Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
Sally Field: Miranda Hillard
Miranda : [about Stu] Isn't he fabulous?
Mrs. Doubtfire : If you like that handsome rugged type. But personally I prefer short, furry and funny.
Miranda : He just wants to go out and have a drink. I think that's pretty harmless, don't you?
Mrs. Doubtfire : Absolutely not, dear, because they always have other intentions.
Miranda : This is business mostly. I'll just sit there and sip club soda and we'll go over wallpaper samples.
Mrs. Doubtfire : Dear Miranda, wake up and smell the coffee. Can't you see the lust in that man's eyes? It's too soon, dear, really. You've got to give your divorce some time, dear. Let your sheets cool down before you bring someone else into the bed, alright?
Miranda : Mrs. Doubtfire, may I ask you a question?
Mrs. Doubtfire : Oh, certainly, dear.
Miranda : How long after Mr. Doubtfire passed away... Did you feel any desire...?
Mrs. Doubtfire : Never.
Miranda : Never?
Mrs. Doubtfire : Never again.
Miranda : Never again?
Mrs. Doubtfire : Once the father of your children is out of the picture, the only solution is total and lifelong celibacy.
Miranda : Celibacy?
Mrs. Doubtfire : Yes. And if you violate that, heaven forgive you! Good luck.
Mrs. Doubtfire : I hope you don't mind me being a tad rude, but... how was he? You know, on a scale of 1 to 10?
Miranda : Well, that part was always... okay.
Mrs. Doubtfire : Just okay? Well, he was probably a Casanova compared to poor old Winston.
Miranda : What was the matter with Winston?
Mrs. Doubtfire : Oh dear, Winston's idea of foreplay was "Effie, brace yourself."
Miranda : Hello, are you calling in response to the ad?
Daniel : Uh-huh
Miranda : Tell me, who was your previous employer?
Daniel : I was in a band, 'Severe Tire Damage'.
Miranda : In a band?
Daniel : I just want to know one thing. Are your kids well-behaved? Or do they need like, a few light slams every now and then?
Miranda : Umm, I'll have to get back to you.
Daniel : Wow!
Miranda : Daniel was so wonderfully different, and funny! He could always make me laugh.
Mrs. Doubtfire : They always say the key to a solid marriage is laughter.
Miranda : But after a few years, everything just stopped being funny.
Mrs. Doubtfire : Why?
Miranda : I was working all the time, and he was always between jobs. I hardly ever got to see the kids, and on the nights I'd try to get home early to be with them, something would go wrong. The house would be wrecked and I'd have to clean it up. He never knew, but so many nights I just cried myself to sleep.
Mrs. Doubtfire : [crushed] Really?
Miranda : The truth is, I didn't like who I was when I was with him. I would turn into this horrible person. I didn't want my kids growing up with a mother like that. When I'm not with Daniel, I'm better. And... I'm sure he's better when he's not with me.
Mrs. Doubtfire : Well, you never... I mean, did you ever say anything to him dear?
Miranda : Daniel never liked to talk about anything serious. I used to think Daniel could do anything, except be serious. But then *I* was serious enough for everybody.
Daniel : Well, let's take a little vacation together with the kids, and get you away from work. You're a different person. You really are. You're great.
Miranda : Oh, Daniel, our problems would be waiting for us right here when we got back.
Daniel : Well, we'll move. That way our problems won't follow us.
Miranda : Daniel, please don't joke.
Daniel : Ok.
Miranda : It's just, we're far apart. We're different. We have nothing in common.
Daniel : Sure we do. We love each other. Come on, Miranda, we love each other... Don't we?
Miranda : I want a divorce.
Daniel : [talking about his apartment] I was going kind of a refugee motif. You know, "fleeing my homeland" kind of thing. But look at you. This lovely Dances With Wolves motif. What's your Indian name, Shops With A Fist?
Miranda : Are my children ready yet?
Daniel : No, our children are not ready yet. Because you are an hour early and you were late dropping them off.
Mrs. Dupree : I don't do laundry, I don't do windows, I don't do carpets, I don't do bathtubs, I don't do toilets, I don't do diapers...
Miranda : Um, my children have been potty-trained for quite some time.
Mrs. Dupree : Well, I don't do washing, I don't do basements, I don't do dinners, and I don't do reading!
[Miranda shows Mrs. Dupree to the door and gives Lydie the "slitting your throat" gesture as she walks away; Lydie checks Mrs. Dupree's name off the list]
Miranda : I bring home a birthday cake and a few gifts. You bring home the goddamn San Diego Zoo and I have to clean up after it!
