On a whim one day, my friends and I decided to hit up our local porn store. And while breezing through the boob filled isles, I came upon a number of incredibly unique and smile-inducing movie titles. To name a couple there was the Ultimate F@cking Championship (Ultimate Fighting Championship) and The Fanny (The Nanny). Unfortunately this was probably over five years ago, so I'm forgetting a bunch of the other good ones. But there is another I'll never forget. Yep, Edward Penishands. Again unfortunately I was more in the mood for some serious straight laced porn, so I picked up New Wave Hookers 7 instead. I'd be a liar if I said not buying Edward Penishands that day is not one of the biggest mistakes I've made in my entire life. But low and behold, the Gods have smiled upon me and have shown me the way. Just a day ago, I witnessed the porn spoof known as Edward Penishands. No, I didn't go back to that porn store. That place was closed down due to having guest porn-stars giving out favors to fans.
Edward Penishands like I said, has held a very close and perverted place to my heart for a while now. But unfortunately, and I say this with a sad heart, the movie almost failed me. I'm not even close to being an avid porn-watcher. Hell, I wouldn't even call myself a fan of porn. But I am a fan of the different and bizarre, hence my love for Edward Penishands. So myself having lots of anticipation to see this film may have ruined this flick for me. I forgot, idiotically, that most porns skimp on the story/funny and just throw in sex whenever they possibly can. I hoped for more of a spoof with more memorable scenes being acted-out in a sexy, pervy way. They did act out a few scenes which was nice, like the snow scene in the original. But it was just too "porny" for my tastes. Hell, after he uses his penishands initially, you're never really surprised or intrigued again. So the movie at only a little over an hour, seemed to get repetitive. Another thing, the chicks in the movie, not so appealing. Unless you're a fan of loose pink tacos, then you may be turned off a little bit. Me, I hate ugly vaginas, and this flick had a couple nasty ones. The lead actress who plays the mother had a pretty nice dumper though.
Even though Edward Penishands didn't completely come through for me, I still enjoyed the movie enough to keep on recommending it. How can you stop? Just the name Edward Penishands is gold material. Also the guy who played Mr. Penishands, I think Nikki Sixxx, did a decent job. He looked the part and played it well enough as well. Edward Penishands could be one of the best porno spoofs ever made, but I wouldn't know. But I can say, if you're into porn or just bizarre flicks, I'd say this should be on your must-see list. Just keep your expectations on the lower side you may come out really enjoying this flick.
