Snake Eater (1989) Poster

(1989)

User Reviews

Review this title
21 Reviews
Sort by:
Filter by Rating:
1/10
Better than a sharp stick in the eye. I think.
merde7 June 2006
Now, I've seen a lot of bad movies. I like bad movies. Especially bad action movies. I've seen (and enjoyed) all of Jean-Claude Van Damme's movies, including the one where he's his own clone, both of the ones where he plays twins, and all three where he's a cyborg. I actually own the one where he plays a fashion designer and has a fight in a truck full of durians. (Hey, if nothing else, he's got a great ass and you almost always get to see it. With DVD, you can even pause and zoom in!) That's why you can trust me when I say that this movie is so bad, it makes Plan 9 look like Citizen Kane.

Everything about Snake Eater is bad. The plot is bad. The script is bad. The sets are bad. The fights are bad. The stunts are bad. The FX are bad. The acting is spectacularly, earth-time-bendingly bad, very probably showcasing the worst performance of every so-called actor in the cast, including Lorenzo Lamas, and that's really saying something. And I'd be willing to bet everyone involved with this movie is lousy in bed, to boot. ESPECIALLY Lorenzo Lamas.

It does manage to be unintentionally funny, so it's not a total loss. However, I recommend that you watch this movie only if you are either a congenital idiot or very, very stoned. I was able to sit through it myself because I needed to watch something to distract me from rinsing cat urine out of my laundry.

It didn't help much, but it was better than nothing. One point for Ron Palillo's cameo as a gay arsonist.
15 out of 20 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
5/10
Only in the 80's could a movie called Snake Eater NOT be a porn...
fmarkland3219 July 2006
Lorenzo Lamas stars as Soldier, a police officer and former marine (I'm guessing a Grenada vet) who unleashes the fury of hell at the expense of hillbilly rednecks who for some reason kill innocent families. (We are never offered an explanation, although i'm guessing that it is because of a lack of anything to do.) For some reason I was "blessed" with receiving all three Snake Eater movies on DVD, of course when you are in a movie club, you often times get stuff you don't ask for. While I never asked for this title, I wasn't all that upset. Indeed the title is a good chuckle since it sounds more like a porn then it does an action movie. Plus the movie is utterly ridiculous, I mean this is a movie where Lamas tries to stop a gang of gun wielding psychopaths with only a hunting knife. Although he finds a gun in the water, which he stupidly lost in the first place. (Seriously you are armed to blitz a gang of mutant hillbillies and you lose your gun!) Of course the Rambo heroics are brought full circle with lame acting, over the top action and below standard production values. Was actually made for television, and although the movie is fairly stupid, there are moments of such absurdity that this could very well have been the best TV show since the A-team. Of course what we are left with in the end is yet another Lorenzo Lamas lunkhead action flick. Let it be said though this is more interesting then his other efforts. At least what I have seen. (Not much.)

* * out of 4-(Fair)
9 out of 11 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Truly Bad, Truly Fun
shark-4322 October 2005
As an action film that one would pay to see in the theatres, yikes!!! This movie is incompetent on almost every level - BUT....for those of us who enjoy cheesy bad movies - this one is a winner. REAL bad acting, there is a guy who plays the "funny" sidekick cop to Larry Csonka, legendary Miami Dolphins running back, no less. And this guy's performance is so bad, so over the top, he makes the Dead End Kids look subtle. Lamas (who I'm sure is gorgeous to the gals) is one of the most "dead-eyed" actors I've ever seen. It is a simple revenge flick - where Lamas' parents are killed by crazed rednecks (plus they kidnap his sister - who gives a truly awful, amateurish performance). The dangerous psycho hillbillies have to be seen to be believed - talk about scenery chewing. Sheesh. Any film that has hillbillies torture people by putting them in big fluffy sleeping bags and hanging them from a tree - well, how can you not watch??
8 out of 11 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
6/10
Lively, efficient, unpretentious
dinky-42 August 2009
This movie's limitations in terms of acting, dialog, and plotting, are easily overcome by its consistent delivery of "entertainment value." What's more, leading man Lorenzo Lamas takes his shirt off in several scenes, baring his unshaved chest and thus significantly increasing the movie's "beefcake" factor. Curiously, there is no shot of his bare buttocks even though he strips in one scene and even though the female in this scene exposes her breasts. The only major fault in "Snake Eater" lies in its final catch-an-arsonist scene which needlessly extends the movie's running time by four or five minutes and causes it to end, disappointingly, on an anti-climactic note.
4 out of 5 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
1/10
The Worst Movie I have ever seen!
sharif6814 July 2001
Words can't simply describe how awful this film is. I watched it on video last night, and I simply could not believe what I was seeing. Basically, "Snakeeater" is about an ex-military man (Lorenzo Lamas) and his search for his kidnapped sister who has been held captive by Deliverance-style Rednecks. The film's acting, writing, direction, photography, and editing are deplorable along with a song called "Soldier" that has to be one of the worst theme songs of all time!