Daniel : [Posing as a caller for the housekeeper ad, this time with a German accent] Yeah, my name is Elsa Emmelman, and I want to know how many children do you have.
Miranda : I have two girls and a boy.
Daniel : Oh, a boy... I don't "werk" with the males, 'cause I used to be one.
Miranda : [hangs up] Yikes!
Daniel : Welcome to Euphegenia's house. A little draughty, but you know. It's nice. What can I do for you?
Miranda : First of all, congratulations on the show.
Daniel : Thanks. You got to see the dress rehearsal, you know.
Miranda : We've... The kids... We've been watching every day.
Daniel : It's nice to know they can see me every day.
Miranda : Look, Daniel. I know it's gonna take a long time to get over all the fights and... all the horrible things we said to each other. It's... It's so hard. But I know somehow you and I will be all right and we'll get through this. But the kids... I don't want to hurt our children.
Daniel : So what do you want me to do? You want me to pretend like everything's all right? Put on a happy face? Smile? Jesus, Miranda. You took my children away from me. I can only see them now with supervision. Some woman who comes and watches me with the kids like I'm some sort of deviant. If I try to hug 'em, she wonders why. You know what that's like? You just sat there in that courtroom, you knew the truth, you didn't say a word and you let that judge pass that despicable sentence.
Miranda : I was angry.
Daniel : Oh, God.
Miranda : Look, you hurt me, too.
Daniel : Oh, you ripped my heart out! Will you come back and do it again!
Miranda : You lied... You lied... Uh, you know what?
Daniel : What?
Miranda : I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna do "who did what to whom".
Miranda : Ever since this happened, I've been trying to make sense out of it. And the only thing I know to be true in my heart is that the children were happier... when Mrs. Doubtfire was a part of their lives.
Daniel : Oh, yeah?
Miranda : She... She brought out the best in them. She brought out the best in you.
Daniel : And you.
Miranda : Yeah. They miss her terribly.
Daniel : What are you saying?
Miranda : Daniel, the kids need you.
Daniel : I need them.
Daniel : [Deleted Scene: Miranda opens the door to find Daniel] We need to talk.
Miranda : [Still pissed] I can't talk to you dressed like that!
Daniel : [Seeing he is still dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire] I'll change. May I come in?
[She, angrily, lets him in]
Daniel : [while the children sit in Lydia's room, listening] Listen, I'm sorry, but you gotta understand something, okay? Listen-...
Miranda : You sat there while I served you tea! You encouraged me to talk openly about our marriage, you, you took money to sneak around this house uninvited.
Daniel : The money always came back, didn't it? It was a job that needed to be done because you sure as Hell didn't do it very well and I did it great. But you told me 100 times as Mrs. Doubtfire I was wonderful, and I would have done as myself for nothing, but you wouldn't let me do it!
Miranda : There are no excuses! I cannot forgive you, ever!
Daniel : I did it because I just wanted to be with the kids!
Miranda : You lied to the kids!
Daniel : I never lied to the kids, okay?
Miranda : What do you mean?
Daniel : They found out!
Miranda : They... knew?
Daniel : Yes!
Miranda : How dare you!
Daniel : Oh, don't-...
Miranda : How dare you encourage them to deceive me!
Daniel : DON'T YOU GET IT? YOU'RE THE REASON FOR THE WHOLE DECEIT 'CAUSE YOU'RE TRYING TO THROW AWAY YEARS OF BEING TOGETHER! YOU'RE JUST TO ERASE IT LIKE IT DOESN'T EXIST! YOU'RE TRYING TO DESTROY THE FACT THAT WE'RE A FAMILY!
Miranda : THIS FAMILY DOESN'T WORK!
Daniel : OH, IT'D WORK IF YOU'D LET IT WORK!
Miranda : YOU'RE HARMFUL FOR THEM TO BE IN THIS FAMILY THAN IT IS FOR THEM TO BE IN A DIVORCED FAMILY! THAT THEY CAN ADJUST TO!
Daniel : NO, THEY CAN'T ADJUST TO THAT! I'M THEIR FATHER, THEY LOVE ME!
Miranda : I'M THEIR MOTHER, THEY LOVE ME!
Lydie : [All 3 kids are now on the staircase, watching, crying] I HATE YOU BOTH!
[Lydia storms upstairs, angry and crying, with Natalie following her, as Chris remains with tears in his eyes]
Chris : [Softly, crying] Me, too.
Miranda : [Starting to cry] Please leave, Daniel, please, please.
Daniel : [Turns to leave] I'm going.