Seinfeld (TV Series)

Good News, Bad News (1989)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry : I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I, I, I admit it, I'm not getting the signals, I am not getting it. Women - they're so *subtle*, their little - everything they do is *subtle*. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women! That's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know about that, we don't know. The next stop after that we have *no* *idea* - this is why you see men honking car horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far!

• Jerry : Laundry day is the only exciting day in the life of clothes. It is. No, think about it. The washing machine is the nightclub of clothes. You know, it's dark, there's bubbles happening, they're all kind of dancing around in there. Shirt grabs the underwear: "C'mon, babe, let's go!" You come by, you open up the lid, & they all...

  [wide-eyed startled shifty look] 

• Jerry : Socks are the most amazing article of clothing. They hate their lives. They're in the shoes with stinky feet, the boring drawers. The dryer is their only chance to escape and they all know it. They do escape from the dryer. They plan it the night before. "Tomorrow. The dryer. I'm going. You wait here." The dryer door swings open, the sock is waiting up against the side wall.

  [stands stiffly sideways, looking furtively both ways] 

  Jerry : He hopes you don't see him, and he goes down the road, da da da, da da da da.

  [hand motion of a sock inching along the road] 

  Jerry : They get buttons sewn on their face, join the puppet show!

• Jerry : Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night! The only difference between a date and a job interview is that not many job interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : Do you know what this is all about? Why we're here? To be out. This is out. And out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life. Do you know how people talk about "We should go out"? This is what they're talking about. This whole thing. We're all out now. No one is home. Not one person here is home. We're all out. There are people trying to find us. They don't know where we are. "Did you re?.. I can't find him. Where did he go? He didn't tell me where he was going. He must have gone out." You wanna go out. You get ready, you pick out the clothes, right? You take the shower, get all ready, get the cash, get your friends, the car, the spot, the reservation. Then you stand around. What do you do? You go, "We gotta be getting back." Once you're out, you wanna get back. You wanna go to sleep, you wanna get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Wherever you are in life, it's my feeling, you've gotta go.

• [Claire, the waitress, is refilling Jerry and George's coffee cups] 

  Claire : Mr. Seinfeld... Mr. Costanza...

  George : [covering his cup before Claire can refill it]  A... are you sure this is decaf? Where's the orange indicator?

  Claire : [deadpan]  It's missing. I have to do it in my head. Decaf, left; regular, right. Decaf, left; regular, right. Very challenging work.

  George : [scoffs] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : [to George]  Can you relax? It's a cup of coffee. Claire's a professional waitress.

  Claire : Trust me, George. No one has any interest in seeing you on caffeine.

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I admit, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it. Women, they're so subtle. Their little... Everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle. We are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want. What do we want? We want women. That's it. It's the only thing we know for sure. It really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know about that. We don't know. The next step after that, we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far.