However, there is one treat. "Horshack" (Ron Pallio) from "Welcome Back Carter" is in the film playing a laughable bad guy. Otherwise, please avoid this mess at ALL COSTS.
15 out of 29 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
2/10
* OUT OF FIVE
bronsonskull727 July 2003
Lorenzo Lamas stars as Jack `Solider` Kelly an ex-vietnam vet and a renegade cop who goes on a search and destroy mission to save his sister from backwoods rednecks. Atrocious movie is so cheaply made and so bad that Ron Palillo is third billed, and yet has 3 minutes of screen time, and even those aren't any good. Overall a terrible movie, but the scenes with Lorenzo Lamas and Josie Bell hanging from a tree bagged and gagged are worth a few (unintentional) laughs. Followed by an improved sequel.
6 out of 10 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
7/10
its not as bad as you've heard
S-Reisner28 April 2006
the reviewers on this site who call this horrible, are wrong. One of my buds had told me about this being good so i checked it out here and all the reviews said it was bad. I was hesitant to watch it but finally did and i liked it. Most of the acting was bad and the writing wasn't perfect, but i still enjoyed it. This film is like earlier 80's films like death hunt and first blood, a veteran in the woods getting chased by a bunch of people. Lorenzo Lamas' character as Soldier is like stallone's rambo, he uses traps that he makes to defeat the rednecks which i think is an original set of villains as these movies go. Some of the film was cheesy but enjoyable. Its not perfect, but its a good film that doesn't focus on loads of violence, let me note that there was only one shoot em up action scene in this movie.
8 out of 15 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
3/10
Really Bad Film, With Bad Acting, And A Very Boring Pace, Lorenzo Lamas Is Really Cool Though!
callanvass2 October 2005
Warning: Spoilers
This is a really bad film, with bad acting and a very boring pace Lorenzo Lamas is really cool though!. All the characters are just annoying (except Lamas), and there is absolutely no one to root or to care for!, plus the action is very boring. The film gives us 3 villains who were supposed to find menacing and disturbing when in fact there boring, laughable and just a bunch of morons that i wanted to shut up!, plus it looks very cheap and amateurish!. Lorenzo Lamas has a lot of charisma but he can't save this piece of crap, and believe it or not the opening was really cool, as was the ending, however the middle is incredibly boring, and got me to have the urge to press the fast forward button!, plus The dialog is especially laughable!.There is a cool bar scene that i really liked, but once Lamas heads to the dock it all falls apart, plus the scene where The villains torture Jennifer's family, and kills them were supposed to find it disturbing when it in fact is laughable!. This is a really bad film, with bad acting and a very boring pace, Lorenzo Lamas is really cool though!, however it is not enough, not recommended. The Direction is very bad. George Erschbamer does a very bad job here, with mediocre camera work, bland location, and keeping the film at a boring pace. The Acting is pretty bad (except for Lamas). Lorenzo Lamas is awesome here, and while he isn't required to act, he is quite fun to watch, and has a really cool character, and had a lot of charisma, however even he can't save this one,and he had no chemistry with the cast either! (Lamas Rules!). Josie Bell is terrible here, and while she's decent looking, she isn't very convincing and had no chemistry with Lamas. Cheryl Jeans is hot, but does not have much to do but scream and scared, she did okay at that.Robert Scott is INCREDIBLY annoying as the main villain, and wasn't menacing at all, he was laughable as were the other 2. Rest of the cast are bad. Overall Avoid! Avoid!, even if you do like Lamas (like me). * out of 5
3 out of 5 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
1/10
Hands down the worst thing that has ever happened to my life
jbach198117 July 2006
WOW what can i say. I like shity movies and i go out of my way to watch a corny action flick, but Snake Eater i would have rather had a nail driven into my pee hole while my grandma gave me a lap dance .Lorenzo Lamas, pfft more like Lorenzo Lameass this guy has as much acting ability as Bill Clinton has self control. It has all the goods to make a really bad movie even worse. Crazed Hillbilles YEP! needless tit shot (with a real weird scar) YEP! crappy soundtrack YEP! I wish i could give the movie -10 stars but 1 is as low as it goes. Seriously i think someone was playing a joke on me when i saw this it cant be real...... the worse thing THERE IS 2MORE SNAKE EATER MOVIES!...... guess its in demand.
8 out of 20 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
9/10
Snake Eater is hilarious.
ennisandlousylay28 June 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I have known about Snake Eater for several years. It always looked like it would be ridiculous. Last week I finally saw the film and my assumptions were correct. Snake Eater is awesome in the most ridiculous and cheesy ways possible. The bad guys are backwoods inbreds that provide some of the funniest lines ever in an action film. They manage to murder Soldiers ( Lorenzo Lamas) parents and kidnap his little sister. Soldier sets out on a mission to kick hillbilly butt and save his sister. What ensues is comedic gold. Including the main red neck putting on a bear suit to Soldiers motorcycle being transformed into a jet ski. If you have not seen Snake Eater then you have missed out.
2 out of 3 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
4/10
"Your Juniors girl now"
lost-in-limbo21 February 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Terrible, but amusing nonsense starring low-grade, but hardy action star Lorenzo Lamas (known as soldier --- even his sister calls him that) going Rambo (as he was originally a member of an elite marine squad; Snake Eaters) on some backwoods inbred yokels (with names like Junior, Slim, Eli) that murdered his parents and kidnap his sister while on a houseboat holiday. This tears him up… but vengeance is oh so sweet. He's quite handy in constructing booby traps, but the guy doesn't seem much of elite solider as he struggles to dispose of these hillbillies.

