) Poster


Rob Schneider: Iggy



  • Zatch : Something not even money can buy: the knives of Kwantsu.

    Iggy : Knives? Oh yeah, seriously. That's something money can't buy. Knives. Once I went to a cutlery store and said 'Here's $100,000, can I buy a knife?' They said, 'NO. Money can't buy knives.' Gee, I guess that's why you hardly ever see any of 'em around.


    Iggy : On the third day of the expedition they came across a giant rubber plant. Unfortunately, they could not cut it down, for as we know, money can't buy knives. Walking around the plant, they continued on the shores of Patusan.

    Zatch : Is there no way we can shut this chattering monkey up?

    Lt. Spence : You know, I'd cut him. But, I don't have a knife.

  • Johnny : [Johnny and Adam are about to surf the waves]  Wooo, the waves our pumpin...

    Iggy : Go.

    Johnny : What, you're not coming with us?

    Iggy : I'll be there in a minute, I just gotta wax the old "Man to wave friction reducing vehicle".

    [Johnny and Adam stare at him with pause] 

    Iggy : ... Surfboard!

    Johnny : Oh, so we'll see you after, Right?

    Iggy : Sure, gotta put some wax on so I dont slip off, need a lotta wax.

    Johnny : [Afterwards]  Whoa, I think I fully dinged my board on a rock or somethin...

    [Iggy starts walking towards the water] 

    Johnny : ... Bro we're leaving!

    Iggy : What, now? Awww c'mon, I had some moves in me too!

    Johnny : [Under his Breath]  Yeah right, you never surfed a day in your Life.

    Iggy : Look, tommorow we start off early, o.k.?

  • Adam : You know what they say - Chick's got a veil, dude better bail.

    Johnny : If she covers her face, pick up the pace.

    Iggy : She's afraid to show it. She's... probably not very attractive.

  • Adam : [after leaving the raid at their house]  So... when can we go back home?

    Zatch : Your home is Patusan.

    Johnny : No! Our home, was that house, back on Ocean Park.

    Iggy : Whoa, guys I don't think you really wanna go back there. I mean, our Buddy Long John Silver here left the GAS running in the House, real Bright! I mean, what if the house blows up...

    [a big Explosion happens in the background] 

    Iggy : ...WHOA!

    Adam : [Stunned]  Our home!

    Johnny : [Stunned also]  He... blew up our home!

    Zatch : [Regretably]  I had no choice, and now you have no choice but to come with me, it's your Destiny.

    Johnny : [Starts attacking Zatch]  You had no choice... You had no CHOICE? Your INSANE!

    Adam : [Helping Johnny]  Get your rotten hands off my Brother!

    Zatch : Stay calm your highnesses, you must know that there is no turning back!

    Iggy : I can't believe... that I just DID that, I am Responsible for the Destruction of my best friends personal property!

    Johnny : What are you talking about Iggy, you didn't do anything.

    Iggy : I did too! Something happened, I don't know what it is, but now every time I say WHAT IF about something it comes true, and back there I said "What if the the house blows up", and it blew up!

    [Convinced that He has Special Powers] 

    Iggy : Wow, I have this tremendous responsibility! What if I lose this power?

    [Realization hits] 

    Iggy : Oh no, I just what if I lose this power! Damn it, I had it, then I lost it!

    Zatch : [Annoyed by Iggy]  But what of THIS one, the Commoner?

    Adam : Why don't you just blow HIM up!

  • Johnny : While in Patusan, guests of The Revolution stay at the Mecrob Hilton.

    Iggy : That's the Mecrob Hilton. Serving strange things and shells since 1207.

  • Iggy : [Walking across a hill]  Woah, this trail is massively narrow. What if somebody fell?

    [Lt. Spence and Adam suddenly fall down the hill] 

    Iggy : What if I said "I'm sorry"!

  • Iggy : ...because as we all know, money can't buy knives.

  • Iggy : What if I lose this power?

    [realization hits] 

    Iggy : Oh my gosh... I just said "What if I lose this power?"

  • Mac : [Johnny and Mac are in Shock for a moment as the camera angle focuses on a hand holding a kitchen knife]  I'd put that knife down if I were you!

    [the Camera Angle starts pointing up revealing Iggy's Face] 

    Iggy : Seriously, if you don't want chives, I wont put em in.

    Johnny : Well, I want chives bro.

    Mac : Iggy, you're here every day, and every night, don't your Parents wonder where you've been?

    Iggy : Mr. MC.Quinn, My Parents are locked up in a Bio-Screen in Arizona, Pimento?

    Mac : Huh?

    Iggy : ...It's like a little Tomato. Yes, Bio-Screen, lots of plants n animals, no one else allowed in anywhere around them. look, for it to be hard for me to explain it to a layman, like Yourself.

    Mac : Iggy, You know what you need, is a professional listener.

    Johnny : He visits the School shrink every day.

    Mac : Not helping, and don't your parents ever feed ya, and don't they ever provide you with enough clothing besides MY BOXER SHORTS!

    Iggy : [Looks down at the Shorts He's wearing]  These are yours?

    Mac : YES!

  • Adam : [shouts as he stands up in the moving vehicle]  Motosurf!

    Iggy : Motosurf!

    Johnny : Motosurf!

  • Iggy : [after Zatch helped Johnny, Adam, and Iggy escape from the raid at the food hut]  I just want you to know, that I felt completely safe in your arms, and I never said that to a man before.

  • Iggy : All right, Kids, come in here and Clean up Yer Bloody Room! I know well, cuz I'm 37, and don't make Me beat You with Leg of Mine that no longer Works cuz I'll do it!

  • Zatch : They have taken him.

    Adam : Woah! How'd he do that?

    Iggy : Like this: They have taken him.

  • Adam : Say, Johnny, what if what that Zatch guy said was true? I mean, about Your Destiny to become a Warrior, and Mine to be a Seeker...

    [Iggy interupts from behind the couch holding a Playboy Magazine] 

    Iggy : ...and don't forget, I'm the King, seriously, you guys couldn't of missed these Magazines, there is a whole stack of em underneath Your Bed...

    Johnny : Iggy, you can't be the King of Patusan.

    [Iggy looks at Him Discouragingly] 

    Johnny : You're not Asian.

    Iggy : Hey, two words for you; David Carradine, and Kung Fu.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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