Shannen Doherty: Heather (Duke)
Heather Duke : I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad everytime I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.
Student : Did you hear? School's canceled today cause Kurt & Ram killed themselves in a repressed, homosexual, suicide pact.
Heather Duke : No Way!
Heather Duke : [playing croquet] So what are you gonna do Heather? Take two shots or send me out?
Heather Chandler : Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red.
[puts her croquet ball against Heather's and sends it flying]
Heather Duke : Shit.
Heather Chandler : It's your turn, Heather.
Heather Duke : Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?
Heather Duke : Hi, everybody. Door was open. Veronica, did you hear? We were doing Chinese at the food fair, when it comes over the radio that Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She belly-flopped in front of a car wearing a suicide note.
Veronica Sawyer : Is she dead?
Heather Duke : No... that's the punchline. She's alive, and in stable condition. Just another case of a geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably.
Veronica Sawyer : [slaps Heather]
Veronica Sawyer : [camera cuts to Veronica's room] I said I was sorry!
Heather Duke : You were out of control! I mean Heather and Kurt were a shock but Martha Dumptruck? Get crucial! She was dialing suicide hotlines in her diapers!
Veronica Sawyer : Ugh... shut-up, Hot Probs is on.
Heather Duke : Some people need different kinds of convincing than others.
J.D. : [shows Heather pictures]
Heather Duke : Me and Martha Dumptruck? Where did you get this?
J.D. : I just had the nicest little chat with Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously. It's kind of scary that everyone's got a little story to tell. You wanna see the canoeing shots?
Heather Duke : What is this? Blackmail?
Heather Duke : [pause]
Heather Duke : I'll give you a week's lunch money.
J.D. : I don't want your money. I want your strength. Westerburg does not need mushy togetherness. It needs a strong leader. Heather Chandler was that leader but...
Heather Duke : But she couldn't handle it.
J.D. : I think you can. Moby Dick is dunked. The white whale drank some bad plankton and splashed through a coffee table and now it's your turn to take the helm.
Heather Duke : What about the photographs?
J.D. : Oh, don't worry. I'll ask you to do me a favor. That will be one you'll enjoy. Then you'll get the negatives and everything back then. But in the meantime... strength. Here's a little gift. From Heather to Heather.
J.D. : [gives her Heather Chandler's red hair bow]