The film starts off quite strangely (you know some bonding time to get to know the cool, collected soldier - well kind of), as now he's a cop, an undercover one, a rouge, a ladies man who learns of the bad news (but before that he nails down some trouble in a botched drug bust and busts teeth in a bar brawl), so off south he goes encounters local old man who likes him, also rude locals, ugly locals that don't, shows them a picture, a lovely picture of his sis, dribble, nothing but profanity in response, soldier doesn't like that, trouble occurs, he inflicts pain, he receives pain, old man to the rescue, well not so, now old man's daughter to the rescue, takes soldier home, it hurts, lays down, rests, wakes up, gets rubbed, with oil, pretends sleeping, old man's daughter finds out, chats up old man's daughter, sleeps again, cries about his Harley, hey lets turn it into a jet ski, makes a bomb, uses the bomb, rides up the river, hit's a hillbilly snag, ends up in the river, hillbillies' yahooing, goes wandering, in the swamps, gets bored, becomes resourceful, makes traps, hides in the dark, hillbillies go a hunting, old man turns up, drunk, rambling, encounters unfriendly hicks, no a bear, really hicks, pretending to be a bear, now old man's daughter turns up, destroys soldier's awesome set-up, standoff occurs, insults fly, one hillbilly dead, traps work, oh no, captured, sorry its my fault, end up in sleeping bags, hanging from trees, left to die, dry up, one hillbilly returns, gets randy, tries to get it on, but stabs himself in the moment, No more hanging, what to do, is that the old man, dead, crying, sobbing, old man's daughter gets help, emotions run high, soldier finds his sister, hillbillies everywhere, shotgun blasts, tractor driving and one-one-one combat, someone's head goes squish, Soldier and sister are together again. In the end we know how it goes they live happily ever after. Oh lets not forget the interplay between Junior who just wants to get it on with soldier's sister, but something always gets in the way and there's a love triangle stirring with Junior's sister Sissy who doesn't like the competition. Quite riveting. … Well a soldier's work is never done, because for the last 5 mins he ends up taking on an arsonist. Quite unnecessary to everything that has gone before it, but very amusing nonetheless.

