Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
Lisa Jakub: Lydia Hillard
Lydie : Freeze, or you're gonna get it.
Chris : In the balls.
Lydie : Yeah.
Lydie : She's got 'em?
Chris : She's got everything.
Daniel : [as Mrs. Doubtfire; in his own voice] All right. Listen to me. I'm not... who you think I am.
Chris : Yeah, no shit.
Daniel : Watch your mouth, young man.
Daniel : I got off early.
Lydie : You mean you got fired?
Daniel : No, I quit. For reasons of conscience.
Lydie : Actors.
Daniel : [to Chris] Hey, dude! Congratulations on your twelfth birthday, all right! Got a surprise for you!
Chris : Ooh, a stripper?
Daniel : No, please!
Chris : Two strippers?
Daniel : Haw, boy!
Mrs. Doubtfire : All right everybody, it's time to expand your minds, it's...
[turns off the TV]
Mrs. Doubtfire : Homework time. Okay?
Lydie : [turns the TV back on with the remote] Yeah, but after Dick Van Dyke.
Mrs. Doubtfire : [turns off the TV] No. Now.
Lydie : [impatiently] No.
[turns the TV back on]
Lydie : We always watch Dick Van Dyke.
Mrs. Doubtfire : Really? Well, not anymore.
[takes the remote control from Lydia and throws it in the air. It lands straight into the aquarium]
Mrs. Doubtfire : The only thing you'll be watching... is Deep CNN.
Lydie : [deleted scene] Dad, why can't you just pretend?
Daniel : To be what, honey?
Lydie : Pretend to be Mrs. Doubtfire and pretend to be Pudgy the bird and all those other things. Why can't you and Mom just pretend to be happy?
Daniel : We probably could.
Lydie : And we'd still be a family.
Daniel : Yeah we would be, but we'd be a pretend family, you know? It wouldn't be real. You'd know, you'd know we'd be acting. You can't act 24 hours a day, I'm not that good an actor, today proved that. No, life's more real and wonderful and acting is nice, it's a job.
Lydie : It's your job to be our father.
Daniel : No it's not a job, it's a joy being your father, I don't have to play the part of your father, I am your father, I may act like a fool, but I am your father, okay? Always, rain, shine, it's the one wonderful thing in my life.
Lydie : I just want to apologize for being such a pain today.
Mrs. Doubtfire : Oh, dear, it's all right.
Lydie : No, I'm - I'm really sorry. It's just, I'm still kind of messed up about everything.
Mrs. Doubtfire : We all are, sweetie.
Lydie : What?
Mrs. Doubtfire : I just mean I understand the pain you're all going through.
Lydie : Yeah. Well, I also wanted to thank you.
Mrs. Doubtfire : For what?
Lydie : For making my mom so happy.
Mrs. Doubtfire : Oh...
Lydie : She hasn't been in this good a mood since... I can't even remember. It's been a long time.
Daniel : [Deleted Scene: Miranda opens the door to find Daniel] We need to talk.
Miranda : [Still pissed] I can't talk to you dressed like that!
Daniel : [Seeing he is still dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire] I'll change. May I come in?
[She, angrily, lets him in]
Daniel : [while the children sit in Lydia's room, listening] Listen, I'm sorry, but you gotta understand something, okay? Listen-...
Miranda : You sat there while I served you tea! You encouraged me to talk openly about our marriage, you, you took money to sneak around this house uninvited.
Daniel : The money always came back, didn't it? It was a job that needed to be done because you sure as Hell didn't do it very well and I did it great. But you told me 100 times as Mrs. Doubtfire I was wonderful, and I would have done as myself for nothing, but you wouldn't let me do it!
Miranda : There are no excuses! I cannot forgive you, ever!
Daniel : I did it because I just wanted to be with the kids!
Miranda : You lied to the kids!
Daniel : I never lied to the kids, okay?
Miranda : What do you mean?
Daniel : They found out!
Miranda : They... knew?
Daniel : Yes!
Miranda : How dare you!
Daniel : Oh, don't-...
Miranda : How dare you encourage them to deceive me!
Daniel : DON'T YOU GET IT? YOU'RE THE REASON FOR THE WHOLE DECEIT 'CAUSE YOU'RE TRYING TO THROW AWAY YEARS OF BEING TOGETHER! YOU'RE JUST TO ERASE IT LIKE IT DOESN'T EXIST! YOU'RE TRYING TO DESTROY THE FACT THAT WE'RE A FAMILY!
Miranda : THIS FAMILY DOESN'T WORK!
Daniel : OH, IT'D WORK IF YOU'D LET IT WORK!
Miranda : YOU'RE HARMFUL FOR THEM TO BE IN THIS FAMILY THAN IT IS FOR THEM TO BE IN A DIVORCED FAMILY! THAT THEY CAN ADJUST TO!
Daniel : NO, THEY CAN'T ADJUST TO THAT! I'M THEIR FATHER, THEY LOVE ME!
Miranda : I'M THEIR MOTHER, THEY LOVE ME!
Lydie : [All 3 kids are now on the staircase, watching, crying] I HATE YOU BOTH!
[Lydia storms upstairs, angry and crying, with Natalie following her, as Chris remains with tears in his eyes]
Chris : [Softly, crying] Me, too.
Miranda : [Starting to cry] Please leave, Daniel, please, please.
Daniel : [Turns to leave] I'm going.