The Mighty Ducks (1992)
[the kids aren't thrilled about being named the Ducks]
Gordon Bombay: I didn't have a choice, we're being sponsored.
Les Averman: By who, Donald and Daisy?
Gordon Bombay: Hey, you don't wanna be Ducks? You'd rather be District Five? Some stupid number?
Peter Mark: Better than some stupid animal.
Gordon Bombay: I'll have you know, Peter, that the Duck is one of the most noble, agile and intelligent creatures in the animal kingdom.
Connie Moreau: But they're wimpy!
Guy Germaine: They don't even have teeth.
Gordon Bombay: Neither do hockey players. Have you guys ever seen a flock of ducks flying in perfect formation? It's beautiful. Pretty awesome the way they all stick together. Ducks never say die. Ever seen a duck fight? No way. Why? Because the other animals are afraid. They know that if they mess with one duck, they gotta deal with the whole flock. I'm proud to be a Duck, and I'd be proud to fly with any one of you. So how about it? Who's a Duck?
Fulton Reed: [pause] I'll be a duck.
Charlie Conway: Yeah, me too.
Gordon Bombay: SHUT UP! You guys stink! I thought we came here to play hockey.
Peter Mark: [sarcastically] You know, I knew we forgot something.
Goldberg: [Coach Bombay has taped Goldberg to the goal] My mother is not gonna approve of this, Coach! She wants me to live to be Bar Mitzvah'd!
Gordon Bombay: This is your Bar Mitzvah, Goldberg. Today, you become a man.
Tammy Duncan: Mom isn't gonna like this at all.
Tommy Duncan: So what ? You want me to figure skate, then you gotta play hockey.
Tammy Duncan: What do I know about hockey?
[knocks him down and skates away]
Tommy Duncan: More than you think.
Charlie Conway: You know, she has many fine qualities that men find attractive.
Gordon Bombay: I'm aware, Charlie. That fact has not escaped me.
[Gordon has just been fired]
Gordon Bombay: Yes sir, Mr. Ducksworth. Thank you very much, Mr. Ducksworth. Quack, quack, quack, Mr. Ducksworth!
Mr. Gerald Ducksworth: Gordon, stop quacking!
Gordon Bombay: Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!
Police Officer: Could you turn down the stereo?
Gordon Bombay: [drunkenly] Sure. I guess it was a 'widdle' noisy.
Police Officer: A 'widdle'? OK, I'm taking down to precinct. Breath, blood or urine?
Gordon Bombay: [drunkenly] No, thanks. I'm full.
Gordon Bombay: You may make it. You may not, but that doesn't matter, Charlie. What matters is that we're here. Look around. Who ever thought we'd make it this far. 1, 2, 3. Triple Deke. Take your best shot. I believe in you, Charlie. Win or lose.
Charlie Conway: Thanks, Coach.
Gordon Bombay: Go get 'em.
Dave Karp: [after blocking a shot with his head knocks him senseless] I don't want to go to school today, Mom.
Gordon Bombay: Karp, how many fingers am I holding up?
Peter Mark: He wouldn't know that, anyway.
Gordon Bombay: Shut up, Peter.
Gordon Bombay: A team isn't a bunch of kids out to win. A team is something you belong to, something you feel, something you have to earn.
Coach Reilly: Why'd you turn against me, Gordon? For six years, I taught you how to skate, I taught you how to score, I taught you how to go for the "W". You could have been one of the greats! And now look at yourself. You're not even a has-been. You're a never-was.
Goldberg: Be careful, man. It almost hit me that time!
Charlie Conway: Goldberg, you're the goalie. It's supposed to hit you.
Goldberg: Does that sound stupid to anyone else?
Gordon Bombay: Now here's the long and the short of it: I hate hockey and I don't like kids.
Peter Mark: What's this supposed to be, a pep talk?
Gordon Bombay: I'm sure this will be a real bonding experience. One day, maybe one of you will write a book about it in jail.
Gordon Bombay: Did you really Quack at the Principal?
Gordon Bombay: Are we Ducks or what?
Goldberg: [the team leaves him tied to the net] Hey, guys! Excuse me, guys, you gotta untie me now! Ha ha! Good joke. Very funny. I like it. No joke, c'mon, guys.
[starts skating with the net still attached]
Goldberg: Hey, coach! Coach, c'mon, don't leave me hanging like this! Coach, don't make me come after you, coach!
Gordon Bombay: [talking about Casey's date life] So what kind of guys does she date?
Charlie Conway: Jerks. Not because of her, but when they take a glimpse of me, POW! WARP SPEED! They are gone!
Gordon Bombay: Don't take it personally, Charlie.
Charlie Conway: Oh, I don't care, except it's not fair to my mom.
Coach Reilly: You got something to say to me, Bombay?
Gordon Bombay: To think I wasted all those years worrying about what you thought. You're going down, Reilly.
Charlie Conway: Oh, man. It's my mom. She looks pissed.
[Bombay shoves him down]
Les Averman: [imitating Rob Schneider] The Pete-Meister, Mr. Rabble-Rouser! Passing the puck over to Jessie-Roonie, the Enforcer!
[Peter falls down]
Les Averman: Ouch! That hurt! Oh, it's the Connie-Meister...
[Connie shoves Averman down]
Les Averman: ...the Velvet Hammer.
Dave Karp: [to Gordon] What about the things you said? You said we didn't deserve to live.
Gordon Bombay: Karp, I was being sarcastic. Do you know what that means?
Dave Karp: [sarcastically] Noooo.
Gordon Bombay: Okay, then you do.
Guy Germaine: Look at this!