Everything about it is cheap, tacky and daft but it remains constantly entertaining in its fundamental, if over-the-top nature. Lousy or eccentric acting (hey it's Ron Palillo), grungy setting and low-grade cartoon-like thrills aplenty. Some atmospheric scenes arrive from the night time sequences in the backwoods, but for most it's laughable and filled with padded out filler. "As dirty as Dirty Harry, as dangerous as Deliverance" Nice tag-line, but I think not.
2 out of 3 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
10/10
What a thrill....
akaritsuki13 August 2019
With darkness, and silence through the night. What a thrill - I'm searching, and I'll melt into you. What a fear in my heart... but you're so supreme! I give my life, not for honor - but for you. In my time, there'll be no one else. Crime, is the way, I fly to you. I'm still, in a dream... Snake Eater.
1 out of 1 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
5/10
"To Him, America is just another jungle."
tarbosh2200019 October 2010
Warning: Spoilers
"To Him, America is just another jungle." Jack "Soldier" Kelly (Lamas) is an ex-Marine (part of an elite "Search and Destroy" unit dubbed "Snake Eaters) who now works as an undercover cop in the big city. His unorthodox ways and flippant attitude really annoy all of his co-workers, including the two cops in the car clearly meant for "comic relief" and painfully undisguised exposition. Soldier's also pretty handy at making booby traps. When his family is attacked while on a boating trip by crazed bayou folk, and his sister kidnapped and imprisoned by said folk, Soldier must go into the backwoods to find the truth...and his sister. He is helped along the way by kindly boat rental manager King (Hawkins) and his daughter, simply known as "The Kid" (Bell). In fact, the evil rednecks live so far up river, King and Kid trick out his beloved chopper and turn it into what can only be described as a "boatercycle". Surviving on his wits alone, will Soldier be able to defeat the entire inbred family before it's too late? A tagline on another poster for Snake Eater proclaims "As dirty as Dirty Harry (1971). As dangerous as Deliverance (1972)". This seems to sum up the mindset of the filmmakers. Although neither Clint Eastwood or Jon Voight had to deal with "Torchy", aka Ron Palillo.

It is somewhat interesting to watch Lamas go from the city with its spray painted, run-down tenements and homeless people, to the supposedly "tranquil" countryside. Lamas never misses a chance to be shirtless and oiled up, and his snake belt buckle is usually on display. He's so crafty he hides the surveillance wire in his mullet. He has plenty of catch phrases, and nowhere is the goofy humor more on display than in the comical, prerequisite barfight scene. He's at a roadhouse called The Cage, and he must tangle with a biker who wears a necklace made of teeth. Lamas' biker-dude image here must have proved so successful, it was parlayed not just into the Snake Eater sequels, but the TV show Renegade.

While the similarities to Radical Jack (2000) are somewhat disturbing (of all the movies in the world to borrow from, why would the makers of Radical Jack choose Snake Eater?), the bayou folk really are a cross between stupid and menacing. Junior (Scott) is their leader, along with Slim, Jesse, Sissy, Joe, and of course Clyde, who looks like a Doozer from Fraggle Rock. If they ever make a live-action Fraggle remake (it's really only a matter of time, isn't it?) he has a job secured. One of the more disturbing things they do is gag someone with a live fish, which is actually pretty silly. Interestingly enough, Junior attempts to force feed Soldier's imprisoned sister a snake. This dovetails nicely with the film's strange obsession with feeding people live animals, and the title of the movie itself.

Weirdly paced (some scenes are way too long and drawn-out than they need to be) and seeming somewhat like a TV movie at times, Snake Eater is passable entertainment, but probably won't knock your socks off.

For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com
1 out of 1 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
2/10
so bad that it's almost cheesy good... but not
SnoopyStyle13 April 2015
Jack "Soldier" Kelly (Lorenzo Lamas) was in the Marine's Search and Destroy Special Forces known as "Snake Eaters". He's an undercover cop in a rundown city. After spiking the criminals, he is fired. Junior and his backwoods criminals kill his parents and kidnapped his sister Jennifer. Jack comes to hunt down the perpetrators and gets a motorcycle seadoo to do it.

This movie should prove that Lorenzo Lamas is a horrible actor. He's not the only one in this movie. There are some very cheesy lines that are almost funny. Everything is so bad that it borders on being a spoof. The problem is that Lamas and the gang aren't good enough to take advantage of its inherit camp. I kind of laugh at how bad this is but I don't feel good doing it.
2 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
10/10
Oh the memories...
Jaggermaster28 February 2020
Was it 1990 or 1991 when my uncle brought me this on vhs. It's ridiculous and plot is 80's style weak as hell. But who cares, it's fun and still entertaining piece of dry turkey. A solid 10! Watch it on youtube and you'll understand what I mean! Don't mind the negative reviews and don't overthink while watching this.
0 out of 0 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
10/10
You Sir are ignorant.
coffinjerker12 June 2012
Jbach claims to like shitty movies but clearly he has no idea what a shitty movie is because Snake Eater is quite good compared to a lot of movies out there. Lorenzo Lamas is a pretty darn good actor, if you ever seen his series Renegade you'd agree. I gave it a 10 because its a good watch and its got good ole comedy you don't hardly see these days. You can't expect an old movie such as this to have really great acting, yeah some of it is bad but overall this is a great movie. Jback needs to refrain from being a movie critic because he clearly lacks the know how. I have yet to see the 2nd or 3rd but I am sure they will be good also.
2 out of 5 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
3/10
Tries to be good, fails miserably.
bobman99926 January 2003
This movie has some of the worst acting that I have ever seen! Some scenes are original such as the nails coming through the floor. This nail trap catches these bad guys. The rest of the movie degrades as you go. I can't believe that this movie is not even in the bottom 100 movies of all time. I also can't believe that there are sequels! The next crap movie that I want to watch is R.O.T.O.R. Could R.O.T.O.R really be much worse than this?
3 out of 10 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
1/10
How could any film be so horrible?!?
bth200431 March 2006
Warning: Spoilers
First, let's all agree that Lorenzo Lamas could never be considered a skilled actor, barely even decent, sometimes just plain lousy. However, in this piece of @*!^ called SnakeEater, the film industry as a whole sank.

