The War of the Roses (1989)
Danny DeVito: Gavin D'Amato
Gavin : There are two dilemmas... that rattle the human skull. How do you hold onto someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?
Gavin : My father used to say there are four things that tell the world who a man is: his house, his car, his wife and his shoes.
Gavin : There is no winning! Only degrees of losing!
Gavin : Oliver, my father used to say that a man can never outdo a woman when it comes to love and revenge.
Gavin : At 15 I became an evolutionist; and it all became clear. We came from mud. And after 3.8 billion years of evolution, at our core is still mud. Nobody can be a divorce lawyer and doubt that.
Gavin : [Gavin is talking to a client] You have some valid reasons for wanting a divorce.
[blows his nose with a handkerchief]
Gavin : Excuse me. My sinuses are very sensitive to irritants.
[sprays nasal decongestant up his nostrils]
Gavin : In the past five months, I think I've breathed freely with both sides working maybe a week total.
[pulls a cigarette out of a pack]
Gavin : I gotta cut this out. It's gonna kill me.
[lights his cigarette]
Gavin : I hadn't smoked for thirteen years. I kept the last cigarette from my last pack. I said if I never smoked this one cigarette I'll never smoke again, period. Thirteen years I kept that cigarette.
[fetches a plastic case out of a drawer]
Gavin : I had this little case made for it.
[opens it and shows it to him]
Gavin : Thirteen years. And then, one Thursday afternoon, Barbara came to see me. And when she left...
Gavin : I should have seen her toes in the pit of my crotch as a cry for help.