Robot Wars

Lightly entertaining but instantly forgettable follow-up to the earlier movie "Robot Jox". The story has to do with rebels dubbed "Centros" who are a threat to survivors of some sort of apocalypse. In this setting, guys like Drake (Don Michael Paul) function as pilots of enormous robot spiders that both transport passengers and can be used as battle vehicles. Drake meets crusading archaeologist Leda (Barbara Crampton), and although they get off on the wrong foot, it seems that romance will be in the air. Soon Drake's going to have his hands full battling a megalomaniac named Wa-Lee (Danny Kamekona).

Veteran film director Albert Band ("I Bury the Living") took the reigns of this one for his son, Full Moon head honcho Charles Band. While "Robot Wars" manages to be amusing to a minor degree, it's of no real distinction. It's very much a good thing that it runs a trim 72 minutes long. The cast selected is interesting: Paul (writer / director of "Half Past Dead") is a good looking but fairly bland hero, but Crampton of "Re-Animator" fame is spunky and sincere, and Peter Haskell ("Child's Play" 2 and 3) is a hoot as your standard issue greedy corporate creep. It's also amusing to see the two villains from "The Karate Kid Part II", Kamekona and Yuji Okumoto, acting together. James Staley ("Sweet Dreams") supplies the comedy relief, and Ms. Crampton and Lisa Rinna ('Melrose Place') supply the eye candy.

The two most successful elements here are typically excellent David Allen effects, and a soaring music score by David Arkenstone.

This may be passable enough for B movie junkies, just so long as they don't expect too much going in.

Five out of 10.

As a low budget movie this got a lot right, but there are big elements holding it back.

The Good: Barbara Cramptom is great as always. They actually built some real sets and it made it feel more authentic (instead of just in a warehouse). The stop motion effects were fine and the best way to pull off the robots on their budget. Also at 72 minutes it doesn't overstay it's welcome.

The Bad: some of the actors are passable, but most are poor (to be expected). There are some really tired tropes (jerk hero harasses strong woman who later falls in love with him), that were tired when it came out. But the biggest problem is the hero. Our main character is intensely unlikable the whole time.

It's a fine B movie that isn't painful to watch. Might even be fun with some friends to laugh at it with.

There's nothing quite like watching giant robots doing battle over a desert wasteland, and Robot Wars does deliver. Sure, the acting is lousy, the dialogue is sub-par, and the characters are one-dimensional, but it has giant robots! The special effects themselves are actually quite good for the period. They are certainly not as polished as today's standards, but it contains a minimum of computer graphics and instead uses miniatures, so it has aged fairly well. Its shortcomings are easily overlooked given the films short runtime, and it does have a certain tongue-in-cheek humour in parts that make it quite enjoyable. I would recommend this to any fan of giant robots or cheesy sci-fi who is looking for a lighthearted hour of distraction.

In the future of 2041, a cataclysm has reshaped the power structure of the world with the North American based North Hemi in alliance with the pan Asian collective of the Eastern Alliance. North Hemi is in conflict with marauders known as the Centros, and its relations with the Eastern Alliance are of importance to keeping the Centros at bay. Maverick pilot Captain Drake (Don Michael Paul) pilots the Mega Robot with his co-pilot/mechanic Stumpy (James Staley). The Mega Robot is used to conduct tours for civilians, but also carries weaponry for defense against the Centros. Drake is at odds with OpCom Chief Rooney (Peter Haskell) over his recklessness involving taking civilians through hostile territory and Rooney's dealings with General Wa-Lee (Danny Kamekona) of the Eastern Alliance whom Drake suspects may be hiding ulterior motives involving the Centros. When Drake's fears soon prove to be real, Drake, Stumpy, and archaeologist Dr. Leda Fannon (Barbara Crampton) must work together to find a way of stopping Wa-Lee's plot.

Another attempt from Full Moon Entertainment to follow-on loosely from Robot Jox, Robot Wars is in some ways an improvement over the studios previous effort Crash and Burn in that the Robots on the box cover and trailer have more presence and importance in the movie, and also unlike Crash and Burn there's more thought put into the production design with OpCom actually feeling like a tangible area and not just a repurposed abandoned industrial building. But while Robot Wars doesn't have the problems of Crash and Burn's presentation, it's exchanged them for problems with comprehensibility and storytelling with its narrative a confused mess using jargon it's made-up wholesale and rarely (if ever) tells you what it means.

Clocking in at a meager 72 minutes (not including credits) the movie throws the audience into this post-apocalyptic world where the world powers have shifted but unlike Robot Jox that at least opened with an info dump at the beginning giving us context for the world, Robot Wars does the cinematic equivalent of throwing its audience into the deep end of a swimming pool and calling it a day. The movie never lets us in on what exactly North Hemi entails nor does it give any insight into the motivations behind the Centros or the Eastern Alliance so even if you "know" what's going on you'll be hard pressed to figure out the why. The movie also has an unappealing lead in Don Michael Paul who seems to be going for a "devil may care" maverick a la Tom Cruise in Top Gun, but instead comes off more like Biff Tannen from the Back to the Future films if he were framed as the "hero". Much like Bill Moseley in Crash and Burn, Danny Kamekona is having fun as the underwritten villain General Wa-Len who's basically Dr. No by way of Colonel Kurtz, but as stock and shallow as the character is you have to admire Kamekona dedication.

The effects by noted stop-motion artist David Allen are once again employed as they were in Robot Jox and Crash and Burn, and they do give Allen a bit more leeway to stretch himself with the Robots, not as much as in Robot Jox, but it's a DTV film so we're lucky we got what we did. Most of the robot sequences are pretty reserved and don't cut loose until the last 10 minutes, but I will say that as far as robot fights go it's not bad, even if it has a rather BS Deus Ex Machina button in the hero's robot that ends the fight.

Robot Jox improves upon the short comings of Crash and Burn while also adding a whole bunch of new problems. The movie's story and characters are an absolute mess with Don Michael Paul rather lacking as a lead, and the world building and motivations are muddled and confusing. David Allen's Robot effects look nice and you get more of them than Crash and Burn, but not to the point I'd recommend a viewing.

Some Japanese guy kidnaps people in his scorpion bot for some stupid reason and some douche bag who wants to rape a blonde woman must stop him. Not bad. Expected worse. What stands out is the special effects with the robots even though it's cheesy as hell. What lacks is its deficient story and plot. Not a wasted assimilation but I wouldnt get all horny over this $#!+ either. Just when its convenient.