First, let's start with the plot. A Vietnam vet named Jack Kelly, aka Soldier (who is supposed to be as tough as a strap of leather and then some, which you can believe when he shoves a palate of nails through 2 guys' feet and pins them to the floor), gets word that his family has been killed and his sister kidnapped. Therefore he goes on a solo mission to save his sister. Had some potential, but still pretty thin to begin with.

Now, the acting. Being an actor myself, I am qualified to say that this was some of the WORST acting in the history of the art!!!!! Lamas is, well, himself. The jackasses playing the Clampets/Deliverance rejects should be strung up and shot for their so-called performances which are insulting to actors everywhere, especially talented ones who never get their big break!

Finally, the action. The gunfighting is so-so at BEST, and the fist-fighting is deplorable. I've seen more real-looking fights at the Renaissance Festival (and those were pretty fake-looking)!

Readers, listen to me: AVOID THIS PIECE OF CACA AT ALL COSTS! IF IT WERE THE ONLY FILM IN EXISTENCE, YOU STILL WOULD WANT TO AVOID IT! For the sake of your brain-cell count, do NOT watch this thing!
2 out of 6 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
10/10
More violent then Deliverance-More lovable then Dirty Harry
yatahaeshadai12 November 1999
This is the first of three movies featuring the character Jonathan(Soldier)Kelly played to perfection by Lorenzo Lamas. There are small parts by well known people you'll enjoy finding for yourself and there are some scenes so violent that I cut them out of my copy so I could sleep at night. Watch Lorenzo sing, strip and do dead pan comedy in the opening scene and look for a special scene at the end to tie it all together. Soldier is an ex-Army Ranger who brings jungle tactics to the violence we can find in our society- this time in the search for the killers of his parents and his kidnapped sister. Some great tongue in cheek comedy lightens the load and what is a Lamas movie without a display of martial arts?
2 out of 8 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
1/10
clearly the worst movie I've ever seen
elarsson12 June 2010
There is nothing at all good about the movie. The plot doesn't make sense. Not much else makes sense. Lamas' character barely manages to do anything right, and often completely blows his chances, and is only saved by the director's determination to move forward to his victory. The fight choreography is laughably weak. Every villain who dies essentially commits suicide. The gross parts just motivate you to turn off the TV. The editing is horrible. The attempts at humor are completely flat. The make up is unbelievably bad - it really looks like a bunch of frat boys dressing up on Halloween to look like hillbillies. You are never able to suspend disbelief because of the continuously horrible movie-making. I could go on and on, but this movie isn't worth the effort.
1 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
4/10
"Time Eater"
gattonero97522 January 2017
Warning: Spoilers
"Soldier", a tattooed Nam vet and ex-cop (Lamas) gets on his Harley and goes after the psycho Hillbillies in the swamp who killed his parents and kidnapped his sister. This action movie with Gore and humor has a few things going for it. It has an aqua cycle, a killer in the bear suit and a scene where a woman swallowed a whole snake! With Josie Bell, Robert Scott, as a psycho hillbilly named Junior and Welcome Back Kotter's Ron Palillo as a gay arsonist and Rockability Legend Ronnie Hawkins as a friendly biker. The title is the name of the heroes Marine Squad. A sequel was filmed at the same time. All in all a very mediocre B movie with Lorenzo presences barely keeping it afloat. The opening song is quite good and very 80's like.
0 out of 1 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

See also

Awards | FAQ | User Ratings | External Reviews | Metacritic Reviews


Recently Viewed