[shows Bombay Karp's dented helmet]
Les Averman: [as Rob Schneider] The Karpster used his head to stop the puck, Mr. Karpelandi!
Casey Conway: Look, Mr. Zen Master, you may be in tune with the ice universe, but when it comes to my kid, "I just know" doesn't cut it!
Jesse: [to Gordon] Yo, dude! You obviously in the wrong hood. This is my dominion, and it's a drug free zone. You understand? Now I'm feeling generous today, so I'm gonna let you get your sorry vanilla booty out of here before we be using your eyeballs as hockey pucks!
Gordon Bombay: You think losing is funny?
Les Averman: Well, not at first, but once you get the hang of it.
Jesse: We're the ones out there gettin' our butts kicked.
Terry Hall: Yeah, it's not like you coach us or anything. At least we tried.
[about Terry, Guy and Jesse]
McGill: What's this? The Oreo line?
Coach Reilly: Because it's not worth winning if you can't win big!
Les Averman: Just so you know, we really suck.
Gordon Bombay: Hey, I'll decide who sucks around here.
[Cut to the kids playing, badly]
Gordon Bombay: They really suck.
District Five Peewee Hockey Team: Take the fall! Act hurt! Get indignant!
Lewis: Rink's gotta be around here someplace.
Gordon Bombay: Just look for a sign that says 'Personal Hell'.
[under his breath]
Gordon Bombay: How can he do this to me? I hate kids. They're barely human.
Gordon Bombay: Is there a goalie?
Goldberg: Only for a little while. l'm moving back to Philly.
Gordon Bombay: Thank you for sharing that.
Gordon Bombay: Thank you very much, Mr. Ducksworth! Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack, Mr. Ducksworth!
Connie Moreau: [referring to a duck] But they're wimpy!
Guy Germaine: They don't even have teeth!
Gordon Bombay: Neither do hockey players.
Gordon Bombay: You didn't listen to a word I said. I said keep your heads up, you put your heads down. I said hustle, you went slower. That was the sloppiest playing I've ever seen! Why the hell don't you just listen to me?
Jesse: Why the hell should we?
Gordon Bombay: I don't care. You wanna lose? Fine. You're the ones who look like idiots out there.
Gordon Bombay: Concentration, not strength.
Les Averman: Like the Karate Kid, right? Wax on! Wax off!
Connie Moreau: Just shut up and try it, Averman!
Frank Huddy: [Gordon has defeated Frank at court] You really stooped to an all-time low on this one, Bombay.
Gordon Bombay: I'm insulted by that, Frank, you have no idea how low I can stoop.
Frank Huddy: I mean, I don't mind losing; I'd just like to lose fairly.
Gordon Bombay: Losing fair is still losing, Frank. Gotta go for the "W" every time!
Frank Huddy: And what about justice, huh? That man, he should be in jail.
Gordon Bombay: It was your job to put him there, so don't take it out on me! Next time do your job, Franky-Boy.
Gordon Bombay: Keep swingin'. Maybe you'll give them a cold.
Lewis: [as the kids horseplay in the car] I could kill one of them just to set an example, sir!
Goldberg: [after Bombay ties him to the net] My mother would not approve of this, coach. She'd like to live to be Bar Mitzvahed.
Gordon Bombay: This is your Bar Mitzvah, Goldberg. Today, you will become a man.
Goldberg: Coach, I think you got the ceremonies mixed up. It's more like a circumcision!
Lewis: [shaking Peter upside down] Give me my candy! That's it! All of it!
[McGill has just viciously cross-checked Adam into the net, knocking him unconscious]
Larson: What did you do?
McGill: My job
Connie Moreau: Hi, coach. I'm Connie. Do you play?
Gordon Bombay: No. So, what's our record anyway?
Connie Moreau: 0-9. One was pretty close, though, we only lost by five. And we almost scored a goal, too.
Casey Conway: There's a little kid back home who's absolutely falling in love with his coach. Charlie's gonna be there when we get back and tomorrow and 10 years from now. If Charlie gets too attached...
Gordon Bombay: You guys know what it's like to be misunderstood, Right?
Peter Mark: Yeah, of course we're kids.
Dave Karp: You said we were losers! You said we didn't deserve to live!
Gordon Bombay: Karp, I was being sarcastic. Do you know what that means?
Dave Karp: [sarcastically] Noooooo!
Gordon Bombay: I see that you do.
Gordon Bombay: [Gordon is running after a fleeing Fulton, who had broken a window on Gordon's van with an errant slapshot] Hey, Fulton! Fulton! Woah, Woah, hold on!
Fulton Reed: Look, it was an accident, alright?
Gordon Bombay: Never mind the window, where did you learn to shoot like that?
Fulton Reed: I didn't learn, I just do it.
Gordon Bombay: ...Do it again.
Gordon Bombay: [Fulton tries another slapshot for Gordon, which misses his target, an open valise, and breaks another window on Gordon's van] Well, you're great at breaking windows. You ever hit the goal?
Fulton Reed: Yeah!
Fulton Reed: One out of five.
Gordon Bombay: Fulton, is it true what they say, about the scholarships and how they don't want you to play hockey?
Fulton Reed: People talk, told me nothing.
Gordon Bombay: Why don't you play for us?
Fulton Reed: I can't.
Gordon Bombay: What do you mean, you can't?
Fulton Reed: I mean I can't!
Gordon Bombay: What, are you afraid?
Fulton Reed: No, I mean I really can't, you moron! I don't know how to skate!
[Hits a puck with a slapshot in anger. The shot hits the valise so hard, it closes itself]
Gordon Bombay: Woah... Is that all that's stopping you?